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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money (5916 Views)
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Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 10:32am On Sep 30, 2021 |
cococandy:Not a family specific at all..this is the cultural practice if you really want to attend an in-laws father or mother burial. 2 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by RightToReject(m): 10:32am On Sep 30, 2021 |
cococandy: It's not about unnecessary aggression or anything of such, OK. I don't like the idea of anyone distorting facts wittingly or unwittingly. You and I know that in the same Igboland, the poor have always buried their relatives based on the size of their pocket, culture or no culture. It's the same thing when some myopic people from or outside the Igboland, or bigoted hateful people from outside the Igbo land, strive hard to tell whosoever cares to listen that anyone who wants to marry an Igbo woman must pay and spend millions, whereas evidence abounds everywhere that people from within and outside marry Igbo women based on the size of their pockets or how they present themselves culture or no culture. Culture has never been about how the dead people did their things; rather, it has always been about how the living people choose to do their things. 6 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:34am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel:Lmao....I wouldn't encourage even an Enemy to borrow and do occasion in this dwindling economy...Payment might lead to depression for some people. If he is lucky he has other people than can assist in burying their Father-in-law, it is fine... But, he must accept he failed in little contributions he should make...And it should be a boost to hustle for him, Maybe he can single handedly sponsor his memorial service to redeem himself. Who hold today, fit be broke tomorrow... A friend ones told me some years ago he found it difficult to feed, his wife elder sis treats him like thrash...Even tried to discourage the sister from dating him wayback...But today, dude is a multi millionaire...Guess what, he is even a means of livelihood for most of his In-laws now..Especially the one that hated him most... When you experience somethings in this life, their is a level to your chills and focus as man precisely. OP is probably in a down moment...It should be a motivation for him...Seeing he can't even be in decision making to bury his second father. This time last year, My aunt and her hubby faced similar case when her MIL passed on...Her SIL...almost humiliated her...Dad had to come in to assist them at least cook something personal to serve their own guest... But guess what, few weeks after the burial their last son in Turkey, called and told them to relocate somewhere...he pulled down their old house and erected a bigger modern house in 2months...Got them nice ride and a driver, Infact their life has changed as we speak. Life is not that deep if we no carry stuffs for head...Like if it doesn't happen now, heaven will fall. 2 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 10:35am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Sonnobax15:Am not even considering Lapo but of course if I could get to borrow elsewhere where I can pay in peace without heart attacks then fine |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:37am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel:Lol... Wahala for who no get money in law come die.. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:38am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman:Did you married from Anambra? Or SE state? |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by brownemmanuel43(m): 10:38am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman:I believe u married the first daughter, that's by the way. See dey no dey do burial finish. Don't put your in a situation that will take time to heal. No go do pass yourself, as u hv stated before that u can only afford packaging your wife and kids down to the village for the burial, pls do that and also u can add some palm wine bcs palm wine is cheaper. As for the goat, abeg no go reason that side, pls the dead man is gone and not here to make merry 1 Like |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 10:40am On Sep 30, 2021 |
RightToReject:Of course you have a point bro but of course as an Inlaw to a family you would want to fulfil cultural demands and put smile on your partners face but then again when resources are limited as is the case now the shame stares you in the face that you couldn't represent 1 Like |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by chatinent: 10:42am On Sep 30, 2021 |
If you don't have money, I advise you borrow a little to support...even if it's ₦20k. In-Laws have a way of tagging your incapacitatedness on relevant issues forever. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 10:45am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Munzy14: As they say, wahala no dey finish, but challenges are surmountable. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:47am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman:Afford what you can, if you can't, delay is not denial... You can always redeem yourself later... Genuinely, do the little you can, and heaven will not fall...Even if it is culture, the gods are wise and can be lenient. In this trial time, your wife and kids are your priority, anyother thing is extra if the money isn't there. If you can't meet up, return home few days to burial and help out with errands to cushion side talk stuffs. You can be a major financier of the memerial service if you pick up from your trial moments. No go do pass yourself o...Depression is real and dangerous for a family man. 1 Like |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 10:47am On Sep 30, 2021 |
chatinent: Exactly! Borrowing is not a crime, neither is it a taboo. Onye ri ndu ga a kwu ugwo o ji and life continues. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:49am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel:Challenges makes us tougher and wiser na. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by chatinent: 10:50am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel: Mbano? |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by cococandy(f): 10:50am On Sep 30, 2021 |
RightToReject: Well the same poor people still sometimes have to borrow and go into debt to make the funeral happen. Why should it be so? Even if they eventually completed the funeral ceremony, they still experienced some form of extortion and had to haggle price or negotiate their way out of performing some “requirements”. At a solemn moment in their lives. I call it extortion because sometimes the community mentally measures the pocket of the deceased’s children and they are tasked according to what the people perceive they should be able to afford even if it’s accurate or not. That means it’s not even a real requirement. It’s just an opportunity for them to mooch off the dead person’s children especially if they think they have money. Poor or rich, should a grieving family even be dealing with that in the first place? I don’t understand why you would classify something that happens in the majority of cases as me distorting the truth. That’s very insincere of you. Or maybe you can say it’s different where you come from and I’ll be like “alright”. But where I am from it’s how they do and it doesn’t sit well with me. That’s all I’m saying. It’s not a competition of whose culture is better because I can already tell that a few of my brothers and sisters are going to be in here getting hurt over the truth. It is what it is. Other tribes have some weird things they do too that makes me . You should be able to say something is not cool even if it’s your folks that are doing it. while this may or may not be true, I’m not prepared to delve into that traditional marriage issue now.
Oh cool. So that means we the living can say the truth about what we see and maybe change things for our children. I have nothing against extravagant ceremonies. As long as it’s not being done to fulfill an obligation rather it’s being done by the family on their own volition. If I can afford to, I would do Obi Cubana style funeral for my parents without any pressure from anyone but I would really detest for some old man I’ve never met in my life telling me I owe him 5 cows as a requirement before they will let me bury my loved ones. 4 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Munzy14(m): 10:51am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel: Onye na enwehu ihe oji akwu ugwo kwanu? If them knock for his door after burial, voom! Obi ama fuo ya..lmao |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 10:52am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Munzy14:Thanks |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by cococandy(f): 10:53am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman: Yea it’s not family specific. And I realize some areas may be a bit different from the others even if their culture is similar. I’m familiar with situations where the requirements are being set by people you’ve never heard of in your life. There should be moderation. Hopefully we won’t be growing into elders who extort grieving families 3 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 10:59am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Munzy14: Op seems like he’s afraid, but there comes a time in one’s life when you need to step out your comfort zone and do what you have to do. Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be unnecessarily overwhelmed by a situation, when there are options we’d rather not take. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 11:01am On Sep 30, 2021 |
chatinent: Yes. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:03am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman: No go enter geese or trouble ooo. They should manage whatever resources they have for the burial. I no get no be crime ooo. For your wife, support her as much as you can emotionally making her understand it is best you people stay afloat than sink because of pressure. No matter what is done. It wouldn't bring back the dead. 2 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 11:03am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Munzy14: I chiga ochi? Ya wurukwanu s’owu nna ya nwuru, owu o gahu e li ya? |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 11:06am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel:Lol they are not asking you anything ...you yourself know what's required of you. The three goats you take there one would be given back to your people who went there and some of the yam and drinks too which they your people will come back with to come and enjoy themselves...like I said this stuffs are cultural |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:08am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel: What kind of post is this na? Should he borrow/steal to please? Should he act despicably just to save face? Why put him under unnecessary pressure? 3 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:11am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Kobojunkie: Why the share of cost to start with? The family shouldn't so more than they can afford. There's no need pleasing the people at their expense. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 11:12am On Sep 30, 2021 |
GboyegaD: You won’t understand. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 11:13am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman: Do you think your people can support you in any way? |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:14am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel: I will ask more because if his immediate family cannot understand his plight then he will be better off without them. 1 Like |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:16am On Sep 30, 2021 |
NoToPile: He just resumed his job as such, he might not be able to get much days off. He better hold up his job than tell more stories in the future. 2 Likes |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by Karlman: 11:16am On Sep 30, 2021 |
mariahAngel:I am afraid of course...the timing is most inappropriate for me. Who do I run and I very hate the idea begging around everyone giving you a million excuses why they had millions only yesterday and have just lend it to someone two minutes before you came. And of we all know the country is now. |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by mariahAngel(f): 11:19am On Sep 30, 2021 |
GboyegaD: That is where negotiation comes in. In Igbo land, when it comes to dealing with your in-laws, things are done amicably, and not by I can’t and won’t do it gragra |
Re: My In-laws Are Doing Their Father's Burial And I Don't Have Money by GboyegaD(m): 11:20am On Sep 30, 2021 |
Karlman: Seems you are more bothered about pleasing people than to be true to yourself. If you hurt yourself with excessive thoughts and injure yourself, dem go still carry on with or without you. Oga, you have done your best, don't over stress it. 3 Likes |
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