₦airaland Forum

my first FTC on nairaland







i would like to dedicate this ftc to my village people and to madridistas all over the world







your love make's me strong and your hatred makes me impossible.

Sabrina18:
I will buy two houses, go to shopping with my family, change my wardrobe, start a business, clear everything that need to be cleared in my school, put some cash in my bank, give my dad the rest.

You have to spend it all in one day, you can't save it in a bank

Cc: lalasticlala seun fynetboi olawalebabs mynd44











how will you spend your one billion n

what will be your priority if you have a billion naira in your account?



how will you spend it?



what will be your major purchase?

Quantity surveying

HalaMadrid

Hgggg

h

DrRasheed:
Many of my classmates haven't seen their result.
some were held while others pending.
This made me anxious about it and even refused to check it thinking it will bring only agony to me...
My parent asked me and I told them what I had to.
so today I feel like waking the lying dog and to my surprise the result is fantastic one.. I'm very happy and regretful of allowing my friends result to influence my decision of checking it earlier.
Gombe I'm coming for my screening tomorrow.

Hey, How much did you paid for waec there please. My brother is going to write waec next year as an external student at your school ( Hayatu iyawa)

Masha allah

motun2017:
aww thanks

Those boobs are more prettier .

deb:
Omo na people from your village dey cause dat one o

You don start abi

Achadu76:
Bindow has proven to be a credible leader with zero tolerance for corruption, Bindow Na Alalah.

Bindo barawo

holywahala19:
Trust unibadan to implement this to the letter.




I'm a Harvard graduate.
I'm very rich my people.
Bentley is the drive.
Trafford, UK.is the base.

Who asked you

lightblazingnow:
https://m.guardian.ng/politics/apc-chieftains-stranded-in-government-house/

A stupid, he goat, idiot, clueless governor that doesn't care about the people of his state. THIS THIEF IS GOING TO THE PRISON COME 2019.

MzErica:
I'm an ashawo and my pvssy is smells !

of course

1. Senate Building: this is the first place to know when given admission, because most of your admission documents will be signed at the Senate Building.
2. Library: this is another place a freshman should know, since your major aim in school is to read and make research. Most of your lecturers wont give you a complete note, you would have to read textbooks to meet up.
3. Faculty/College: this is a kind of umbrella that envelope both your departments and other related courses. This is very important because your department needs your profile and your day to day records.
4. Banks: immediately after admission and registration, you will money transaction from your banks especially if your school system of payment through bank transaction. You also need this for collecting money sent to you by your parents.
5. Lecture Rooms: you must know the venue for your lectures for easy learning.
6. Health Centre: this is paramount because your health status is more important than your education, for easy assimilation of school works, you must make sure your health status is awesome.
7. ICT Building: you will surely need the help of technology, especially when it comes to recording your CAT and exams.
8. Hostel: accommodation is important, to be on the saver side, make sure you know the routes to your hostels.
9. Market: you will need to buy foods and other things, make you know where to get those things at a cheaper price.
10. Fellowship/Mosque : God factor is very important, anything you do without acknowledging God is baseless.

Do we know actual full form of some words
•News paper =
North East West South past and present events report.
•Chess =
Chariot, Horse, Elephant, Soldiers.
•Cold =
Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
•Joke =
Joy of Kids Entertainment.
•Aim =
Ambition in Mind.
•Date =
Day and Time Evolution.
•Eat =
Energy and Taste.
•Tea =
Taste and Energy Admitted.
•Pen =
Power Enriched in Nib.
•Smile =
Sweet Memories in Lips Expression.
•SIM =
Subscriber Identity Module
•etc. =
End of Thinking Capacity
•OK =
Objection Killed
•Or =
Orl Korec (Greek Word)
•Bye =
Be with you Everytime

1... Many people are not there to bag just one degree but two. A degree in their respective discipline and secondly but most importantly, the main degree that brought them to school -- BSC BG which stands for "Bachelor of Beg Beg".
That was how one strange guy ive never met in my entire life before trekked almost 50km all the way from( i suspect Hall 3) to ask for the crayfish he gave me to keep for him in hall 4.
I just saw somebody with an agbada abi na singlet sef barge into our room and went straight to the point without much ado "I dey look for crayfish". I didn't answer him, I continued with what I was doing.
He now tapped me, "Bros, abeg you get crayfish wey you no dey use again"?
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him that the last time I saw Crayfish was in a Nollywood movie but behaved myself and calmly told him no.
Or is it the day one guy saw me frying egg while passing the hall way and went to buy bread on me and my egg's behalf.
I was about bringing down my carefully fried one-quater egg from the fire when I saw somebody at the door with fresh bread smiling.
Him: "Chairmoooo" raising both hands up, "I hail oh. How E wan be na"?
Me: Frowning my face "How wetin wan be"?
Him: Pointing at my egg and waiving his bread "I just say make we align"
Me: "Bros, abeg no vex. No be me get am. Na my roommate I help fry the egg.
He had this disappointed look on his face like I betrayed him or something, stared at the egg with this lustfull passionate gaze that at a point, I had to check if he had already mentally eaten my egg and left an illusion in the fry pan for me cos things dey happen these days.I was relieved when I scanned his lips and found no oil. He finished God knows what he was doing and left.
2... You ll learn how to cook pretty much everything with anything so far you have these three ingredients--kerosene, water, and hunger.
I came-in one day only to find my roommate preparing what he called "Water soup" and its really very simple to prepare. Put water on fire, allow it to boil, add salt, maggi, pepper and red oil shikena. I thought he was joking not until I saw him making eba for his alleged "water-soup" I knew he was really serious. I thought I had seen it all not until i went to visit my friend and saw his roomate eating Eba with what appeared to be "Beans porridge". I shock.
3... You ll learn that Nigerians are very very co-operative in times of need. It is only in the hostel you ll see somebody cooking one cup of rice, just one cup of rice and you ll be like
"My guy how far! that thing gggg" and just before you add "go reach me"?, he reads your mind and replies
"Guy, na 50 people contribute for this rice. The first 20 people bring ninety seed of rice each, 5 bring one-one teaspoon of red oil each, another 10 people bring 0.05 micro-grams of salt which in total weighed 0.5micro milligrams collectively, 8 people join had bring one cube of maggi, 6 people bring kerosene and na my stove we dey use.
4... You ll learn to be stingy. When I started my undergraduate journey, I was very benevolent. I was giving out things, food stuffs, provision and everything to friends and my roomates not until my village people decided to leave me alone for a while and my eyes became open like Adam and eve.
How many times I don make Eba wey my Garri wey remain small pass sachet cowbell? How many time I don drink tea wey milk wey remain no plenty pass the one wey dey old woman br.east?
Ladies and gentlemen, that was when I realised that to survive in the hostel, one has to be skinflint. Nowadays, even if you catch me dey fetch rice from my cupboard, I go tell you say na chinese beans and if the person say "but no be rice I dey see oh"? . I go reply"Guy, you get eye problem".
When you got to Rome, behave like the romans. If you cant beat them, joim them.
5... You ll learn that the normal way to use the the toilet is the abnormal way to use the toilet. I remember the first time I set foot inside the Hostel toilet, I ran out like a demon chased by the holy ghost. I see poo, the poo wey been dey worry me run leave me. lol .
Na only hostel you go see shiit wey only water no fit flush except you mix am with gravel. shuoo.
It is only in the hostel person go use shiit take write "Jasper was here" for toilet bowl & still wonder why things are not working well in his life.
So when i asked my roomates if it was ok to use the bowl the normal way by sitting on it since the cleaners just washed it, they looked at me like an alien that just landed from Mars and burst out laughing. I later figured how to use it "safely" without putting my bum bum at the risk of contacting God knows what virus.
Some people do what we call " stand,drop and dodge" cos you dont want that water to touch ya... No need to explain this one, its self explanatory.
Some do what we call "Spider man". Where you literally climb in-between two walls with both hands and legs then deposit from a safe distance.. Just picture how Perter Parker will climb in between two narrow walls without his web. Lmao
Some do the "Yoga style". Only difference is you are not actually sitting on the bowl but standing on it with both hands stretched forward and you can close ur eyes if you be mumu. But Pps and pls be very careful cos this style is extremely dangerous and requires alot of stamina cos if your village people distract you a lil bit & you loose balance you ll be in deep shiit, literally.
6... You ll learn how to tolerate people. I had a room all to myself at home but things changed the day I stepped foot into hall 4. You just came back from night class all tired and want to sleep but you cant cos your roomate thinks 2am is the right time to cook beans & kill everybody with heat. Adekunle, my God will judge you.
It is when you want to read that your roomate suddenly feels the urge to test how loud his phone's speakers are. You no fit talk cos afterall, na im space he dey.
Somebody will pollute the air while you're eating and if you complain they'll say "if you no wan see bad thing, close your eyes". "If you no wan hear gossip, close your ear". "If you no wan smell my mess, close your nose" lwkmd...
7... You ll learn how to Aersene Wenger money, food stuff, everything. For those of you who don't watch football, Arsene wenger means "manage" or better still, "economise". When I first gained admission, I was a big boy. I was eating GT foods anyhow, buying meat pie of 250 everyday with soft drinks to wash it down just for lunch. Na when one day hungry nearly make me use Ebelebo leaf (Umbrella fruit aka Almond) take cook soup na im i realise say boys gats adjust or na die .
Na for only hostel you go see where person dey use 50naira take cook soup with meat. Yes, with meat. Dont ask me how.
Do you know you can drink 2 tea-spoons of garri and be satisfied so far you have the patience to allow it rise to its full potential after soaking?
8... You ll learn that despite the fact that the hostel has its challenges,up & downs,its a once in a lifetime experience that teaches alot of invaluable life lessons that will no doubt come in handy in the nearest future. Plus you get to meet very interesting people and funny characters.

50 naira for league matches and 70naira for champions league but as a regular customer, i pay only 40 naira.

.

Prince4mic:
what of the flogging abi caning?

heard they flogs the groom to ascertain his level of tolerance and manliness

oboiii...who told you that lie

jojothaiv:
No, you want ma i break am down for you?

yes

10-15k monthly. ( including handouts fees)

You don't have to be a good boy to get a rice cake, The spiteful boy gets one more"


free 100naira airtime to anyone that guess the name of the movie were this quote came from

You don't have to be a good boy to get a rice cake, The spiteful boy gets one more" You don't have to be a good boy to get a rice cake, The spiteful boy gets one more"

muykem:
We are enjoying minimum of 12 hours light per day here in Bayelsa state. If you are still in darkness blame witches and wizards in your village.

12 hours only. We get at least 18-24hr ( sometimes 24hrs) light daily for the past 6mnths

Put super glue on it

lanrezy:
There are have being talks making rounds in many aspirants group that futa doesn't take further mathematics as a olevel subject combination.....how true is it?....in their brochure they stated any other science subject as 5th subject....

FMaths is not a compulsory science subject so i don't think that they will accept you.