Bhus21:


I agree, there's definitely a double standard. The reality however is that modern marriages are a partnership of equals so what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. Women stay and work on it for the kids, don't see why a man doing the same thing means he's a "simp".

Imagine people suggesting violence and cruelty as a response to cheating because "alpha male". May toxic masculinity not kill you people and your families. As for me, I chose differently. I may leave in the end but it will be on my own terms and in a healthy manner that considers the wellbeing of my children.

Nairaland boys will rather shoot themselves and end it all, than accept this basic truth, their online personality must remain untainted for thier sanity's sake.

Your response so far has been top notch and mature, at least you are making boys here realise that initial gra gra is never the best, and marriage is not something that can be erased with a click, I'm married by the way, and I can confidently tell you, it has not been easy, can't relate to your situation though.

Once again goodluck in whatever you decide.

JovialJune:



Nairaland boys will rather shoot themselves and end it all, than accept this basic truth, their online personality must remain untainted for thier sanity's sake.

Your response so far has been top notch and mature, at least you are making boys here realise that initial gra gra is never the best, and marriage is not something that can be erased with a click, I'm married by the way, and I can confidently tell you, it has not been easy, can't relate to your situation though.

Once again goodluck in whatever you decide.

I sense you are a lady. You won't understand what it feels like for a man's wife to tell him without any remorse that she cheated on him. It means that the marriage is technically over, because a woman who loves and values her marriage will feel some guilt and remorse. There is no love in that home anymore. There is no point in trying to save a ship that is destined to sink. They should seperate temporarily because be will end up loosing his mind if he doesn't take some time off to heal.

JovialJune:



And yet you are claiming female when you are boldly not proud of being a man, who is the bigger simp

.
Dey mumu yourself for there.

Man kee you there.

Sometimes it the hubby's fault ,i won't blame the lady. I will definitely do the same to my hubby someday...i feel so lonely ! he don't love me the way i want not even a good sex probably he is having it else that's why he could stay a whole week .i have talked and cried to change buh nothing ..

It's about 3 weeks since I found out and it's been getting easier to deal with by the day. Today though has been a particularly difficult day emotionally. Not entirely sure why as I thought I was coping better. I'd began journaling daily, focused more on my fitness and a good diet, and continuing to be there for my kids. I'm also now more accepting of the whole situation and moving towards thinking about what's the next best step. My partner on the other hand still doesn't give a reconciliatory vibe which is what is setting me off I think. I guess also that it's a roller coaster and there will just be bad days. Have you been through infidelity? What was the first month like?

Nancystan:
Sometimes it the hubby's fault ,i won't blame the lady. I will definitely do the same to my hubby someday...i feel so lonely ! he don't love me the way i want not even a good sex probably he is having it else that's why he could stay a whole week .i have talked and cried to change buh nothing ..

Thank you for sharing. Have you tried talking to him? What's the response?

bukatyne:


[s]How can a prostitute commit adultery?

I think the your last sentence applies to you and the other poster I quoted.

Justify whatever shenanigans you want to, leave the Bible out of it or quote it correctly.

@bold:
For someone who claims to read the Bible, the recurring Biblical themes of Mercy and Grace clearly skipped you.[/s]

Coming from a silly feminist that doesn't differentiate Grace and Mercy from betrayal. An adulterous woman can be forgiven but must be sent away. I'm sure you are even worse than the useless wife of OP

[s]

Bhus21:


Thank you for sharing. Have you tried talking to him? What's the response?

[/s]
Guy, you are a disgrace to male gender. Your wife's stupidity is getting married to a woman in man's skin. Nonsense

Nancystan:
Sometimes it the hubby's fault ,i won't blame the lady. I will definitely do the same to my hubby someday...i feel so lonely ! he don't love me the way i want not even a good sex probably he is having it else that's why he could stay a whole week .i have talked and cried to change buh nothing ..

Nancy, you are cheat on your husband because a hoe, you belong to the street not in a man's house. Unfortunately, your silly husband brought you home without knowing that you will surely return to the street. Stop trying to justify your whoredom

JovialJune:



The earlier you guys stop deluding and consoling yourselves about this bad boy rubbish phrase y'all keep spilling about, the better for you.

That you choose not to accept the truth doesn't invalidate it. No one expect a woman to accept that fact anyway because women say what they don't mean and mean what they don't say. Only simps like OP take relationship advice from women and she-he, and it always end in tears.

JovialJune:



The earlier you guys stop deluding and consoling yourselves about this bad boy rubbish phrase y'all keep spilling about, the better for you.

You can not discredit the experience of males. And because you don't agree with it doesn't makes it invalid. And by by bad preferring bad boys, he is referring to a man with spine, that is capable of putting her in her place and dishing her karma if needed, not a man where anything goes. A spineless man-child.

I never said i cheated on my hubby, all i ever wanted is an attention and care buh rather he's giving to others girls. All am saying if he continue that way i will fall for someone and be he's fault cos he's not for me .. thanks for calling me hoe
i love my husband buh I think he doesn't love me

Sir to me o though am still a small boy but what i want u 2 do is since u didn't caught her red handed in such act she confess to u herself i will advice don't serve her any divorce paper if she want to live let her live atleast even if they ask her she will know what to say

AishaYesufu:

That you choose not to accept the truth doesn't invalidate it. No one expect a woman to accept that fact anyway because women say what they don't mean and mean what they don't say. Only simps like OP take relationship advice from women and she-he, and it always end in tears.

With this your comment, and since your moniker says Aisha Yesufu, I'm assuming you just love the name, and you are actually a man.....right?

pansophist:


You can not discredit the experience of males. And because you don't agree with it doesn't makes it invalid. And by by bad preferring bad boys, he is referring to a man with spine, that is capable of putting her in her place and dishing her karma if needed, not a man where anything goes. A spineless man-child.

I will continue to discredit the baseless experiences of males, especially the wannabes on nl, cos it is very much invalid, especially coming from bunch of minute few living on nairaland out of the millions of men out there, which doesn't make their very funny thought process the utmost fact,

So your definition of a bad guy is the one with a spine that can dish out revenge at will, so the person i quoted means we ladies like karma dishing guys cos they have spine, really? So all good guys are spineless right?

The things we see on nl sha.....

Bhus21:
It's about 3 weeks since I found out and it's been getting easier to deal with by the day. Today though has been a particularly difficult day emotionally. Not entirely sure why as I thought I was coping better. I'd began journaling daily, focused more on my fitness and a good diet, and continuing to be there for my kids. I'm also now more accepting of the whole situation and moving towards thinking about what's the next best step. My partner on the other hand still doesn't give a reconciliatory vibe which is what is setting me off I think. I guess also that it's a roller coaster and there will just be bad days. Have you been through infidelity? What was the first month like?

is heartbreaking mine is 9 month since I found out
The first month was devastating ,no appetite.cry every time.l hv not gotten over it bc d betrayal was just too much.
My husband is remorseful swore so many times never to go back but even now m still freaking out.
My marriage can never be d same.

AishaYesufu:

That you choose not to accept the truth doesn't invalidate it. No one expect a woman to accept that fact anyway because women say what they don't mean and mean what they don't say. Only simps like OP take relationship advice from women and she-he, and it always end in tears.

Pls shut the fvck up, you do not speak for millions of women out there, especially coming from a man not proud of his gender, not all women like bad boys get that into your skull.

She has been cheating for long, you kept forgiving her.

Now, she finally want out, u want her to stay.

She knows that u cannot do without her.

I always know that u will be back

"whatdowomenwant"

Wow..this is deep.

Bhus21:
Some 3 weeks ago I confronted my wife about a man she'd been seeing. She unapologetically told me she had slept with him and wanted a divorce. This is my attempt to process this shock to my system and heal from the trauma.

I read some of your replies on the first page. I have to ask not that i need you to answer but what's your sex life like. Your wife seems to have caught a new flame. Is everything alright in that department between the both of you.

Bhus21:


Of course, I have a lot of shortcomings, I'm not going to pretend that's not the case. I've been negligent and inconsiderate many a time. Generally not deliberately and I try to apologize and right the wrongs where possible.

Like I've posted several times, marriage has its ups and downs as it's 2 imperfect people trying to forge a life together. What I haven't done though is have sex with another woman.

Finally, I'm afraid of all the people here that seem to think that love and commitment is something you can just turn off like a tap. It's not that easy and I of course want her to do well considering the difficult circumstances we're all in.

A great many of them, majority in fact are not even married so it is very easy to condemn a man trying his best to salvage a very bad marital situation. You should know by now that the singles on Nairaland are the most vocal and opinionated on marital issues.

Bhus21:


I agree, there's definitely a double standard. The reality however is that modern marriages are a partnership of equals so what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. Women stay and work on it for the kids, don't see why a man doing the same thing means he's a "simp".

Imagine people suggesting violence and cruelty as a response to cheating because "alpha male". May toxic masculinity not kill you people and your families. As for me, I chose differently. I may leave in the end but it will be on my own terms and in a healthy manner that considers the wellbeing of my children.

If a man can do it, a woman can. Especially a fed up one. Don’t let it surprise you.

I do sympathize with the OP. He seems gentle, introspective and kind. Not the type who deserves it.

pansophist:
The day a woman will flaunt her unfaithfulness in my face, and confidently ushering me a divorce letter, is the day I'll shoot myself. Like seriously, man, how can you let yourself go so low that your wife can do this to you? In life, the battle are usually won by being a stronger person yourself, and others will fall in line. She sees your weakness hence, she did this to you unapologetically.

I'm not referring to her cheating because you can be a president and your wife would still cheat, but I'm referring to the confidence in bad deeds, and her conviction that she can easily dispose you, and not threatened by your worse and unpredictability even though she is the cheater.

If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that what pains you the most is not even her fidelity, but how she disregards your person despite it. How even though she is the guilty one, holds the power, and you, the victim, have to be fighting for negotiation. You've let yourself go so low, that you're esteem have been vacuumed. Now she wants to elope with her partner in crime, and convinced that you're tamed, like a rabbit, you are incapable of being their karma. It starts with you. Go heal yourself, and lots of thing will fall naturally in place.

Pierocash:
Take those kids for paternity test to ascertain you aren't fathering another man's children.

He has done dna test for them before. They are his.

Winneygirl:
Take some time.
Have a heart to heart talk with her. So you ask the questions that are burning in your heart.
So you can know if your marriage is salvageable...
That is the first step.

Heart to heart talk with a prostitute that has been sleeping around?

Bhus21:
2 days after I found out and going through emotional turmoil. I resolved to do the Christ-like thing and give the marriage a chance. I spoke to her at length and tried to convince her of her folly. I then made a candle-lit dinner at night and bought some flowers. I then extracted a commitment to work on the marriage for 6 months.

So imagine my horror when 2 days later I find out she was still talking to her affair partner for hours. Omo this wahala is even deeper than I thought.

Oga not simping, but how are the bolded "Christ-like"? You will only urge any lady to plunge further by pleading and pleading so weakly. Should she stay based on your sympathetic plead? You are as good if not better than any man out there, show it in a better way, this one is high-level simping

Learn to live and let live and you will know peace. Your wife as moved on or at least declared her intention to move in, you should find thw upsides to having to "live" again unfettered again and cherish it.

Foodqueen:


He has done dna test for them before. They are his.

Are you his wife or a relative?

Matheusmartin:
.
Dey mumu yourself for there.

Man kee you there.

Why did you remove the (f) indication on your moniker na, aren't you proud of claiming to be a female, in your mind Matheus Martin is a female name abi,

Nsidime.

WorldRichest:


Heart to heart talk with a prostitute that has been sleeping around?

Will you prefer a Leg-to-Leg talk?

Bhus21:


Lol, 'simp' ke!

Some people value commitment you know and stick to the promises they make even when it's difficult.

Hmmm! I've not seen your type before. I'm just observing U

Bhus21:


Lol, 'simp' ke!

Some people value commitment you know and stick to the promises they make even when it's difficult.

Hmmm! I've not seen your type before. I'm just observing U