Hashabiah:
God will heal you my brother. My advice : Give her the divorce she desires and set yourself free from her evil . Because I forsee untold evil befalling her, and you should separate yourself from her quickly lest you be consumed when God decides to visit judgment on her

Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

Bhus21:


This would be easy to do if we didn't spend over 10 years together and have 3 young kids.

Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.

Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.

Hashabiah:
Brother, you are not at fault here ; so it is best you let her go and face her judgment with God. As for the kids, you have custody over them and the matter would not be debatable in a court because the judge will rule in your favor since you were the one faithful.

Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

ezugegere:


What is her reason for engaging in adultery and wanting divorce? Have you been living together in peace?

Bhus21:


The kids need their mother and stable family life so this course of action is not without risk to them. Should their needs be ignored?

Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

Bhus21:


This would be easy to do if we didn't spend over 10 years together and have 3 young kids.

Bhus21:


Yes, we had a low conflict marriage. Of course, there were the usual challenges of marriage but nothing insurmountable. And not like I wasn't willing to improve and work on it. In fact, I've steadily improved as a husband by her own admission. This particular act is entirely inexplicable to me so I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

RightToReject:
Don't tell me that you'll grant her a divorce just like that without first subjecting her to severe cruelty that will last her for a lifetime - this should be the way, unless you haven't been fair to her from the inception, thus her action now. When you allow people to continually have their cake and eat it, you automatically become an enabler of their inhumaneness in particular and evil in general.

Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

Winneygirl:


Prophet Hashabiah,
Since you have brought Jesus into the matter, let me quote the bible here between Jesus and the woman caught in adultery. John 8: 7-11

"7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”
8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.
10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Bhus21:


Certainly allowing people who've done bad things to eat their cake and have it is not a good thing. Being cruel deliberately on the other hand is not a good thing either. I'm by nature a kind person that hates wahala. I also recognize that because of our kids we will always have a connection. So while cruelty may be temporarily soothing, it will have long-term negative effects for everyone involved such that it's not worthwhile.

Several people here have rushed to suggest divorce. The challenge with divorce is that you are just replacing one problem with another problem that's potentially more complex and difficult. So divorce may be the ultimate answer but it doesn't come without its challenges so the decision must not be taken lightly.