₦airaland Forum

KANO, NIGERIA - In more recent developments, news reaching newsjunk has is that the gorilla kept in the kano zoo has vehemently denied claims of swallowing Seven million naira (₦7,000,000).

According to reports reaching us at Newsjunk HQ, the gorilla admitted to taking the money but claims that the money is nowhere near the amount being reported in the media. The Kano state police command have confirmed the Gorilla's denial through their PRO who told us this:

"when we bring our animal interpreter come, he ask the the gorilla say na true u swallow 7m and the two of them they talk. The gorilla tell am say he no take up to that amount, say he even count m sef, but if e go guess, e go be like 4 or 5 million, as the money no too heavy am for belle".

The Police are still investigating the matter, as at press time. More on this in subsequent bulletins

LAGOS, NIGERIA – A Visibly distraught Naira Marley was today arraigned by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) before Justice Nicholas Oweibo of a Fed High Court in Ikoyi, Lagos on 11 counts of Advance Fee Fraud.
Only problem was, his lawyer was absent during proceedings.
It was gathered that Naira Marley was left to stand in the dock and answer his charges himself, looking subdued, with his mother in the crowd weeping, as his lawyer was nowhere to be found. Hours after the court was adjourned with Naira Marley remanded in Prison Custody till May 30, 2019 when his bail hearing come up.
It was almost 3 hours after court adjourned that his lawyer was seen rushing into the court premises, looking disheveled and soaked. Upon further investigation, our correspondent gathered that the Lawyer missed his court date because apparently, he was up all night, not working on the case, but catching the final episode of the Popular TV Show Game of Thrones.
“I am so sorry. This is a disaster” he told our correspondent “I had been up all-night watching game of thrones, and then when I got on the road this morning the heavy rains and attendant traffic nightmare worsened my predicament. I would like to apologize to my client. We will fix this”.
It is still unclear if Naira Marley will continue with this lawyer or have him fired, after today’s unfortunate event. More on this...https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/naira-marleys-lawyer-explains-why-he-missed-clients-court-date-see-why/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – As Naira Marley’s predicament continues to drag on, his record label would be forgiven if they decided to cut their losses and move on from the saga and its attendant bad press.

However, there seems to be a silver lining in the dark cloud, as the arrest and detention of Naira Marley and his cohorts gave birth to a massive rise in fame of one of the said cohorts: GUCCY BRANCH.

Social Media has been agog with memes of the hilarious looking “friend” of naira marley and his funny Instagram captions, and the enigmatic Guccy has become an overnight sensation. The memes have been so widespread, it has been the number 1 trend on Twitter for 3 days running. Social Media trackers say his popularity has risen by 300% across all platforms, and the Naira Marley’s label is said to have been paying attention.



Sources close to the label boss told us that the label are already making stealthy moves to get Guccy in the studio immediately after his release, to make a song about his ordeal in the hands of the EFCC. “The Plan is to strike while the iron is white hot” our source said.

“The label have recognized that while this Marley saga may end up being drawn out, we already have a new star on our hands in Guccy Branch. It doesn’t matter if he can’t spell or write his own songs. They’ll get him a Ghost writer. Or at worst, he’ll be like Lary Gaaga, just be in the videos, and allow others do the singing”.

Our source also tells us the label is preparing a whopping N200million naira, 5 album contract for Guccy. More on this in subsequent bulletins.https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/label-to-drop-naira-marley-replace-him-with-guccy-branch/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – The Economic and financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) have announced in the wake of the recent arrest of artistes Naira Marley and Zlatan Ibile, that they have more musicians penciled down for arrest and questioning in the coming weeks. Speaking to correspondents at a press briefing today, EFCC Head Honcho, Ibrahim Magu, stated that the arrested artistes along with their accomplices offered vital information during their interrogation that will result in more arrests of Nigerian Music Stars.
This might be troubling news for the entertainment industry, which has thus far borne the brunt of EFCC clampdowns on internet fraud, including raids on Night Clubs, Bars and now Artiste Arrests. An anonymous source intimated our offices that Naira Marley helped the EFCC compile a list of artistes to be arrested, and shockingly, the list includes big name stars like see full list >> https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/we-are-coming-for-more-artistes-efcc-see-list/

BREAKING: there are reports reaching newsjunk that zanku crooner, Zlatan Ibile was intercepted in the last hour at the Murtala Mohammed Airport in lagos, and arrested on charges yet unknown.

This comes hours after naira marley was arrested by EFFC. According to reports he booked a flight to ghana cool off, not to run away from the EFFC.

He is currently in tango city at the airport to answer few questions like the meaning of kapaichumarimarichopaco and othe things. Other sources say he became a person of interest when Naira Marley decided to use his one phone call to contact him, instead of a lawyer
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/breaking-zlatan-ibile-arrested-at-lagos-airport/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – controversial Lagos artiste, Naira Marley has placed the blame for his recent arrest by men of the EFCC on the shoulders of Ruggedman.
It will be recalled that prior to his arrest, Ruggedman had been all over traditional and social media, calling out Naira Marley over his comments on internet fraud, popularly known as Yahoo Yahoo.
We caught up with Marley at EFCC HQ just wrote he went in for questioning, and he didn’t mince words as he went on a verbal tirade about Ruggedman.

“Your plan don work abi? These old guys no wan let young blood like us to prosper. I know say na him go give EFCC info. Wetin I do?? I am innocent. I’M I A YAHOO BOY? I’M I? I’M AM NOT!”

He blamed Ruggedman ..continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/ruggedman-behind-my-arrest-naira-marley/

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND – Liverpool manager, Jürgen Klopp, allowed his excitement after his team’s unbelievable comeback victory against Barcelona get the better of him when he went on an explosive, expletive filled rant praising his players and mocking Barcelona and Lionel Messi.

This came minutes after the final whistle was blown to end the enthralling contest that saw Liverpool outmuscle Football Giants Barcelona and their star man 4-3 on aggregate. The elated Klopp grabbed the microphone from a SkySports interviewer and went on a crazy rant. We must warn you, the rant contains a LOT of cursing. Klopp said;

“The boys are f**ing giants! I don’t care, fine me if you want to. Matter of fact, I’ve got more to say. LOOK AT THE F*ING BALLS ON MY BOYS! F*ING MASSIVE! No Mo, No Bobby, and we still f*ing did ti! I hope you’re keeping count of my f*ing f bombs, this is going to be one hell of a fine! MESSI THOUGHT HE COULD COME TO MY YARD CHATTING ST? The F*ing Midget ct! Never compare him to our Mo! Never compare him to f*ing Cristiano Ronaldo! Never Compare Cristiano Ronaldo to that f*ing Number 10 at Barcelona! F*ing Cristiano has balls! 3 Champions Leagues in a row! That’s Greatness! Fk Sergio Ramos though! And F* Lionel Messi! He’s a f*ing bottler! Not a shred of greatness in him! He’ll f*ing walk alone tonight! UP THE F**ING REDS!”..continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/never-compare-ronaldo-to-that-number-10-at-barcelona-jurgen-klopp/

LAGOS, NIGERIA - In the hot sun of Lagos this morning, two of Nigeria’s bigger Music stars decided to add their bit to the ongoing social media Celebrity madness.

Earlier today DMW artist, Mayorkun had taken to Instagram to celebrate 70 million streams on his debut album across all platforms, but Burna Boy was not having any of it.



Burna went on a rant, claiming that streaming numbers did not make one a talented artist, citing that “even baby shark got streams too”. Many observers saw this as an indirect shot at Mayorkun, and it apparently did not sit well with the “Che Che” crooner, who immediately took to twitter to respond. "no because of Kanye west you blow" a tweet which he deleted about 5 minutes later...continue reading to see tweet
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/you-only-blew-because-of-kanye-west-mayorkun-lashes-back-at-burna-boy-see-tweet/

ABUJA, NIGERIA – President Buhari has followed up on his “joke” about the Inspector General losing weight meaning he is working hard by adding that, losing weight is a sign of economic progress. It turns out it was not a joke at all. He was very serious.

“I mean look at me. I am the skinniest person you will ever meet” the president said. “Yet it is a well-known fact that I am one of the hardest working persons in the country”.

At this point in the conversation someone in the room coughed loudly, which the president ignored.

“The more weight Nigerians lose, the more it reflects better in international circles about how hardworking we are as a people. Look at the Inspector General. He has lost so much weight, and you can see that the number of killings in the North have reduced by almost 50%”
At this point the president was interrupted again by an adviser who whispered that the killings have actually doubled. Mr. President told him to shut up and fired him on the spot because he seemed to have added a few kilograms since the President last saw him (before he left for London).

“See that?” he continued to our Newsjunk correspondent “That young man had the guts to add weight. Shows he’s not working hard enough. Cannot have that kind of negativity in my government”.

Our stunned correspondent spent the entire interview with his belly sucked in, so as not to give Mr. President the impression that he was a non-hardworking Nigerian.

Full transcript of interview to come in subsequent bulletins

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/losing-weight-is-a-sign-of-hard-work-and-therefore-economic-progress-president-buhari/

ABUJA, NIGERIA - In the wake of several organized marches around the country, protesting the recent spates of raids and arrests of women going about their business in Abuja, a lot of questions have been asked to ascertain the motive behind the arrests.

Attempts to get insight from official PR Channels of the Nigerian Police force had proved futile until Monday morning when the Newsjunk Editorial desk received an anonymous tip from am insider from Louis Edet House, who claims to be a part of the hit squad that have been patrolling the streets of Abuja at night, raiding clubs and arresting women.

"It's a joint venture with the AEPB and top people in government" our anonymous tip said over the phone "there's a reason we are arresting only women. You know Ramadan is here, abi? Some big big men in government were worried these women at night clubs will cause distractions and disrupt their fasts, so they asked us to arrests. Some of the policemen became power drunk though, and resorted to raping the victims for their release. I don't know if that was ever part of the original plan", he continued with a non remorseful tone.

However it gets worse, because our source says it won't end there. "Ah. You think we're stopping at night clubs? Haha no ooo. From next week, we will be barging into people's houses at night, and if we see any woman in night wear, na station o. You know they can cause distractions from their bedrooms? What if their window is close to our ogas houses? That is distraction nah".

In essence, our source says for this Period, No Woman in Abuja is safe, unless "they wear hijab 24 hours a day, "be you Christian or Muslim".

More on this in subsequent bulletins.
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/we-are-arresting-women-because-theyll-be-distractions-during-ramadan-police-source/

OS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA- US rapper Joyner Lucas has today dropped a fire new single that has taken the internet by storm. The single titled "Devil's Work" is loaded with lyrics from Joyner questioning God's love to to asking God to exchange dead people for the living.
One of the lyrics that struck a chord with his Nigerian fans was when he said "dear God Give them Sam Loco back, take Buhari" in the same breath as he said "give us malcom x back and take r-kelly".

As expected, these lyrics have not sat well with the Presidency of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. President Buhari, who is currently in London to pick up his inauguration outfit from his tailor, has said he considers the lyrics to be a threat, one he will be taking seriously.
Newsjunk caught up with Lucas this morning in L.A to better understand why he spoke about the Nigerian president in his song, seeing as he is neither Nigerian or has family residing in Nigeria.
He said, "I've got Nigerian brothers here in the states and all they do is complain about the country bro. And yeah growing up I used to watch a lot sam loco movies haha that nigga was funny as f***. he made everyone laugh. My moms used to love that dude bro. She actually shed tears when he died."
"Yeah I got a lil' (sic) African heritage" he added. "And I was on ancestry.com like last week, guess what? Nigerian heritage baby. So of course they pain is my pain".

Before we could ask him which jollof was better between Nigerian and Ghanaian his bodyguards surrounded him, cutting the interview short...https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/give-them-sam-loco-efe-back-take-president-buhari-joyner-lucas-in-devils-work/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – The ongoing saga between Nollywood actress Tonto Dike and her estranged husband Olakunle Churchill, sunk to newer lows today after the embittered ex husband came out all guns blazing in response to Tonto’s tell-all interview which hit media platforms over the weekend.

It also appears Churchill is blaming everything – from lying about being a son of Obasanjo, to being a cyber criminal/ritualist and most importantly, suffering from premature ejaculation – on Tonto’s brief foray into music.

The embattled ex told newsjunk correspondents that the “Poko “crooner and former D’banj signee would insist on playing her tracks before sex, during sex, after sex, in the showers, whenever she was in the kitchen; basically every hour of the day.

“She played it ALL the time. Have you listened to it? No seriously, have you? It’s an abomination!” Mr. Churchill said, amidst tears.

“I’d hear it and my member would go totally numb. Like ABSOLUTELY continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/tonto-vs-churchill-her-music-made-me-a-one-minute-man/

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM – Our correspondent was dealt quite the pleasant surprise when he ran into President Muhammadu Buhari and his entourage taking a leisurely walk around London this morning. Smelling an opportunity, our correspondent quickly identified himself as a Nigerian to a visibly joyous Mr. President, who looked healthy and fit as he strode down Grosvenor Crescent.

President Buhari was quick to debunk the claims that he was in London for Medical reasons when the question was brought up by our correspondent. His reply was simple: He was a man, a hard-working man like every other Nigerian, and he deserved a break.

“Maybe you can call it a Medical break, because rest is therapy, right?” he said, ..continue reading
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/im-in-london-to-pick-up-some-pizza-and-my-inauguration-clothes-president-buhari/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – I reports reaching newsjunk are anything to go by, then it appears Pornography website Pornhub has offered an undisclosed but substantial amount of money to Nigerian top video director Clarence Peters to exclusively shoot some videos for the website.

This news breaks just days after the ace videographer was accused by Lagos Socialite and Club owner, Pretty Mike, of taking advantage of video vixens and allegedly indulging in a party with two popular video vixens, with the promise of gigs. It is also not lost on many observers that Pornhub recently offered Etinosa a deal for exclusive content as part of the company’s plan to “penetrate the African market”.

A senior representative of Pornhub on African Markets told us "as soon as we heard of the allegations on the Instagram Page of one PrettyMike fella, we knew Clarence was the right man for the job. We’ve seen his works in music videos. We can’t wait to see the magic he does in our porn scenes. This is quite frankly a fantastic opportunity for both Pornhub and Mr. Clarence.

Clarence Peters however is currently at a crossroads, as he’s both elated about the purportedly multi-million-dollar deal, but can’t celebrate out loud as the reason he got the gig in the first place could get him in a world of trouble. There have been no comments from his camp at this time
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/clarence-peters-bags-exclusive-pornhub-deal-to-direct-party-videos/

ABUJA, NIGERIA – It appears there is no giving up the fight for the Presidential Candidate of the People’s Democratic Party at the last elections, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, who said he would keep going, either in court or on the campaign trail, even until he turns 100 years old.
The former Vice President said this in a statement to our correspondents on Sunday signed by his Special Assistant on Youth and Support Groups Ambassador Aliyu Bin Abbas.

Atiku assured millions of his supporters in the last elections, that victory was sure, and that he would not relent in his fight to reclaim his mandate, even at the risk of a prolonged battle in the state well into his eighties and nineties.

He titled the statement, ‘A MESSAGE OF HOPE TO THE OVER 18 MILLION ATIKULATED FAMILY MEMBERS.’

“Like never before in the history of presidential election petition in Nigeria, the plethora, overwhelming, watertight and barefaced evidences at the disposal of Alhaji Atiku Abubakar and the PDP has put us on a track to glory,” he said.

He appreciated the efforts, doggedness and determination of his supporters to bring about a new Nigeria where businesses and investment will thrive, when he reclaims his mandate at the tribunals.

He added, , “It is just the believe and confidence you had thatmade many of you to travel far and wide, even twice for some, risking everything to cast your votes for his Excellency Alhaji Atiku Abubakar/Peter Obi.

“Some of you may have never voted before, but because you believed in #TheAtikuPlan and you wanted a new Nigeria to be birth by Wazirin Adamawa and Peter Obi, you chose to endure all the stress, including those of collecting PVC and ..continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/i-will-nigerian-president-even-if-i-turn-100-years-old-atiku/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – There was mild unrest at the Victoria Island offices of DSTV yesterday, as a group of protesters descended upon the premises demanding better deals on DsTV bouquets.

The protesters, wielding placards with various messages were, among other things, demanding Champions League games on DsTV’s family package and more movie/TV show channels on the DsTV compact package. It will be noted that these have been issues that have continued to cause friction between DsTV and it’s customers for years.

The protesters received the shock of their lives however, when a rep came out to meet them, acceding to all their demands, and announcing that as early as next week, #AvengersEndgame would be showing on it’s movie channels.

The shocked protesters who could scarcely believe their ears were left dumbfounded. The movie, which isn’t up to a week at the box office, and possibly one of the biggest ever made, will allegedly be made available to to Compact, Compact Plus and Premium subscribers, on Zee World.

It was unclear at press time if the movie would be an English version or a Hindi dub, but the protesters left happy, regardless

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/avengersendame-will-be-showing-on-dstv-within-the-week-rep/



see more satire content on https://www.newsjunk.com.ng

Nollywood actress Regina Daniel has some interesting news for fans.

In a recent interview with Newsjunk, the teen star opened up to address the rumors and controversy surrounding her recent rise to fame and fortune.

“I was getting tired of the peanuts I was receiving from Nollywood movies,” she said. “I wanted to be as rich as Genevieve and Omotola so that I can buy Benz and Bugatti. So I took matters into my hand.”

“I went to one Baba like that in the village and told him I wanted. He said no problem, that I should bring one of my favorite pants. I was very eager to be rich and famous, so I brought 12 pants for him.”

“Now I’m so rich I can afford to buy 3 Benz in.....https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/i-used-my-own-pant-for-ritual-regina-daniels-opens-up-on-how-she-recently-got-so-rich/




see more satire content on https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/

IKEJA, NIGERIA – President Muhammadu Buhari was clearly unhappy with what he termed “an unnecessary trip down to Lagos to unveil the same projects all over again”, as he made his way out of the Presidential Wing of the Murtala Muhammed Airport, Lagos at 10.32 a.m. on Wednesday amid tight security.

The visibly irritated President was said to have become incensed when he was told that some of the projects which he had made the trip down to Lagos to commission, were the Same projects he had commissioned the last time he had been to Lagos. He was also upset a majority of the projects were barely 60% complete. At some point he was seen talking sternly to a shaken Governor Ambode, repeatedly asking him “Ambode, why exactly am I here?”

Speaking to our correspondent shortly..continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/ambode-why-exactly-am-i-here-president-buhari-reacts-angrily-during-presidential-visit/

see more satire content on https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – In a bid to take the heat off himself in the wake of his absolutely stupid comments regarding Internet Fraud (Yahoo Yahoo, Wire Wire, Chache, etc) and the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, Lagos-based musical artiste Naira Marley has offered explanations as to why he made the statement.

However, in the process of explaining his stance, he committed an even bigger gaffe, when he claimed the Trans-Atlantic slave trade ended in 1998, through the valiant efforts of none other than Mungo Park.

Speaking to our very bewildered correspondent yesterday, the dreadlocked musician claimed that Yahoo Yahoo was;
“payback for the crimes committed against us during the slave trade. A trade in human beings that lasted for 500 years between 1800 and 1998! We must do our own back for another 500 years before we can say we are equal, understand me?”

When our correspondent prodded how much longer Yahoo Yahoo would have to continue to even out the “Five Hundred Years” of slave trade, the absolute nonce simply replied “maybe in 15 to 20 years’ time”.

He however assured our correspondent that he was not into Internet Fraud, despite the fact that he supported it, or rather, saw nothing wrong with it. He also used the opportunity call out Rugged man for calling him out, saying;
“You are using big grammar to try to correct me
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/yahoo-is-payback-for-slavery-says-naira-marley-who-also-believes-slave-trade-ended-in-1998/

IKEJA, LAGOS - The recent traffic gridlock around the Lekki-Ikoyi toll bridge has become cause for concern for the incoming Governor of Lagos state, Babajide Sanwo-Olu, who has made tackling the traffic conundrum his paramount responsibility.
He has therefore ordered that the toll on the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge be increased to 2000 Naira, to discourage more users from using the bridge.
"If the traffic doesn't reduce, we increase the toll by 500. Someway, Somehow, we will solve this problem", the incoming Governor said.

Many (mostly APC chieftains) have hailed the move as revolutionary move from a radically brilliant leader, while many (mostly sane, right minded individuals and PDP supporters) have condemned the move as classist and elitist.

"Who the f*** is going to pay that toll?!" Said Dele Jones, a Lekki resident. "not all of us here are children or politicians living off stolen wealth! Some of us are Yahoo boys living off stolen wealth! And we all know this is off-season" he said.

Government spokesmen could not be reached for comments at press time https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/lagos-traffic-sanwo-olu-to-increase-lekki-ikoyi-toll-to-n2000/


see more satire content on https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – The story of Lizzy, a drug addict, has captured the imagination of Nigerians on Social Media, leading to debates and conversations about the rate of drug abuse in the nation.

This has caused Vivian Fowler Memorial College, one of the schools Lizzy claims to have attended, to quickly issue a statement distancing themselves from the young lady.

According to an insider source, the statement was issued to allay fears of parents, who had began making moves to withdraw their children and wards from the school. It is being reported that the video of the young lady went viral, parents began losing their minds and sending emails to the school to clear up the situation.


“I cannot in good faith continue to send my daughter to your school if this is what happens there’
“Cocaine?!”



“I knew I could smell drugs on my son’s uniform last week” were some of the messages sent by parents to a PTA Group Chat.

Meanwhile, Nigerians have reacted to the statement issued by Vivian Fowler Memorial College, with some calling it unnecessary and lacking empathy, while others say it was well thought out and concise.
https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/vivian-fowler-issues-statement-on-lizzy-nigerian-reacts/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – Many Nigerians were left downcast yesterday Tuesday, after official communication channels of the Canadian Government in Nigeria debunked rumours about offering visas to one million Nigerians. The story had gained traction on Twitter and led many Nigerians to believe that they would finally be able to leave the country for Greener Pastures.

Newsjunk correspondents were quickly at the office of the Deputy High Commission of Canada in Nigeria, located in Victoria Island, to learn more on the situation. They were met by a man who claimed to be a member of staff of the High Commission, and he claimed that, while the One Million Visas might have been a stretch, the Government of Canada really intends to offer as many as 200,000 Visas in the coming Six months to qualified Nigerians.

The Qualification? A First-Class degree in any course of study.
Our source also claimed that visas would be issued free to Ladies under the age of 29 with at least a Second-class Upper degree, and adults over 65 who would have to bench press 75kg to prove their physical fitness.

At the point our correspondents ended the interview, seriously calling the sanity of our “source” into question. Turned out he was a patient who had just escaped from the Psychiatric ward at Yaba.

He is being shipped back to the facility as at press time.

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/canada-will-only-grant-visas-to-nigerian-applicants-with-first-class-degrees/

ABUJA, NIGERIA – Social Media was turned on it’s head Monday when Nollywood Legend, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, attacked the administration of President Muhammadu Buhari, describing the quality of life under his rule as “hellish”.

In a tweet where he called out both the President and his Vice, Prof. Yemi Osibanjo, she wrote;
“The Country Under your watch is Hellish! @ProfOsinbajo @MBuhari @NGRPresident.”

Her tweets have drawn varying reactions from Nigerians from all walks of life, with many claiming she was “Medicine after death”.

“Why she no talk during election? Why na now she dey talk” said a man our correspondent interviewed on the streets of Abuja. “I sure say Atiku don give am money to talk that rubbish”.

However, as many detractors as she might appear to have, she also seems to have a lot of people taking her side on the issue, none more so than the First Lady herself, Hajia Aisha Buhari. In a now deleted post, the wife of the president lamented the recent spate of Police Extra Judicial killings. She wrote:..continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/i-stand-with-omotola-first-lady-aisha-buhari/

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND – As the Manchester United team made their way to the airport en-route Spain for their must win encounter with Barcelona, which happens to be their only chance at Silverware this season, one would have been forgiven for calling the mood ‘downcast’, as there was a visible lack of confidence amongst players and staff, despite their recent improbable triumph in the Round of 16 against PSG.

However, news reaching us is that is that it was all a ruse, and that the Manchester Club have an ace up their sleeve. The club they have reportedly spent whopping 10m dollars to secure a victory against Barcelona, in one of the most daring legal acts to guarantee a victory ever by a sports franchise.

It is being widely reported that the Executive Vice-Chairman of Manchester United, Ed Woodward, made out a payment of 10 MILLION Dollars to Canadian Mega-Star, Drake, for him to pay a visit to the Barcelona grounds, Estadio Camp Nou before the game

He has been contracted to take pictures with.....continue here https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/manchester-united-ready-to-pay-10m-to-beat-barcelona/

ABUJA, NIGERIA – Amidst debate over the continued relevance of the West African Examination Council’s Senior School Certificate exam, the Presidency is strongly considering scrapping the entire exam altogether.

His Advisers insist this would be a good move, considering the continued decline of results nationwide, especially from the President’s power base North. In the words of a presidential adviser, who pleaded anonymity “If there is no exam to write, there will be no exam to fail”. The adviser also added that the WASSCE was stifling funds that could be channeled towards JAMB and NECO.

“Ze WAEC is taking a chunk of the education budget” he said “If we take this funds and direct them to JAMB and NECO, will will be better off. This is why we need to scrap Ze WAEC. ECOWAS is overrated anyway, so why are we still writing their exams?”

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/breaking-president-buhari-to-scrap-waec-in-nigeria/

Fans of the blockbuster series are in for a wild surprise as news emanating from HBO Headquarters hint at the possibility of a huge plot twist at the end of Season 8, as leeway for a potential Season 9 and maybe 10.

Game of Thrones Author George R.R Martin as well as show runners D.B Weiss and David Beinhoff appear to have agreed to extending the show for a further two seasons. However, it remains unclear what roles they will be playing – if at all – in the next phase of the series, which will be expanded using flashbacks and prequels based on both the old books as well as George R.R Martin’s short stories like “The Hedge Night”.

It has also been learned that the new seasons will be aired exclusively on Zee World, with Major actors leaving the show to be replaced by Bollywood stars, as part of the deal. So far, the only “confirmed” changes seems to be Priyanka Chopra coming on board to play Daenerys Targaryen and Amitabh Bachan playing the Night King.

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/hbo-in-talks-for-season-9-10-of-game-of-thrones/

PORT-HARCOURT, NIGERIA – Religion is the opium of the masses, as the saying goes. However, the question can be asked: what is the opium of the cleric?

This question was brought to the fore in hilarious fashion after a popular Port-Harcourt based Pastor was caught on Sunday inside a Bet9ja shop, placing bets on English premier League and Spanish La Liga games.The problem? That same Sunday morning, he had led a vitriolic sermon in church condemning Sports Betting and bettors, saving the most bile specifically for Bet9ja, claiming the business and all its users were “all sinners bound for hell”.

He was spotted by a congregant passing by the shop, who recognized him and yelled “PASTOR, YOU SEF DEY DO LIKE DIS?!”

He quickly replied the congregant saying he was there “by the Spirit” to look at score predictions to inspire the Bible verses for his next sermon. In the middle of his explanation, a Bet9ja attendant came out and handed him a betslip saying “Oga see am o, we don play your game”

Eye witnesses report that the pastor immediately...continue reading https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/pastor-caught-at-bet9ja-shop-hours-after-anti-betting-sermon/

LAGOS, NIGERIA – Senior Pastor of Lagos based Church, Covenant Christian Centre and ardent Liverpool FC supporter, Pastor Poju Oyemade, has thrown his weight behind a Manchester United win in their crunch UEFA Champions League Quarter-final tie against Barcelona .

Well, sort of.

The beloved clergyman says he is at a “crossroads”, because of his affiliation to Liverpool and his desire for the English teams left in the Champions league, – which of course includes Manchester United – to do well.

“Look, they might lose, and if they did, I wouldn’t be entirely upset” he said, amidst laughter, to our correspondent. “But if they don’t lose, I wouldn’t be entirely upset either”.....read full story https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/manchester-united-may-lose-but-they-are-covered-by-the-blood-of-jesus-pastor-poju-oyemade/?fbclid=IwAR2E1xp0CMkMsP2eFHYy2SqVAzDPlPPfWSjY6EVGzXR24EYj0FTX0CDdezw

Lionel Messi had been speaking to journalists after a training session inside Old Trafford when he dropped the bombshell from seemingly out of the blue:

“I will play today’s game like this is my home”.

When pressed further by stunned members of the press, the Barcelona Ace and arguably the Best Footballer of all time, explained that the facilities at Old Trafford were very world class and the pitch was in tip top shape, and that he would feel right at home and super comfortable while “giving United the work”.

This did not stop journalists however from prodding further to see if there was any hidden connotations behind his assertion that may come to bear during the summer transfer window....read full story below

https://www.newsjunk.com.ng/lionel-messi-old-trafford-will-be-my-new-home/

Reports reaching FNN has it that the popular #FvckYouChallenge started by Mavin artiste Kizz Daniel has landed him in big trouble with Vic O, which nearly costing him his life in the process.

According to the reports, the trouble started when KizzDaniel, who has been uploading #FvckYouChallenge cover videos sent to him by fans and some other Nigerian musicians on Instagram, refused to upload the cover video sent to him by Vic O.

FNN gathered that Vic O came down to Mavin Studios and confronted Kizz Daniel about why he refused to repost his own cover video. Kizz, who taught it was joke, started laughing, and this made Vic O very angry and mad.

“Before we knew what was happening, Vic O brought out bottle from nowhere and tried to break it on Kizz Daniel’s head,” said Korede Bello, one of Kizz Daniel’s label mates who was present during the confrontation. “If not for the bouncers that were standing nearby that jumped in, Vic O would have turned Kizz Daniel’s head into Tomato paste.”

FNN gathered that it took the combined effort of 6 bouncers to restrain Vic O and lead him away from Kizz Daniel. At the time we filed this report, it is still unclear whether Kizz Daniel will file any charges against Vic O.

The cover videos posted by Kizz Daniel have been viewed over 100 million times, so it is quite understandable while Vic O wants some of the action.

FNN will bring you more…

https://www.fnn.com.ng/entertainment/vic-o-attempts-to-breaks-bottle-on-kizz-daniels-head-for-refusing-to-repost-his-fvckyouchallenge-video/

(SATIRE NEWS)

This year Big brother just got a little extra sweet and a bit more competitive, as the reality game show announced the increase in price money.

Just after the conclusion of the bb reunion, follower-ship and views have even doubled more than the show it self and with this increase in views the sponsors have agreed to make this years big brother the best one yet.

“The fans want more drama and the increase of the price money will make the show more dramatic and competitive. 100m is a life changing money and we have the money this year, we have saved down on flight cost, the show is now on home soil” said Big brother host ebuka.

https://www.fnn.com.ng/entertainment/big-brother-naija-increase-price-money-to-100m-naira/

Popular "16 year" old actress Regina Daniels as revealed a shocking source of her wealth aside nollywood movies.

Regina daniels after buying two Mercedes Benz for herself and a house for her mum, without having to act in so many movies, has became a social media hot topic.  The new trend of nollywood actresses  buying exotic cars and homes have left the male actors in the same business stunned at how the women are making so much in the same field.

We also hear reports that some of the male actors are now considering  pornography just to be able to get more "cheda" on the side.

FNN caught up with the 16 year old actress to tell us her source of income as fans keep saying she has a bigger god or a list of gods.  She said "i don't have gods, i just sold my virginity at the right price. i entered nollywood a virgin and i had someone contact me if i was willing to sell mine for a million dollars and i could not refuse the offer"

https://www.fnn.com.ng/entertainment/i-sold-my-virginity-for-1m-dollars-regina-daniel/