₦airaland Forum

franchasofficia:
In Africa, Nigeria to be specific, sleeping with a married woman comes with negative consequences simply because of the tradition and culture involved in marriage process in Nigeria.


The man paid her bride price. Some traditional stuffs were done and mind you, some of those traditional rights were rooted in ancient culture of spiritual things based on the man's community's culture/tradition, so it's like marking boundary spiritually and when you cross that boundary by sleeping with the married woman who has been marked or bound by her husband's community tradition, the gods of that land will come after you.


Life is spiritual.

If you say you don't believe in their fetish tradition because you are a Christian, bear in mind that you have committed sin and God's coverage will not protect you in this aspect because you committed a grave sin.


So sleeping with a married woman in Nigeria carries a different consequence from sleeping with a married woman in America or Europe. So the spiritual consequences of sleeping with a married woman depends largly on the tradition and culture of the woman's husband's community.


This is why it is dangerous to sleep with a married woman but not as dangerous for ladies to sleep with a married man because no bride price paid on the man's head neither was any traditional stuffs made on the man's head also.


As for rape, men don't report or see a woman forcing herself on them sexually as rape, hence why society don't treat male rape with seriousness.

You are onto something deep here, and I have bolded all the relevant points.
Bottom-line is that we are bound by whatever agreement we enter into, be it personal or communal.
That is why it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT for a person to properly identify ALL traditions (spiritual ones specifically) concerning any "engagement" he or she wants to undertake.
I speculate that one should limit himself or herself to entering as few agreements as possible, whether personally or communally.
The lesser agreement you enter into, the better for you, because less things would be binding on you.
That explains why a single white colonial officer somewhere in Rivers state of old (some place called Ogbakiri) single-handedly burnt down an old shrine of a local deity that had about 2000 human heads.
The man simply used kerosene, doused the place, and lighted some matches.
The place burned down, and the white colonial officer jejely walked away. Nothing happened to him!
But if it were someone from the ancestral lineage from there, the consequences would have been totally different, which is why the shrine had been there for hundreds of years before the coming of the colonialists.
Traditions are local agreements which binds every resident of each locality.
Someone from outside who doesn't subject himself to those local rules, and doesn't bind himself to it personally, can do whatever he wants, and I argue that nothing would happen.
However, he has to also be ready to accept the same thing happening to him.
In this instance, as long as he is willing to accept the same thing happening to him (someone sleeping with his wife) then all is good.
But we know that most people only see one side of the picture (where they sleep with other men's wives) but not the other side (where other men sleep with their wives). That is the evil in man.
"For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged."

advanceDNA:
Wait!!!!!!Who forced monogamy on you?.... Is polygamy not legal in Nigeria?? Or what are u driving it......the way pple arrive at conclusions without premise is weird...


.there is nothing humble about ur opinion
..both single and women in marriage sleep around in this modern times....there is a general drop in morality across the world......it has nothing to do with monogamy..u are just spitting fallacy

another reaah fallacy...
look around u....paternity fraud is every where..yet u said marry women are not free like single.... There is no more morality from the young age... Is it not the single morally bankrupt that becomes married.....?? Garbage in garbage out is what we have today

the way u pple insult ur own race is weird .....even in America, polygamy is there....nobody force certificate marriage on any body in the world

You only proved my point by attacking me and not my point.
Black man.
Try to THINK a little. Use that brain that God gave you for once!
Ask yourself this question: Which man is more likely to have a side chick? A man with many wives, or a man with one wife?
You say that monogamy is not enforced, and that can only mean you have your head firmly inside the sand.
It is enforced in MANY ways in Nigeria even if it is not illegal.
Social sanction (enforcement) is the worst form of sanction because it comes from social circles.
Only few men withstand such societal hypocrisy/blackmail, and simply marry more than one wife to save society.
Others are pussy-footing around, keeping sidechicks and acting as if they have one wife.
Any man that keeps a sidechick is de facto a polygamist, but of the wrong kind because he is eating his cake and having it!
My anger is that they are polluting society.

This is why I keep harping against enforced monogamy.
In my humble opinion, enforced monogamy is an indirect causer of this type of societal problem.
A married woman , even if she were the tenth wife, cannot be as free as a divorced wife to be a sidechick.
Black Africans find it hard to mentally decipher these things, and would rather attack you for pointing it out.

Uncle96:
Worst mistake you can ever make in your life is to marry a girl that gets angry/toxic. Mehnn your life will lack peace for years honestly. Even when you get one week of peace, it will be like gold to you.

In Igboland we say instead of a man marrying a troublesome woman, let him live in a house with leaking roof.
At least during dry season, he can sleep well.

The man once said he doesn't believe in Nigeria. It is on record in a newspaper from some years back.
He is acting out his true belief. Deal with it.
The people who need to cry about it are those who co-conspired with him to steal the last election.
They are the ones crying the most these days.
We in Igboland dey go about awa bizinesi

CilicMarin:
At This Rate, Labour Party Will Struggle To Get 20% of the South East Votes in 2027..

You don't know Ndigbo well.
In Igboland we say "onye bu igu ka ewu na eso" - "the man with palm fronds on his head is the person that goats follow".
The hidden logic in this mantra is that you have to be a goat to follow someone blindly, just for food.
We ain't goats in Igboland.

I have one responsible and honest advice for you: RUN.
Run NOW.
It won't get better after you marry her, in fact it will get worse. Much worse.
Things like this is the root of situations whereby a man kills his wife or she kills her husband.
It usually ends in "I don't know what got into me! I didn't mean to kill her. I loved her!"
Classical toxic relationship.

DevilsEqual:
This guy isn't a principled person

He didn't violate any rule, but you should live and act my some personal laws/philosophy

I have no words for the woman but her shape tho

You still managed to see that shape tho'.
That shape is the problem.
Remember that thread I opened saying that some women are not created to be with one man?
This is the point of that thread. Only God knows what actually killed the man they are supposedly mourning.
I wouldn't marry this type of woman even if she were the only one left in the whole world.

tidalstorm:
Are there some girls you are not supposed to have sex with?

I'm friends with this girl whom i find attractive. Everytime after pre-intimacy that i want to go down on her i loose my erection. It has happened at least three times. Even went and took Viagra and action bitters but it goes limp when i want to penetrate.

The funny thing is, i don't have any problems when I'm with a different girl.

She caught me frustrated and worried and told me that not everyone can have sex with her. And what happened to me has happened with others.

Is this stuff real or the problem is still me?

What I don't understand is why some men insist on having sex with a woman who has shown all the red lights and warning signs.
Must you have sex with her?
Oga, don't ever say you weren't warned.
Move on.

I sight pazienza the legend in da haus.

Lording123:
What is the color you find on the founder of Redeem church and of winners chapel?

This is really a very important question that should give consistency (or not) to the forming theory about these colors.
It shouldn't be avoided.

I have my own view/opinion on this, but need this question answered first.

Welcome to Nigeria : Where all earth moving equipment is called CATERPILLAR.

The article may have broached some boundaries or rudiments of truths here and there, but what I find fascinating is the fact that whenever you see articles like this pointing out Igbo faults or "to blame", it is nearly always written by Igbo persons.
I find it fascinating and disturbing that elements from an ethnic group would be constantly self-deprecating or self-immolating, for purposes of which I cannot fathom.
If you find 100 articles blaming Igbo for their plight in Nigeria, well above 80 would be written by Igbo persons.
I know for a fact that Igbo are a proud nation that loves itself, but still there are these elements within it that aren't quite comfortable about it, as if Igbo is the only ethnic group that has pride and love for itself.
I decided years back to stop fighting for any Igbo or Biafran causes precisely for this reason.
The person that would hate you most for fighting for him or her is an Igbo person.
Depressing.

RealityKings:
Men and women have the same sexual urge and fantasy,

Very true.
One of the greatest rulers of Russia Empress Catherine The Great (Yekaterina ) was reputed to prefer young men.
For good reasons I might add.
OP, what is good for the goose (men) is good for the gander (women).
Sex is a basic animal instinct, and in it all ADULTS (anyone above 18 years) are equal.
Deal with it.

If I were Tinubu, I would release Kanu precisely because Simon Ekpa says otherwise.
In fact I would do exactly what the South East governors and representatives are demanding because they are the only legitimate representatives of South easterners.
Ekpa's interest and business is to keep Kanu begin bars
Once Kanu is out, Ekpa will go out of business.

OP do you live in Nigeria?
If you do, then you are the problem, because there are always people in your business at every turn in Nigeria.
You step out of the house and people would greet you good morning or afternoon or whatever...
That is something most Nigerians take for granted.
Abroad, nobody dey talk to you.
If you are in Nigeria but still lonely, please never ever dream of moving abroad because boredom will kee you for sure.
One thing good about Nigeria (and Africa at large) is the relatively socially connected society.
I watched a Youtube video of one of the European countries, and I could count the number of people in a whole city center.
Everybody is indoors and quiet.
In such countries abroad, you could go a whole month without seeing anybody to talk to unless at work or school.
So, if you are in Nigeria, please check yourself again and embrace the already available people all over the place.

Popesuccess:
The question is: do you want to have sex with her and defile your marriage? If the answer is no, tell her not to come.

OP funny sha...
I was wondering the same thing too.

But OP still continued his line which tells me that he is very much interested and likely don't give a flying fkc about his marriage vows.

vybzkartel:
Meaning she likes me?

If I don't reciprocate she will hate me?

LOL @ OP has already made up his mind.

MufasaLion:
You don't need prayer when choosing a partner. What you need is to work on yourself and find someone of like mind.

This needs repeating 1000 times!
FIND SOMEONE OF LIKE MIND.
In other words, find your COMPATIBLE female.

Tjra:
Ooni is 100% wrong on this.

Igbos and Fulanis actually have same ideology, migratory/nomadic culture, hotblooded/easily angered, fair skin complexion, same shape of head, Tit for tat view of life (mosaic law just like jews), persistency, ruggedness, superiority complex, etc. and must definitely share same ancestral links.

The only difference is one embraced Islam and cattle rearing while the other Catholism and trading.

Yorubas have nothing in common with Igbos. We only share ancestral links with the Binis.

There is something the Yoruba man finds menacing about the shape of Igbo man's head!

If a Yoruba man is talking about the Igbo and never mentioned the shape of head, he has not really started to get serious.

Well, maybe this poster has some point, because we never really know how Igbos would have been if they were Muslim.

Christianity certainly played a big role in reducing the Igbo natural militancy.

This your topic is huge..
but the answer is very simple: Cheating is BREAKING OF A PROMISE/TRUST.
"Fidelity" (being loyal or trustworthy) is the bedrock of interpersonal relationships.
I say it is huge because A LOT of people get into these things (relationships) with a very tiny/narrow worldview.
Breaking a promise is not just a physical wrong but a spiritual one.
In my humble opinion this is perhaps the original true sin I can think of.
I tend to not want to bring spirituality and religion into topics here, but this one cannot be separated from spirituality.
NEVER promise what you do not intend to honor.
And whenever you break a promise, try your level best to: (1) Expiate (pay for it), or (2) Apologize and ask for forgiveness and (3) VOW to never repeat it.
My simplest solution to it? NEVER promise anything to anyone you cannot be sure of. Period.
If they want a relationship with you that way, good and fine and be willing to accept their lifestyle choices as well.
Else, conduct the utmost promise exercise: MARRY THEM.
And if (or when) the marriage sours, divorce and move on so that no promises is hanging on your neck.
In non-marriage (or even marriage one sef) ensure that the golden rule (do unto others as you'll have them do to you) applies.

OP, thanks for asking an important question.

capnies:
I THINK YOU ARE THE LAW, IF YOU DISCOVER YOUR WIFE CHEATED AND BROUGHT ANOTHER PERSONS CHILD ON YOU, YOU CAN DEMAND REFUND, WITH INTEREST OF ALL THE MONEY YOU'VE SPENT ON THE CHILD FROM PREGNANCY TO DATE OF DISCOVERY. YOU CAN USE WHICHEVER WAY POSSIBLE, BUT DON'T KILL OR HUMILIATE THE CHILD ITS NOT THE CHILD'S FAULT.

The person you are addressing is a man-child with an IQ of an Australopithecus.
I doubt very much that he can understand the logic in your post.

I exit the thread for his "genus".

Godoverevery:
You just been clever by half.

You Trying to separate adultery from cheating is wack.

He doesn't get criminally prosecuted but force to part way with half of his money and properties.
We have seen men lose source of livelihood cos they were caught cheating.

So make it make sense to me how a woman will commit adultery by getting pregnant for another man pin it on her husband and the man founds out several years later and she loses nothing.

The man should just move on after wasting several years laboring on another man child.....some will even come to claim there child...

Mr Elder.

No, he should not move on. He should kill her then.
Mr man-child.

You talk about "cheating" and paternity: In what responsible setting do these happen?
In side-chicks and your infantile fck and go life?
I only responded to RESPONSIBLE scenarios. Which implies MARRIAGE settings.
I don't have time for kids lamenting over their girlfriends cheating.

Godoverevery:
Just a quick question..........why is there a general law against cheating??

No vex say I ask an Elder question ooo

There is no general law against cheating.
The only body I know that has a law against adultery is the military (for good reasons because some men would mortgage the security of the entire nation just because someone fcked their wife). Very good law in that institution.
But society-wide? Nope.
Adultery however can be a legal ground for divorce. But the offending spouse doesn't get criminally prosecuted for adultery.
Go and check.
I have answered you as "an elder".

It is not the extra pounds. It is the HEIGHT.
How TALL ARE YOU?
If you are tall enough, you're good to go.
Most wives of rich men I see everyday are tall.
Poor men dey manage short babes.

eazzzy1:
There’s no law against DNA test so why are looking to make it a law? It doesn’t have to be mandatory either, as long as it isn’t illegal. The law can’t force common sense on people, it has to accommodate people without sense too.

Some people don’t want to know if they are the real fathers, some people won’t go to the hospital no matter how sick they get, they are afraid of what the test will reveal. The law can’t compel anyone who has chosen to find bliss in ignorance.

I wonder o.
When you see this type of OP post, the first question that crosses your mind is "HOW OLD IS THIS OP?"
Adults do whatever protects their interest no matter what that "interests" may be.
It is in OP's interest to know the paternity of his children. It may be in another man's interests not to know the paternity of theirs.
Come to think of it, there are MANY cases of IVF today where couples use TOTALLY UNKNOWN man's sperms to fertilize their wive's eggs.
I have STRONG feelings against IVF but does that now make me to manipulate society to make a law against it? Of course NOT.
To each his own.
OP wait, when you marry and have your children, please make sure to DNA them IMMEDIATELY after birth. Just in case. Problem solved!
But leave society alone. Every adult male has his own preferences in these things.
Tyranny is forcing your preferences on broader society. QED.

Each time I hear this argument that "Akalaka" was a bini person, I fall off my chair laughing again.
"Akala" is Igbo word for "Lines or prints". "Aka" is Igbo word for "Hand".
Akalaka -> Finger prints.
Yet someone with a human brain will come tell me the name is Bini.
Ndi isi ojii eh ... their redemption is not near at all.

Samakus:
Omo, we wey dey make our women body quake in orgasm no know wetin God do for us.

Many men out there are literally fowls now. Mount for 1 minute, release immediately like okuko

I was passing by this thread jejely and wanted to move on without saying anything, until this comment.

Anyway, @OP I will tell you a TRUTH you will not agree with.
Know what is the problem?
YOU TWO ARE NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE WITH EACH OTHER.
A lot of people ignore this sexual compatibility issue and think that it is a small thing until late into marriage.
And then the monster rears its ugly head and wreaks marriages/homes.
We weren't raised to look at things this way, and that is why we have so many problems these days, with people trying to shame one another.
Even if you are a sex maniac, there is a man out there who matches you. Find him.
I can say more, but this is a public forum.
Bottomline is don't think that this is a small problem. It is not.

I know her. She looks like her father. Her father worked for Microsoft many years back.
Proud of her accomplishment.

SporaD8:
Why is it that you people think only ladies are sexually harassed?
For your information, Men also suffer sexual harassment in silence because the society won't give them audience when they complain!
If in a Bus - A lady pretends to be sleeping while rubbing her braless b00b on your elbow. You keep adjusting to the extreme yet She continually lean closer - How will you handle such situation?
Remember, not every guy is a randy he-goat

LOL. @bolded, I wonder why, too.
One married woman -an African food store owner out here abroad -always harasses me each time I come to her shop and thinks that I don't know what she's doing.
Each time I go to her shop to buy African food, and her husband was not around, she would always find a way to get close and touch me.
At first I didn't notice the pattern, but then I started taking note of it.
She would grab and squeeze either my upper arm, or my shoulder and roll her hands all the way down my back, squeezing as she goes while laughing as if she was just being friendly.
She knows I'm a happily married man (have been to her shop severally with my wife), but that doesn't stop her.
I shared the story with my wife and we both laughed our asses off about it.
And she is not a young woman by any stretch.
Thing is, when it comes to women harassing men, society is suffering from serious gender-biased (pro-women) cognitive dissonance.

faceland:
I have seen a beautiful business woman on transit still open legs. Unfortunately, most business minded girls would too, if they can sense you wouldn't talk (they have a way of knowing, this is a family man that would disappear forever after the sex).

It's not just a Nigerian thing. Elon Musk is foooqin all his employees (some with advanced degrees).

Some naive people don't understand these things...
The question is this: How many Nigerian women would reject a targeted/determined sexual advance by a clean, young man who they are sure would keep the whole thing secret? Especially that SECRET part.
Just let the guy be clean, confident, persistent and secretive.
The good news is that most young Nigerian men avoid (or even run away from) married women. If not so eh, hmmmnnn.

AlaafinOfOyo:
You don't understnd Igbo. Igbo are like Bitcoin, we are decentralized and there's no herd mentality nut independent mindedness. If Igbo are herd mental like other regions of Nigeria, we wouldn't be all over the place building houses and owning busineses. We would only invest in Igbo land the way most Nigerian tribes behave> Nothing ... absolutely nothing would make an Igbo vote incompetence - whether Buhari or Tinubu. You get the gist now?

Low hanging fruit truth.
Enuff said.
My worry is that it seems that a significant percentage of Nigerians are mentally incapable of understanding Ndigbo.
Quite sad.

This is a TRUE LIFE STORY.

There is a certain couple I know, A VERY LOVELY COUPLE -let’s call the man Mr A, and let’s call the wife Mrs A.
I’ve known this couple for more than 22 years (all their kids are now adults).
I knew them before they even had their first child.

Mrs A is EXACTLY of this type I described in the OP. And she is happily/proudly married and being herself.

Her husband swears that she is the love of his life.
In fact, when I met them for the first time, and saw at least THREE men coming and going to places with Mrs A, I got so angry that I approached/confronted her husband Mr A, and wondered aloud to him why he would allow his wife to have “boyfriends” (for lack of a better word) like that. He told me point blank that he loves his wife, and that he sees everything.
He further said that if for any reason he loses his wife(through dissolution or death), that he would not marry again till he died.
He specifically called her “the love of my life”.
I was stunned and confused.
In fact that was when I started observing/studying/researching this issue.
Mrs A also loves Mr A (she ALWAYS cares for her husbands needs).
Mrs A later got pregnant and had her first child (I won’t mention the gender for privacy reasons ), and a couple of years later she had her second child.
They only have the two children, and from the much I can tell, neither of them knows for sure the true paternity of the kids.
They don’t believe in paternity tests.
Over these couple of decades, Mrs A has had many boyfriends, and Mr A still swears by his wife.
As far as I know, Mr A doesn’t have any other woman outside the marriage.
Others (friends, acquaintances, family etc) have however severally complained BITTERLY behind their backs, but the marriage is as stable as a rock and still going strong.
At a point, I noticed that these “boyfriends” never really got along well with one another.
One would always say something bad about the other(s). Only God knows if any of the boyfriends tried to harm or eliminate the other.
All I know and can testify to is that this couple is VERY happily married.
The men respected the husband of the woman though, but they were always at each others throats.

One clear thing about Mrs A is that she is a VERY STRONG woman physically (tall, imposing personality), and easily controlled those men.
These days, she doesn't have (that I can see) such men around because she is not young anymore I presume. But the couple is still happy together.

I repeat, this is a TRUE LIFE STORY.
You can make with it whatever you want.