₦airaland Forum

ThugOfWar:
If you do not extend a helping hand when you can that's entirely your decision. Society revolve around helping each other grow. There is absolutely nothing wrong seeking a helping hand to pass through a difficult phase

Its part of living

what if they Keep begging...and refuse to grow or get a Job?

Lekan239:
Same issue as mine. I gave her 2 million to start a foodstuff business in the market. For the first two months, I didn’t just provide money, I was involved. I helped her advertise, and whenever I wasn’t busy, I used my car to deliver goods to customers myself.
After two months, I stepped back and left the business fully in her hands.
Four months later, I added another 500,000 to support the business.
Nine months after she started, her shop was robbed and goods worth about 500,000 were stolen. Five days after the theft, I gave her another 500,000 to restock and recover.
One year later, when the shop rent expired, she asked me to pay for it. Despite the fact that I had already funded the business multiple times, I still paid the rent.
In January 2025, I gave her another 1 million to add to the business.
Then in April 2025, I visited her shop and noticed the goods were not encouraging. I asked her to calculate the total value of the goods remaining in the shop. After counting, she said everything in the shop was worth 900,000.
That was shocking to me, considering all the money that had gone into the business.
What hurt me even more is that she sometimes says I don’t give her money to run her business. She says if people who know me come to her shop, what would they see? As if I never supported her.
When she said that, I reminded her that I gave her 1 million in January 2025 alone. She completely denied it. She swore seriously that I never gave her that money. Even when I showed her the transfer receipt, she was still looking for excuses to deny it .
We have two children together. She is 35 years old, I am 31.
She is still in my house, but honestly, I have been thinking of how to move on.
In January 2026, she stopped going to the market completely without any clear explanation. I asked her many times why she stopped, but she kept saying “nothing.” From what I can see, it looks like the business has completely run down.. I though they said older women are better and will give you a man more peace financial. If so, then I wasn't lucky. I have also advised her several times to upgrade the tailoring she learned.
I even found someone for her to learn under, a family member, so it would be easier for her and less stressful. My idea was that she could go there casually, improve her skills, and not feel pressured.
But she refused. Anytime I bring it up, she says I want to disgrace her. She says if she goes to learn tailoring again, other workers will be looking at her. Meanwhile, my thinking was simple: if she has a solid skill, even 1 million would be enough to set up a decent tailoring shop for her, instead of constantly pumping money into a business. I'm just 31, I struggle before I make any penny, I'm into fashion business and thanks to God I am managing properly to feed the family. But right now, I feel confused, frustrated and honest tired.

What a touching Story...
So sad...

Its a very familiar one. They cant run Business, and they feel too Big to learn under anyone.
Even that Manipulation is one of their greatest tools. You will hear things like:
YOU DIDN'T SUPPORT ME OR GIVE ME ANY MONEY even when you show the Evidence
OR YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME TO FAIL.
OR ITS YOUR MOTHER THAT DOES NOT WANT MY PROGESS

They Enjoy the Idleness (they love to watch zee world and big brother nonsense).

It is Housewives that fight with neighbors after Gossip and cause commotion in the compound

Thank God you are Still Young and Money is very available if not the Frustration with have been in Multiple folds.
The Solution is to have Avoided a woman doing nothing (No regular, legit income not OS) before Marriage

Babawee:
I show my heart felt pity for the man involved... if he could hustle hard to save such amount and was squandered, its hurt..

Before setting business up for a lady, ensure u supervise her, she has record of all sales she makes in her everyday activities...

also dont put load on her like paying some bills, not all business will fetch money at the beginning.

But if u can handle that and she later squandered the money or sell out on credit to undeserved clients... she has herself to be blamed

how does she have herself to blame? she would have lost Nothing!
The man is the One that would have incured 100% loss

merry101:
If you establish a business for your wife and subsequently cease paying utility bills, assuming she should cover them from the venture, it indicates that you do not have the business's best interests at heart. A virtuous woman would naturally contribute if she is capable.

So you are Saying....

After Opening the Shop for her, the husband Should still be the one Paying the Shop Nepa bill and Yearly rent??
what will she be doing with the profit of the Business?

Zinsu06:
This is what am battling with currently but this is my girlfriend I save up to 8 million with her last year at the end of the year when I wanted to collect the money 700k can be accounted for and mind u I gave her over 300k last year and her birthday is this month she is still asking me if there is no a special treatment every year I do gave her family money during fasting she as been asking me about the fasting money since as if nothing even concern her

You are in very serious Trouble.
You better Wake Up!

owobokiri:
Days of starting a business with such amount are over.. 700k starts nothing.
What kind of business are you going to start with such paltry sum?
Instead of making people look dubious by giving them incosequential sums, do give anything at all

oh...you prefer him to first waste 2Million....
then he can be sure of the situation he is?

thomas2024:
I can never give my money to someone to start a business. I can only give the person money to support his or her business. I wonder why people dey marry person wey no get work keep for house. You no get business you are doing, or employed in any parastatal and you want me to marry you because of marriage? Many men are phoolish for real. You come dey give person wey no sabi value of money to start business😂

This is the Sad truth my bro.

TossTos:
Thank God say the one I gave money then , na small she spend inside before I asked her I just collected the remaining. If I must give a woman money to start a business, she must earn it and how will she earn it , it is by her zeal , how industrious she is , is she doing anything I can Invest on ? .. if she's not doing anything before we met , she must earn it by what comes out of her mouth most times, her kind of person , her will power .. you see , our elderly people dey say , na pikin wey lift hands up make them carry am , na im we dey Carry o .. if I eventually give her ,i must monitor her and still support her not because of her but because of my children.. after I collected the remaining money from this one , I still went as far to start buying her equipment for beauty salon , I bought them only to still have them full of dust now in one of my room wey i pack them put.. the person wey I buy them for , don dey her papa house .. You see , most of this ladies , has got nothing upstairs rather than TikTok status , Whatsap just crushing on their butt , their faces , hairs , shaking yansh and all of that rather than doing something tangible with their lives .. what didn't i told her to do , stylishly she ignored them and I remained silent over it and I stopped buying more equipment.. she only care of the make-up kit and that's because to paint her face for parties or dance in front of TikTok status, roll heads , admiring her face .. I tire... Them plenty o .. even if you gave them 50m , them go still squander am ... Make una sha look before bringing any lady in .. Because marriage no be small thing o .. we must help ourselves, our goals is to support , form a team and archive more of what one person can't but as we come together to be one , we should archive it .. but no.

Na wa o.. This is Touching....
With all the Support and Effort your Applied...

I think its Safer to look out for ladies already Earing Legit income before considering Marriage especially in this terrible Economy

Toymax88:
Similar thing happened to me and I have not fully recovered.

Mine was over a million naira

My wife would run back to her family house after she's squandered the business capital. She lacks business acumen.

She's presently in IBADAN with the children, I was really mad at her last time she repeated same.

I'm planning to reconcile with her because of the children BUT she must be ready to get START UP CAPITAL for herself. This didn't go down well with her, she wants me to secure a loan from a cooperative society for her again.


Nothing dey the head

You are on your Way to HBP.
if you are not careful!

You have not Even Recovered from the Last one.
You better Desist!

pocohantas:
My aunty is married to one. Sadly she isn't on NL. All she does is disturb me for money. There are many women married to such men.

Check Well, she was the one that foot the Marriage/ bills....
Anytime you see a Woman married to a Lazy man, just know she was the one that foot the marriage/bills and she aslo pushed the man into it (most time the man is not willing).

Why?

1.Peer pressure of having a husband
2. Conji
3. She is Desperate
4. She is getting old and getting close to Meno
5. The men she Truly admires don't want her back so she has to Manage the one she can find

MiamiePizza:
Make I help you because of God. No try this rubbish again o.

Get doxycycline, trimodazole (septrim 960mg) and erytromicine. Take one tablet each morning and evening. After the first day you won't feel anything again. Cures gonorrhea too.

Come back and quote me if it works for you and I'll comment here the herbal mix you can use for almost all infections. With 2k you can buy the things needed for it by yourself

Some people are Allergic to septrim and other Sulphur containing med o.
and the Reaction can be very Terrible o

DoctorAyukebot:
What have respiratory infections got to do with STI nor bros?

He meant UTI (urinary Tract Infection)

dam642694:
I'm in a relationship with a young lady . We broke up but reconcile after sometime. She traveled but I do vist her where she stay and made love like two times.

When she finally returned in December,I began smelling certain odour from her private part. After two weeks of being together I began seeing yellow discharge from my private part, no pain no swelling no scratches but it's coming out steady..

Please doctors is the house,or anyone that have heard such experience I need your help, I'm not proud of sleeping with a lady I have not officially married. Please help a brother. Which Medication should I go for pls

You didn't use a Condom?

Host78:
A whole lot of rűbbïsh you wrote there.

First off, successful women are single because they are successful.

They are single because like every woman out there, they want to "date up".

Let's imagine this, when a man is successful, he doesn't look for a girl that is "on his level" or "higher" than him to start a relationship with her.

He can go to a filling station and see a girl there and start dating her.

Ronaldo was very successful and would have gotten to date any high value actress or model from anywhere in the world.

But he at the same time is flexible enough to go to a clothing store and pick one of the sales girl there and date her.

Women lack this flexibility. No matter how successful a woman is, she still wants to date a man who is "more successful" than her.

She'll never go to the gutter to pick any kind of man, even the one that will worship the ground she walks on.

Now this severely limits her options. For a woman who has N10million in her account, she's looking for a man with almost N50-100million in liquid cash.

She's looking up and there are only such a few of such men in the dating pool. It's like saying I as a guy will only date a girl who is earning N5m per month.

There are only such few girls in this country. If I put that as my mindset, anyone wise person will know that I'm ready to be single for a long time or for life.

Now, to the second part of this equation, and this is the usual problem with these women which they don't admit to themselves: the very "more successful" men that they want don't usually want them. .

There are many successful actresses in Nigeria, but do you think someone as successful as Davido wants to date them for their success?

If I'm a man and I'm earning N10m a month on this country, why should I care what my woman is earning when I want to pick a wife?

I can comfortably take care of any woman I want. Emphasise here is on "the woman I want".

No man in history has ever listed "success" or a specific naira figure when they are looking for a wife.

To most men, all you hear is "she must be beautiful, respectful, love me, submissive, does not cheat and speak softly"

And if any man ever mentions that his wife must be hardworking, it is usually in the area of keeping his house clean.

The reason why success is never a criteria for men looking for wives is very simple: a successful woman always wants a more successful man who will still pay for everything

Take for instance, regardless of how successful these actresses are, Davido understands that "spending" in the relationship will still fall on him because he's higher than them.

So, here's a dilemma, these women are hugely successful, they have bigger appetites, they want him to impress them. What exactly does he gain in return from dating such "successful" women?

Absolutely nothing.

The success of a woman does not benefit the more successful man she wants in any meaningful way.

So why should he date her when he could find someone prettier, someone who will be more grateful for his love?

The only way a successful woman can ascertain if men are intimidated by her is her going into the village and pickin a lowlife man or an Okada man or a cab man or a salesman and changing his life.

Let her pick such a man up, brush him up and give him the world and treat him like a king just as Ronaldo or Davido is treating their "poor" spouses like they are queens.

But then this almost will never happen.

Look at someone like DJ cuppy, everyday there are men in her comment section who will marry her and treat her like a queen.

Look at tiwa savage there are men who will willingly be her 'house' husband.

But regardless of success and the money these women have, they still want a bigger fish.

Cuppy always following Anthony Joshua up and down.

Now is Anthony Joshua intimidated by DJ cuppy? Of course not.

He's just not interested because she has nothing to offer him. Not virginity, not youth, nothing.

So, single successful women are not single because men are intimidated by them. They are single because of 4 simple things:

1. They lack flexibility in that they don't want to date downward

2. The men that are higher than them, don't desire them

3. They don't really know what men want because they chase success and once they get success, they think they have higher marketplace values.

4. And so they raise their standards, meanwhile men who meet such standards, don't want them back.

And so, they are at the top, with high standards and no one to chase after them instead of them doing the chasing.

When they are supposed to chase after Okada men, pick such Okada men and turn them to "house" husbands that they can provide for, just as Ronaldo picked a salesgirl and turn her into a wife.

These successful women are still looking to be chased by men who are richer. It's a joke.

You have said it All.
100%

Dpsychologist:
This argument keeps trending because people keep missing the point.

Some say men are afraid of successful women.
Others say that’s rubbish and an excuse.

The truth sits uncomfortably in the middle, and that’s why nobody wants to stay there.

Let’s clear one thing first and like the tweet in the image below says: Modern men are not strangers to capable women. We were raised by working mothers, taught by female teachers, managed by female bosses, and went to school with ambitious girls. Female success is not a shock. It is normal life.

So no, success alone is not what scares most men.

But let’s not lie to ourselves either. Some men are intimidated by successful women. Not all men and not most men. But enough to make the conversation valid. If men can feel threatened by another man’s success, why should a woman’s success be magically different? Ego has no gender.

Now here is the part both sides tend to avoid talking about much.

What many men react to is not success, but what sometimes follows it. A change in attitude. Respect quietly leaving the room. Confidence crossing the line into contempt. Independence being used as an excuse to avoid accountability.

At the same time, number of women are actually exhausted. Tired of shrinking themselves. Tired of being told to be less loud, less confident, less visible. Tired of their confidence being labelled arrogance simply because it comes from a woman.

Both experiences are real.

The problem starts when people turn personal experiences into universal laws.
“All men are intimidated” is false.
“No man is intimidated” is also false.

The real issue is insecurity, poor emotional maturity, and lack of balance.

A secure man is not threatened by a woman’s growth. He is inspired by it.
A grounded woman does not use success as a weapon. She carries it with grace.

Confidence is not arrogance.
Independence is not disrespect.
Success is not superiority.

Marriage is not boxing. It is not power play. It is not a battle for who earns more or talks louder. It is partnership.

Ideal 'Equality' is not about using history as leverage. It is about shared standards today. Empowerment is not exemption from accountability. It is responsibility with power.

If your success makes someone uncomfortable, it might be their insecurity.
If your success turns you into someone difficult to live with, it might be your character.

Both things can be true at the same time.

Until we learn to talk about this honestly, without shouting “men” or “women” like war slogans, this debate will keep recycling itself.

Now, who is ready for that uncomfortable honesty?

But there is a popular saying:
When a Woman has Money, She needs no Man....

Do you know why ?

EmperorIsaac:
No man wants to marry a fellow man in the true sense of the word! Besides, who their money epp? Let them feed you for a month, and you'd see that they are not designed to be providers.

Spot on...
one month is too much.

have you ever work with a Lady Boss in the office?
you go see FIRE

Emu4life:
Baba! Focus on money wey you dey find.
Your Queen will come

this is an illusion....
Queen that came due to Money Gains...
Will leave due to Money issues...

helinues:
Attitude could be the issue

It's unfortunate that we pay more attention to others mistakes without even consciously aware of ours.

Most of the stingy people for example are not consciously aware they are stingy

It is better to be stingy...

Jamesvito:
You won't understand the stress you are saving yourself from.....in future you will understand

in as much as it is stressful....it unavoidable
The main purpose of life is to Survive and Reproduce.

so he has to be worried a bit

ppogba:
Shey you dey there when she dey choop the Mgbeke guy money?

Abi Angela tell you say she be mother Christmas?

Kukutente23:
Lol
Sex is a spontaneous biological act based on hormones not a mechanical act
I don't understand you guys sha. You mean you can't have morning sex with your wife?
Like you have to first wake her, tell her you'll like to have sex with her gracious permission of course and then she gives you go ahead before you get an erection?

if she says No, you go matub in the Bathroom
if this continues for months, the man should just outsource the task to service providers

Josen:
So can the concept of infidelity be erased as well?
If the wife cannot consent to sex, I think the man has the basic right as well to look elsewhere for his aim or the term "Marriage" needs to be redefine.

Exactly

lecowas:
This is just a normal thing even if it's not in the law, whenever someone lies with another person who is not "in the mood", something just doesn't feel right, cos both parties have to be actively involved.

No one should be forced to have coitus even if they are your spouse. What a lady decades ago still felt like rape even though physically stronger than her. No means No.

I get your point...
But let us be realistic....
if this goes on for months, what will be your take on the union?

Ironfaceman:
This most be the most disgusting read I've seen today.

Without sex there's no relationship, man got into marriage to fulfil a sacred order and sex is one of it.

It's in the vow for better or worst in sickness and in health.

If you most take permission to have sex with your wife, you might as well pay a woman money for sex.

Whereby the objectivity of sex has been fettered to reason.

with this , there is no need for the union.
i just hope the man is not paying all the bills...

that will be slavery...
paying bill for you and your room mate

3kay945:
You dont need to have them on your payroll. Just a call away is sufficient.
Then they charge accordingly to the case at hand.

It is just like artisans.

oh ok.
then its Easy to have one then...
or which part is the hard part?

ajalawole:
What smartphone dey cause. Small thing una go bring out phone to record. Well, his ancestors save him.

So you did not fall for the Story the relative told

EmpressTitan:
e pain you? Bitter ke? Even you no send your papa. Your mama bitter? I say as a society we are getting dia...shioor. Which woman you see as example through first hand experience. Oya, spill the tea...we nairalanders are reading and learning. That must be some experience and must be really hard on a little boy like you...awww( not me here trying to mimic a Dr Phil's facial expression). Yes oh, las las evey gender go mind their business ...

That's the future:
Yes oh, las las every gender go mind their business