₦airaland Forum

Dictionary of Marriage Terms

Author unknown

Bachelor
A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
A man who never makes the same mistake once.
A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Cad
A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.

Compromise
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Diplomat
A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

Housework
What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

Mistress
Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mother-in-Law
A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mrs.
A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

Spouse
Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.


****no credit whatsoever is mine****

If the World was fair to Guys,

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "cheers for the sex - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.

Example:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, that's $20 off."

Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

Every man would get four, real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

"Sorry, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

"Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.

Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

Saying "Let's have a party. You, me and your sister" to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"

Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.

Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids.

When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone.

"Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman"s question of "Does my bum look big in this?"

****no credit whatsoever is mine****

Dictionary for Women

Author unknown

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,, breathe, push, "

Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

******no credits whatsoever is mine

@all

for all those trying to loader their strong decoder. i have uploaded a STRONG SRT loader that allows you to do it from your system. u will need a system with a directed serial port or a laptop with a usb to serial converter. it is a must have for everyone that wants to play around with strong patched. it can also help you wake up your box when something goes wrong from loading from a flash drive.

enjoy it.

http://www.plunder.com/STRONG-LOADER-download-8639b580a7.htm

@all

my nomination will be

1. niddle 9 for bringing w4/astra B on a single dish to fore, although i will not credit him for inventing it.
2. for all those new members, who made sure there was not much of achievement in the year 2010 with their continous littering of the thread with junks. the list start thus

1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,

you all know them, fill in the blanks.

freshp:
good Question. . .the loop out function is to sends signals form your receiver(the master receiver now) to another one (which is the slave).
the signals from the master is what the slave will utilize there cant be any change from what the master is showing.
and yes you can loop out signals to another receiver.
hope this helps you.

in addition, if the master receiver is watching a channel on a vertical transponder, all vertical transponder will be available to the slave and vice versa.

life707:
I'm not a member of any group & not willing to fraternise with any group.

I've bn in this sat thing since 2006 when i started trackin skysport then on 1.8m(c-band) with Gangsta 101.

Like i told someone on this forum b/4, make friends & share info,no need for quarrels.

20 posts since 2006? hmmm,

viazi:
I greeet all the people of the Dark kINGDOM OF bACKYARD, AM INTO FASTING AND PRAYER NOW, WEN AM DON THEN I GO APPLY, He he he , this backyard is like going to Uk ohhhh

Man of God, Fasting and praying to enter into a "DARK KINGDOM". Hmmmmm, food for thought.

Sophieamore1:
I DO NOT NEEDTHE GEORG GROUP OR G CULT.
I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT FROM THIS FORUM.
AFTERALL THE GEES DO NOT OWN NAIRALAND!!!

u get beef with george?

that's fantasctic! what exactly are you getting? that's really good news for our brothers in GH. really good news!

@salamader

Is that 3m mesh with holes blocked or just 3m mesh?

@esuo

what you should ask yourself first and foremost is how many so called keys are useful to us right now? i will like to believe there's more to satellite than keys. it seems the obsession is with keys. KEYS are available on Google for free, u do not need a group to share any key. having said that, even in so called foreign SATELLITE FORUMS, there are things that are not discussed openly, more like a need to know basis. even those that are discussed openly have the following disclaimer at the bottom:

"watching paytv without a valid subscription is illegal"

why don't we just leave the FTA thread as it is, a free to air thread and forget about keys, group etc. am sure if someone out there feel that ur contribution has been immense to our discussion on this thread, you will be brought into the light,  but until then  just stay on course, do your research and contribute meaningful to to the FTA scene,

there used to be a time when everyone contributed meaningfully to discussions here and everyone benefited, see what's happening now, KEYS, PATCH, GROUP etc. where are all here to learn and repeating topics that have been treated time and again over and over again is just turning the thread into what the founders father did not intend. i rest my case.


VIVA FTA.

@FRESHP

I de ooo, as noobs no de gree us see space talk with all these back and forth. it is well, I guess we can not all be the same. VIVA FTA.

@ilish

please get in touch regarding group matters

@segunfms

not possible that those keys were pasted from their group as those keys have been active for more than 3 years.

@salamander

charlie! how far. temper tempter.

@luv

welcome

@sidwell

who is vouching for you?

u can only log in with a gmail account. try again!

@activation done.

ikeduru, segun and spaceman. welcome to the backyard

reapply, don't just drop it here!

2legit2qt:
Freshp, thanks 4 dat. I'll try and do my best but i know am stil way behind u guyz. I just can't imagine what av been missing. Now i know y the g group is under g and at the back yard.

But somtin bodas ne though, going by olofofo's advise that pple with yahoo email shld try n use their gmail account to re register. I tried using mine which is babaegba@gmail.com but the system says its already been used. Am confused cos i stilll av assess to the account. I just don't know what happen cos if som1 else register with it at leasty he/she will av to av assess to the account in order 2 rcv any oda info sent to it.

tryt loggin in with ur gmail account into the group homepage.

@all

all pending group request has been activated , those with yahoo account should reapply with their gmail account for greater benefits.

BARKA DA SALLAH

@all

who is vouching for all these hobbyists?

Okwudili Efobi
john owusu
YemoXtra

@guente02 welcome on board
@2legit follow the link i posted earlier

@all

go here and request for http://groups.google.com/group/nairaland-fta

@all

just finding out about this thread today! kai see me. some of you are already members. others keep knocking!

what do u need bro? call me 08033401080

@all

60cm should track 2m up north. since they are close to the footprint than we are. it's best to track it with 1m here in Lagos and environ at is tends to crack sometimes on a 90cm dish from experience. those with 1.8m dish and above should have no problem whatsoever.

@mod

many happy returns

@all

it is strange how posts, replies and new thread gets deleted without any form of explanation. Oga Moderator, wetin de happen?

Premier League rights case reaches ECJ

The Premier League has embarked on a long-awaited court action to prove pubs using foreign signals to show English Premiere League games are breaking the law.

Karen Murphy, a Portsmouth landlady purchased a Greek system through an importer and paid an annual subscription. The Premier League, which sells its rights exclusively to Sky in the UK, said she was breaking the law but her lawyers claim its position contravenes the EC Treaty that guarantees free trade between member states.

The Premier League is seeking a ban on the import, sale, installation and use of the decoders. The Premier League is waiting for the determination of the ECJ before resuming its campaign to stop pubs showing matches on a Saturday afternoon. In most high streets up and down the country fans can currently watch matches on a Saturday afternoon via overseas satellite broadcasts.

A briefing document from the Judge Rapporteur stated that articles 28 and 49 of European competition law ban restrictions on imports and services among EU states. But it also included submissions from the British government, which argued that the Premier League’s ability to sell its rights on a territory by territory basis was “part of the essential function of its copyright”.

A similar case, launched by Uefa and BSkyB against another importer of decoders, is also due to be heard by the ECJ but does not yet have a court date.

oga solo, i hail oooo. who get right to broadcast the "SET" near my house in Sat town?

ilesat 201 - 7.0W

NileSat 201 has started on 11727H SYM:27500 FEC 3/4 SID7301 VPID381 APID383 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 8 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12092V DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID1 VPID106 APID206 Ara / 306 Eng

Abu Dhabi National Geographic Adventure HD has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12092V DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6SID2 VPID107 APID207 Eng

Abu Dhabi National Geographic Wild HD has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12092V DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID3 VPID108 APID208 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sky News HD has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12092V DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID4 VPID109 APID209 Eng

Abu Dhabi Fox Movies HD has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12092V DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID5 VPID110 APID210 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 3 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12111H DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID1 VPID101 APID201 Ara / 301 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 4 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12111H DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID2 VPID102 APID202 Ara / 302 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 5 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12111H DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID3 VPID103 APID203 Ara / 303 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 6 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12111H DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID4 VPID104 APID204 Ara / 304 Eng

Abu Dhabi Sports HD 7 has started in the ADMC Sport package on 12111H DVB-S2/8PSK / MPEG-4/HD / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 5/6 SID5 VPID105 APID205 Ara / 305 Eng

Atlantic Bird 4A - 7.2W

Aden Live is back in the STN L.t.d. package on 11355V DVB-S/MPEG-2 / clear SYM:27500 FEC 3/4 SID1014 VPID1402 APID1403 Ara

VH1 Europe B has started in the OSN package on 11411H DVB-S/MPEG-2 / Betacrypt / Irdeto 2 SYM:27500 FEC 3/4 SID4604 VPID204 APID304 Eng

MBC Persia has started in the JMC: Jordan Media City on 12380V DVB-S/MPEG-2 / clear SYM:27500 FEC 3/4 SID4110 VPID4110 APID2210 Far

A Baynounah test card has started in the DU package on 12437H DVB-S/MPEG-2 / clear SYM:27500 FEC 3/4 SID4723 VPID4795 APID4796 Ara

Egyptian satellite operator Nilesat put into operation the first two DVB-S2 mux on a new telecommunications satellite, Nilesat 201 at the orbital position 7 Wed west. First muxy are used for pay services.

According to Web traffic Flysat.com in these frequencies:

* Nilesat 201 (7 ° W), freq 12.092 GHz, pol V, SR 27500, FEC 5 / 6, DVB-S2/QPSK

* Nilesat 201 (7 ° W), freq 12.111 GHz, pol H SR 27500, FEC 5 / 6, DVB-S2/QPSK

At both frequencies is a paid offer admc Sports (CA Irdeto 2).

It is running a test with multiple test:

* Nilesat 201 (7 ° W), freq 11.727 GHz, pol H SR 27500, FEC 3 / 4, DVB-S/QPSK

The signal from the transponder is not possible with the dimensions of the antenna, which was sufficient to receive signals from the Nilesat 101 and Nilesat 102nd

In the coming days, will replace older satellites Nilesat 201 Nilesat 101, which may impair the availability of programs for small parabolách unless additional correction coverage by satellite operators.

osef:
@ olofofo.
i ve always pray to meet you some day but rain disrupt my visit to lag first week of sept , any way how wem dey?

we de ooooo. thanks for remembering a brother.