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My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity - Family - Nairaland

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My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 11:25am On May 26
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 11:28am On May 26
God will heal you my brother. My advice : Give her the divorce she desires and set yourself free from her evil . Because I forsee evil untold befalling her, and you should separate yourself from her quickly lest you be consumed when God decides to visit judgment on her

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 11:33am On May 26
Hashabiah:
God will heal you my brother. My advice : Give her the divorce she desires and set yourself free from her evil . Because I forsee untold evil befalling her, and you should separate yourself from her quickly lest you be consumed when God decides to visit judgment on her

This would be easy to do if we didn't spend over 10 years together and have 3 young kids.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Mikester(m): 11:33am On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

I think the marriage had a bad start. She doesn't seem to regard you at all but you failed to accept or realise this sooner.

What can one say than she just revealed to you who she really is and how she feels about you?

For your progression and safety, kindly separate her from you for some time (I don't support divorce). Time will tell soon.

Just stay strong and stay wise. That's all I have to say.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 11:36am On May 26
Bhus21:


This would be easy to do if we didn't spend over 10 years together and have 3 young kids.
Brother, you are not at fault here ; so it is best you let her go and face her judgment with God. As for the kids, you have custody over them and the matter would not be debatable in a court because the judge will rule in your favor since you were the one faithful.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Winneygirl(f): 11:41am On May 26
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Pierocash(m): 11:41am On May 26
Take those kids for paternity test to ascertain you aren't fathering another man's children.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Pierocash(m): 11:45am On May 26
Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.
what is salvageable in adulterous marriage?

What is salvageable in a marriage where the slut boldly told him she has slept with him,and want a divorce?


Whenever issues of infidelity are mentioned,the way female folks tend to trivialize it makes me know almost all of them are culprits

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 11:47am On May 26
Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 11:49am On May 26
Hashabiah:
Brother, you are not at fault here ; so it is best you let her go and face her judgment with God. As for the kids, you have custody over them and the matter would not be debatable in a court because the judge will rule in your favor since you were the one faithful.

The kids need their mother and stable family life so this course of action is not without risk to them. Should their needs be ignored?

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by ezugegere(m): 11:50am On May 26
Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

What is her reason for engaging in adultery and wanting divorce? Have you been living together in peace?

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 11:50am On May 26
Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 11:52am On May 26
ezugegere:


What is her reason for engaging in adultery and wanting divorce? Have you been living together in peace?

Yes, we had a low conflict marriage. Of course, there were the usual challenges of marriage but nothing insurmountable. And not like I wasn't willing to improve and work on it. In fact, I've steadily improved as a husband by her own admission. This particular act is entirely inexplicable to me so I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 11:54am On May 26
Bhus21:


The kids need their mother and stable family life so this course of action is not without risk to them. Should their needs be ignored?
My brother, your wife has been unfaithful to you and as it stands she has defiled your matrimonial bed thus bringing shame to you and your kids. And whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, your wife has become a love-peddler and to remain with such a woman can be detrimental to your overall state of mind and happiness.

Your kids are still your kids and a divorce will not necessarily mean a separation from their mother's love ; rather it will just end the ties of marriage between you and their mother. Simple

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 11:56am On May 26
Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?
That is not the part of scripture I am referring. Kindly see what Jesus said about divorce.

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by YahooSon(m): 11:58am On May 26
Bomboclatt
Dat niggar needs to be shot
Fvcking another man's wife
Drop radar OP make we locate am
Give am like two Boris man lipsrsealed undecided
.
For the know go do DNA test
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Charliewyt: 12:00pm On May 26
Grant her her wish and move on, though difficult but better option.

1 Like

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Preciousppearl: 12:05pm On May 26
Bhus21:


This would be easy to do if we didn't spend over 10 years together and have 3 young kids.
sure the kids are urs?
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by crackhaus: 12:13pm On May 26
Grant her the divorce na, or do you want to beg her to stay?

Just ensure you run a paternity test on those kids as part of the divorce proceedings...

You're good to go.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by ezugegere(m): 12:25pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Yes, we had a low conflict marriage. Of course, there were the usual challenges of marriage but nothing insurmountable. And not like I wasn't willing to improve and work on it. In fact, I've steadily improved as a husband by her own admission. This particular act is entirely inexplicable to me so I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

Why not involve elders in her family?

2 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by GboyegaD(m): 12:32pm On May 26
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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by GboyegaD(m): 12:37pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

You sef sabi salaye. You can read his undertones, no need exchanging words with him. You are nice to think of the children and the stability a home needs for their well being.

Have you tried to know why she doesn't mind sacrificing her home? Once this is established, you can seek counseling. If she doesn't care then, you may need to just do whatever you think is necessary.

Above all, the children do not need any form of toxicity.

12 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Winneygirl(f): 12:39pm On May 26
Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

Prophet Hashabiah,
Since you have brought Jesus into the matter, let me quote the bible here between Jesus and the woman caught in adultery. John 8: 7-11

"7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”
8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.
10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

4 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by RightToReject(m): 12:39pm On May 26
Don't tell me that you'll grant her a divorce just like that without first subjecting her to severe cruelty that will last her for a lifetime - this should be the way, unless you haven't been fair to her from the inception, thus her action now. When you allow people to continually have their cake and eat it, you automatically become an enabler of their inhumaneness in particular and evil in general.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 12:47pm On May 26
RightToReject:
Don't tell me that you'll grant her a divorce just like that without first subjecting her to severe cruelty that will last her for a lifetime - this should be the way, unless you haven't been fair to her from the inception, thus her action now. When you allow people to continually have their cake and eat it, you automatically become an enabler of their inhumaneness in particular and evil in general.

Certainly allowing people who've done bad things to eat their cake and have it is not a good thing. Being cruel deliberately on the other hand is not a good thing either. I'm by nature a kind person that hates wahala. I also recognize that because of our kids we will always have a connection. So while cruelty may be temporarily soothing, it will have long-term negative effects for everyone involved such that it's not worthwhile.

Several people here have rushed to suggest divorce. The challenge with divorce is that you are just replacing one problem with another problem that's potentially more complex and difficult. So divorce may be the ultimate answer but it doesn't come without its challenges so the decision must not be taken lightly.

16 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Bhus21: 12:51pm On May 26
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by olabrinks(f): 12:54pm On May 26
Have you ever cheated on her?
What is your communication level like ?
Does she seem to be going through a phase of boredom?
Your marriage can still be revived, but it needs the effort of both parties. A lot of men have experienced infidelity on the women’s part and have quietly resolved issues and moved on with their family in tact. Women rarely cheat for no reason, you really need to dig deep and find out what the issue is before taking any further action.

4 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 12:56pm On May 26
Hashabiah:
The woman was caught in adultery and you are still looking at salvaging? Aunty, please read your bible and see what Jesus said about married women caught in the act of adultery

What did Jesus say Pastor wa?
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 12:56pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Jesus did ask her to go and sin no more. He didn't condemn her to death. Suggesting that there is redemption available to all even an adulterous woman. No?

Let him quote his version na.
Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by olabrinks(f): 12:59pm On May 26
Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.
this is deeper than a candle light dinner, you need to involve a third party possibly or really go for some counselling, because there’s a serious problem lingering somewhere. Some times couples need to separate (not divorce)...live in two different houses to give each other that break and reflect on certain issues. This is not going to be an overnight thing, you need patience and wisdom to over come this hurdle.

3 Likes

Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by Hashabiah: 1:05pm On May 26
Winneygirl:


Prophet Hashabiah,
Since you have brought Jesus into the matter, let me quote the bible here between Jesus and the woman caught in adultery. John 8: 7-11

"7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”
8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.
10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”


This is not the place. Read Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness ... ". The bolded is legal ground to divorce a woman who is caught in the act of adultery

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Re: My Ongoing Experience Recovering From My Wife's Infidelity by RightToReject(m): 1:06pm On May 26
Bhus21:


Certainly allowing people who've done bad things to eat their cake and have it is not a good thing. Being cruel deliberately on the other hand is not a good thing either. I'm by nature a kind person that hates wahala. I also recognize that because of our kids we will always have a connection. So while cruelty may be temporarily soothing, it will have long-term negative effects for everyone involved such that it's not worthwhile.

Several people here have rushed to suggest divorce. The challenge with divorce is that you are just replacing one problem with another problem that's potentially more complex and difficult. So divorce may be the ultimate answer but it doesn't come without its challenges so the decision must not be taken lightly.

Her offense is definitely not a dealbreaker for you, so forgive her or better still try worshipping her. Both of you deserve each other. Now stop goading people.

13 Likes

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