₦airaland Forum

Person wey you suppose use police chase out if your house...

Bola146:
Firstly, seriously you have to let go of the dead, she was so dear to you, yes but let us face the living, your kids and their wellness, you can be remembering her yearly or on her birthday which any woman you want to marry now must support that, still remembering the dead would not allow you to love any other woman dearly again. It would be like she is still living with someone's husband.


Secondly, please try to know if the woman loves your kids dearly, don't rush into a relationship that you will regret later, since you have maid, why not be patient. Be so close to your kids and the maid, ask for their own opinions.


Lastly, watch and pray!!!! Let God and His Holy Spirit lead you. Your kids are your number one priority, work hard and take good care of them, don't just leave them to strangers care. God be with you sir.

No one forgets a spouse they love that quick... it’s just three months for crying out loud..

...any woman that wants to jump into a relationship with a man that’s still technically grieving should be ready to live with the shadow of the dead wife for a while.....

I dey tell you. Hypocrisy that's whattradition taught Nigerian
Men.

Divinehealer:
Wife never rotten for grave this one don dey climb another woman. The beauty of being a man in naija. If this was a woman now, culture will expect her to die with her husband. If she laugh in 2 yrs time, they will say look how a woman that lost her husband just 2 years ago is laughing.

BRATISLAVA:
He lost his wife three months ago, yet he's been in an established live in relationship. That means the relationship began less than 3 months ago. Maybe two months ago? Maybe one month ago?

Exactly, you don think am well.Me i am just so angry reading this.

Just 3 months after your wife's death....only God will judge you.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

I am a married man myself, I feel your pain. There are so much red flags with this lady. She seems to be in a hurry to fit in without giving you time to grieve. Also, if she abhors the memory of your wife, don't be suprised when she starts to abuse/hate your children behind you as they will always represent the memory of your late wife.
Please give yourself and family time to heal. Peace.

Am afraid you about to loose your lovely family. Pls send the woman away. Tell her you need a space and still mourning your late wife. Your children welfare should be your greatest interest which doubt the woman may not willing to accommodate if she finally move in with you.

OCHULORC:
I dey tell you. Hypocrisy that's whattradition taught Nigerian
Men.

And they say women have chicken brain, yet see this one bringing disaster to his innocent children because penis dey scratch am

Klass99:
No, it is not the reason. When people show you who they are, you better believe them.

If I met you 3 months after the loss of your wife I won't be in a hurry to bond with you or even start a romantic relationship with you.

I will give you time and space to adequately mourn and grieve, and out of regard for your late wife. While being friendly but not getting all up in your face - this is if, I even like you sef.

She knows what she is doing.

She’s just fvcking desperate looking for a vulnerable man to make her own...

It will not end well for her....
This dude doesn’t like her. For now he’s thinking with his pen!s cos his tank is full as he hasn’t been entering any woman for the last 3 months....what’s more, his thinking is impaired by the happiness of his kids...when he finally balances psychologically and emotionally ... she will realize she’s the one that made a mistake...

Hmmm...

I'll start by offering my condolence over your beloved wife's departure. May God rest her soul.

You see Bro, life is a great teacher. And experiences like yours don't just require a piece of advice, but also is a great lesson for all!

This particular scenario lends credence to the common perspective that a widow can persevere and contain better than a widower! I said this because of the seemingly short-termed rebound you made in opening up your heart to another woman after your wife passed on -3 months! For me, you're yet to fully get over the sense of loss, hence this psychological torment...

Now, let's keep my rather judgemental intros aside.
You have a two-fold problem here: Your children's affection for the new woman and her kids (which in turn becomes reflexive on you), and your own fears about the woman.

If I'm right, there's a two-fold solution:

1. Get your kids to have another (remote) friends - maybe family members, schoolmates, etc This litmus test will help you overcome your weak emotions that give in to the children's 'needs' post-their mom's demise.

2. You truly need to be beside yourself for now, especially with this budding relationship. You suggested to barely know the woman in question. My advice is give it a break! If you're meant for each other, you'll definitely come back for each other, albeit with 'clear eyes'.…. Don't do what you would come back here telling us how regretful you are.

Good luck.

Your kids can hang out with her kids. But not you. If you want to have sex do it with a random woman........ After five years. You can go into a relationship. ..

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

What's the way your family do things that others can come in? Na secret cult?
Now let's take you to be the lady, will you be happy when your husband always make mention of his dead wife. I believe is a NO for you. So I don't think is healthy for your family and her family, just try as much to forget everything about your first wife.
Coming up with her own policies is not good in any relationship try to encourage her so she can be submissive as a lady that she is.

#GRACE

cococandy:
4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage = 17 years together. And 3 months after her death, Mr. man is already getting entangled with someone else.

Ladies love yourselves and care for yourselves while you’re alive. Stop putting these men’s needs ahead of yours.

OP I wish you and your kids a nice smooth transition.

Ladies una don hear? After 13 years of marriage and four years of relationship, just 3 months dead him don move. Stop going over backwards to please men.

D woman isn't submissive.
Situation is a ticking time bomb.

Yu both children can play together and call yu guys mummy & daddy. (best 4 their psych)

But don't date or go intimate with her. Let her know her boundary.

Else d friendship can end politely. She will go over think it through and Comeback with better approach.

igbosoupkitchen:
I do not think it is too late to end whatever madness is going on before it destroys what you have with your kids. As a woman I can tell you she had this all figured out and clearly desperate. Change is necessary if the current situation is bad, and not just because one wants to change something to suit oneself which i suspect she is trying to do.

If you are not living together, tell her nicely that you want to spend some time with your kids alone, in memory of their mother and that you would appreciate that you guys stay off the relationship for now.

She hasnt come in yet and you are at this point, what do you think will become of your children eventually, maybe treat them badly if she has no regards for their mum, pls tread with care and commit it all to prayers

You made a certain post on the 12th of May offering advice yo a single mum of 2 dating a single dad of 3. Are you sure you aren't sitting at the same table with the actors?

MrCuteking:
No man leaves a good woman. You should try to discover why her husband left her for someone else. You need at least 9 months to mourn your wife. That time is good enough know the other lady.

Stereotypes and Nigerian men.

Men do leave good women, stop the assumptions. Give them a good woman and they will still cheat. Give them a good woman and they will still beat her. Give them a good woman and they will still emotionally abuse her. Men leave good women everyday. Wherever there's a single woman, there's a single man too, and he's not innocent and wronged as always assumed.

Too many divorced and single wizards pass under the radar with the "men never leave good women" line. They do.

So sorry for your kids for the loss of their mother,they would surely miss her.
Oh mother love!

As a father,what are you looking for again after those kids?You would make your wife spirit Happy if you don't let any strange woman treat them badly.

Get maid to take care of them and get gadgets to distract them.you will regret it if you invite strange woman

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

The signs are clear for you to see sir. Any woman who won't respect your wife's memory is not worth it. Your relationship with her is not get defined and she is acting this way...by the time you marry her, it would get worse.


Thank God your kids are quite handy, all thanks to your late wife (God rest her soul) and as such, I don't think you need another woman in your life... At least not yet. Your children warmed up to her because your wife's demise created a vacuum that they are desperate to fill. You can however, help them fill this vacuum by indulging them in some of the activities that was a norm in your home when she was alive.


All will be well!

Mr man, this is a stupid act and a stupid act is performed by a stupid man.
So, you are STUPID .

GboyegaD:
Oga, in 12 days she's already acting like the boss. You might be able to cope but please think about the children. From your story, she seems desperate as well and that is not a good sign.

Very very desperate and cunning. Acting nice to trap op, taking undue advantage of his frail state due to his wife's demise. What sort of woman would warm her fangs into a man's life few months after his wife's demise if not an opportunist?

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.


I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Oga. You better relocate

Joydan95:
I don’t know if you will take my advice cos I will advice you base on the cases I have experienced and seen.
First of all 3 months is too early to allow any other woman into your home for any reason, it’s called respect to your late wife! You are supposed to mourn her and take time to adjust to her absence. This woman you allowed into your home knows that you have a vacuum in your heart and home so she came with the strategy of entangling her children with yours cos she knows too well your children are in need of motherly love. Now, in less than 2 weeks she is already disrespecting your late wife and what she stood for .
Please if you want your children to grow up well, close your eyes to any woman that is coming around to try and care for your kids cos truly a lot of women will come with that deceit. Once you marry them or you will see how they will enslave and abuse them. I am sure you know your late wife wouldn’t want that for your kids. Take time and train your kids, you can invite your sister or wife’s sister to come over sometimes and assist in taking care of them . This decision you won’t regret.
My childhood friend lost his mum and a woman started coming around their dad to console their dad, the kids started seeing her as a mum and convinced their dad to marry her. He married her soon and that was how she turned into a witch... one time she threw a sharp knife at my friend and it slightly missed his eyes and he had a scar there, she succeeded in pushing my childhood friend out of the house with her constant abuse and ended up turning his elder sister to her house help. Today that guy is totally lost and helpless cos he mingled with the wrong set of people .Train your children till they are mature enough not to interfere or get maltreated by your next wife.

Great advice. Spot on.My dad didn't remarry until we were all grown up. According to him my kids didn't know their mummy well, let them know their daddy well instead.Yeah we had relatives coming around/ we visiting dem as well during holidays.

You are a very wicked heartless person. You deserve the wicked woman that has trapped you. I only pity your children because very soon they will be sent out of your own house and replaced by her children.

I think you have acted too carelessly.
It is normal for you to still be grieving after four months...infact for a year while organising yourself into a workable system either by maintaining status quo or evolving new one. From your write up, you have this under control before this strange woman walk into your life.
For a woman whose husband purportedly ran away, she is actually displaying attitude that could make you run away if you were the husband...forget the initial sweet disposition. Just 12 days, your wife's memories mean nothing...that is insensitive to you or your children. Also if your adopted daughter is seen less than your first daughter by her just after 12 days, your biological daughter will soon suffer same fate and probably worse.
Please, whatever you think your feelings are for this strange woman, please put it in check for now...let her move back to her house...don't let pity stop you now so that you won't pity your life soon.
Take this from me, she is not the one if she is this rash in just 12 days...
I have been through this journey so I know what I am saying...

Hmmmm... my brother it's too early to get into another relationship, I'm talking from experience, my wife died about 5 years ago and she left me with 5 children, for the first three months I almost lost my memory never to think of another woman,i hate anything that have to do with life, all I want to do at that period is to end it all, but when i look around me and find out that nobody will take care of my children for me, I resort to prayer, first i asked God to give me grace and power to carry on and I have to face the reality either to survive or to break down completely, it's a terrible experience, yours is even better not like my own that people started to carry rumours that I use my wife for money ritual, this our society is a curse, just imagine me that I don't even believe in fetish things, after 18 month I met this single mother on facebook, she told me many story about her ex husband that abandon her with 3 kids wish I fell sorry for her, we started chatting and we became lover, I send her money twice and one things I discovered about her is that she feel so consign about her kids and never
care about my, anytime I bring issue about my kids she always feel reluctant to say something reasonable, then one day she called me to narrate a story how a man marry one of her friends that she is divorced like her with 4 kids, that the man is paying over #6m per term for their school, I said good that the man most be reach, to cut the story shot I try other single lady and I found out that their all the same in their selfish way, and I can tell you that the single girl I find about two years ago has been a wonderful being,she respect the memory of my late wife and she love the kids as if she is their mother and I'm planning to get Marrie to her soon, plz my advice to you is to let go of that woman and take your time before getting into other relationships, most of this single mother that have more than 2 kids are not head way, most important thing in this situation is prayer and you have to be close to God, ask God to direct you and choose for you, I wish you Goodluck bro.

Omo Wahala be like torchlight wey no gree on for night when you see scorpion...


1in 12 days she has displayed her fill character...
Time is the true test of everything and anything.

Tell her politely to leave you and your kids alone

This whole thing was planned, from condolence message on FB and invitation, treating your kids so well and making your home mingle with hers were all planned and they worked well for her.

She is desperate, that's the truth. I would not have had any problem with her style but her speedy assertion of power is a red flag and believe me, your kids will suffer so much in her hand in future even you will be in trouble.

You were too fast in falling for another woman, haba....you should have stayed up to a year to mourn her but that's OK.

Now, you must be a man. Call her and address her straight up without mincing word that you and your family need space. Tell her you can't do this anymore and she should leave with her kids as soon as practicable.

Tell her that it can't work because the memories of your wife is still fresh and it seems you guys can't be together.

This whole thing will end the remains of your family if you don't end it now.

Good luck

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

stacyadams:
just three months after ur wife passed on,ur thinking of another woman already ....single mother for that matter with kids. una see as una dey carry divide una house ...better leave that woman alone.....she will be nice now but I assure u that u will still come back to lament on nairaland...let ur adopted daughter take care of d house as best as she can.......


Fear women...any child apart from their own child dey suffer am....u can c d red flags already and it's plenty

BRO! THINK ABOUT THIS GUY'S COMMENT! YOU CAN STILL HANDLE THE SITUATION NOW BY SENDING HER AWAY. SHE STYLISHLY ENTERED YOU BUT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE. YOU MAY LATER REGRET IT. ACT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUTURE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

Send her packing.

You said you are confused, you will remain confuse Nani. How can you allow another woman come in after 3 months is too early. And beside the husband that run away in the first instance do you know why? Because he (the formal husband) can't cope with her. So why will she want to have only your children for her child birthday? You have bought your self trouble. Send her away before it will be too late. Don't let any baggar laverage on condition. It will be dangerous.

i come again, you know what, please ifyour mum is still alive, or your friends have caring wives who are good mothers or you have sisters aunts e.t.c get them involved. because i see you are weak, it very hard for you to do it. but if you are not careful she will charm you and you will fall in love again. b4 you know it she will rub something on her private part or you start having sex with her in your dreams and if she get pregnant you and your kids are in pepper soup. She might not let it go like that, she will try her best to charm you. You need help. Get other family members involved.

I think you need a break from this relationship so you can finish mourning