₦airaland Forum

polymers:
You have a wedding ring on you

She doesn't know that men take careful look and observe these fine details.
How can a responsible man approach a woman with a wedding ring on? lol
She neva start looking...

Dis one na real see finish.

First of all your name is funny.

Okay, for the rest of your issue, here's my take:

Your main challenge is taking a decision whether to continue with your marriage or not.
That is the MAIN issue.
You said your wife would never agree to separating with the child, and that is where the koko of the matter is.
The fact that this child came from her ex also makes it exceptionally tricky emotionally for her (love that produced a child is almost impossible to erase).
If this were from a one off encounter with a stranger, I suspect that she would have agreed to hand the child over to his biological father.
I would have liked to see a scenario whereby your wife (after much genuine crying and agony) offered to hand the child over to his bio father, as a way to show that she values your marriage more than anything else, and at the very last minute, you stop her and tell her that everything would be okay, and try your level best to be the boys father.
She didn't offer to do this, and that tells me that she values the connection between her and her ex (which the boy represents) more than your marriage.
Parting with an ex-love that produced a child is difficult (though not impossible) for a woman.

That is why some of us are fierce (even militant) advocates of marriage, and I in particular hate the talk of "marry only virgins" because men dis-virgin women, sometimes saddle them with children (as in your case) and then take off looking for virgins to marry.

So, to summarize:

(1) Tell her to take the child to his father, but carefully watch and observe her behavior. If she offers to do so after much agony, forgive her and tell her to keep the child in your marriage. Do your best to love that child as your own. Forget about the future because only God knows the future for sure. But if she refuses flatly and inclines towards divorce, you should divorce her ASAP and move on.
Life is too short to waste marrying another man's wife and raising his child.
OR
(2) Accept your fate and continue your marriage as if nothing happened if she and the child make you happy and fulfilled.
It is YOUR marriage, and you can do whatever you want in it provided you are prepared to accept the consequences.
I know some men who don't even care about their kids paternity, and they are happily married, living their lives to the fullest while others cry for them, while they don't give a flying fkc.

Bottomline is that you have to do you.
You know yourself more than anyone, and should do what would make you happy.
I only pity an innocent child whose fate has become a victim of adult love games.

The logic goes both ways.
If there will be 10% of wife material, then there would be 10% of husband material.
Nothing exists in nature without its opposite equivalence.
It is convenient to blame women for not being wife material, but it is men that help to create such situations.
In human relationship men are active actors while women are passive actors.
Men give, women receive.
Na so God take make am.
It used to be that to date a lady, you only needed to be smart, good looking and promising (the type of a man that a girl can admire and trust lifelong to help raise a family), but then men changed and started showering girls with unnecessary material things, essentially teaching them to see their bodies as something of monetary or commercial value.
Desperate men used money to change the dating scene.
Now an ugly money miss road dude would use money to snatch a girl from a smart handsome but poor dude.
And other women saw these and learn!
I repeat, nothing can exist in nature without an opposite equivalence.
In Igboland we say "ife kwuru ife akwudebe ya" -"when one thing stands, another of opposite stands next to it".
Things can only get worse until men in society revert to common sense ways.
Blaming women alone is a cheap blackmail and cop out.

The man married EKWENSU.
He is in hell fire.
The sooner he leaves the better for him.
In Igboland we say "instead of a man to live with a troublesome woman, let him live in a house with leaking roof. At least during dry season, he can sleep peacefully".

You see this woman? There is NOTHING a God-fearing husband won't do for her.
Her husband would be ready to even lay down his life for her.
That is the secret of marriage.

dkidd:
Yeah right first of... Ain't no shame in my game bro. I eat pussy and I eat it very well. Like spread it wide open and eat and fingerfvck, I even eat it doggy style and any positions i can bend her. Always have and always will but never just any random pussy too. Get that straight. And no one said anything about organs being the same but body fluids are body fluids. To me, sex is an art and it's better expressed when there's no inhibitions so long as U both are comfortable with it and it brings the apex pleasures and relaxes body and soul which is the endpoint and objective. Word of advise, just do U and allow others do themselves. U don't need to project ur beliefs on others. Like U said. A free world! And U compare sex to food and handshake lol I really pity whoever she is. No offence bro ✌️

@First bolded, YEP! I truly believe it is a FREE world.

@Second bolded, she doesn't need your pity, rather she would pity your type! lol
She believes only dogs lick. Go figure... Just my type.
So no offense taken bro.

Marriage is a good institution but people don't really understand what it is, especially these days.

Most people make the mistake of thinking that there's one size (or standard) that fits all, and that is the problem.

Once you understand that each marriage is UNIQUE unto itself, then you have your EUREKA moment.

You design your marriage as you want or as it works for you. Don't ever listen to "advisers" outside of the marriage.

All the successful people I know have that type of marriage.

They usually find their COMPATIBLE "better half" and stick to them lifelong.

When you look at such couple, you may be offended by some of what they do, but then they are happily married and you are wrong. lol

Virgin hunters reduce their chance of finding that compatible mate significantly for statistically obvious reasons.

I'd say spend time looking for that woman, casting your net as wide as possible and, when you find her, marry her and begin your life.

BTW thank me later.

dkidd:
Lol U guys should stop lying with religion or whatever. Oral-sëx is as old as mankind. No where did the bible call any human part unclean. Okay let me ask U this, U can kiss a woman deeply and exchange fluids right? U sex them raw and also exchange bodily fluids right? So tell e what's the difference? All this epistle is just ur mind set. We Africans to overdo. Forbid this forbid that na wetin dey make Una wives dey go explore for outside so. Some of U don't even believe in crazy sex positions or wtv kinky stuffs she's available to explore. All U do is tap her yansh and she rolls over while U climb like a big baboon gbas gbos gbas gbas U release and that's all. I even know some guys like U who frown at kissing. Baba na my wife. We go enter bathroom bathe each other fresh and clean and I will devour every hole in her body with my tongue, hands and pipe like my life depends on it na U sabi

I enjoy your posts even if I don't agree with them because you have a good sense of humor!

As for the bolded, you are making the case yourself.

You said kiss (ie mouth fluids for mouth fluids) and sex (genital fluids for genital fluids) exchanging fluids: EXACTLY.

Same for same.

Why don't you put food into your anus instead of your mouth then, since both organs are the same? lol

Or if you want to shake hands with someone, why not grab/shake their legs instead?

Bros if you want to eat pucci devour away! It is a free world!
In Igboland we say if a person wants to eat frog, s/he should eat the fattest frog, so that anytime s/he is called "frog-eater", s/he should close eyes and answer proudly.

First, tell your parents.
Secondly (and more importantly) NEVER handle (pick up) the charm unless you are spiritually competent.

dkidd:
Lol... Juchaa indeed every one has their own beliefs, rewards and karma. What's a belief to U might just be hogwash to another and how are u better than those who eat a good kuntus?

See dem!

I heard that a camel will have to pass through the eyes of the needle before a pucci eater would ever agree to stop it.
They would give all kinds of excuses in the world, just to eat pucci.
Some things are beyond personal beliefs. Have you ever wondered why the world is going from bad to worse everyday?
My rough guess is that pucci eaters are leading the most powerful and influential countries in the word.
Just a generation ago (about 40 years) the world was far more sane -almost a totally different world where everything made sense even if they weren't heaven then.
Today nothing makes sense!
It is because men in powerful positions (leaders of powerful countries) speak with polluted mouths, and pollute the world with their mouths.
Let me allow a little of my own belief (Christian) to enter a little here.
In the book of Isaiah chapter 6, an angel of God had to use a burning coal of fire to cleanse the mouth of the prophet Isaiah because his mouth was unclean. A prophet o!
Now imagine ordinary men eating pucci.
That's why our current world is in deep mess.
Nna mehn...

OP thanks a million for this post.
IMHO, sucking pucci is one of the most self destructive thing a man can do to himself.
I've argued severally here in nairaland that the mouth is the gateway of the soul.
When a man speaks, his soul goes forth/out to ensure that his speech impacts others powerfully, be it humans or spirits.
And man being the spiritual head of the human family system needs that gateway (mouth) to be clean at all times.
It is like the hand. When you go out to shake people's hands, do you shake them with dirty hands? Of course NOT.
Once you bring out your hand, even if you have something valuable in it, if it is smelly and dirty, no decent person would accept anything you give to them with that dirty hand.
Same thing applies to the mouth spiritually.
That is why in Igboland, men with spiritual insight (titled men and dibias, others) most times either use fresh chicken egg, or a live chicken (either chick or grown chicken) to perform cleansing ritual for their mouth before speaking.
They don't suck pucci o, tufiakwa aru, but they still "juchaa" (cleans) their mouths!
The funny thing is that a lot of so called macho men here in nairaland suck pucci like mad, and have no clue. lol

The title of this post should be "How to turn a normal man into a simp".

Sounds exactly like how Tinubu captured the North.

advanceDNA:
Yawn....!!
If sexual discipline means nothing to u that's fine.....if u dont mind marrying a woman 59 other men has slept with.....its all good..

..but all this epistle of painting scenarios that a woman that fvcks around with reckless abandon before marriage will handle herself better than virgin ... is just a truck load of fallacy...

You didn't even address the topic of the post. lol
You simply ignored the fact that a former virgin admitted to have slept with 15 men since she got married.
My post addressed that question, while yours simply went into the usual virgin-hunter illogical drivel that only makes sense to your type.

I'm here to warn men looking for wives to look for GOOD woman who may or may not be a virgin.
From your posts, you clearly lack real life experience.
The fallacy in your childish position leads men to land themselves in scenarios like the one in the original post here.
That woman's husband may have taken your advice and here we are.
Please focus on that post and address it.

To MEN (not kids), if you want to marry, look for a GOOD WOMAN, virgin or not.
No say I no warn you o..

advanceDNA:
Lol.....if a man post something like this Una go say na bashing against women......but since na virgin matter wey turn baddie, her fellow woman dont mind bashing her to be petty and fallacious prove their high body count áss is better....

This type of news is supposed to help virgin hunters like you reset your brain, but I doubt it will. lol
The woman must have slept with waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than she is admitting to, and yes she was a virgin.
Fact is that women are NOT like men.
A virgin man (if there's anything like that) is not same as a virgin woman.
Men are ACTIVE sexual beings while women are PASSIVE sexual beings.
A lot of women don't even know that they have high libido until AFTER THEIR FIRST SERIOUS SEXUAL ENCOUNTER.
Note the "SERIOUS" because I'd get to that point...

What I'd concede to, is that if a virgin with natural high libido marries a man with natural low libido, she may not know her real self, perhaps lifelong. She can live her whole life never cheating her husband. And it happens often.
But, if she ever makes the mistake of sleeping with a man of high libido (i.e have a SERIOUS sexual encounter), then she would connect with her natural self of high libido, and all bets are off afterwards. That is what causes things like this story in the OP.

The point about women being passive in sex is that men bring out the sexual demon in women who are highly sexual.
If she never slept with any man who brings it out, she may live her whole life not knowing about her real self.

My ultimate point is that a virgin may not even know herself sexually, while a non-virgin already knows herself before getting into marriage.

In a scenario where a non-virgin woman makes a mistake of cheating, she is in a better position to handle it better, and not let it destroy her marriage. She had seen that animal before, and had decided to get married leaving all that behind.
She is not likely to be swept off. She had seen it all before!
However, a virgin can be blindsided by the whole new experience, and it can become a banana peel experience for her, whereby she gets swept off by it.
That is how an ex-virgin suddenly sleeps with countless number of men. She made ONE mistake, and that was enough.

When you find yourself in the middle of a rowdy meeting, keeping silent and observing the goings-on can work wonders.
Not participating in this protest has done wonders for Igbo.
Now, we can see clearly ALL angles to the problem.
Staying out of this protest may prove to be Igbo best political move in decades.
Who knew that a Nigerian soldier can be arrested or even questioned for gunning down a protesting youth? A practice that is the norm in the East?
Well now you know!
We still dey Looku and Laafu.

chopnaira:
Dem go free am. He has been given a way out.

I doubt it because it is not south east.

When you find yourself in the middle of a rowdy meeting, keeping silent and observing the goings-on can work wonders.
Not participating in this protest has done wonders for Igbo.
Now, we can see clearly ALL angles to the problem.
Staying out of this protest may prove to be Igbo best political move in decades.
Who knew that a Nigerian soldier can be arrested or even questioned for gunning down a protesting youth? A practice that is the norm in the East?
Well now you know!
We still dey Looku and Laafu.

gh

trutharena:
Arewa should focus on unity instead of division. The Yoruba have always been known for their resilience and brotherhood. It's time we come together and celebrate our diversity rather than throwing jabs at one another.

Eh?
Brotherhood of conspiracy against others including those in southern parts of Nigeria?
Judas was also Jesus' "brother".
Nansense.

People have used religion to commit some of the most heinous crimes on this earth.
That's a fact.
I once decided to research angels, and the research took to me religious beliefs about the origin of man and all that.
Suffice to say that there were practically no two religions that believed the same thing on this topic!
Same applies to what happens to souls after death. Each religion believed somewhat different from the other.
So, every religion is bound by its own beliefs!
This brought me to the conclusion that we humans set our spiritual journeys/paths with our own brains.
The dumber you are, the more difficult a journey/path you set for yourself, while the smarter you are the easier path you set for yourself.
That is why suffering has been steadily increasing in Africa while Africans set ever stricter (dumber) religious guidelines for themselves.

I once asked one elder a question when I was young.
I said, why is it that France (at that time) with the highest documented levels of sexual immorality boast a more decent society (better healthcare, better roads, better schools, better public support, decent society that cared about people, etc) than Nigeria with all her religious institutions littered everywhere?
France compared to Nigeria was like heaven compared to hell. But the French weren't as religious as Nigerians!
Well, the answer never came.
Again, look at all the prisons in countries where religion isn't much (like Europe) and compare them with Nigerian university hostels (never mind prisons in Nigeria). While Nigerian prisons are like satanic torture chambers created by the most wicked souls walking this planet - the type of souls competing with each other in the art and science of devilry.

I give credit to Nnamdi Kanu for opening my eyes about the fact that black people struggle to reason, and it enabled me to make serious effort at changing my ways of thinking.
"Education" is NOT the same as ability to reason. One can become a Ph.d holder, and still not reason well.
Kanu said that it doesn't matter if a black person is a doctor, lawyer, professor, you name it: he or she still can't reason!
But all hope is not lost as long as black people are honest to themselves about this issue.
Self deceiving pride cannot solve this problem. Humility and honesty to self is the only way out.
Of course blacks, like all other races on this planet, have natural CAPACITY to reason and even excel, but they just somehow haven't started tapping into that natural capacity.

And yes, religion may be playing a role in delaying that.

Abel7777:
Taraba state governor, Dr Agbu Kefas, has described Senator Daisy Danjuma, as an institution and a reputable mother in the land. Dr Kefas was eulogising the former Senator and spouse of former Minister of Defence, General TY Danjuma, as she celebrates her 72nd birthday.

Once in a while one comes across proof that the English language is not our own.
Just imagine this.
Eulogising (sic) someone still alive!

"Southern protesters" is an oxymoron. It twists imagination.

Example: "True lies", or "back to the future".

There is no South in Nigeria. Period.

Sex in a very complex thing with many moving parts...

Yes, I agree with the OP almost on all the points he listed, but it is because I can afford to agree with him!
What do I mean by that?
I mean I am a good looking man (and I suspect that the OP is one too, because he won't post this if he were not), so, from my first encounters with women, I never had any need to pay them for anything.
In fact they hustled to sleep with me when I was in upper teen but I flatly rejected it.
But while in uni, I had a friend who STRUGGLED to even gain attention from women, and I know how TOUGH it was for him to even "do", back then.
In fact I had to come to his rescue a few times by talking to the girls a few times and one agreed to date him just because of me (those who know know that guys do this). A woman can agree to date a man just because he has a handsome friend (whom she may be eying secretly). Love is a dangerous game!

Without such interventions, how do you tell a guy like that not to pay for sex?
So, when we make all these topics, we should spare thoughts for others who are not as privileged as us.

As for abstaining from sex altogether, it is possible, BUT it all depends on a person's natural sex drive.
Sex drive is purely natural. You cannot really control it. You can try though, and may succeed; but may fail.
That is why we have A LOT of scandals involving sex (mostly from people who pretend they can control themselves, only to do otherwise in secret).

My consistent advice to men is this: MARRY AS FAST AS YOU CAN so that you can have access to sex if you really need to have sex.

There are men who have low sex drive naturally, and who can live without sex lifelong without any "fall of the wagon" times.
But, please when it comes to sex, ALL ARE NOT EQUAL AT ALL.
One person may successfully abstain from it, while another may develop some illness for abstaining.

I just gave a nuanced comment, hoping not to be misunderstood.

He said Igbos must learn to trust outsiders less. He said one negative side of Igbos is that we easily love and trust outsiders once they show any sign of support to Igbos, that this is one of Igbo people's negative side. That this exposes Igbos to making wrong friends without proper scrutiny who usually use the insider information they got from being close to Igbos to hurt Igbos at the end.

Ndigbo, you see this point?
Even if you throw everything else the OP said into the trash bin, NEVER EVER discard this point.
It is KEY to your survival in or out of Nigeria.
Enuff said.

I love how the OP COMPLETELY IGNORE this troll yarib- confusedlady. lol
Pure genius.

@OP, your points are clear.
Every Igbo has a self-preserving responsibility to say or do things that prevents the next genocide of Ndigbo, caused by poor leaders.

I will quote your most important message/point in this whole thing.
Next...

trutharena:
This is the same old song, always crying about how they are being treated. If they put as much energy into building their own instead of whining, maybe they won't need to beg for acceptance.

If you really believe that Igbo are begging anyone for acceptance you are really suffering from serious schizophrenia.
The OP posted some factual information. If you doubt him, go to Anambra state and verify.
BTW what the OP posted didn't start today; it started years ago, but is now gathering momentum.
The move is inevitable because Nigeria only gets from bad to worse, destroyed by people like you who can't reason well.

Also, IGNORE all his topics on Nairaland.
Believe me, if we all Igbo ignore him here and totally refuse to even comment on any of news about him, soon the mods will stop posting his news to the front page because it would be bad market.
I know it can be hard to do this, but believe me that's exactly what I did to the guy for years.
He is an ant but your attentions makes him feel like an elephant.
UNFOLLOW and IGNORE Reno no matter his trolling and provocations.
If you do this, he returns to being an ant.

I often wonder why an Igbo person would follow someone like Reno on any social media.
Why follow such a person?
If he is following you, block him or unfriend him.
Dude is a lunatic, offers nothing, and is TOTALLY IRRELEVANT to Ndigbo.

@OP, you identified the problem but you didn't expressly suggest a solution.

Left me help you. The solution is very simple: -> UNFOLLOW Reno on ALL his social media handles.

This alone will remove at least 30% or more of his income from those sources.

So, if you are Igbo:

UNFOLLOW Reno!
UNFOLLOW Reno !!
UNFOLLOW Reno !!! NOW!

Nothing to apologize to him about.
Dude was/is a coward and in Igboland we say that " a coward should not carry a big masquerade".
Nigeria is a HUGE masquerade, and Jona had no business trying to carry it. And when the time came, he proved the theory right by simply capitulating without a whimper.
Nigeria needed courage from him, but he delivered cowardice.
So in a way he failed Nigeria.
EOD.