₦airaland Forum

ngoziwrites:
Next time we see, I am not discussing marriage between us. Why will ask a guy if he wants to get married to me in two months. Why would I even bring up marriage plans btw me and himself within two months.


No. I only want to ask: So where do u see yourself in a year or Two. Do you think you see yourself settling down in a year or two. That's all I want to ask.

Not telling him I think we should start making marriage plans... No!

If he doesn't, then I don't want to be with that kind of person.

Nne see, I am not totally castigating you, but I will warn you to be wary of some advices flying about here. Some people are bitter naturally, so don't let it get to you. You have a right to ask for the kind of life you desire. No one should make you feel bad about that.

It's commendable that you have your own money and comfort. Every woman wants to get married early. Don't let anyone make you feel bad over what is right. It's not your fault that you have found yourself where you are now. Just take it easy ooo. Ndi madu dikwa egwu. Some people derive pleasure in making a mockery of others. Beware of them. May God help you ..

.....

Just two months you are all over him, aunty you u are getting old please have sense if this story is real because you do not have for now,

The first time you saw him, you spent three nights in the hotel room with him.

He does not pick your calls at night, red flags one

He does not tell you I love you when you say yours red flag two.

He says marriage is responsibility red flag three.
Anyway my best advice from all I have seen is that uncle just want to chop and clean mouth,
Anyway not all relationship will lead to marriage , just relax and enjoy the relationship.
Take marriage off your mind and be your best.

ngoziwrites:
So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.

It's almost 2 months since we have been together.

He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.


I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.

He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.


Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.

Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility"
I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.

He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!

So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.

If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.

We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such.

About two weeks ago, I wanted to even surprise him with gifts. I asked for his account number and office/home address. (He picked me up the last time I traveled to see him, so I don't know the address". Well, he didn't give me these details. He said when it's time I will have them.


Two days ago, he said a friend's younger brother is getting married. He laughed and said people just dey marry. He has once asked me "You dey find husband?" jokingly-

I would like to settle before 27. Is it bad that I am thinking this way? If he says he is looking to get married in 2-3 years, i think it's a bit far. 2023 is still fine. But the problem is he doesn't really sound like marriage is on his mind. He will be 32 next year April too.

We vibe a lot. But he says I love you sparingly. Sometimes I say it and he doesn't respond, he will say tomorrow I will tell u or no, I told u yesterday.

But we are really really cool. I like him a lot and he likes me but I think I like him more. He gives me attention, I don't have to ask.

If I was 23, I won't have a problem waiting 3-4 years. But since I am ready mentally, financially, I am looking for someone who wants it within 6 months to 1 year. I can still try to do 2 years if I get someone great.

EndRape2:
Just two months you are all over him, aunty you u are getting old please have sense if this story is real because you do not have for now,

The first time you saw him, you spent three nights in the hotel room with him.

He does not pick your calls at night, red flags one

He does not tell you I love you when you say yours red flag two.

He says marriage is responsibility red flag three.
Anyway my best advice from all I have seen is that uncle just want to chop and clean mouth,
Anyway not all relationship will lead to marriage , just relax and enjoy the relationship.
Take marriage off your mind and be your best.

Thanks for highlighting the red flags.

ngoziwrites:
So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.

It's almost 2 months since we have been together.

He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.


I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.

He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.


Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.

Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility"
I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.

He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!

So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.

If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.

We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such.

About two weeks ago, I wanted to even surprise him with gifts. I asked for his account number and office/home address. (He picked me up the last time I traveled to see him, so I don't know the address". Well, he didn't give me these details. He said when it's time I will have them.


Two days ago, he said a friend's younger brother is getting married. He laughed and said people just dey marry. He has once asked me "You dey find husband?" jokingly-

I would like to settle before 27. Is it bad that I am thinking this way? If he says he is looking to get married in 2-3 years, i think it's a bit far. 2023 is still fine. But the problem is he doesn't really sound like marriage is on his mind. He will be 32 next year April too.

We vibe a lot. But he says I love you sparingly. Sometimes I say it and he doesn't respond, he will say tomorrow I will tell u or no, I told u yesterday.

But we are really really cool. I like him a lot and he likes me but I think I like him more. He gives me attention, I don't have to ask.

If I was 23, I won't have a problem waiting 3-4 years. But since I am ready mentally, financially, I am looking for someone who wants it within 6 months to 1 year. I can still try to do 2 years if I get someone great.

This is very clear, you are rushing him because you think he is comfortable financial but he knows better than you do that marriage comes with a lot of financial responsibility and also that he is managing his family business does not necessarily mean he is definitely Rich like you say, he must have family members or siblings surviving on that family business that why he is probably not ready to settle down but needs more time to be fully independent and grow that business well enough , if you can't wait for him , let him be , if you rush him now , tomorrow money no dey now , na still una women go still make life unbearable for ram , the guy is smart and knows what he is doing.
You just met him two months and you are rushing him to marry you , it doesn't work that way, two months is not enough.

I don't have anything to say other to commend you for working your way up.

It's not easy for anyone out there, you are doing well.

To your topic, I can't say do this or that because even me need advice. We are all still trying to figure life till we drop dead, no one knows it all. However, there are laws, principles and wisdom that have been set to guide our stay on earth. Just seek advice from wise fellows who have seen life to an extent.

Take care, don't feel bad for wanting the best out of life, we all do.

ngoziwrites:
So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.

It's almost 2 months since we have been together.

He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.


I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.

He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.


Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.

Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility"
I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.

He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!

So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.

If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.

We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such...

I like that the guy is very masculine and he has a traditional mindset which you may oppose, inadvertently. You seem independent so pretend to be dependent on him for some stuff, stroke his ego cos he's got a lot. No bring your feminism near am, just be feminine like in the normal good old days.

As for the love part, at 32, he has understood that when you return a woman's love, dem don see you finish. Immediately he starts showing real interest, you will start nonsense and it will go downhill and to him, it's another cycle of regret.

Work on your unstable love, cos maybe you could be just infatuated and all that's on your mind is a ring on your finger.

EndRape2:
Just two months you are all over him, aunty you u are getting old please have sense if this story is real because you do not have for now,

The first time you saw him, you spent three nights in the hotel room with him.

He does not pick your calls at night, red flags one

He does not tell you I love you when you say yours red flag two.

He says marriage is responsibility red flag three.
Anyway my best advice from all I have seen is that uncle just want to chop and clean mouth,
Anyway not all relationship will lead to marriage , just relax and enjoy the relationship.
Take marriage off your mind and be your best.

More impressive this is coming from a lady. But I disagree in a few areas. Dude has never promised her a thing neither has he made a commitment to her. The only red flag here is ngozi.

I would make this thread a case study for the next job seekers in my office and have them make a title out of her.

Boomboost:
I like that the guy is very masculine and he has a traditional mindset which you may oppose, inadvertently. You seem independent so pretend to be dependent on him for some stuff, stroke his ego cos he's got a lot. No bring your feminism near am, just be feminine like in the normal good old days.

As for the love part, at 32, he has understood that when you return a woman's love, dem don see you finish. Immediately he starts showing real interest, you will start nonsense and it will go downhill and to him, it's another cycle of regret.

Work on your unstable love, cos maybe you could be just infatuated and all that's on your mind is a ring on your finger.

Thank you for your response. Hmmmm. You just saw through him. Yes. His ego is quite big. And I believe a woman should be submissive and that a man is the head. So a man takes the lead. That's very fine and perfect. I enjoy being feminine.

Lol... It's not infatuation. I have been through a lot because well, I trust too easily, perhaps somewhat naive and I give my all to one person. So, I am unable to play hard to get. So it's very easy for a guy to think she is cheap. Meanwhile, someone I don't want could ring me up for a year and I won't pick up. I have had people suggest trips outside the country, but I don't want them and I won't take from them, so nothing will happen.

But the one I like, well.. I give my all and it's only him. Just one person. Unfortunately, they take it for granted.

Pakute:
More impressive this is coming from a lady. But I disagree in a few areas. Dude has never promised her a thing neither has he made a commitment to her. The only red flag here is ngozi.

I would make this thread a case study for the next job seekers in my office and have them make a title out of her.

Are you still choking here?

.....

ngoziwrites:
I am not asking him to marry me!!!!! Can u read the post and not the comments?

I simply want to know if he is looking towards getting married in a year or two. That has nothing to do with me. That's his own goal and since we are dating, I should know. That will tell if we are compatible.

Don't say you are not asking him to marry you , it's entirely not true , if you not asking him to marry you why raise the question of him getting married in a year or two , I read the post before putting out my opinion , am just being honest enough , if you don't want him to marry you then let him take his time , do the dating , have fun that's all , but marriage is not something anyone can force on any body.

I understand that you want to define your relationship early enough but if he's giving these hints that he's not in anyway ready for something serious like marriage(anytime soon), I know it doesn't quite answer your question but actually it does partly. Indeed, marriage is hardwork, one may seem to be financially or emotionally ready but even that isn't enough as you also have to be mentally prepared for it. Not many are mentally ready which in itself is very very important I must say, some think either one of other two or both can suffice, it's really not so.

Yes the vibe may be there, you both love being in each other's company, he's sensible, very hardworking, probably ticks most boxes and all that but is this for the long run or just for the moment? I don't know, maybe don't stop "reading the room" to know if it's worthwhile..

Did you say you'll be seeing him for the second time soon? Great, I don't think it's too late to know a thing or more about him like his goals & interests, probably didn't get to do that the first time. You never know somebody enough, even married couples still learn new things about their SOs after 3,5,10yrs of friendship & marriage. It's good you know what you want, in recent times many just want to have fun, explore body counts and keep it going. Life goes on.

MartinsD12:
Don't say you are not asking him to marry you , it's entirely not true , if you not asking him to marry you why raise the question of him getting married in a year or two , I read the post before putting out my opinion , am just being honest enough , if you don't want him to marry you then let him take his time , do the dating , have fun that's all , but marriage is not something anyone can force on any body.

Yeah. I will repeat myself. In two months time. I am definitely not having discussions about whether he wants to marry me or not. That's just too early.

I only want to know if he sees it happening and when.

Then if it falls into what I am looking at, the relationship continues. Each person will do their best. By then we must have built something meaningful.

1F30M4:
I understand that you want to define your relationship early enough but if he's giving these hints that he's not in anyway ready for something serious like marriage(anytime soon), I know it doesn't quite answer your question but actually it does partly. Indeed, marriage is hardwork, one may seem to be financially or emotionally ready but even that isn't enough as you also have to be mentally prepared for it. Not many are mentally ready which in itself is very very important I must say, some think either one of other two or both can suffice, it's really not so.

Yes the vibe may be there, you both love being in each other's company, he's sensible, very hardworking, probably ticks most boxes and all that but is this for the long run or just for the moment? I don't know, maybe don't stop "reading the room" to know if it's worthwhile..

Did you say you'll be seeing him for the second time soon? Great, I don't think it's too late to know a thing or more about him like his goals & interests, probably didn't get to do that the first time. You never know somebody enough, even married couples still learn new things about their SOs after 3,5,10yrs of friendship & marriage. It's good you know what you want, in recent times many just want to have fun, explore body counts and keep it going. Life goes on.

Thank you, Ifeoma.

ngoziwrites:
Are you still choking here?

I just knew there's something dirty about you until i viewed your earlier thread where your intention was all about preying on your victims in a relationship.
Miss complicated relationship, you always select your prey with a set trap beforehand. I can only hope the dude won't be pussy whipped into mortgaging his future. You are one hell of a bitch, you know.

ngoziwrites:
Yeah. I will repeat myself. In two months time. I am definitely not having discussions about whether he wants to marry me or not. That's just too early.

I only want to know if he sees it happening and when.

Then if it falls into what I am looking at, the relationship continues. Each person will do their best. By then we must have built something meaningful.

Ok

Pakute:
I just knew there's something dirty about you until i viewed your earlier thread where your intention was all about preying on your victims in a relationship.
Miss complicated relationship, you always select your prey with a set trap beforehand. I can only hope the dude won't be pussy whipped into mortgaging his future. You are one fearless bitch, you know.

K.

ngoziwrites:
K.

God will save Nigerian men from hoes.

Pakute:
God will save Nigerian men from hoes.

Amen.

ngoziwrites:
So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.

It's almost 2 months since we have been together.

He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.


I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.

He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.


Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.

Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility"
I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.

He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!

So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.

If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.

We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such.

About two weeks ago, I wanted to even surprise him with gifts. I asked for his account number and office/home address. (He picked me up the last time I traveled to see him, so I don't know the address". Well, he didn't give me these details. He said when it's time I will have them.


Two days ago, he said a friend's younger brother is getting married. He laughed and said people just dey marry. He has once asked me "You dey find husband?" jokingly-

I would like to settle before 27. Is it bad that I am thinking this way? If he says he is looking to get married in 2-3 years, i think it's a bit far. 2023 is still fine. But the problem is he doesn't really sound like marriage is on his mind. He will be 32 next year April too.

We vibe a lot. But he says I love you sparingly. Sometimes I say it and he doesn't respond, he will say tomorrow I will tell u or no, I told u yesterday.

But we are really really cool. I like him a lot and he likes me but I think I like him more. He gives me attention, I don't have to ask.

If I was 23, I won't have a problem waiting 3-4 years. But since I am ready mentally, financially, I am looking for someone who wants it within 6 months to 1 year. I can still try to do 2 years if I get someone great.

Ask him first
Secondly, I have a lots of friends that wants to settle down immediately if they see a good woman

ngoziwrites:
Yes. I don't sound desperate. I have never even mentioned any of these things. Anytime he says things like marriage is hardwork or probably any topic related to marriage, I don't say anything at all.

I just think I should ask now, so we are sure we are looking in the same direction.

Usually, people start relationships with asking a lot of questions. But we didn't start that way. I thought we would even ask basic questions when we see. But we didn't.

He hasn't asked my goals, my plans etc. I want to ask to but he is the one with more power in the relationship. It's his call. So, I can't ask him.

Just 2 months, and you are already thinking marriage?

Reeks of desperation.

...and so you know, OG is not ready for marriage.
He has told you so, if you think you will change his mind by gum-body...you will cry las las!

Enjoy single life, it is not a curse.
When you face your purpose in life, the people that should come into your life will naturally gravitate towards you.

samwillyco1:
Ask him first
Secondly, I have a lots of friends that wants to settle down immediately if they see a good woman

Okay.. Thank you. I will.

HBB1:
Just 2 months, and you are already thinking marriage?

Reeks of desperation.

...and so you know, OG is not ready for marriage.
He has told you so, if you think you will change his mind by gum-body...you will cry las las!

Enjoy single life, it is not a curse.
When you gave your purpose in life, the people that should come into your life will naturally gravitate towards you.

Go and sleep since u have chosen not to use your head.

I don't go into relationship without a purpose it doesn't mean it has to work or not.

If u give birth some day.... Save this advise for your babies. Tell them to go into relationships and have flings and have fun.

So what am I supposed to think of? Why would I go into a relationship if it's definitely not to settle down some day?

If you want to live your life anyhow, feel free to.

BlaqJosh:
Abeg no force the man into marriage because you are ready, na your type go japa once the guy fall financially.


Desperate mofo

Nairaland with all kinds of people

Tufia

ngoziwrites:
Go and sleep since u have chosen not to use your head.

I don't go into relationship without a purpose it doesn't mean it has to work or not.

If u give birth some day.... Save this advise for your babies. Tell them to go into relationships and have flings and have fun.

So what am I supposed to think of? Why would I go into a relationship if it's definitely not to settle down some day?

If you want to live your life anyhow, feel free to.

It is not me coming to nairaland crying about marrying a guy who obviously thinks little of you?!


2 months and you are expecting ring?!
Sorry o!

You are painfully desperate.

If you went into a relationship with purpose, you would not be meeting up in a hotel at first contact.

Tell that story to the marines.

He is obviously not into you, pele!
Just deal with it.

MartinsD12:
Don't say you are not asking him to marry you , it's entirely not true , if you not asking him to marry you why raise the question of him getting married in a year or two , I read the post before putting out my opinion , am just being honest enough , if you don't want him to marry you then let him take his time , do the dating , have fun that's all , but marriage is not something anyone can force on any body.

Madam’s desperation is on beast mode...
We tell them , be calming down when you meet someone... she has gone to spread leg after two minutes...now she’s feeling entitled to marriage in return...:

I just hate the way some women reason....
Once they fvck you....It’s a favour they expect you to return with whateva they want.... later she will call this man scum....

Imagine the level of desperation ofhuman being...u already want the man to decide for better worse in just 60 days....they don’t even know each other well enough

Who da fvck does that..??

....

SarutobiEky:
you're even gloating.. lol. No worry.. pride goeth before the fall. Remember that. You sound like a very proud human being. I wish you good luck.

I didn't See anywhere She gloated in Her write Up don't I See Clearly again?but Somehow Some Frustrated not well to do Guys must stl blame Her even if its a member of their Sex that is at fault that is how One was even Saying it is d Guys Financial Capability that She Craves for as if She aint doing well for Herself. So bcs She is earning high She should lower Her Preferences and standards So that She wud b deemed a Wife material? ask those Hypocritic Guys on Nairaland to choose btw a Loving,Kind,Respectful Lady that is stl Hunting for Jobs and One earning close 2 a Million who lacks Home training, Saucy,mannerless etc and even still will Obtain them Like they won't Choose d latter.
And Yet will blame the Op for having Her Choices.

ngoziwrites:
So the man that opened his own legs under two minutes should be praised?

You place too much emphasis on sex. Grow up. He gets in in a year or under 1 minute. That doesn't change a thing.

And u must be terribly blind. What part of my write up says I want him to decide whether he wants me or not in 2 months.

I am sure you are a 200 level kid somewhere. Read in between the lines next time.

And don't come here to dump your frustrations over a thread that you cannot comprehend.

Now follow the fools ahead. Run along!

U can be angry for all I care..

U are a woman... and u are not a prostitutee.. normal women don’t just have sex without catching a little feeling... men on the other hand, it’s just animalistic desire...

U are the one that behave like a 200 level kid jumping into bed with someone u just met... are u in college??