endy69:

Even against Nigerian law the girl na minor. Pray make your daughter marry at 17 and make her husband be over 40

that's a lie. Some states in Nigeria accept 16 years old as adults. All the northerners publicly marrying 12 years olds what has anyone done about it? Majority of married women married below 17 years of age. Girls below 17 gets pregnant everyday and give birth there's nothing anyone can do about it. You think I'm emotional like you? I don't even like children to begin with, if she gets pregnant at 16 am I going to kill her?

ShenTeh:


Our people say that when your roommate chooses to have a troublesome meal, your warning is often the loudest because you know that the troubles of his guts would hinder your peaceful sleep at night.

I had a very similar issue. In my case it was with my immediate elder sister and a man 21 years older. As the eldest son in the family, I kicked and kicked and kept saying our dad would never approve were he alive. Our uncles and everyone kept attacking my young post-teenage mind and I saw it as an excuse to discharge the burden of poverty. My sister would cry and cry that that was what she wanted and our mum was thoroughly blackmailed and eventually gave in.

Keep shouting like the prophets of old, they won't listen. Today, I am the one taking care of the orphans from that union.

Let her.

Orphans? As in the man died?

I don't even look at it like that! When Op's sister is 30 her husband will be nearly 50! 60! She could be a widow before she reaches his current age... AGE IS MORE THAN A NUMBER!

Simran94:


Cc LINTUNE JosephXavier see an example of what I am talking about, for a 44 year old to want to marry a 17 year old girl, isn’t it desperation at this point?

That was why I said some men might not get married because they can’t find someone. This one couldn’t find any matured lady in her 20s to marry, desperation pushed him to a 17 year old. Some men might not even bother looking anymore

It is what it is

newbornmacho:


44-17

My mom is on her side vehemently

Omo let them marry and have children. You're asking what is money, let me tell you.

Money is very important in a home. It better you have it than lack. A lot of problems will be avoided.

Please I also support your sister. Let her have her children. Even if she goes into business, with the right support she will be very successful.

Even if she plans to further her education, she can do it much later especially after having her kids.

I hope you find it within yourself to support her.

Tzar:
Mr man, there is nothing wrong if they are truly both in love and have no selfish or ulterior motive behind their decision to marry.
Your 17 year old sister is too young tho. You guys can ask him to wait for 2-3 years for her to fully mature.

Even in 2-3 years she will not be mature for marriage. Marriage was not made for teenagers and people barely out of their teens.

All the old men predating on teenage girls know why they do so. It is never for her. Selfishness in men didn't begin today.

Walkee:
that's a lie. Some states in Nigeria accept 16 years old as adults. All the northerners publicly marrying 12 years olds what has anyone done about it? Majority of married women married below 17 years of age. Girls below 17 gets pregnant everyday and give birth there's nothing anyone can do about it. You think I'm emotional like you? I don't even like children to begin with, if she gets pregnant at 16 am I going to kill her?

All you've said makes it right and ethical, right? Because little girls who have no idea of the world are ideal for marriage because it is done. That makes it right.

Why have you never advocated with logic that boys of 12 and 17 get married? Or is it only women who hate an undeveloped body and immature mind, due to some societal preferences and myth without consideration for the children in question?

What logic.

newbornmacho:


He told her his lawyer friends told him Nigeria constitution doesn't have strict age for marriage...see how far this man has planned

That's a thinking man. He has already made all good plans for her.

It's up to you to find out what these plans are.

You are partially wrong.
1. Generally, all women are physically & physiologically ready for marriage at 16yrs.
2. They are legally ready at 18yrs.
3. Finally, mentally they are ready at different ages between 18yrs and infinity
You could be 40yrs and be mentally immature for marriage and be 18yrs and mentally ready for marriage.

The difference in age counts for nothing. There are many 18+ who married and had a lifelong of a great marriage and 40yrs + whose marriage did not last 48hrs.

BRATISLAVA:


Even in 2-3 years she will not be mature for marriage. Marriage was not made for teenagers and people barely out of their teens.

All the old men predating on teenage girls know why they do so. It is never for her. Selfishness in men didn't begin today.

BRATISLAVA:


All you've said makes it right and ethical, right? Because little girls who have no idea of the world are ideal for marriage because it is done. That makes it right.

Why have you never advocated with logic that boys of 12 and 17 get married? Or is it only women who hate an undeveloped body and immature mind, due to some societal preferences and myth without consideration for the children in question?

What logic.

boys of 12 would gladly get married if they could find a wife. Which woman would marry a 12 years old boy?
You online people like to pretend as if women don't only marry a man who can slave his life away to an early grave in order to provide for them. If this 44 years old man didn't have money and probably a good car and respectable house and financial stability you think the 17 years old would be dying to marry him?
What ethics are you even talking about?
What's the difference between a 17 years old girl and an 18 years old girl? Most 16 years old girls already know everything about sex, abortion etc. A 16 years old girl is the equivalent of a 26 years old boy when it comes to sex. If she gets pregnant for the man, is the omniscient elder brother going to rip the foetus out of her womb?

Quim2:



Your case was just one of the unlucky ones. Bear in mind that death visits anyone both young and old. I know of a 91 year old man that has survived 8 wives! He is currently married to a 32 year old.

His name is not the Alafin of Oyo mind you.

You are correct.

The easiest answer I can think of right now is to enquire if you would be a proud father to give your 32yo daughter to this 91 year old in your example.

2real52:

It is obvious he is not rich.
Now, listen very carefully. The greatest mistake you will ever make in your life is to think that you can dictate who a woman will be with. Either she is an adult or a child, once a woman makes up her mind on anything about the male gender, it is stamped. It is only the future that can determine her fate.

You want to force her to marry a man of your choice, are you also going to force her to be happy, fulfilled and contented with the man of your choice? Will you import happiness into her life? In your little mind, you think that girl is a kid?

My friend, if you don't want to be her greatest enemy, don't present yourself as a barrier to what she feels is best for her. You can never tell if that man is meant for her or not. You are just been sentimental and jealous. You think your sister is too good for the man.. Pray, step aside and find your calling in life. Leave the girl, the man and the future to determine.

I beg to disagree @bolded

My course mate and also a friend in school told me how she met a man immediately after her secondary School. This man was in his mid 30s while she was just 18. This man spoilt her silly. The love the man had for her was pretty much. She was also in love with this man. This man gave her life that her parents couldn't afford because she was from a poor home. This man washes her panties with her monthly flow. This man spoilt not only her but her friends and people around her. He proposed to marry her and she gladly accepted. She's from Abia while the guy is from Imo state. He wanted to come and meet her people for marriage and other neccesities. This my friend was also in love with this guy also. Her family stood their ground that she would never get married at this young age without education. Though the guy promised to see her through school. To cut long story short, she ended up not marrying the guy. She graduated last year @23, though still single but if she chose to get married today, she has guys doing pretty well drolling on her DM. She always thank her mum for such decision she took on her behalf. She was so naive and myopic then. She thought the life the guy gave her then was heaven and earth. She always pray for her mum to be smart enough for such decision.

Today, the said guy is married with 4 children and his wife sells in one small shop. His wife wasn't educated. And she was imagining that's how she'd have just ended up. Imagine the education, the exposure and the Calibre of Men she had met and would definitely still meet. She probably would have missed it all in the name of early marriage

She had made up her mind then to marry the guy but her family put a stop to it. The fact that a girl, lady or woman had completely decided to marry someone doesn't mean such decision can't be haltered or change to her own interest. It depends on individual family

Some family would gladly do anything within their reach to stop their daughter from marrying anyone they felt isn't right for her and they'd achieve their aim

Walkee:
boys of 12 would gladly get married if they could find a wife. Which woman would marry a 12 years old boy?
You online people like to pretend as if women don't only marry a man who can slave his life away to an early grave in order to provide for them. If this 44 years old man didn't have money and probably a good car and respectable house and financial stability you think the 17 years old would be dying to marry him?
What ethics are you even talking about?
What's the difference between a 17 years old girl and an 18 years old girl? Most 16 years old girls already know everything about sex, abortion etc. A 16 years old girl is the equivalent of a 26 years old boy when it comes to sex.

Ah! Marriage is beyond sex. What is sex?

Does it not scare you the tons of marital complaints you read on Nairaland everyday. Then think of the tons that don't make it to cybersphere.

Spherical77:
I beg to disagree @bolded

My course mate and also a friend in school told me how she met a man immediately after her secondary School. This man was in his mid 30s while she was just 18. This man spoilt her silly. The love the man had for her was pretty much. She was also in love with this man. This man gave her life that her parents couldn't afford because she was from a poor home. This man washes her panties with her monthly flow. This man spoilt not only her but her friends and people around her. He proposed to marry her and she gladly accepted. She's from Abia while the guy is from Imo state. He wanted to come and meet her people for marriage and other neccesities. This my friend was also in love with this guy also. Her family stood their ground that she would never get married at this young age without education. Though the guy promised to see her through school. To cut long story short, she ended up not marrying the guy. She graduated last year @23, though still single but if she chose to get married today, she has guys doing pretty well drolling on her DM. She always thank her mum for such decision she took on her behalf. She was so naive and myopic then. She thought the life the guy gave her then was heaven and earth. She always pray for her mum to be smart enough for such decision.

Today, the said guy is married with 4 children and his wife sells in one small shop. His wife wasn't educated. And she was imagining that's how she'd have just ended up. Imagine the education, the exposure and the Calibre of Men she had met and would definitely still meet. She probably would have missed it all in the name of early marriage

She had made up her mind then to marry the guy but her family put a stop to it. The fact that a girl, lady or woman had completely decided to marry someone doesn't mean such decision can't be haltered or change to her own interest. It depends on individual family

Some family would gladly do anything within their reach to stop their daughter from marrying anyone they felt isn't right for her and they'd achieve their aim

Thank you.

Think of the stupid decisions you took when you were 18. Who could have told you that you were stupid then and you would agree? But today, you personally look back at those silly decisions and hope to go back in time and spank your silly old 18yo self.

ShenTeh:


Ah! Marriage is beyond sex. What is sex?

Does it not scare you the tons of marital complaints you read on Nairaland everyday. Then think of the tons that don't make it to cybersphere.

the man in question is a traditional man. For a traditional man marriage is sex, child birth and being able to cook.
The stories you are talking about, how many of the couples are even in their early twenties? That's just to tell you it's not about age.
If she already knows everything about sex, she can decide to get pregnant if the guy is still forming father Abraham. How do you get pregnant, through sex or immaculate conception?

ShenTeh:


Thank you.

Think of the stupid decisions you took when you were 18. Who could have told you that you were stupid then and you would agree? But today, you personally look back at those silly decisions and hope to go back in time and spank your silly old 18yo self.

this one is different. You will only be right if she's able to nab a better partner in future regardless of how good your intentions were. I have many sisters. I know some who didn't marry a suitor because of things some siblings said. The ones that never got a better partner forever blame the siblings that brought hindrance to their life.

Carot:
what happened to your sister

Double0h7:


Orphans? As in the man died?

I don't even look at it like that! When Op's sister is 30 her husband will be nearly 50! She could be a widow before she reaches his current age... AGE IS MORE THAN A NUMBER!

Man and wife passed. May their souls find eternal peace.

ShenTeh:


Thank you.

Think of the stupid decisions you took when you were 18. Who could have told you that you were stupid then and you would agree? But today, you personally look back at those silly decisions and hope to go back in time and spank your silly old 18yo self.

one of my sisters was supposed to marry one guy like that, the guy is short, they told her he's too short. She married a tall handsome guy who was doing police work, he was sacked barely 6 months later was nearly jailed sef and never got back on his feet again. In fact he is doing bike now sef. The short suitor is very rich now, he bought one Toyota Suv the last time I went home, he also got his wife camry. You'd have to be dreaming to believe my sister doesn't forever blame those "deceived" her

ShenTeh:


You are correct.

The easiest answer I can think of right now is to enquire if you would be a proud father to give your 32yo daughter to this 91 year old in your example.

My brother, the older man my only sister married I don't even like him but she did. That girl has 4 kids today and drives around town in a Benz SUV

Walkee:
this one is different. You will only be right if she's able to nab a better partner in future regardless of how good your intentions were. I have many sisters. I know some who didn't marry a suitor because of things some siblings said. The ones that never got a better partner forever blame the siblings that brought hindrance to their life.

You have only buttressed my point. I am not going to trust an institution like marriage to a 17yo girl, no matter the exaggerated competencies that society has assumed on her.

Well, the op will have no option than to let her take her decision. I hope later in life he looks back and finds that he has been wrong all along.

ShenTeh:


You have only buttressed my point. I am not going to trust an institution like marriage to a 17yo girl, no matter the exaggerated competencies that society has assumed on her.

Well, the op will have no option than to let her take her decision. I hope later in life he looks back and finds that he has been wrong all along.

it's not even his decision. A 17 years old girl can build a perfect home. She doesn't have to do much.

If the brother stops her from marrying him, she will only appreciate if she's able to get a better partner in the future. If she somehow ends up with an inferior partner she will forever blame the guy for bringing hindrance to her life. The best thing is to advise her, if she insists you let her be

ShenTeh:


Man and wife passed. May their souls find eternal peace.

Amen!

If she loves him no problem but the age difference is my concern.

Walkee:
that's a lie. Some states in Nigeria accept 16 years old as adults. All the northerners publicly marrying 12 years olds what has anyone done about it? Majority of married women married below 17 years of age. Girls below 17 gets pregnant everyday and give birth there's nothing anyone can do about it. You think I'm emotional like you? I don't even like children to begin with, if she gets pregnant at 16 am I going to kill her?

Haha. Maybe till you born before you will love kids. The truth is that I can't imagine anyone close to me to marry by 17. Wetn you wan marry for? My younger sis is 18 and you can't even dream of marriage now. My older sister married 1year after leaving school.

Feelings79:
We Men have a huge preference for younger women as they have a better sexual appeal so why would anyone cheat a younger girl for an older woman? The second thing we naturally crave for is submission,it really makes us feel like the man we were created to be, and this girl with her inexperience and lack of economic resources will provide this plenty,l mean the submission.In my prediction of this marriage from the point of view of a man,it will be a happy time for them both while it lasts.I'm forty three and I'm planning to dump this my thirty three years old cargo/wild horse for an 18 year beauty I found recently for marriage

See yourself! After you don over bang and over use that old cargo / wild horse finish with several abortions. And that one would think say she don see husband in you. Calling a lady of 33yrs old cargo,what will you now call a lady of 43? If you jilt that lady and she curses you, you are doomed. U men think you can do whatever you like to a woman and later dump her ass for a younger girl and go scott free? Do you even think of what will happen to her after you have jilted her, someone that has come along way with you? Marriage is not about marrying a younger girl but a woman who gives you peace and happiness. Don't worry by the time you are 70yrs and can no longer satisfy her sexually, she will start cheating on you with security man, driver and d likes.

endy69:

Haha. Maybe till you born before you will love kids. The truth is that I can't imagine anyone close to me to marry by 17. Wetn you wan marry for? My younger sis is 18 and you can't even dream of marriage now. My older sister married 1year after leaving school.

you have no say

Spherical77:
I beg to disagree @bolded

My course mate and also a friend in school told me how she met a man immediately after her secondary School. This man was in his mid 30s while she was just 18. This man spoilt her silly. The love the man had for her was pretty much. She was also in love with this man. This man gave her life that her parents couldn't afford because she was from a poor home. This man washes her panties with her monthly flow. This man spoilt not only her but her friends and people around her. He proposed to marry her and she gladly accepted. She's from Abia while the guy is from Imo state. He wanted to come and meet her people for marriage and other neccesities. This my friend was also in love with this guy also. Her family stood their ground that she would never get married at this young age without education. Though the guy promised to see her through school. To cut long story short, she ended up not marrying the guy. She graduated last year @23, though still single but if she chose to get married today, she has guys doing pretty well drolling on her DM. She always thank her mum for such decision she took on her behalf. She was so naive and myopic then. She thought the life the guy gave her then was heaven and earth. She always pray for her mum to be smart enough for such decision.

Today, the said guy is married with 4 children and his wife sells in one small shop. His wife wasn't educated. And she was imagining that's how she'd have just ended up. Imagine the education, the exposure and the Calibre of Men she had met and would definitely still meet. She probably would have missed it all in the name of early marriage

She had made up her mind then to marry the guy but her family put a stop to it. The fact that a girl, lady or woman had completely decided to marry someone doesn't mean such decision can't be haltered or change to her own interest. It depends on individual family

Some family would gladly do anything within their reach to stop their daughter from marrying anyone they felt isn't right for her and they'd achieve their aim

I just 'liked' this comment. I am an open minded fellow. This is just one case different from thousands of cases on a daily basis. In your case study, the girl 'obeyed' her relatives and she aborted the idea of marriage. In a case where the girl is adamant, it is best to leave her alone. Am not saying the people around her should not 'show her the right way'. If they do and she doesn't want to listen, it is best they leave her alone. Suicidal thoughts are more entertained by girls than boys. Thank you

newbornmacho:

That was my initial strategy , but the backlash especially last night was shocking...
Things got so heated up, my mom uttered words...I couldn't believe
I don't know if I should just stay away...my mom is surprising me honestly.

e be like say mama don dey receive gifts form your to be in-law, because i dont know what to call this,whats your sister's level of education,whats the future plan about schooling..

2real52:

I just 'liked' this comment. I am an open minded fellow. This is just one case different from thousands of cases on a daily basis. In your case study, the girl 'obeyed' her relatives and she aborted the idea of marriage. In a case where the girl is adamant, it is best to leave her alone. Am not saying the people around her should not 'show her the right way'. If they do and she doesn't want to listen, it is best they leave her alone. Suicidal thoughts are more entertained by girls than boys. Thank you

tin the case of op,the girl is adamant because she has the backing of mum.

newbornmacho:
Please how can a 44 year old be coming to marry a 17 year old girl?

And my sister is excited, and my mom is saying if shes happy she has no problem?

What is money?

And I'm looking like I'm a mad man for telling my sister I'm not in support.

I wish I could nail this guy on something...like if he's ever been married ( which he denies) or some sort of scandal....
How will my only sister get married to someone 27 years her senior?

For God sake

Please help me, what should I do

If I talk now they will say I hate women

We've had a very angry family meeting this night and this girl is bent on going...
Abi na jazz?

I completely understand your viewpoint. Someone did this to my 16 year old cousin.
We were both in SS2 when he married her. when we finished sec school she moved into his house while I went on to Uni. Her parents fell out with family members who objected.
They said she’ll further school.
Three years later at 19 no school, no child, no marriage.

He divorced my cousin that she was foolish and barren. While my cousin told her parents that he put her on birth control pills without her knowledge and told her it was prenatal vitamins. He only became angry when she stopped taking them and sent her packing
She’s finished school now and married too.
But be careful, unless you satisfy all your curiosity about that peado, don’t rest.

Carot:
see this stinking igbo smoking, old cargo hypocrite ill advising sb. Say one thing and do another. When her mates were marrying, she was busy hawking her pussy for cheap cash

I am not the cause of your parents’ life misfortune

Hmmm

Just be certain he doesn't have a family elsewhere.

If they don't listen to you. Let them be, as much you are a family member, this life is still per head. And besides, love knows no age, some people love older people, no manual to these things.