₦airaland Forum

mrbenjame:
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is

1. How often does this happen?
2. Should a guy go on to take his chances?
3. Should he marry someone already abroad?
4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?

Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.

Klass99:
I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.

mrbenjame:
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is

1. How often does this happen?
2. Should a guy go on to take his chances?
3. Should he marry someone already abroad?
4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?

Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.

wunmi590:


Some of our men with this their shallow mentality, I guess Nigerian men should stop thinking all Nigerian women are gold diggers...

If I have the chance which I'm currently working on, I will take my wife along, infact, I can't travel out for long without letting my wife be beside me...

No be every nigerian woman bad

adeakin:
nobody say everyone bad. But can you date everyone
I have lived in uk and Canada, let me tell you what some of our women do.
1- the ones based abroad have high taste and typically live above their salary, they can rent a house that takes 80% of their salary while men will typically rent the one that takes 35% of salary. They always want holidays and trips, cooking is seen as slavery to many of them. Any man wey marry them just dey marry wahala . You will even take loans to pay for ring, wedding and honeymoon

2. The women take abroad have chances to get free funding for course like nursing and IT. They later become richer or equal to the man . Then start to rub shoulder. Later they will say i dont need a man and divorce you.

3. Some will call police when una fight or quarrel. You as the man will be asked to leave the house temporarily or permanently. Some of the benefits are paid to the women eg child benefits. Some of our 9ja women spend it alone. Some demand you take care of all bills after you will have 200 dols as saving. While she invests her own salary of like 3k to 5k dols a month in Nigeria or her siblings.

Marriage is looking like a scam these days

adeakin:
in Canada where i am currently, sierra leone babes are the best, then ghanians, uganda and other South Africans countries like zim. They no dey too demand from men.

HeroHero:
Marriage is not permutations or gambling. One marries whom he/she find peace, love, trust & respect.

abbey621:
In life always ask yourself what is the worst case scenario? Once you can answer this confidently, just prepare for it. Whether you marry Amaka from the village and bring her abroad or you marry Vivian that is already abroad, women have one thing in common, they can do and undo blah blah blah. Forget years of love, forget all the lao lao you've done for her, once a trigger is set in a woman, my guy forget about it!

The question is simple, will you be one of those guys that falls apart just because something went wrong or will you be a real nigga and rise above it? Don't let fear cause you to miss out on your soulmate, don't let fear engulf you with so much negativity that you automatically make every woman you meet an investigative case. It is okay to trust but only after you've made yourself comfortable with the reality of asking WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?

If you're not comfortable with the answer then you're not ready for marriage, for marriage itself is making yourself vulnerable and trusting that the vulnerability would not be used against you. If it is eventually used against you, trusting that you've prepared for it and you are able to accept this is just a reality of life, for all is fair in love and war my nigga!

socialmediaman:
Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.

Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.

How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here

Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.

These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down

Should he settle with another nationality?
Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours

The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started

Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.

Klass99:
I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.

mrbenjame:
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is

1. How often does this happen?
2. Should a guy go on to take his chances?
3. Should he marry someone already abroad?
4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?

Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.

abobote:
Me I will be taking my wife and kids by January, I just have to do it for the kids

Klass99:
I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.

socialmediaman:
Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.

Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.

How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here

Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.

These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down

Should he settle with another nationality?
Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours

The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started

Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.

Loreettaa:
Define "misbehave"

When you guys marry white women, you cook, clean, care for kids and still work and pay bills.
But when you take an African woman who has been marginalised all her life abroad and she realises that women are respected over there and demands more, is that "misbehave"?
You want amaka to go abroad and be spoiling her lovely nails cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner 3 times a day, 7 days a week?
Or you want Abisola who's barely getting any dicking from you, to be praying and fasting and not to go outside and look for some , LIKE YOU DO? You think it's like Nigeria where you can shame her into submission?

For most of you abroadians, we already know you prefer to keep a woman in Nigeria where your family can press her neck if need be.
The day chiamaka comes to obodo oyibo will be the death of your fragile ego.

mrbenjame:
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is

1. How often does this happen?
2. Should a guy go on to take his chances?
3. Should he marry someone already abroad?
4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?

Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.

Mariangeles:
The question you really want to ask is Can I live abroad and have the Nigerian type of marriage?

Dude! You can't have your cake and eat it!

TheKingIsHere:
Na simps like you naija gals dey show shege for abroad

I have a friend with this same mentality. Then he, the wife and kids travelled abroad to Canada.

Not up to a year, the wife divorced him, took the children and sent him out.

Now, my friend has to pay for the wife's rent and feeding, children support along with his own expenses.

The guy just dey suffer. I even heard that she now flaunts sleeping with other guys in front of the man and kids.

Moral of the story, most naija girls true character are not shown until they are given freedom and power over the man

Evercurious:
Not true at all

madridsta007:
1. Get someone that has the same value system as you. SAME not similar. She has gone through life & has her own value system and convictions.
2. Get someone that is not broke. If she hasnt seen money before or hasnt travelled to exotic places, she will eventually change when she sees money.
3. Get someone that isnt too attached to her mother or family members.
4. Get someone that believes in the conservative African value system of "wives, submit to your husband" and "husband, love your wife".
5. Finally, get someone who is accountable to an elderly person (not her family members).
6. Get someone from a stable home, where her family does NOT have any divorces or single parenthood prevelance.

These reduces the risk you are scared of, greatly.
NB: These kind of persons are rare and can be in Nigeria or Abroad. Location isnt the problem. The person, is.

abobote:
Me I will be taking my wife and kids by January, I just have to do it for the kids

TheKingIsHere:
Na simps like you naija gals dey show shege for abroad

I have a friend with this same mentality. Then he, the wife and kids travelled abroad to Canada.

Not up to a year, the wife divorced him, took the children and sent him out.

Now, my friend has to pay for the wife's rent and feeding, children support along with his own expenses.

The guy just dey suffer. I even heard that she now flaunts sleeping with other guys in front of the man and kids.

Moral of the story, most naija girls true character are not shown until they are given freedom and power over the man

Mariangeles:
Dis una stories ehn...

How come you guys only know friends that are suffering in their abroad marriage?