bro I'm on my kneel please for the sake of your kids, quickly leave that lady now thay the unproductive relationship with her is still new before you impregnate her


and take your time on lady's matter for now, give those kids hope that their late mom had been trying to give them


with the maid, they'll still feel the presence of a mother, treat the maid right and look after your kids



I'm begging again stay away from that lady asap and if you're to remarry a single mother of two is a no no for you and please don't go on with a single mother that's not a widow like you because when that husband you felt abandoned them returned, it will be an embarrassment and regret for you

Run for your life o.

The third leg in between your legs is seriously controlling you.
I put it to you that you will soon stop paying your children school fees and focus on her children.
Family and friends will soon be termed witches and wizards under your roof and instances will be given to you to confirm her claims.
She desperately needs a substitute and you are the perfect one sir.
Go ahead with her at your peril. The bitter truth is that you are being manipulated to dispatch anyone that will call you to order so that she can gain total control. Your life and family is under attack sir. Stop the Kpekus and let her return to her late husband's house.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Haven't you heard that single moms are the worst kind of woman to date, let alone make a stepmom for your kids. It's like you want her to poison you and turn your kids to her maids... The ways some of you men don't just have sense surprises me. Smh

Mr Op, so you want to marry someone that the husband has not returned her bride price ni, This is pure Adultery....Reason well bro. I understand you need a comforter, but respect your dead wife for at least six months ni.

Your in-laws, friends of your late wife, your family and friends are peddling the rumour that you killed your late wife just to bring her in.
She should go back to her place to enable tings simmer down.
She would pack out immediately. Contact me on how to keep her out permanently.
Good luck.

I won’t be surprised if she’s the one that asked your children to call her ‘mummy’

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

I don’t know if you will take my advice cos I will advice you base on the cases I have experienced and seen.
First of all 3 months is too early to allow any other woman into your home for any reason, it’s called respect to your late wife! You are supposed to mourn her and take time to adjust to her absence. This woman you allowed into your home knows that you have a vacuum in your heart and home so she came with the strategy of entangling her children with yours cos she knows too well your children are in need of motherly love. Now, in less than 2 weeks she is already disrespecting your late wife and what she stood for .
Please if you want your children to grow up well, close your eyes to any woman that is coming around to try and care for your kids cos truly a lot of women will come with that deceit. Once you marry them or you will see how they will enslave and abuse them. I am sure you know your late wife wouldn’t want that for your kids. Take time and train your kids, you can invite your sister or wife’s sister to come over sometimes and assist in taking care of them . This decision you won’t regret.
My childhood friend lost his mum and a woman started coming around their dad to console their dad, the kids started seeing her as a mum and convinced their dad to marry her. He married her soon and that was how she turned into a witch... one time she threw a sharp knife at my friend and it slightly missed his eyes and he had a scar there, she succeeded in pushing my childhood friend out of the house with her constant abuse and ended up turning his elder sister to her house help. Today that guy is totally lost and helpless cos he mingled with the wrong set of people .Train your children till they are mature enough not to interfere or get maltreated by your next wife.

Get pussy out and entrust your children with your adopted daughter. It is safe that way for me.

By the way, you too rush! Haba. Kindly rush out, bros

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

Pls tell that snake of a woman to leave your house,Love ke love ni, what kind of stupid love is that

Just tell her to leave. There is no nice way to say it, man up and tell her. The earlier you send her away, the better. Delaying will just make it more difficult.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

Lol.
Life can be funny sometimes, we see the signs of danger and instead of to run, we begin to hope against hope.

The decision might be hard considering that you're soft sorta but this is one you have to take, not just for yourself alone but for your children too. While she might claim to love you and promises to change, you need to be firm and hard, tell her to give you a break and return back to her apartment.

She's a control freak, a selfish one for that matter. It's only a matter of time before she pushes your children out. I've seen this play out before. The man remarried a single mum after the demise of his wife only to have his kids stylishly pushed to their maternal grandparents, the woman and her daughter were flexing the man's house and cars as if it's their birthright. A few years the kids returned to their fathers, the first 2 already teenagers in battle ready mode. They eventually scattered the marriage for her and the man never remarried again till he passed on about a decade later. Fear these single mums o, some of them are good but most of them are demons in disguise and experts at pretending till they get what they want

Bola146:
Firstly, seriously you have to let go of the dead, she was so dear to you, yes but let us face the living, your kids and their wellness, you can be remembering her yearly or on her birthday which any woman you want to marry now must support that, still remembering the dead would not allow you to love any other woman dearly again. It would be like she is still living with someone's husband.


Secondly, please try to know if the woman loves your kids dearly, don't rush into a relationship that you will regret later, since you have maid, why not be patient. Be so close to your kids and the maid, ask for their own opinions.


Lastly, watch and pray!!!! Let God and His Holy Spirit lead you. Your kids are your number one priority, work hard and take good care of them, don't just leave them to strangers care. God be with you sir.

Op don't listen to this advice

I am not sorry to say this sir..... You don’t have any respect for your late wife...... 3 months imagine 3months after her death, and your mind is too small to have allowed another woman under your roof in just 3 months ..... do yourself a favor. Send her packing not only because it is too early but because you need time to heal and break free from the thoughts of your late wife........ Your children are the main focus for now......... tell that woman to give you space, you need your peace if you must heal.

@Family6644
Please feel free to update us with any progress
I am so interested in this thread.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

You courted your wife for 4 years and was married to her for 13 years. That's about 17 years in total. You have forged a life style suitable for you and your children. Please in the name of God tell this woman to give you space, even if anything has to shift, she should meet you half way. If she cannot respect the system established in your home but try to rubbish it and discard it, she would cause you problems. She will not help you but complicate your life and further divide you and the kids. She is equally suffering from abandonment and she would try to tighten her grip on you so you don't abandon her like her ex. If she is stressing you and the kids already, you don't need a prophet to tell you too put her at arms length. The children don't understand but it's your duty to stamp your feet and control your home.

Its far tooo early camping a woman already .

Too early

Bro I'm in the same shoes as you....I lost my wife three and a half years ago...it has not been easy.....but yours is a bit better because you have a maid who of course is like a daughter to you...
Bro, you see these women out there especially single mothers, you have to be very careful with them.... I have seen a lot of things in the past three years...you have to protect your kids from those vultures called women...I think it is too early to into any relationship now Bro.... politely ask her to give you little space....let her know you're not sending her away...
It is not easy to put aside the legacy of your late wife just like that...13 years of a happy home is no joke bro, it takes time to heal completely from the death of a dear wife.....you don't need this of stress at the moment....
Tell her you need space....
Don't develop sudden BP because of a self woman who think of herself alone. God bless you family..

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Just three months after your wife's death? E be like say you de play away match with her before ooo.


Anyway, to cut the long story short SACK HER NOW.

Tell her your mother in law is coming to spend time with your kids, she won't even wanna share house with your mother in law,

As a man, when you are within age 60-65 and you lost your wife, just get yourself a single mother or a widow as Bleep-mate only and forget marriage, pity your children, that new woman can destroy their destiny just to have all inheritance for her own little children, even when your own children might not even bother about the inheritance

My opinions are different.

1,You are still mourning so you shdnt be accommodating another relationship just after 3 months

2, if you opt to Start another relationship pls forget the past and allow whoever you are with bring their own uniqueness to your life

3, no man or woman wants to be competing with anyone's past and trying to measure up to another person's standard. You need to tabular raza , complete erasing of any standard your late wife set and embrace change whole heartedly


4, take a break so you heal properly

The story sounds like a plot from one of those Nollywood movies..

@Op sorry for your loss, however I feel you should have called your kids to order at the initial instance instead of allowing the new woman use them to get to you.

Women and jealousy.. for her small mind now, you shouldn't remember your late wife but her alone. Person wey dem never engage talkless of marriage.

If you have no plans of marrying her, simply tell her you need space.

Na that thing make the husband leave am run,na 1% u dey see so.go find visa now o!I beg 4 the sake of your children cut her off

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Don't go into any relationship with her. She will destroy you. Try to find out why her ex husband ran away.

These are not good signs.

Do not rush.

As a matter of fact, she is manipulating all of you.

Break up with her while you can.

My brother don't choke your life with a relationship which foundation is faulty from God's perspective. Don't have anything to do with that woman you will loose out at the end of the end of the day, your children are ignorant of real issues of life so don't let their artificial happiness and bonding erase all the time tested training and vision you have for them. Call the shot, damn the consequence and send the women out of your life.
She's still a married woman.

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Foodqueen:
That woman is time bomb waiting to explode.

I can't imagine the things she will make u do to your kids as time goes by.

Common 3 months.......u met on FB, visited her house, your kids slept over and now u are living lovers.

This won't end well.

I tell you my sister

queenfav:
gbam!See this life eh..May God help women,myself inclusive.That a man you lived with,made sacrifices for and have kids with can welcome another woman into your home after just 3 months of his wife's demise tells a lot about how he loved her (or not).Make we women shine eyes o.Most of these men love just with their lips.This man clearly has no love and respect for his Wife and her memory.She hasn't been buried for long,oga and his d*** has moved on to the next available woman.I fear who no fear some men!

He lost his wife three months ago, yet he's been in an established live in relationship. That means the relationship began less than 3 months ago. Maybe two months ago? Maybe one month ago?

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

No man leaves a good woman. You should try to discover why her husband left her for someone else. You need at least 9 months to mourn your wife. That time is good enough know the other lady.

igbosoupkitchen:


I do not think it is too late to end whatever madness is going on before it destroys what you have with your kids. As a woman I can tell you she had this all figured out and clearly desperate. Change is necessary if the current situation is bad, and not just because one wants to change something to suit oneself which i suspect she is trying to do.

If you are not living together, tell her nicely that you want to spend some time with your kids alone, in memory of their mother and that you would appreciate that you guys stay off the relationship for now.

She hasnt come in yet and you are at this point, what do you think will become of your children eventually, maybe treat them badly if she has no regards for their mum, pls tread with care and commit it all to prayers

I pity this man ... U better follow the advice of this lady!! A jealous woman talking trash about your wife within just 3.moNTH OF HER DEMISE and she expect you to forget about your precious wife just like that and focus of her own ways On a norm , you don't even need a relationship at this moment if you really love your dead wife and children dearly. This attitude might be the reason she was abandon by her former husband. If at all u need a relationship you should have respect your dead wife and do it after a year of her demise and make sure after that u find a single lady to date, study her ways before of talking if remarrying. Be a man and don't let anyone change the ways your kids are trained ..... You should be the one commanding and give order in your house before it's too late

Wife never rotten for grave this one don dey climb another woman. The beauty of being a man in naija. As soon as your wife dies or even when she is sick and dying sef, you can be knacking different women up and down.
If this was a woman now, culture will expect her to die with her husband. If she laugh in 2 yrs time, they will say look how a woman that lost her husband JUST 2 years ago is laughing ; surely she killed him.

royalamour:
Don't go into any relationship with her. She will destroy you. Try to find out why her ex husband ran away.

These are not good signs.

Do not rush.

As a matter of fact, she is manipulating all of you.

Break up with her while you can.

Nice points.. the Op sef messed up jumping into the hands of a single mother of 2 whose husband fled from.

She might be the over possessive type that will end up maltreating his own kids, destroying the family he has left.
Awon okunrin mi sha

Just 3 Months of your wife's death you have moved on already.. Amazing! if na woman behave like this now una go say na she kill her husband. Enjoy ya new life . You know what to do so why ask us.