₦airaland Forum

michlins:
Children full here oh. So your fiancee leaves the house before 7am, comes back around 6pm and says she's tired but to you,na red flag.

All these people going into marriage with ancestors mindset where the man hustles and the woman stays home to take care of the kids and house.

You enumerated her qualities but want to enslave her to prove she's homely right?

Biko, go get a maid and share her salary with your fiancee. That's how marriage and relationship is supposed to work in 21st century

yet marriage breakups here and there. I laugh you.

QuizPay:
I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in terms of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is supportive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, supportive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in terms of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)

Brother, if these things are important to you find someone else.
Currently, love my house clean, had to do it myself to a point my fiance gets angry anytime I do them because when I finish na quarrel.
She has improved now and I think that's because she loves me.

od501:
This topic is not fir kids, I recommend you don’t get involve until u are 18. I'm sorry for shaa...with all this your wack modern woman mentality.

The funniest thing is that na there likes they cheap pass. Especially when they are quater menupause.

Divoc19:
Not a red flag.
Look for other homely things she likes to do.
If she loves you she will learn with time.

I am not the cooking type too
So you are welcome

A wife preparing food for the family is non negotiable,so if you are not the cooking type,how do you intend to get married?

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

My own wife leaves for work much earlier and she's got kids too.Yet,she cooks and fixes the house every single day.l have lived with working women alot before marrying.What I can tell you is a typical Nigerian housewife is capable of waking up as early as five,l mean those who have been brought up well by their Mamas.Summary is I see huge red flags.l must not forget to add that I respect her moral decency to the extent of handing you her phone,her type is hard to find nowadays

michlins:
Children full here oh. So your fiancee leaves the house before 7am, comes back around 6pm and says she's tired but to you,na red flag.

All these people going into marriage with ancestors mindset where the man hustles and the woman stays home to take care of the kids and house.

You enumerated her qualities but want to enslave her to prove she's homely right?

Biko, go get a maid and share her salary with your fiancee. That's how marriage and relationship is supposed to work in 21st century

The Only reasonable input I've seen on this thread.

Why do i feel my subconsciousness typed this..

This is ME at the moment..Craziest fact is, I'm also into I.T

A massive red flag

Read only your title and I can tell it is a big red flag .. run before it is too late

u really made it short as possible

*A prayer warrior that fornicates or co-habit before marriage is a big question to the faith and teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ. Prayers in unrepentant sin doesn't work (Though God is merciful but take not His mercies for granted). She maybe just be trying to impress you... Her prayer life will soon ground if not done in truth. Don't be deceived! Let her ask God for forgiveness.
*Are you both believers in Christ? Do you both love God? It's very important you start a new life in Christ as you get married.
*Don't think there will be change of character or you can coarse her when you both get married, it doesn't work.
*Know you cannot get 100% of a woman that suits you and vice versa. The bible says love covereth the multitude of sin.
*If you love her and you are truly convinced she is your wife then marry her and tolerate her shortcomings. Both of you should try and work out your home as you prepare to get married.
*Don't always Lord it on her, give her some space.
*Don't depend on Nairaland to decide for you, pray to God and seek godly counsel.
**It's not a red flag, it all depends on you.

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

Feminist!!!

RED FLAG

acetylcholine:
I hope you won't come here to create a thread on how your wife leaves the home dirty like a thread I came across days ago. Her attitude towards chores may be worse once you guys get married or she gets pregnant.

All her qualities you highlighted are good but not enough. A woman must be homely and a good home maker and cooking, doing dishes and house chores isn't left out. Whatever happened to breakfast like tea & bread, even Noddles? If she can't wash dishes for the both of you, what will happen when you have like two children,and you know kids eat intermittently?

If you feel you can shoulder the responsibility of cooking and doing chores (which shouldn't be your primary duty) even in marriage, good for you, but know it's an abberation!

You better sit her down and talk to her, if you embrace this nonsense attitude all in the name of my mama trained me to do chores, trust me you will get tired of it, especially in marriage!

Hello ACH?
Pls could you help with some of the qualities you feel is basic for a wife? (Would be much appreciated)

Would also love to speak to beyond here if you're okay with it.

QuizPay:
I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in terms of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is supportive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, supportive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in terms of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)

Una never marry but una dn dey live together?
That's co habiting my brother.
Repent

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

same gender supporting same gender. Op pls don't be the simp of the year

QuizPay:
I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in terms of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is supportive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, supportive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in terms of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)

My brother I have been married for over 14 years and will tell you that this is one of the least problems you will face in marriage. Mine was like that but she had a lot of positive sides, my siblings love her so much because of her ability to care for everyone including my parents.

It’s your house, take care of it

Nigerians girls self make God help me see better woman oh I no want Nigeria girls if na another country it will be better in Africa or Europe

Candidlady:
About taking breakfast been/being essential... Irarely have breakfast not cuz it ain't readily available


Idont always have appetite in the morning...

Any repercussions?

Yes. Try and be taking something in d morning. Going out to work on empty stomach damages the brain[b][/b]

QuizPay:
I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in terms of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is supportive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, supportive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in terms of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)

A prayer warrior living with a man not yet married to her, definitely committing fornication. Church people or OP Abeg explain how these things work because they seem to be contradicting each other before we give this advice

According to the replies, now i know why women age faster than men. They want you to contribute financially, take care of the home, kids, find the time to achieve kim k body and still satisfy them on the bed while their overgrown ass will come back from work and cross their legs on the table yet they will still cheat on you. Tueh.

Op, the only truth is that there is a high possibility she wouldn't change. Infact it might get worse. Can you cope with it your entire life or not? That should guide you on the decision to make.

You are not yet ready to get married.

You are talking like a kid and as one who does not know exactly what he wants.

QuizPay:
you are right, and thanks for your opinion. my house is more closer than her house to work. Before now, she comes by weekend but currently she stays in with me and I propose this because I want to know her more before taking further step in terms of doing the needful (the idea is known by me alone) and she agrees ....

this is super stoooorryyyy.
My brother that's not excuse . Both of you are fornicating abi You wee go to hell

Armed robbers pray too. Strippers pray too.

The question is, does she have the fear of God?
Why is she living with you when u haven't married her yet?

O boy fornicators don't have the fear of God, even if they pray for 24 hours straight.

Make una repent from fornication

*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ),

I know for sure, lady defending ha gender ......... Interesting, when she can't cook or do house chores what is she then coz she is a working class slay mama abi. Even weekends she can't cook for ha hubby... Chaiii d ladies of today na God hand e dey. Even u that is talking dis rubbish if u can't cook nor do anything coz u are working, if ur houseaid is hard working and can cook get ready for rival for second wife or go for divorce which is a norm now in d world simple.

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

Prayer warriors dey do abuja marriage

Nooo! It's a green flag. Mumu adult just full everywhere in this Naija.

A fiance that runs to social media and forums to narrate issues he should have trashed in his relationship and home front, isn't that a red flag that after marriage that is how he will be involving the entire world and his family into their marital hiccups?

So you see, you see get your own red flag(weakness ) just as she does. It is the ability to manage the situation that is maturity. You either call it quit and get another lady who is domesticated or you remain with her and make up for her weaknesses by getting a nanny or a cleaning staff that comes to clean weekend.

Sit down and count the cost.

There are men whose wives don't cook and they have happy homes and they are living their lives and balling in their marriages to the fullest.

Like I said sit down and count the cost. In doing this you know you, and you know what you can bear and how far you can go.

Good luck!

Before nko. .

Yes, a very big red flag.

In fact she is very useless and a disgrace to womanhood

Mark my word and write today's date, if you marry that girl you are doomed.

QuizPay:
I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in terms of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is supportive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, supportive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in terms of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)