₦airaland Forum

Angrymode:
OP, are you saying sex should only happen when a woman wants it?

What is this world turning into these days? Must everything go the way of women?

Allow men to marry multiple wives so that when you are not in the mood perhaps another might be - NO.

I'm not saying men shouldn't be considerate to women's feelings and mood but women should also be considerate to the needs of their men.

Another solution to this problem is for women to accept sidechicks for their men who are willing to always help satisfy their men whenever they want.

Our ancestors knew this and kept their wives on rotation. However, these women want to control men and weak men encourage these feminist to control them.

For suckered men - women don't like weak men.

Our forefathers never complained about this issues because the wives even pray and prepare for their turn.I think modernization is d problem when society thinks its evil to marry more than one wife...i won't force any body's daughter into having sex if she refuses. I know dis will be d problem marry to a single woman, so I am just going to use same method our forefathers used in avoiding this issues.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

So many stupid stuff we read here is just crazy like mad

theForth:
God knows I am not violent, I hate violence with every fibre in me but if my wife should deny me sex, even once, I can never ask her again and I shall have every reason to play outside.

I don't really care if the marriage goes downhill from there, me I no send anybody. I just thank God for the personality he gave me sha.

fúck any pussy

tobechi20:
We turn a blind eye when husbands pressure their wives for sex, because how could a husband demanding sex from his wife possibly be harassment? His sex drive is considered natural. His pleasure a given.

It’s not harassment when it’s your husband, right? Isn’t a sexually demanding husband normal? Aren’t they just Hot husbands? Don’t they all do it?

This type of erroneous thinking lends itself to less obvious assaults, manipulation, and even in some cases, violence.

But because it can be done in a marriage, it’s even deemed normal and acceptable.

Mismatched libidos among couples can be frustrating. I get it. But it’s also very normal and prevalent. So many factors can contribute to sex drive — external stressors in one’s environment, diet, sleep, medical issues, etc.

Postpartum women are given the green light to bone at six weeks after birthing a baby. Never mind the fact that pregnancy literally tears a woman’s body from limb to limb, molecule by molecule for nine solid months. Bah! You’re fine. Get back on the horse!

Never mind that a new mother may have had full abdominal surgery, in the form of a C-section. That doesn’t take immense healing or anything. Never mind episiotomies. Seriously? Are you looking for a pity party, postpartum women? We all know it’s super easy to heal when your vagina is ripped from front to back. If you don’t want sex after vaginal stitches, what’s wrong with you, women? 

Forget those postpartum haywire female hormones and sleep deprivation after giving birth. Those are just theories; that shit ain’t real!

Sarcasm aside, when a woman is out of the postpartum stage, her menstrual cycle returns. A period comes with its own set of hormone fluctuations that vary and change all month long.

If we all know a woman’s sex drive is largely impacted by biological elements beyond her control, why aren’t men more understanding? Why isn’t society more understanding?

Why are a man’s sexual needs the ones always tended to? What about what the women need? The mothers? What about the support they need to feel sexy?

Women are not only impacted by biology, but they are also sexually influenced by social and cultural factors in their environment. For example, married mothers tend to work the majority of the “second shift.” Second shift is the domestic work done at your shared home, after working your paid job all day.

Women are disproportionately scrubbing toilets. And we’re exhausted. Married moms are disproportionately handling matters related to childrearing. They are touched-out. How can a mom feel Hot when she’s doing most of the work? When she’s the one tending to the kids?

Instead of telling married mothers that they should do it anyway, even if they’re not in the mood, we should encourage men to do something that would contribute to a woman’s arousal.

For starters, men should respect a woman’s rejection. They should respect her body and her choices. They should respect consent. Consent still needs to be considered, even in a marriage.

A man’s actions, or inactions, in the household affect a woman’s arousal environment. We should expect married dads to pick up more of a woman’s second-shift duties. That means helping equally with parenting and domestic tasks.

From the outside, people who berate and belittle women for not satisfying the sexual needs of their husbands are bullies. They are unsupportive. Their unfair, and frankly, deeply flawed marital criticism is rooted in years of oppression against women.

No one, I repeat, no one should think it’s okay for a woman to have sex against her will. Not even with a spouse.

Excellent contributions.

This problem expressed by the lady is one of the reasons for having two wifes if you can comfortably afford it.

Women don't need to be pressed for sex particularly after child birth.

Young men may not immediately realise that he is talking to a new mother feeling happy with a new baby to take care of. Meanwhile, the young man need to satisfy his sexual desire too.

Solution is a second wife for legitimate business.

jay89:
Before I get married I always view some of my friends that are married who are flirting outside as people that are not responsible. But now I understand. When my wife put to bed, we did not have sex for like 3 months +. When we start having sex the flow was not like before she got pregnant and put to bed. Omo their was this night my wife was not in the mood but she decide to give in, it was one of the worst sexual experience I have in my life. Since then once my wife is not in the mood I decide not to bother her again. Hmmmm the side chick I'm criticising my friends years back I'm into it now. Last last konji na bastard.

Your eyes don open. You're welcome.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

If I do decide to get married and if my man is very very endowed. It's him that would get tired, because it would be every night.

Just put on my sexy lingerie and perfume
In the room, then wait for him, while I twerk my hips and invite him to lick me up... Then give him all the styles that's in my head that night.

ThickSharon123:
If I do decide to get married and if my man is very very endowed. It's him that would get tired, because it would be every night.

Just put on my sexy lingerie and perfume
In the room, then wait for him, while I twerk my hips and invite him to lick me up... Then give him all the styles that's in my head that night.

You are not married yet and not a mother which changes your hormonal balance, body structure and focus. Sometimes your husband may not even be interested in having sex with you.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

90% of Nigeria women think from anus

Tickles001:
Very simple!! That is how it's supposed to be, but the woke generation has turned everything to battle ground of logics. We do things to make our partner happy, not necessarily because we owe it.
I just pray my future wife won't play that nonsense game with me, because she'd be sorry if she tries.

my future wife must give me all the style breaststroke backstroke doggystroke, cowgirl, blowjøb name them

Klass99:
I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

If after a woman shows reluctancy to having sex and the man still bends on having it, surely the man wouldn't mind how it happens or care about the emotion of the woman . At such points it's always selfish actualization of satisfaction.

enirock:
Make I park here dey entertain myself as I never marry.
I don already know watin I go do if my wife say e no wan do. Make I just dey enjoy the comments.

Like say when una dey take vows of marriage no be unconditional love una promise each other...

I will suggest you like her know before taking her to the altar

Klass99:
Lol @ your last paragraph. What will you do, if she tries it?

Just make sure whoever you get hitched to, is pretty much on the same page with you and you guys are not worlds apart in your thinking, values and general outlook on life.

klass I hear you suck banana quite well

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

Shut up your mouth you're not married

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

no husbands owe thier wives sex

budaatum:
Tell them, though I bet some will come and tell you its not rape in Nigeria.

Watching too much foreign movie is confusing you
I don't blame you till you got married

But wait o, why we men love sex gan, kilode, na food? And some of us sef go even do and come dey regret say why we do am, why be say konji too dey worry us... I no like sex again, na money I like ..abeg free this women jor, not by force to have sex jor

budaatum:
You are obviously not married, yet, because if you were, you'd know marriage is not the only thing that would go downhill just because your dik is starving. But if perchance you are married, your "me I no send anybody" says a lot.

You poor kids, is what I'm going to be thinking when I go to bed tonight.

ure not talking about the wife trying as much as possible to please the man sexually even without penetrataion.ure just of the opinion that once the wife isnt in the mood,then she has the right to decline entirely

Klass99:
I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

You understand what marriage .
Not always easy but you must understand your spouse need

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

y rape your wife when u can get it else where for 500 naira..nor try uniben girld o..them be unknow gunmen husband snatcher

Ikea81:
Low libido, low libido. Then why is she giving the neighbour when the husband goes to work. Abeg wives owe husband's sex o, three times daily , seven days weekly. Don't take any excuse men cos m on the loose o...if I catch iyabeji unsatisfied . Na you know o

I must make sure I expand that pussy

Wanity:
You just typed nonsense.
My wish for you may your wife always deny you sex

I say amen to the prayers

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

Men usually enjoy sex whether reluctant or not. That's one of the areas they're different from women sexually.

Klass99:
I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

hope you are not what the igbos calls "nwanyi obioma"

Lovelyperson:
I say amen to the prayers

my bro sex is overated ignore that girl u can get it anywhere now.when unknown gunmen husband snatchers don full everywhere na one idiot want take control h8m hus.gone are those days .na she go regret am self nonsense

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-qMCMDLFbs

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Dada4me:
If I no ask for two days my wife go change am for me o.

Imagine this

I don't even pray to have a partner that will be telling me no when it is time for action cos the consequence of that will outweigh what she will expect....

Women think they are the only ones that go through a lot of changes emotionally and all without considering the side of the man too.th very thought of been seduced by other younger women outside but u still heve the decency to decline cus u have a wife at home.th very thought of having to toil all day and night and yet ure denied ur conjugal rights at home is enough to drive a man crazy

mariahAngel:
One can easily tell the unmarried ones by how very disrespectful they are to their imaginary wives.

One can easily tell the ones that thinks they can weaponise sex and feel like they are the only woman in the world with vagina by how stvpid they sound online.


Madam Maria, no be every man dem use toto challenge. Na for your front him go go bring women enter house. Go ask Bonny or Kalabari women.