₦airaland Forum

Sanchez01:
Be kind. She teaches in a private school but we all know private schools are notorious for owing. Not sure most private schools can afford advance salaries when they can barely settle backlogs.

forget the buffon!! all he has been saying since is that the woman wants money.

Hathor5:
Lizzy, can you call your family? Someone should come and pick you and the kids. There must be someone. I pray you get the support you need.

Amen

larryjonze:
Telling me you will ask her to leave is quiet anticipated buh don't tell me you will stop there, whats the point if you can't guarantee her a perfect single life or perfect man after.
we all thot jonathan govt was hell, buh see where we exist into, UAR indeed.

Exist is never a sloution its just an option when all measures prove abortive.

I won't and can't be the one to guarantee her a "perfect, single life". She has to do that herself. If I understand your deduction perfectly, are you implying her happiness is hinged to a man or that she doesn't stand a chance of getting married to a "perfect man" (whatever this means)?

Firstly, there is no such thing as a perfect man. We all have our demons, though some subtle than others. She is only 27 and has just 2 kids, obviously educated, which means she has a very good chance of finding love in the right person.

Secondly, what we think gives us happiness is nothing but illusion. Happiness is what we call anything we are contented with. If she decides to find that in her kids, then she's game. If she seeks that in a man, she will only need to position herself.

Exiting in most situations is always the first step in the right direction. How you create and find your happiness lies with you.

She is still young even though she has two kids. Na born she born, she no kill person.

In the case of Jonathan, existing was the first step but most of the country made a terrible choice. Making a terrible choice after exiting is the disaster and not leaving. Peace of mind is expensive and must be protected at all cost.

Sanchez01:
I won't and can't be the one to guarantee her a "perfect, single life". She has to do that herself. If I understand your deduction perfectly, are you implying her happiness is hinged to a man or that she doesn't stand a chance of getting married to a "perfect man"?

Firstly, there is no such thing as a perfect man. We all have our demons, though some subtle than others. She is only 27 and has just 2 kids, obviously educated, which means she has a very good chance of finding love in the right person.

Secondly, what we think gives us happiness is nothing but illusion. Happiness is what we call anything we are contented with. If she decides to find that in her kids, then she's game. If she seeks that in a man, she will only need to position herself.

Exiting in most situations is always the first step in the right direction. How you create and find your happiness lies with you.

She is still young even though she has two kids. Na born she born, she no kill person.

In the case of Jonathan, existing was the first step but most of the country made a terrible choice. Making a terrible choice after exiting is the disaster and not leaving. Peace of mind is expensive and must be protected at all cost.

God bless you, Sanchez!

Lizzyangel:
I guess you don't read all my messages on how my salary had always been on family spending, school fees,day care, feeding and upkeep...no single dime in my account to travel far or near, no family member around, where do we go from here?start roaming about or, I don't know.

STOP FEELING HOPELESS!
That’s the mentality you have that has brought you shame and disgrace. There are people who have no parents , no sibling , no relatives at all let alone being around them .

Start thinking about your life , the question you should be asking is, WHAT CAN BE DONE ! The odds are already stacked against you , and your poor kids are the victims of your lagging spirit to take drastic decisions.

You rather have those kids raised in a toxic environment? Rent a room and stay with the kids , it doesn’t have to be in another state .

You want to take huge leaps when you haven’t taken steps to better your life. Be looking for states or continents to run to, suffer never tire you.

Mstick:
Lol! You know this! she can barely feed so how does she want to take care of herself?
She isn't ready. Yes the relationship started when she was younger but you can never compare the mind 27 years old single lady and a 27 years old married lady, marriage just has a way of maturing you especially when You find yourself in situations that you need to survive not just for you but for your kids.

The money she will be given she and Folykaze will use it to buy suya and drink juice because she isn't READY, she's just creating a pity fest. His own sister have asked her to leave so what's she waiting for?

Onye wife material! We that weren't wife material we know how to stand out ground. Laslas every mallam and his kettle.

Of course already telling her that she doesn't know what the next man will be like but how will she know if she doesn't try?! All this men and their monotonous advise.

You are just adding salt to injury. Haba! That's mean

pocohantas:
God bless you, Sanchez!

Amen, and you

Mstick:
Lol! You know this! she can barely feed so how does she want to take care of herself?
She isn't ready. Yes the relationship started when she was younger but you can never compare the mind 27 years old single lady and a 27 years old married lady, marriage just has a way of maturing you especially when You find yourself in situations that you need to survive not just for you but for your kids.

The money she will be given she and Folykaze will use it to buy suya and drink juice because she isn't READY, she's just creating a pity fest. His own sister have asked her to leave so what's she waiting for?

Onye wife material! We that weren't wife material we know how to stand out ground. Laslas every mallam and his kettle.

Of course already telling her that she doesn't know what the next man will be like but how will she know if she doesn't try?! All this men and their monotonous advise.

Honestly her fears are valid. Parents away, a father that is angry with her and no funds. At least her kids are guaranteed shelter as it is. So it is normal she has these fears.

If he takes care of his kids, I would have said she should leave them for him…

If you have no money , then source for it . Do mini business at the school, sell sweets and biscuits.

Your complains are irritating, and stinks of self pity.

If you know you can’t do anything then why the complains ? Should we all come and drag you out of that demonic union and far away from that heartless man who drove his kid out to the darkness of the night ?

If you won’t do anything and you are absolutely sure your condition is hopeless then do us the favor of not complaining in our ears!!!!

Go back to your heartless adult baby and be the faithful and enduring woman you are. End of story!

Ginaz:
STOP FEELING HOPELESS!
That’s the mentality you have that has brought you shame and disgrace. There are people who have no parents , no sibling , no relatives at all let alone being around them .

Start thinking about your life , the question you should be asking is, WHAT CAN BE DONE ! The odds are already stacked against you , and your poor kids are the victims of your lagging spirit to take drastic decisions.

You rather have those kids raised in a toxic environment? Rent a room and stay with the kids , it doesn’t have to be in another state .

You want to take huge leaps when you haven’t taken steps to better your life. Be looking for states or continents to run to, suffer never tire you.

The last time u checked, a room wasn't rented in papers and packing luggages ain't done on camel in 21st century, so what do you suggest I do without a dime? Ondo state schools has been on a week holiday, which we'll be resuming on Monday 5th July, Proprietors that hasn't paid all salary,is that the same person I'd go to for a loan? Or my co-teachers? I'm sorry if I'm responding rudely but I don't think you and Mstick are getting my damn point.

pocohantas:
Honestly her fears are valid. Parents away, a father that is angry with her and no funds. At least her kids are guaranteed shelter as it is. So it is normal she has these fears.

If he takes care of his kids, I would have said she should leave them for him…

She should stay and be the enduring woman she is and stop complaining.

Ginaz:
If you have no money , then source for it . Do mini business at the school, sell sweets and biscuits.

Your complains are irritating, and stinks of self pity.

If you know you can’t do anything then why the complains ? Should we all come and drag you out of that demonic union and far away from that heartless man who drove his kid out to the darkness of the night ?

If you won’t do anything and you are absolutely sure your condition is hopeless then do us the favor of complaining in our ears!!!!

Go back to your heartless adult baby and be the faithful and enduring woman you are. End of story!

Thanks

Lizzyangel:
The last time u checked, a room wasn't rented in papers and packing luggages ain't done on camel in 21st century, so what do you suggest I do without a dime? Ondo state schools has been on a week holiday, which we'll be resuming on Monday 5th July, Proprietors that hasn't paid all salary,is that the same person I'd go to for a loan? Or my co-teachers? I'm sorry if I'm responding rudely but I don't think you and Mstick are getting my damn point.

It is good to be rude . Now sit down and read what you have written, don’t you see how hopeless you sound ? How totally hopeless you are!

You don’t think outside of the box .

Mstick:
Ask your family for help.


You and your baby daddy will not use nairalanders for money.

Go take salary advance from your employer or sell anything of value.


Going by all your comments, you don't want to leave, you just want people to send you money. Keep planning, you think in situations like this you need a plan? You run, go to a safe place and plan.

Were you reading my mind?
I don't want to be harsh but
I remember when she got pregnant for her second child, she came to naira land to beg, one lady asked her why she got pregnant again when she can barely feed. Lizzy opened her mouth to say Any woman that has one child is no different from a barren woman.
Nairalanders pitied her, contributed money for baby things and hospital things.
After some months, her husband opened a thread again and was begging for money.
He claimed his wife was in the hospital and no money to pay for hospital bills and hospital materials.
People pitied him and sent money to him.
Do you know that the husband had the guts to come back again to beg for money to feed his baby. He said his bike was stolen in his house and that was his only source of income.
Lizzy and her husband fit each other.
When she is ready to leave, she will leave but for now, she is only looking for excuses to beg for money.
I won't be surprised if she and her husband planned this.

Ginaz:
It is good to be rude . Now sit down and read what you have written, don’t you see how hopeless you sound ? How totally hopeless you are!

You don’t think outside of the box .

Ok

My stance will never ever change. Women going through domestic abuse will never leave till they themselves decide.

I remember a lady her husband beat up to the point of death some years ago and money was raised for her, guess what? She went back to him.

So Lizzyangel if you really want to leave you set the ball rolling and help will come.

dobnina:
Were you reading my mind?
I don't want to be harsh but
I remember when she got pregnant for her second child, she came to naira land to beg, one lady asked her why she got pregnant again when she can barely feed. Lizzy opened her mouth to say Any woman that has one child is no different from a barren woman.
Nairalanders pitied her, contributed money for baby things and hospital things.
After some months, her husband opened a thread again and was begging for money.
He claimed his wife was in the hospital and no money to pay for hospital bills and hospital materials.
People pitied him and sent money to him.
Do you know that the husband had the guts to come back again to beg for money to feed his baby. He said his bike was stolen in his house and that was his only source of income.
Lizzy and her husband fit each other.
When she is ready to leave, she will leave but for now, she is only looking for excuses to beg for money.
I won't be surprised if she and her husband planned this.

Thanks so much for your contribution, it's highly noted.

Emi ni mo tona woro.

dobnina:
Were you reading my mind?
I don't want to be harsh but
I remember when she got pregnant for her second child, she came to naira land to beg, one lady asked her why she got pregnant again when she can barely feed. Lizzy opened her mouth to say Any woman that has one child is no different from a barren woman.
Nairalanders pitied her, contributed money for baby things and hospital things.
After some months, her husband opened a thread again and was begging for money.
He claimed his wife was in the hospital and no money to pay for hospital bills and hospital materials.
People pitied him and sent money to him.
Do you know that the husband had the guts to come back again to beg for money to feed his baby. He said his bike was stolen in his house and that was his only source of income.
Lizzy and her husband fit each other.
When she is ready to leave, she will leave but for now, she is only looking for excuses to beg for money.
I won't be surprised if she and her husband planned this.

Abeg don’t mind them , that’s how they are . They will come and wail in self pity but won’t do anything to help themselves out of the situation. All they want is self pity and a pat on the back all the time .

They know the solution to their problems but have no mental strength to put an end to it . Let her stay with the wicked father of a man.. I tell you she won’t leave him. They rather die in excuses than moving ahead .

SegFault:
Everyone has flaws but[b] staying with a man who views you and your gender as subhuman and objects of pleasure is just plain ass dumb. [/b]The way a typical African man sees women is exactly how Hitler viewed the Jews. Objects to be terminated or used.

LOLH ! i get its an emotional one buh can we stick to OP story, i doubt if our man is touching lizzy as much as she would av wanted, back to the main.
I don't know how you think africa men see women buh i know for sure, no race of men pamper women better than africa/naija men, don't forget no race satisfy women beta than black race ask the kardashians.

Thank you!

I remember all this. Her and her baby daddy's arrogance was what made me never forget them.

She's just looking for money that's all. I would never change my statement.

No matter how crazy my relationship with my dad is, he would never see me and his grandkids suffering and look the other way.

She said she's the one that bought the things in the house she should sell it and go and bunk with her mom till she finds her feet.

They aren't even married.

dobnina:
Were you reading my mind?
I don't want to be harsh but
I remember when she got pregnant for her second child, she came to naira land to beg, one lady asked her why she got pregnant again when she can barely feed. Lizzy opened her mouth to say Any woman that has one child is no different from a barren woman.
Nairalanders pitied her, contributed money for baby things and hospital things.
After some months, her husband opened a thread again and was begging for money.
He claimed his wife was in the hospital and no money to pay for hospital bills and hospital materials.
People pitied him and sent money to him.
Do you know that the husband had the guts to come back again to beg for money to feed his baby. He said his bike was stolen in his house and that was his only source of income.
Lizzy and her husband fit each other.
When she is ready to leave, she will leave but for now, she is only looking for excuses to beg for money.
I won't be surprised if she and her husband planned this.

Mstick:
My stance will never ever change. Women going through domestic abuse will never leave till they themselves decide.

I remember a lady her husband beat up to the point of death some years ago and money was raised for her, guess what? She went back to him.

So Lizzyangel if you really want to leave you set the ball rolling and help will come.

I was advised here not to disclose whatever plans I have in mind to him, heaven knows I'm done with him, my purse kept me handicapped, to some extent, Ore is big enough for people to live seperately without seeing each other, houses here ain't costly too as my job is still intact,but he said I must leave this noon. I never had plans for the urgency.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Ginaz:
Abeg don’t mind them , that’s how they are . They will come and wail in self pity but won’t do anything to help themselves out of the situation. All they want is self pity and a pat on the back all the time .

They know the solution to their problems but have no mental strength to put an end to it . Let her stay with the wicked father of a man.. I tell you she won’t leave him. They rather die in excuses than moving ahead .

larryjonze:
LOLH ! i get its an emotional one buh can we stick to OP story, i doubt if our man is touching lizzy as much as she would av wanted, back to the main.
I don't know how you think africa men see women buh i know for sure, no race of men pamper women better than africa/naija men, don't forget no race satisfy women beta than black race ask the kardashians.

African Americans are different from Africans and the reason why they pamper foreign women Na because say dem no dey take nonsense. If any foreign woman wants to try, marry a typical African man sell all your possessions and come back to africa with him. Don't offer him sex one day Na then you go know say na object you be.
Note: not all Africans are like this. You might be one of the few different ones who knows.

Before you brought this to nairaland why didn't you prepare for the outcome.

I am sure there is a police station in Ore you can go and report to. He has no right to throw you and those underage kids out.

Lizzyangel:
I was advised here not to disclose whatever plans I have in mind to him, heaven knows I'm done with him, my purse kept me handicapped, to some extent, Ore is big enough for people to live seperately without seeing each other, houses here ain't costly too as my job is still intact,but he said I must leave this noon. I never had plans for the urgency.

Mstick:
Before you brought this to nairaland why didn't you prepare for the outcome.

I am sure there is a police station in Ore you can go and report to. He has no right to throw you and those underage kids out.

I hope you read the part where he once did? I slept in an uncompleted building for God's sake, you're adding salt to my injuries ma'am....not all thread you go take shine, I'm not joking here.

I've had enough already!

Copy all this on to paper. Send a copy to his mother and another to his father and a third to your own mother and father whom you must beg for forgiveness. Then move to go stay with your parents for a while during the school break while you think of the next step you should take!

Lizzyangel:
Since that April I decided not to buy foodstuff with my salary for that month,I wasn't having a good phone, so I thought, if I'm having a phone,I'd be distracted from his troubles, I got a phone, Tecno pop 4-air for 36k, I started buying school food for my boy and never bought food stuff nor cook for him, sometimes, I wouldn't have enough money to buy soap for washing, I'd buy canoe #120 and wash my kids clothes and leave ours until the next time I have money, I started borrowing money to feed my son and I, diaper and daily expenses were not easy as I didn't buy in bulk,this made him to bring out the real HIM, all this while, I thought he wasn't having,I was playing the role of a wife and a husband, my kids school fees, our transportation to school, day to day needs became clearer that I was carrying a huge load, we became enemies, he'll rage and hit me at the slightest provocation saying I should leave since I'm no longer useful, I don't cook for him, I don't wash his clothes, I don't allow him have his way(intimacy). I live daily with fear of what he's say or do again, then I went back to cooking dinner for all of us, so far, this helped him as he now see reasons why he should follow people to villages in search for cocoa produce to buy, "hunger na bastard"
He started dropping something everyday after going to villages, 2h, 5h, 1k when fortunate 2k and I must make an account for every single thing I buy, I went back to buying foodstuff when may salary arrived and he's now used to working, but I stood my ground that I won't allow him to get me used again, I stopped calling or chatting up during the day, I stopped intimate conversation and stopped sex.

Last night, he called me and demanded for sex which I replied"not interested still" he raged from 12am-4am , calling me all sort of names, body shaming me and went ahead to call side chick while I'm here and my boy couldn't sleep due to his rage, he said today is 1st that I should be prepared for the worse this new month, that the things I've seen so far are little compared to what I'd be seeing henceforth, he just wants me to talk so he can hit me, one thing about me, whenever he's burning I'd keep mute, sometimes he'd hit me for not responding, he told me to be prepared cos this month will be sour for means I should start by stop calling him "Swid" that if I don't die on the long run,I should count myself lucky cos he'd frustrate hell out of me, I was just there weeping inside all through the night,he promised to bring his side chick one these days to sleep over since I've declared myself useless for some months now.


I just kept mute and hope it become dawn, to my greatest surprise, my 7yrs old boy started telling me all what he said during the night, he couldn't sleep, he was crying thinking Swid will hit me again, I felt sorry and ashamed of myself and the kind of home I'm raising my kids, the boy is becoming grown and smart, where am I going from here?
I decided to come open this way cos I don't know what tomorrow may hold as his promises implied, and who's gonna tell my story to the world when I'm gone?


Save me Nairalanders.

Lizzyangel:
I wish I could leave,but I've got no relative in Ore and no savings cos my salary is not even enough to cater for our needs moreso, I don't want to go back to my parents house.

Beg borrow steal and swallow your pride, or be killed and die and become worm food!

Those are your two options.

You hear?

PeaceJoyLove:
@Lizzyangel

In the name of the almighty God I beg you, find a place to go and rest your mind first. Leave him for now. This is the first step. And move your children, welfare is a good option.

Listen to me, if you do not move out now, he will kill you. And these children you are protecting will be exposed to 100 times abuses and suffering. A stitch in time saves nine.

Please, stop writing details here also as you have written enough.

No matter how "ma.d" your father is, there will be someone who can talk to him. You need him NOW. There must be someone he listens to.

There is a case I got involved recently, and the man is already regretting his actions. If you are wise, you will overcome. But first, get out of that house before you lose the battle and expose your children to years of suffering they may not overcome also. And the only picture of their mother they will have is a 27 years old nursing mom. A beg....flee first.

But you need to strategize well so you can have a smooth movement out of his house. You will overcome if you do the right thing.

After moving out, your priority is your health. You arent even going to think of returning to him for a period of time. Your BP must be normal again...please. You need to settle down for a year and eat good food. Rest your mind very well. There is a way you can do it.

Sister, in short, your first plan should be to quit for minimum of a year without interruption. I dont want to write too much here because the bas.tard may be reading.

budaatum:
I've had enough already!

Copy all this on to paper. Send a copy to his mother and another to his father and a third to your own mother and father whom you must beg for forgiveness. Then move to go stay with your parents for a while during the school break while you think of the next step you should take!

Unfortunately, his mother is late, and my parents aren't anywhere near me, furthermore, holiday ends today, school resumes on Monday...he knew I had no where to go right now, this had been the reason for threatening me,at the end I'll be the one begging for his offense and the cycle continues, but I'm tired, I'm dying inwardly, sometimes my voice will just go blank for days as a result of silent cries, at 27 my menses is fluctuating despite not having sex, little things get me totally scared and at times I'd be shivering at the sound of a dropping tin.

Hi Lizzy, your situation actually seems hopeless but truth be told I don't think Nairalanders are ready to part with a dime to you, based on you and your hubby's track record of begging. I'll suggest you go to a declutter group on Facebook, or even here on the clearance section, sell whatever you have to sell to raise some money, look the world is tough and making these decisions aren't easy, but if you're really serious about leaving this demon of your husband ( unless you're exaggerating) you will find a way even where there seems to be none. But me? I can never forgive or forget a man who allowed me stay in an uncompleted building with my baby. Even if I want to forgive him, my baby's head will certainly judge me. Nonsense and ingredients!

Madam Lizzy I get your goddam point. At the end of your pity parade and circle movement all you want is money to be given to you, true or false?

Sanchez01:
See, truth is I am not interested in hearing his side of the story. There are thousands of ways to communicate with your partner. Let's just assume he is naturally vindictive, does it in any way justify why he sent out a woman under your protection out in the middle of the night because you are entitled and jealous? Worse is that he did it to a nursing mother. That is never okay in any way.

Whatever peppersoup rebuttal he'll cook will, at best, appeal to individuals with dysfunctional mindset as his. If anything had happened to the lady in the dead of the night, he would have probably created a thread to paint the sweet, loving husband whose wife went out to get something and never returned (God forbid).

My dear you have said it all.