My In-laws are doing their father's burial and I don't have money kindly advise.
This is really a serious matter as I have only two weeks left.
Elders in the house kindly advise a brother.
Thanks



Chief Lalasticlala ... Mynd44 Dominique and all mods kindly uplift this post as I am on very hot seat please.
Thanks

Explain to them you don't have the money,

Better cut your coat according to your Size.

Don't do what you can't just to please human. You can never satisfy human no matter what you do. Explain to them and allow things to pass

DaddyRochie1642:
Explain to them you don't have the money,

Better cut your coat according to your Size.

Baba its easier said than done. My wife is already on panic mode fearing I might not make it and it would be a disgrace for her if I couldn't come up with what culture demands of me.

Fahdiga:
Don't do what you can't just to please human. You can never satisfy human no matter what you do. Explain to them and allow things to pass

My brother its all about culture

I called my senior bros yesterday and he listed all that culture demands from me which included Goats and yams and palm wine and beer...three big goats to be precise and each from 35 to 40 k

Karlman:

Baba its easier said than done. My wife is already on panic mode fearing I might not make it and it would be a disgrace for her if I couldn't come up with what culture demands of me.

What other choice is there than to swallow your pride and admit you have nothing to give? Would you rather commit and then fail to deliver?
Tell them the truth and when you eventually have to give, you can give them.

Kobojunkie:
What other choice is there than to swallow your pride and admit you have nothing to give? Would you rather commit and then fail to deliver?
Tell them the truth and when you eventually have to give, you can give them.

Thanks bro I just hope someone understands me...I just started a new job and all that My entire salary can do is to package my wife and kids and send them home...however we are going to do with the cultural demands I don't know.

Karlman:

Thanks bro I just hope someone understands me...I just started a new job and all that My entire salary can do is to package my wife and kids and send them home...however we are going to do with the cultural demands I don't know.

Killing yourself is not going to help anyone , is it?

However, when you are finally able to, please be sure to remit your share of cost back to your wife's family so they know that it isn't the case that you bailed but instead that you didn't have to give at the time.

Karlman:

Baba its easier said than done. My wife is already on panic mode fearing I might not make it and it would be a disgrace for her if I couldn't come up with what culture demands of me.

okay go and steal or use yourself for rituals so your wife won't be disgraced.

Them de tell you better thing and better advice, you de here de cap nonsense.

You no get, you no get shey she no de see say you no get?

The same thing happened to one of my neighbor as at Three months ago...He felt the pressure to the extent that he even went to take a loan from LAPO..... Right now,as I'm typing this,the nigha don run comot from him house because he has been unable to pay back his debt..

So op,use your head.... And you better cut your coat according to your cloth

Kobojunkie:
What other choice is there than to swallow your pride and admit you have nothing to give? Would you rather commit and then fail to deliver?
Tell them the truth and when you eventually have to give, you can give them.

Allow am make him go steal.

Na broke him broke no be him kill the person and him still de bothered.

Or is he looking for Nairalanders to dash him money?

Just offer what you can afford...
Humans are insatiable from Nl point of perspective!!!

If it were your father’s burial, wouldn’t you do what is expected of you?
Your wife’s father is also your father, so you have to do what is expected of you. It is your obligation.

You brought the matter to nairaland looking for excuses and support on why you shouldn’t fulfill your obligations, knowing fully well that traditionally, it is what is expected of you.
When you’re done fantasizing, you’ll log off and go see what you can and should do about the situation.
It might not be easy, but it is not impossible. O ruola n’omume!

Karlman:

Baba its easier said than done. My wife is already on panic mode fearing I might not make it and it would be a disgrace for her if I couldn't come up with what culture demands of me.

Who cares about disgrace.!
If you dont have it, there is nothing you can do.

Karlman:
My In-laws are doing their father's burial and I don't have money kindly advise.
This is really a serious matter as I have only two weeks left.
Elders in the house kindly advise a brother.
Thanks



Chief Lalasticlala ... Mynd44 Dominique and all mods kindly uplift this post as I am on very hot seat please.
Thanks

@ Kalman,
The issue on ground is something most married men can relate with.
Traditionally speaking, you are obliged to play a good part, and we all know Nigerian burial ceremony is about money.
But given your current financial situation, these whole thing can be easier handled.
First off, what has been your relationship with your in-laws?- good relationship enhances mutual understanding even in hard times.
Were you (spouse's) there to care for the man when he was alive - because even if you have all the money to spend now, it won't make as much difference safe for the mere crowd accolades.
How intimate are you with your wife- if your wife can't trust you when you say you don't have, then that is a bit of problem.
Trust me, a great deal of the covering, lobbying, softlanding etc will be done by your wife because, she still remains their daughter.
You need to sit down together and work out the most helpful way out -I pray she is the understanding type, and there is mutual love among the siblings.
And as things stand now, you may need to bury your ego and make your presence felt while the whole thing last.
Don't invite a crowd, and be ready to bear indirect insult.
Please keep your hope for a better day high. It is no crime to be broke in a moment, you may be the breadwinner of the whole family tomorrow.
Cheers bro

Skyview01:


Who cares about disgrace.!
If you dont have it, there is nothing you can do.

There is something he can do. It is not impossible.
If he looks for a solution, he’ll find it.

@O. P do the little you can do( the beer part or give your wife a little cash as part of your contribution) and explain to your inlaw the elderly one your situation he or she would know how to handle whatever issues that may arise.

kingphilip:
okay go and steal or use yourself for rituals so your wife won't be disgraced.

Them de tell you better thing and better advice, you de here de cap nonsense.

You no get, you no get shey she no de see say you no get?

While he definitely shouldn't steal or kill himself, he still should submits to paying up when he eventually comes into enough money to pay for his share of costs.

I’m suspecting these folks are igbo. I still don’t know why we go overboard on funerals when the family is grieving and should be extended a hand of help and sympathy. Rather, the community wants to use that opportunity to extort them. This part of our culture has never been acceptable to my spirit.

If one in-law is expected to bring goats (multiple) how many are the others then expected to bring and how much in total are they expecting from this one family? To whose benefit? Did any of them even give a hoot about the man while he was alive? Now he’s dead they want to be dined and wined by his hurting and grieving children.

Extravagant funerals should be done only if that’s what the nuclear family wants for their father and whomever amongst them that wants it badly should be the one to pay for it. You shouldn’t be mourning your dead family member and also stressing about not having money to entertain community people.

mariahAngel:
If it were your father’s burial, wouldn’t you do what is expected of you?
Your wife’s father is also your father, so you have to do what is expected of you. It is your obligation.

You brought the matter here to nairaland looking for excuses and support on why you shouldn’t fulfill your obligations, knowing fully well that traditionally, it is what is expected of you.
When you’re done fantasizing, you’ll log off and go see what you can and should do about the situation.
It might not be easy, but it is not impossible. O ruola n’omume!

You said a lot without preferring any solution...why do you think I came here to shy away from my cultural responsibility no I came here to let people see where I found myself and probably advise me based on past experience in same situation.
You kept saying there is something I can do please tell me so long its not crime or lapo.

cococandy:
I’m suspecting these folks are igbo. I still don’t know why we go overboard on funerals when the family is grieving and should be extended a hand of help and sympathy. Rather, the community wants to use that opportunity to extort them. This part of our culture has never been acceptable to my spirit.

If one in-law is expected to bring goats (multiple) how many are the others then expected to bring and how much in total are they expecting from this one family? To whose benefit? Did any of them even give a hoot about the man while he was alive? Now he’s dead they want to be dined and wined by his hurting and grieving children.

Extravagant funerals should be done only if that’s what the nuclear family wants for their father and whomever amongst them that wants it badly should be the one to pay for it. You shouldn’t be mourning your dead family member and also stressing about not having money to entertain community people.

My dear I kept winderring why it is that culture never bothered to think that at sometime someone somewhere might not have the money needed for all that.

Karlman:
I called my senior bros yesterday and he listed all that culture demands from me which included Goats and yams and palm wine and beer...three big goats to be precise and each from 35 to 40 k

Na you kill am?

Karlman:


You said a lot without preferring any solution...why do you think I came here to shy away from my cultural responsibility no I came here to let people see where I found myself and probably advise me based on past experience in same situation.
You kept saying there is something I can do please tell me so long its not crime or lapo.

So, you need me to tell you to go borrow if you have to, to play your part? Then go borrow, but borrow what you can afford to pay back.
It is not as if the major part of the responsibility is on you, so do what you can to fulfill your part. You don’t have to give all that they requested. Just give what you can.
It cannot be ignored and you know it.

toxict14:
Na you kill am?

This question is unfair.
Would you ask him the same if it were his father?
This is his wife’s late father we’re talking about here, not some distant uncle.

Karlman, the economy is not smiling on a lot of people this days, please do not resort to crime or borrowing ( either LAPO, loan apps whatever).
You said you can afford money to package your family to the location of the burial, very good, if you can get a little sum as salary advance ( less than your monthly salary oo ehen) to hold as pocket money that will be good.

Go there, you may not have money but assist physically the way you can as an in law even if it is organization.

You can explain to your in-laws how things are for now, later you can pay the requirements when you can afford it, you might not tell them this but have it at the back of your mind.

God help you bro, don't enter gbese for burial oo .

cococandy:
I’m suspecting these folks are igbo. I still don’t know why we go overboard on funerals when the family is grieving and should be extended a hand of help and sympathy. Rather, the community wants to use that opportunity to extort them. This part of our culture has never been acceptable to my spirit.

If one in-law is expected to bring goats (multiple) how many are the others then expected to bring and how much in total are they expecting from this one family? To whose benefit? Did any of them even give a hoot about the man while he was alive? Now he’s dead they want to be dined and wined by his hurting and grieving children.

Extravagant funerals should be done only if that’s what the nuclear family wants for their father and whomever amongst them that wants it badly should be the one to pay for it. You shouldn’t be mourning your dead family member and also stressing about not having money to entertain community people.

Your family norm doesn't automatically equate to an Igbo Culture.

@OP, If you're sincerely certain that you don't have a means to support them, either get in touch with your wife's siblings to tell them your predicament or get in touch with the most sensible of them and tell hir your predicament and why you won't be able to contribute to the burial as you would have wished to. They'll only fail to accept your explanation in good faith if they've always known you as an irresponsible man or if they've always been irresponsible.

If you've always been a responsible man and they fail to accept your explanation in good faith, tell them that the dead should bury itself. Strive to always owe your loyalty to justness and give no damn about what popular opinions or unjust people or inconsequential people think.

Thankfully I haven’t lost a close family member yet so it makes sense that I’m not talking about my own specific family here, right?

You’d think maybe it’s more of an observation of how things are generally done in the culture where I am from.
Also my post is not a personal attack on you. Dial back on the unnecessary aggression .

RightToReject:


Your family norm doesn't automatically equate to an Igbo Culture.
.

mariahAngel:


So, you need me to tell you to go borrow if you have to, to play your part? Then go borrow, but borrow what you can afford to pay back.
It is not as if the major part of the responsibility is on you, so do what you can to fulfill your part. You don’t have to give all that they requested. Just give what you can.
It cannot be ignored and you know it.

Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.

NoToPile:
Karlman, the economy is not smiling on a lot of people this days, please do not resort to crime or borrowing ( either LAPO, loan apps whatever).
You said you can afford money to package your family to the location of the burial, very good, if you can get a little sum as salary advance ( less than your monthly salary oo ehen) to hold as pocket money that will be good.

Go there, you may not have money but assist physically the way you can as an in law even if it is organization.

You can explain to your in-laws how things are for now, later you can pay the requirements when you can afford it, you might not tell them this but have it at the back of your mind.

God help you bro, don't enter gbese for burial oo .

Thanks bro but shame wouldn't let me show my face there if can't do what I am supposed to do and too is not a one man journey so normally I have to come with my people and of course those elders can't follow you anywhere to go and present themselves empty handed its a shameful journey my people will never undertake. Just like you said if in the end I was only able to send my wife as that's all my salary can cover then so be it.

toxict14:
Na you kill am?

No be only three goats self plus 8yams big ones o and 4gallons of palmwine and 4crates of beerand the tfare to convene the people you are taking with you to the place

Karlman:


Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.

Negotiate with them to cut it down to what you can manage to give.
I don’t see the need for three goats and all that.