The law in the western world is protective of bother gender. It is about respect, and avoiding abuse in marriage. Any party that go against this, will face the consequence as enshrined in their constitution. Abuse or domestic violence in any form can have a ripple effect not on the the person being abused alone but also people around him/her. The system is about avoiding breakdown in mental capacity of residents, which I strongly believe that every sane society should be after.
Mariangeles: The question you really want to ask is Can I live abroad and have the Nigerian type of marriage?
Dude! You can't have your cake and eat it!
. Nothing wrong in taking wife to abroad but pray not to have a bad in-law. Good in-law will breed good wife in most cases. And moreso for Nigerian men they have to forget about their ego of being the head of the family and that is what is making it difficult for Nigerian couple's abroad, most time our men and pride is like 5&6. If you want to bring your wife abroad, I want you to know something, whenever your wife is cooking you too will busy doing laundry or taking care of your kids and you will learn to be an expert in cooking, keeping the house tidy, change diapers for your little kid and moreso the expenses there is 50/50 or 55/45 if couple's can follow this guidelines I'm sure they will enjoy their lives in abroad. I'm talking from experience.
Are you a marriage counselor. I'd love to chat with you privately about my relationship and my wedding is due in less than 30days. You have a wealth of experience
socialmediaman: Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.
Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.
How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here
Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.
These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down
Should he settle with another nationality? Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours
The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started
Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.
99% of the time, the women don’t ‘misbehave’. More often than not, they have husbands who think they can continue to beat them, or who grow more and more resentful when their wives earn well and have jobs so demanding that they can’t play the housewife role.
The question is simple, will you be one of those guys that falls apart just because something went wrong or will you be a real nigga and rise above it? Don't let fear cause you to miss out on your soulmate, don't let fear engulf you with so much negativity that you automatically make every woman you meet an investigative case.
What the Bleep do you mean by soul mate?
Two random people can meet and decide to tie the knot.
Stop with all these "the one", "soul mate" slangs.
texazzpete: 99% of the time, the women don’t ‘misbehave’. More often than not, they have husbands who think they can continue to beat them, or who grow more and more resentful when their wives earn well and have jobs so demanding that they can’t play the housewife role.
Stop talking like a simp. Even truthful nigerian women know that they majority of them are the cause
Foodqueen: Most of the times, it's usually ends in tears.
All these girls pretends alot,vwhen they are just coming in.
if ladies like you accept that many ladies pretend alot,,we all would have come up with a solution,but many still refuse to accept,, thanks for been truthful
Klass99: I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.
Nairaland can never affect many people in the real world. Nobody cares what is going on here, people come here say all sort of crazy things and go back to the real world to do the exact opposite, that is why I dont take these Redpill and simp talk serious.
Lols. You’re right though. I need the Nigerian kind of marriage. Although I’m not problematic character wise. But my fear is if the woman will give me peace of mind
marry her and leave her in Nigeria or set visit for her ,many ladies will accept it ,or let me say few will accept it ,with the ideology of sex bla BLA BLA like say na food ,if she wants to sleep around let her sleep around,,
What is wrong in cooking for your family? Forgive me, I find arguments like this mundane and irrelevant. Sadly it is what has become the order of the day when marriage is discussed. It shows there is something wrong with us as a people. Both male and female.
You were cooking in Nigeria, suddenly cooking is below you because you are abroad? There are bound to be issues.
Ordinarily, both parties should be helping each other. Domestically and financially, but when one person thinks chores are below him or assisting financially would make her a mumu, wahala done dey. Nigerians play too many mind games and relationships with them wears someone like me out.
You might not cook 7 days a week, but I believe a good husband, be it in Nigeria or Cambodia, should know when his wife has done her best and deserves some rest. On such days she should get her rest.
If her husband is not dicking her and he is making no effort to improve, she can leave the marriage with her dignity and value intact.
No adult abroad has time to even sit and eat three times a day. There are more pressing issues and Nigerian men and women should begin to upgrade their OS. We are too backward in our issues.
The thought of not wanting to take a wife abroad because she'll "misbehave" is backward, I agree. The points I raised may seem backward but is an ever present issue in Nigerian circles, especially in Nigeria. These men want an African woman who is homely and Conservative in a Babylon like America, but don't bother to fix up their messes. There are men, who are happily married to women they brought from Nigeria and they're enjoying their marriage. But many are just afraid she can use her new found rights against them.
Some of our men with this their shallow mentality, I guess Nigerian men should stop thinking all Nigerian women are gold diggers...
If I have the chance which I'm currently working on, I will take my wife along, infact, I can't travel out for long without letting my wife be beside me...
No be every nigerian woman bad
When you see car parked at owner risk, it doesnt mean the mgt don't want you to park ... you have choice buh just bear in mind it's at your own risk. what you termed shallow mentality was deduced from various people experience, if your wife is difference naa just luck,pray it last
Some of our men with this their shallow mentality, I guess Nigerian men should stop thinking all Nigerian women are gold diggers...
If I have the chance which I'm currently working on, I will take my wife along, infact, I can't travel out for long without letting my wife be beside me...
No be every nigerian woman bad
There are people that said more than you abegi.it will end in crisis.
Lols. You’re right though. I need the Nigerian kind of marriage. Although I’m not problematic character wise. But my fear is if the woman will give me peace of mind
Follow your mind Bro...These Nairalanders will give you wrong advise I promise you. Your wife to be might be a good person that won’t even worry you at all.So marry her and take her abroad,treat her well and she will do same for you
They tend to adopt their culture there which is normal, but most of them take advantage of the freedom and power to "punish" the husband. It's better to just marry a western woman that's used to her culture and see it as normal, than marry a Nigerian lady that's gonna see it as luxury and avenue to do all sorts of damage.
You are very right about this, I will just advice the OP to be very careful, if I were the one I won't try such Nonsense with the bad news I'm seeing all over the internet.
The thought of not wanting to take a wife abroad because she'll "misbehave" is backward, I agree. The points I raised may seem backward but is an ever present issue in Nigerian circles, especially in Nigeria. These men want an African woman who is homely and Conservative in a Babylon like America, but don't bother to fix up their messes. There are men, who are happily married to women they brought from Nigeria and they're enjoying their marriage. But many are just afraid she can use her new found rights against them.
Yes, the fact that Nigerian men think leaving their wives in a system that doesn’t promote fairness is what would make the marriage last, is a sure sign that the marriage was never meant to be.
I believe sensible Nigerian men and women would be fine anywhere. Most Nigerian men are callous, so they are always scared of getting same jaguda treatment.
lkillbrokehoes: You are very right about this, I will just advice the OP to be very careful, if I were the one I won't try such Nonsense with the bad news I'm seeing all over the internet.
mrbenjame: Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is
1. How often does this happen? 2. Should a guy go on to take his chances? 3. Should he marry someone already abroad? 4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?
Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.
Lots of dirty stories though. More like a two ways sword.
Which is why marriages abroad don't last as the men are no longer dominant...
So in your head,, all marriages abroad dont last?
The ones that lasted without dominance, how did they make that happen? Doesnt it show that they both put in the effort and see themselves as equal without the usual b.s shenanigans of dominance/submissiveness you guys blab about here?
My mum's elder brother lives in L.A, he brought his wife to join him there, sponsored his wife to nursing school and shes a highly paid nurse today, he is close to 70 now and not doing anything anymore while the wife works and pays the bill, how come we've never for once heard of any fracas from them? How come the wife didn't divorce him cos she earns more? If my uncle wasn't good, nice, respectful and a responsible man, wouldn't she have divorced him since? How come she stayed with him up till now?
You guys keep putting the blame on the wives when the man also contributed to whatever attitude he gets, you want a wife that will lick your ass same way it was in naija coupled with stupid egositic attitude or worse cheating, then expect her to smile and pray you'd get your senses back all in the name of endurance? naaa it doesnt work that way, you have other options, marry other abroad based ladies and gladly wash plates and cook for her without complaints simple
Me thinks you guys just hate the fact that Nigerian women exercise their right over there at the expense of you men and your ego/dominance so y'all are bitter/envious about it, if the abroad system was like ours, y'all will have no problem taking your wives there with you since it favours you all to a 't', that's why y'all keep wailing and wailing about it, keep wailing.
kaziblake: Follow your mind Bro...These Nairalanders will give you wrong advise I promise you. Your wife to be might be a good person that won’t even worry you at all.So marry her and take her abroad,treat her well and she will do same for you
this isn't always the case. Time has shown some women are incapable of reciprocating the love shown to them.
marry her and leave her in Nigeria or set visit for her ,many ladies will accept it ,or let me say few will accept it ,with the ideology of sex bla BLA BLA like say na food , if she wants to sleep around let her sleep around,,
Easy to type.
Can you dare to openly have that conversation with her? Can you give her the go-ahead? Would you be OK with it if she does?
Marrying a wife and leaving her behind to travel to another country, without coming back anytime soon is wickedness and ungodly.
socialmediaman: Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.
Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.
How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here
Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.
These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down
Should he settle with another nationality? Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours
The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started
Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.
Lols. You’re right though. I need the Nigerian kind of marriage. Although I’m not problematic character wise. But my fear is if the woman will give me peace of mind
Dont mind the loonies here. Youare asking villagers and illiterates. My guy oyinbo or not woman when go show you pepper go show you pepper. We all know the story of Emmanuel Eboue. Na oyinbo woman show am If you think Naija girls are mad wait till you jam western woman. Just use your head and ask the right questions. Then protect yourself
marry her and leave her in Nigeria or set visit for her ,many ladies will accept it ,or let me say few will accept it ,with the ideology of sex bla BLA BLA like say na food ,if she wants to sleep around let her sleep around,,
This is just the way to go in my opinion: the man should just make sure that the kids are for him via DNA test and also give the lady a strict warning to take her lover far away from home.
mrbenjame: Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is
1. How often does this happen? 2. Should a guy go on to take his chances? 3. Should he marry someone already abroad? 4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?
Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.
If you guys have been dating in Naija already befor either of you got a visa then there is a good chance of you two having sweet union no matter the struggles,
But if one of you had secured a visa or moved outside the country before meeting each other then their is greater chance of serious issues.
Klass99: I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.
The society (in its entirety) is worse than whatever you can possibly see here.
No marriage. No marriage can be assessed vicariously. You'll have to be in it to know it.
So even the ones that appear great might be off. Of course those that are bad are obvious.
That The RED Flag.....This one has the Traits already to Scatter.....
I swear bruv.. used to have a girl like that. The most beautiful thing i have ever seen. Sweet natured and all but the day she opened up to tell me that cooking, house chores and even getting groceries is slaving the woman na that day my head pick. She got married last month and even sent an invite. She dey form travel agent rn. I just hope she doesn't ruin the husband las las
