I feel really confused how I got to this point.
My problem is my inability to say no.
We have been friends but I never got the chance to quite check her out. something happened that changed the whole situation. I had accident while on my way to my base early this year and it happened that she was the only female friend that I informed because we were talking, and it was then that the closeness began and she started coming around often.
The experience was devastating and I was hospitalized for quite some time. This period, I couldn't even contemplate relationship but she stood close.
I became better, the scars improved and I resumed work after 5 months
She then kept asking when are we getting married and I was emotionally down to say I am not interested in marriage. But because I also wish to get married as I am of age and there is nothing wrong with her just that she doesn't fit my singular spec physically, which is that she is not slim, I agreed.
She is not whom I cannot marry but she is not the specific of what I want. To be frank she is not bad because she is definitely someone else's spec.
I don't want to hurt her or break her heart and I have been lackadaisical with all the plans and at this rate the wedding might be a flop even though the date has already been set for Jan 1 2022 and IV has already been printed.
Let me be specific, my desire romantically is a skinny girl while she is a bit plumpy and all my effort at telling her to loose weight has not worked, in fact she keeps increasing gradually.
she is not totally opposite of what I want if not I would've easily backed out without ado. she is just border line. That is where the problem is.
Let me reiterate that she is not ugly but I just know that she is not my spec. But is this enough reason to call off an engagement. will I be happy in the marriage. I'm just weak. Am I just paranoid or will the marriage succeed and last till death do us part even with this kind of issue in my heart. I have been struggling since the marriage plans began.
I almost called it off two weeks ago when not much people have been made aware but I considered what the implications will be majorly for her. When I told her my mind, she was stressed for 2 days and I had to tell her we can continue with plans.
Now that plans are advanced and folks all over are aware, what will the implications of cancelling the wedding be?
Further details; I never asked her to be my wife, just discussions about marriage came up as it is obvious I'm searching as a serious minded young man, no formal proposal or formal meeting of parents, she is from a good nuclear family, she is a virgin as she said, (I just need to say this to avoid speculation in this regard), we engaged in nothing more than smooching
please does anyone have experience with calling off a wedding that is already at advanced stage? How can I put it to her
Those in this kind of marriage please advise me, is it possible that I can be happy.
Please help me with advises. questions are welcome

A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. She's not ur kind of girl (romantically) yet u still proceeded. That's so immature of u.

If u love slim babes,go for them. Stop dating plumpy babes and be disturbing them with the slim tea stuff.
Chubby chics are people's spec too

Are you getting married out of pity...

Bros abeg summarize

Na wa

Oga, do yourself a favor and back out of that bondage you're about to enter. In fact , the only option you have is to tell her the truth and cancel that marriage.

The reason is because you can't afford to invest in a matrimony that will lead to frustration and regrets later in life . And if you thinks this is a lie , check out the statistic of divorce rates. You'll see that 60% of most marriages end in divorce because of marrying for the wrong reasons.

If you're worried about what people would say regarding your decision, just ignore them. And if they persist , ask them if they're willing to suffer the frustrations you'll endure if you marry this woman, and if they can't answer , then they are very stupid.

Two fornicatorsgetting married? Oga, goan siddown! Only virgins are worth marrying these days. The non-virgin should either be babymamas or go fvck themselves for all I care!

Wait I don't get were you all dating ?

Na wa for you.Just because you were getting attention and intimacy free from a lady,you kept leading her on.I do not like people who toy with other people's emotions.You could have made it known to her it was just friends with benefits.

You might end up with a loveless marriage if you proceed with the wedding(she will get fatter after wedding).
A broken engagement is better than a broken wedding.

A plum lady was once a skinny lady.
The only permanent thing is change.

Nnapet:

I feel really confused how I got to this point.
My problem is my inability to say no.
We have been friends but I never got the chance to quite check her out. something happened that changed the whole situation. I had accident while on my way to my base early this year and it happened that she was the only female friend that I informed because we were talking, and it was then that the closeness began and she started coming around often.
The experience was devastating and I was hospitalized for quite some time. This period, I couldn't even contemplate relationship but she stood close.
I became better, the scars improved and I resumed work after 5 months
She then kept asking when are we getting married and I was emotionally down to say I am not interested in marriage. But because I also wish to get married as I am of age and there is nothing wrong with her just that she doesn't fit my singular spec physically, which is that she is not slim.
She is not whom I cannot marry but she is not the specific of what I want. To be frank she is not bad because she is definitely someone else's spec.
I only decided to continue all the wedding plans because I don't want to hurt her and I have been lackadaisical with all the plans and at this rate the wedding might be a flop even though the date has already been set for Jan 1 2022 and IV has already been printed.
Let me be specific, my desire romantically is a skinny girl while she is a bit plumpy and all my effort at telling her to loose weight has not worked, in fact she keeps increasing gradually.
she is not totally opposite of what I want if not I would've easily backed out. she is just border line. That is where the problem is.
Let me reiterate that she is not ugly but I just know that she is not my spec. Is that enough reason to call off an engagement. will I be happy in the marriage. I'm just weak. Am I just paranoid or will the marriage succeed and last even with this kind of issue in my heart. I have been struggling since the marriage plans began.
I almost called it off two weeks ago when not much people have been made aware but I considered what the implications will be majorly for her. But she was stressed for 2 days and I had to tell her we can continue planning
Now that plans are advanced and folks all over are aware, what will the implications of cancelling the wedding be?
I never asked her to be my wife, just discussions about marriage came up, no formal proposal or formal meeting of parents, she is from a good nuclear family.
please does anyone have experience with calling off a wedding that is already at advanced stage? How can I put it to her
Those in this kind of marriage please advise me.
I love her as a friend and adviser, will I be happy and be able treat her with love till death do us part even with this issue in my heart?
Please help me with advises. questions are welcome

you are truly confused,I see the confusion hugging your tie so tightly.


But on a serious note why will you leave her because she is plump or something.
Fine,you want someone that's slim,but what if the slim girl you like later become even fatter than the girl in question after marriage.

think about it very well again,you said her character isn't bad,what if the slim girl you may later go for have a bad character(you know bad girl will frustrate the life outta you ).Think over it again.Ciao!

thorpido:
Na wa for your.Just because you were getting attention and intimacy free from a lady,you kept leading her on.I do not like people who toy with other people's emotions.You could have made it known to her it was just friends with benefits.

You might end up with a loveless marriage if you proceed with the wedding(she will get fatter after wedding).
A broken engagement is better than a broken wedding.

Attention Yes
Intimacy No
I have edited my post to include this detail

You will save each other especially yourself years of unhappiness that will be filled with blame games, and just living like mere neighbors. If there is a huge possibility that your love for her won't improve then there is no point diving in for the sole purpose of drowning.

Na real wa for Oop, you toying with somebody's feeling, the rubbish you wrote up there please put yourself in her position, if it's convenient for you.
It is what it's.

SmellySperm:
A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. She's not ur kind of girl (romantically) yet u still proceeded. That's so immature of u.

If u love slim babes,go for them. Stop dating plumpy babes and be disturbing them with the slim tea stuff.
Chubby chics are people's spec too

if she is your sister,will you give this advice?

Nnapet:
I
Further details; I never asked her to be my wife, just discussions about marriage came up as it is obvious I'm searching as a serious minded young man, no formal proposal or formal meeting of parents, she is from a good nuclear family, she is a virgin as she said, (I just need to say this to avoid speculation in this regard), we engaged in nothing more than smooching
please does anyone have experience with calling off a wedding that is already at advanced stage? How can I put it to her
Those in this kind of marriage please advise me, is it possible that I can be happy.
Please help me with advises. questions are welcome

Please break it off with her immediately.

She won't die because of you as she will go on to find someone who will love her as she is. All you have to do is let her go - call it off before you ruin her time any further!

Dear Op, I'd like u 2 turn d table around nd place ursef in her position while she be at urs, den ask ursef truthfully, 'HOW WOULD I FEEL IF SOMEONE DO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO TO HER? Be sincere wif ur ans in ol honesty. While u put ursef in her shoe, also try put d family in2 d equation.

No doubt, it's stupid 2 marry sm1 out of pity as one is likely 2 regret such act in future, but why smell wat u know u wudn't or don't like 2 eat? Dis marriage idea doesn't popup recently, neither her tryin 2 pin it on u started out of d blue, u succumbed 2 it ol dose while nd failed 2 set d record straight.

I understand u feel indebted 2 her, ol tanx 2 her contribution, sacrifice nd support wen u needed a friend d most, it shows u r kindhearted nd considerate, but ur mistake is ur failure 2 call her bluff wen d marriage idea just started cos I'm � sure d idea wasn't stamped at once, d signs nd hints were dia.

I quite understand wia u r komin 4rm cos I cud relate as I am in similar situation, but I did stylishly let her realize my stand on wat she want (marriage) which is marriage in a way she wudn't feel too hurt, even if she was, I wasn't dia 2 see it, but bottomline is, d message was clearly passed, she even still av d hope of me probably avin a change of heart, but I chuz not 2 lead her on, so dia is no room she wud be tryin 2 impose marriage on me. In fact, she is a lady I feel so indebted 2 wif d kind of sacrifices she put up 4 me, except dat as at present, I cudn't bring myself 2 buy her idea of marriage.

Shud u call-off d marriage, u wudn't be d first 2, neither wud u be d last. Stuff like dis hapun almost like a trend OR u chuz 2 continue wif it, one tin is certain regardless of ur decision which is, U WILL REGRET, but be wise nd considerate enof 2 chuz ur regret, WISELY.

Best you call it off or put it on hold!
Instead of been miserable! Forever is too long.

chidekings:


if she is your sister,will you give this advice?

Would be much better than been married to a man that doesn't find her attractive enough! ,and marrying her out of pity.

First of all, She Manipulated to marriage so fast even when you are not ready. I won’t say the marriage won’t work but she is rushing it. Marriage is not about fat or slim. Human beings can grow fat or become slim. Tell her she must grow slim if she loves you. Also, Look for the long term benefits in her.
In conclusion, please push that marriage to at least June next year and do more courtship to know her better and make the love grow and also she can become slim. By March next year you will conclude on whether to move forward or backwards with the marriage

Have sex with her if you find out that she’s not a virgin as claimed

Use that as an excuse and cancel everything