₦airaland Forum

sweetgala:
Peoples interpretation of dressed well is very different these days. I know people who think ripped jeans and sagged trousers is dressing well

In keeping in with Nigeria's recently acquired status as a fundamentalist republic, I would like to suggest that female journalists be BANNED from so much as engaging in their profession, while the operating of cars and aircraft by females needs to be BANNED also, in order to hide away ALL individuals found guilty of belonging to the female persuasion. Similarly female doctors and nurses must be BANNED from working in medical facilities, where they might come into contact with lustful single men. Special religious police must be formed by the new government, for the purpose of beating the crap out of people on a purely random and whimsical basis, just because it is fun to do so.

As seen in other DISPLEENED fundamentalist jurisdictions like the Saudi Monarchy, Nigeria's women must be declared persons-non-gratae, who will only be permitted to venture outside their family homes under the close observation of a trusted family member authorized to carry a whip to maintain order during such highly regulated, chaperoned outings.

Finally, under the laws of the incoming CORRECTIVE regime, failure to grow a FULL Bin Laden beard by ALL men resident in Nigeria, should be punishable by prolonged public whipping sessions for first offenders, with more serious penalties for unrepentant repeat shavers of facial hair.

Sank you, pellow Kwantiri-Man. God bless Nongeriya.

ChimaAdeoye:
What a shame.
The mole flying that helicopter didn't even take a single shot at the terrorists! Tomorrow, they will call themselves "soldiers" defending Nigeria. It is only God that has continued to save Nigeria from Boko haram and their accomplices in our armed forces.

They video the herding phase of the operation and you are not happy, but I know why. You want to see muffukus gettin' blowed the ffuck up, but that might have to wait until the herding is complete and the innocent separated out. Personally I like to see the herding process, since I am a cowboy at heart ha ha, compete with a ten-gallon Stetson hat, doncha know.

theimmie:
An officer involved in the operation, who requested not to
be named, said the essence of the operation was not to
kill everybody in sight
[size=14pt]
“The Air Force pilots deployed their skills in herding both
terrorists and their captives in different directions so that
those conscripted and abducted were guided to safety
zone while the armed terrorists met their waterloo,” the
officer said.[/size]

Source: http://www.channelstv.com/2015/05/03/military-releases-videos-of-assault-on-boko-haram-in-sambisa-forest/

Ha ha HERDING the terrorists with helicopter gunships. I love the imagery, because it brings to mind the skill of an English Sheep dog, which can be trained to separate specific members of the sheep herd that he controls.

The big difference of course is that the herding of terrorists with a helicopter is much more entertaining to watch than the herding of sheep by dogs, though it may not be such a thrill for those actually being herded together for the cull by strafing ha ha ha.

With so many pictures published that show the desert terrain where the Boko Haram war is now winding down, it is easy to forget that many key skirmishes of the war were carried out aboard speedboats racing across the expansive waters of Lake Chad, engaging similarly armed enemy forces deployed in water craft, and also holed up in ambush fortifications located on remote islands overgrown with water reeds.

The Boko Haram war has indeed been a multidimensional conflict waged on the ground, on the water, and in the sky, where recently acquired federal helicopter gunships are FINALLY lending much needed air-support for ground troops now moving into the mopping-up phases of a war that nearly got out of hand for a while there.

Good job Bidexxi, of bringing these historic shots to the forum for us to see.

It will not be surprising to witness the introduction of Saudi Arabia-style Sharia police on the streets of cities and towns throughout the Nigerian federation, once former military tyrant Buhari begins his RULE over the hapless country, and his true fundamentalist agenda begins to unfold in practical terms that may well be enforced by battle-ready soldiers empowered to arrest or "neutralize" those deemed to be "offenders" in any arbitrary respect.

The home-owner who sold his trusted guard-dog in order to afford the purchase of a guard baboon will surely regret that decision, in much the same way as those who voted for "change" in Nigeria's most recent presidential "selection", will most likely wish they hadn't done so, when they start to experience that "change" first hand, and possibly at gun point.

Damn man, you look EXACTLY like Will I Am of the Black Eyed Peas fame. Check out the photos of you and him.

If I were in your shoes I would score so much puszy with those looks, it wouldn't be funny.

To drive European and North American women wild with carnal desire, Nigerian men have the option of speaking with correct Broken English while ministering to comely young wenches in the God-given way.


Chai ! Baby ! This ya toto sweet no be small ting ! An den come and see how as ya big full beam tanda dey look up, dey shake jigbi-jigbi.


This one too much o. Kai ! Thank you. I like how as you direct am enter, culeeeee !


See as the ting dey grip my blokos, like for where iron trap hold big meat !


Kai ! Diariz God. I am telling you like this.


Abeg stay well, witi dis ya so-so dance wey you dey take yansh dance, make I face how I go Shine this Congo witi Naija method.


Wonderment. As the ting face be like fresh Congo-Meat, na so inside am dey draw like Congo-Meat.


Haba ! Today na today. Come o, you too dey shout, now. I begi no let dem tink say na bad ting dey happen here for dis night.


Oya, make we change position. Kaiiiiii ! Oh yes. Na so. Na so.


(To be continued..)

The Boko Haram terror gang is merely the armed wing of northern Nigeria's Born-to-Rule network, whose abiding duty is to ensure that anarchy reigns whenever a NON-northern president is voted into office. The agenda of making Nigeria "ungovernable" during the regime of Jonathan Goodluck has been implemented with great success, with the result that Jonathan Goodluck has been sent packing from office.

Now that Buhari, the point-man of the Born-to-Rule folks, has been rigged into power as president, using "creative accounting" of Nigeria's voting population figures, the contract assigned to the Boko Haram terror gang has been fulfilled and completed, ensuring once again that those all-important oil drilling leases are renewed ONLY for select members of the northern Nigerian crude oil mafia in 2016, when the leases for the old drilling rights are due to expire.

With the oil fields again under exclusively norther Nigerian control, generous servings of petroleum export income will be allocated to the leadership of the Boko Haram terror gang, thus essentially keeping them on a permanent "retainer", where their foot soldiers can be re-armed and called into action the instant any southern Nigerian president is again voted into office.

Simultaneously, the justified compenasation paid by the Johathan Goodluck administration to the Niger Delta communities will be stopped the instant Buhari commences his RULE, since the Niger Delta inhabitants will be expected to assume the role of docile conquered and colonized economic slaves, whose interests must take back seat to those of the Boko Haram terror gang so loved by the northern Nigerian crude oil diverting cartel.

This is in essence the "Change" promised to Nigeria. Love it or leave it, y'all.

Fake Pastor V. D Jaguda is a notorious weed smoker himself, so he has NO business trying to cure anyone else of a smoking habit.

What's the deal with the terrorist flag ?

You started out making a good case for the legalization of weed, but then you went clear out to left field and declared your love for the most sadistic terror group ever to plague this planet.

If you are indeed serious in your endorsement of the ISIS terror gang, rest assured that you and your kind will be clinically removed from mortal existence by the forces of good, comprising SANE Muslim fighters, waging war alongside a GLOBAL coalition drawn from ALL other faiths who side with the fundamental good that is vital for the survival of the human race.

If smoking weed makes you support these terrible sub-humans that seek to disguise their purely demonic agenda as a religious movement, then I can state right now that weed is CLEARLY not for you sir, because rather than make you a mellow and easy-going stoner, weed has scrambled your already defective grey matter, and rendered you a clear and present danger to the civilized world.

Sir, my honest advice to you is that you stay sober, avoiding all drugs and alcohol for the rest of your existence, lest it become necessary to cull you along with other members of the death-cult that you worship, as evidenced by the above very bizarre post.

stevecantrell:
I hope you're not the type that ask the Dr. out on a date after 'inspection' 'cos I'm beginning to think you're one those who enjoy visiting the clinic a little too much..

Oya, fine girl, please this question answer in time, make I know whether I go take style go enroll for medical school next week.

EggovinMma:
The problem isn't about the pic, I can as well make a video[b], IF I AM ALLOWED![/b]

Chai ! Diariz God. See wahala now. My trouser no come size me again this evening. E get as e be.

EggovinMma:
For real.
But I ain't ugly
Got my p dissect before by male lab scientists, prefer them anyway. More real and full of knowledge! I remembered one screamed as I took my catapult out to get inspected. Got the idea of change of pants every 4-6 months, stop the spread of it indoors or ironing first if i must do that from males.



I think I omitted why he screamed. .My hairs were completely scrapped! .The guy vexed.Gave me lots of reason not to scrape bur cut.I don't think there should be pride in finding out about one's intimate health. I think I love the drama on the contrary!

Are we talking landing strip here ? Anyway, pictures please, or it didn't happen.

EggovinMma:
Politics? Thought it was the xxxx section.
This Ibrahim guy sef, una too like bumper to bumper!
Don't know why they hate condoms? Is it unislamic?

Evidently there is NO condom currently on the market that can accommodate our brothers from the north, so they either use huge goat skins, or do without, according to reports.

stevecantrell:
I and the babe were just platonic. I don't test drive before handing over to my friends, like most naija guys do..

Na Papa God save you, say you no go mistake do test drive for that one.

stevecantrell:
Hmm ! You have a point.
But I was really embarrassed one time. I played match-maker and hooked 2 friends up.

After about a month of abstinence in the relationship, the guy calls me up early in the morning screaming that his d!ck is on fire and I AM the cause for introducing the babe to him.

[size=14pt]Ha ha ha ha ha Lord have mercy MA DIKK IS ON FAYA ! ! And it is ALL the doctor's fault. Why you no help ya friend check am first ? [/size]

When dem take vex sue you to court, the matter nogo funny again. Matter of fact, from now henceforth, I MUST inspect ALL poon-tang CLOSELY, with magnifying glass and torchlight, BEFORE I even collect the woman phone number. Nonsense.

[size=14pt] How soon can we expect to see some beaver shots of the new divas ? [/size]

ozoigbondu:
Move this to romance section there you will get proffessional advise

Sorry, it is too late for a transfer to Romance or Sex forums, since seasoned political commentators have arrived, and they do not want CHANGE.

stevecantrell:
I've treated several cases, in both men and women. Imagine a polished and beautiful lady in Italian designer clothes treating Chlamydia for 5 years by self-medicating with Diflucan.

What do you think the HSG of such a uterus would look like ?
What do you think would happen to a guy 48hrs after having unprotected sex with her ?

That is some scary chit. I guess the moral of that cautionary tale is to watch out for the fine mama in designer clothes, who walks funny.


Good to see a doctor in the house, but what Nairaland needs even more is a clinical psychiatrist to at least try and cure all the looneys running rampant in the politics section, before they can infect others.

stevecantrell:
Some of the 'weaponized' grades of Chlamydia and 'toilet disease' that some of these naija girls carry can make a wish he had HIV.

Can we assume that our man Steve is relating personal experience as a survivor here ?

I am feverishly taking notes, to ensure that I avoid this terrible fate, at all costs.

Dannyset:
Shoro niyen?
U had sex, 4 times, 4 occasions, no symptoms! So?
U want some thing to happen to u ni abi what are u trying to say gan? Oga this is politics section. U can go to the sections where all these una trash is allowed.
NOTE: don't risk ur like! No duplicate.

Please allow the man to finish his report, because when he does you too will accept that sex IS politics and politics IS sex.

Here is how it works. A bunch of rich people pay cash to a bunch of other rich people, for the privilege of having an election rigged in their favor, whereupon the declared "election winner" will be free to loot the treasury and basically phuck everybody in the entire nation for a period of four years, at a bare minimum, after which the entire process is repeated.

Thank you for your thoughtful question, and please feel free to ask more later.

Not to worry, I have sent several vulture and snake heads to the Voodoo man, with which he will cast a spell to facilitate his miraculous escape from custody, and subsequent tele-portation to the comparative safety of African shores.

sinkhole:
Am I still in politics section? Why do we have many if this type of topics here lately?

You have crossed an invisible portal into the Twilight Zone, but you must not panic or try to escape. lest your face will begin to melt, even as you look on in horror.

ibrahimdoc:
Yes, I am looking for a wife, but I am not in the country now and would like to marry from Nigeria, but I want to ask you..How long does it take for symptoms to start to manifest upon exposure?

To prevent infection, even after unprotected sex, you must seek carnal knowledge from a brown and white colored female African Pygmy Goat on the night of the next full moon. If you fail to take this timely precaution, you will most likely begin to manifest symptoms of full blown AIDS, and industrial strength herpes, in a few short weeks from now. Act with immediate effect and alacrity.

Boko Hari it is indeed a pleasure reading your submissions to this forum, despite the fact that you obviously bade farewell to sanity a long time ago.

Where most posters quickly resort to petty personal insults when they encounter contrary opinions, you remain unfailingly courteous, which is such a refreshing change from the usual back and forth screeching that goes on in this forum.


Anyway, returning to the present, what do you propose that we do about the menace of Whitey ? In my opinion, our illustrious leader Boko Hari should give some serious thought to the idea of launching an invasion to conquer the British Empire like Big Daddy Idi Amin did back in the day, so that we can then proceed to colonize the whole of Europe and North America, capturing all of Whitey's sexiest women we can find along the way, for transport aboard slave ships to Africa, where they will cater to our every whim as their new masters.

GenBuhari:
Can I say you say God bless General Buhari ?

God bless Born To Rule.

God bless who dey for PAWA.

God Bless Boko Hari, and no let am die for office like Yar Adua.

Oya Shout AMEN !

God funish Whitey for making your life so miserable. Yowaaa !

spenca:
Thanks brother, they can only be like me they can't be me . Cheers

Kai, stop playing with yourself. Commot your hand there at once, I command you.

GenBuhari:
God bless our president elect

Yowaa. Born to Rule until the year 5000 AD, and lest I forget, let us again Blame Whitey for the delay in the Born-To-Rule era that will now last forever.

Beamborla:
I hope you wouldn't be angry if anyone tries to sneak into your house through the window.

I'm not white and I do not my life is worthless compared to theirs that is why I do not put myself at their mercy. It's time we stopped playing the victim

But but in order to blame Whitey for all that is wrong with the world, we MUST assume the role of the helpless, terminally bitter career victim.

Please, just leave General Boko and we his loyal followers to wallow in self pity, abandon all efforts to better ourselves, and just BLAME WHITEY for all sins both real and imaginary.

Thank you for your cooperation ha ha.

GenBuhari:
How are you coping?

I wasn't sure you would have been able to handle the fact that His Excellency General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd) is now your president elect.

The entertainment is non-stop, and for this I thank you good sir. Please alert us to any more plots by Whitey to kill blacks. Obviously Whitey's plan to erase the black race with Ebola has failed, thanks to you, so pray tell what other plans should we be aware of, since we can now devote all our mental energy to accusing Whitey, as it should be ha ha.

[size=14pt]Gen Boko Hari blaming the White Man for all the world's ills since 1942.

Keep it up, man, ha ha ha. Any more news on the plot by Whitey to kill your namesake mentor ? [/size]

Oh yes, more delightful antics by our ambassadors of peace.