₦airaland Forum

Teettyllayho:
Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

I didn't read to the end so be careful with my advice.

Talk him into what you expect of him, let him know his chores, the time for school work, time for house work and time for TV/IPad. Also make sure that his relaxation or entertainment comes after the has done his work.... You only have 3 years left to correct whatever negative traits he is displaying, after it becomes a lot more difficult.

Also learn to be firm. If he needs love, give it immediately and if he needs discipline don't waste time. Its also very important for you not to under or over-discipline him.

Last but not the least he's already old enough to start learning morals.... Teach him the bible and take him regularly to a good bible believing church.

It will not be easy but the joy you will have 10, 20, 30 years from now will be irreplaceable.

Sorry if I didn't answer other questions you asked further down

Stay blessed

brain54:
Mariangeles your advice is needed here...



If you commented above me i didn't see cos haven't gone through the whole pages. But this is the kinda thread were you make very thorough good and original comments.
Pls comment o.

Going by what I’ve read, what the boy truly truly needs is his father to be more involved in his life and in raising him. (Thankfully, he has a father.)

Children, especially boys (emphasis on especially boys ), can be very very difficult at that stage he’s in, and in most cases, only their fathers (or fatherly figures) can handle their situations at that stage.

I’d advise op to have a serious talk with the boy’s father about his new behavior, as he’s the best person to handle the situation.

Don't apologize for scolding him when he does wrong.

Mabinu. I don't agree that he needs his father. It doesn't hurt to have his father reduce the parenting stress from his mum.

Mariangeles:
Going by what I’ve read, what the boy truly truly needs is his father to be more involved in his life and in raising him. (Thankfully, he has a father.)

Children, especially boys (emphasis on especially boys ), can be very very difficult at that stage he’s in, and in most cases, only their fathers (or fatherly figures) can handle their situations at that stage.

I’d advise op to have a serious talk with the boy’s father about his new behavior, as he’s the best person to handle the situation.

I think you are doing well . Raising kids especially below 12years is very challenging. Continue being firm in what you think is good for him. This is his formative age and you won't give up doing the needful.

Welldone

Teettyllayho:
Hmm. Is this true? Male children don't fear their mothers?

Dad comes around during weekends.

I've observed this pattern quite a lot. I think there might be some truth to it.

Generally, most kids don't fear their moms. Except their mom is Margaret Thatcher.

Exceed15:
I think you are doing well . Raising kids especially below 12years is very challenging. Continue being firm in what you think is good for him. This is his formative age and you won't give up doing the needful.

Welldone

Below 12?
6-12 is the respite period imho. Old enough to have stopped being weapons of mass destruction, too young to give you teen/pre teen gragra.

Once they pass 12 you have a whole new series of wahala. Made even worse by SM.

Teettyllayho:
Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Calm down with him,just let him understand you love him.the way I see your write up you too harsh on him.when he asked for something new tell him you don't have money to buy him anything.bcuz it seems you showed him you are rich that's why his behaving to live large.

Teettyllayho:
Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Shouting on a child is emotional abuse. You need to stop it.

You can talk him in a calm manner clearing highlighting what he has done wrong.

Sterope:
Mabinu. I don't agree that he needs his father. It doesn't hurt to have his father reduce the parenting stress from his mum.

I don’t know the thing with boys, but at some stage, they tend to be very difficult, especially for their mothers, and the only language they understand at that point is I will report you to your father.

They almost always do what you tell them not to do, and it only takes patience not to harm them.

Shouting cannot change a child attitude, he's born with dat.like me am 23 if my mum yell at me I keep quiet and walk away.i don't just like it

Mariangeles:
I don’t know the thing with boys, but at some stage, they tend to be very difficult, especially for their mothers, and the only language they understand at that point is I will report you to your father.

They almost always do what you tell them not to do, and it only takes patience not to harm them.

So what do you tell fathers who had the same exact experience while raising their sons?

Do you call in the grandfather at that point?

My brother was raised in a two-parent home and he never listened to my dad. It got so bad that he would run away for days and my dad would go looking for him. There back and forth became a source of irritation for the rest of us, and it never ended. What do you say in that case? The father was not father enough?

Children are children. You get what you get, and have to deal with them as they come. Whether single-parent or two-parent home, they turn out the way they will. .

Kobojunkie:
Children also experience anxieties and it is better to resolve those issues there and then than wait till they become adults, wondering why they are unable to fit in well in society, even among their peers. I speak from experience ofcourse.

These people forget that children are also grown ass humans with their own feelings and emotions, not some toy they can toss around.

Kobojunkie:
Children are children. You get what you get, and have to deal with them as they come. Whether single-parent or two-parent home, they turn out the way will.

This here.

Dshocker:
Rubbish...this is petting!
Instigate fear in him and at the same time show him love.

When you instigate this "fear", of what benefit is it to your child who now fears you?

Kobojunkie:
When you instigate this "fear", of what benefit is it to your child who now fears you?

It will help both the child and the parent

That is the same across genders. As kids become more aware, they recognise your weaknesses and limitations and they will test it. The father threat might work because many fathers are walking sperm and money donors and it doesn't guarantee a well behaved kid.

I know women that have single handedly raised great men. This woman is not taking liberties with her son yet he remains a tough kid. The solution is not his father. She should take a deep breath and change her parenting style.

Mariangeles:
I don’t know the thing with boys, but at some stage, they tend to be very difficult, especially for their mothers, and the only language they understand at that point is I will report you to your father.

They almost always do what you tell them not to do, and it only takes patience not to harm them.

How? The caliber of the teachers you had, your lecturers, your bosses and your politicians are enough proof that shit doesn't work.

Dshocker:
It will help both the child and the parent

Kobojunkie:
When you instigate this "fear", of what benefit is it to your child who now fears you?

Besides i didn't say torture,discipline the child in anyway possible,else the child will grow up tomorrow and be challenging your authority at any slightest provocative.

Kobojunkie:
That is what your parents told you, right?

However, now that you are now grown up, you pugh to have realized by now, this from intelligently accessing the real world around you, that children who are raised in single-parent homes turn out just as well as children who were raised in two-parent homes.

Absence can affect but it can also not affect, depending on how well the single-parent was able to wear both shoes.

Many of our world leaders today were raised in single-pareng homes. That didn't stop them from themselves going on to intelligently and maturedly handling the world before them. Then we know of many who were raised in two-parent homes and remain a menace to world peace.

How much honor do you have for your parents? None, right?

1. You have chosen to spare the rod and spoilt the child.
2. You do not also have the will to follow through on your punishment for wrongdoing. Why will you apologize for scolding your child for wrongdoing
3. Lastly, you have given your child liberty to talk back at you ( this is the ultimate sign of bad parenting).

Correct the three points above and see changes come speedily. Hopefully, your damage on the child is still reversible.

Candidlady:



Isee kobojunkie peeping... Sure she got something to say


Lemme learn although idont pray for boy child!!!

Hold up... kobojunkie is a she?

Dshocker:
It will help both the child and the parent

How does it help?

Dshocker:
Besides i didn't say torture,discipline the child in anyway possible,else the child will grow up tomorrow and be challenging your authority at any slightest provocative.

The problem with all this beating is that one day your child may be physically bigger than you. So what happens then, if you have run a house with fear?

GloriousGbola:
The problem with all this beating is that one day your child may be physically bigger than you. So what happens then, if you have run a house with fear?

You are supposed to beat him till he gets to 18yrs,you are not meant to beat him forever naaa

mybiz234:
How much honor do you have for your parents? None, right?

Why are you answering the question for me?

And what exactly do you mean by "how much honor do you have for your parents"?

Dshocker:
Besides i didn't say torture,discipline the child in anyway possible,else the child will grow up tomorrow and be challenging your authority at any slightest provocative.

Your words are "instigate" fear. Fear of what? You as a parent?

InTheCloudySky:
Him telling you how he feels after you shout at him, is a good thing. This means he's intuned with his emotions, which is a great thing for a 7-year old. It's better than him keeping it in and acting out later. Believe it or not, the best way to be firm with him is to not shout (you can get your point across to him without shouting).

Him bringing the lunch box home a second time was an intentional move on his part, which again shows he's a smart kiddo. You've written his name on it in bold for him to see that it's his, so there's no reason for him to have brought home the boy's own again. His excuse that the boy had taken his cannot be true (again, because you've written his name on his own), unless the boy cannot read - to have taken your son's. Him blaming the boy and him asking you to buy him another one while brushing his teeth gives it away - that he knew what he was doing and he's merely trying to make you buy him another lunch box again.

He's definitely a smart kid, but it seems he's impressionable (easily influenced by others /what others have/what others are doing). You've to teach him to be confident in himself, to be content with what he has, and to not take things that don't belong to him. You also ought to be watchful of manipulative tendencies (manipulating people into doing what he wants), as that's what he tried to do with the lunch box thing.

Authoritative parenting is the best parenting style. Read more about it here: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/05/child-psychologist-explains-why-authoritative-parenting-is-the-best-style-for-raising-smart-confident-kids.html


He's a good kid and will be just fine.

Same shoe with the op, every morning it serious shouting from his Mum to him over one thing or the other...this is the best comment have read so far.

Dshocker:
You are supposed to beat him till he gets to 18yrs,you are not meant to beat him forever naaa

And if the behavior which you had been trying to correct from before continues after age 18, you do what then?

AutoChick4U:
If you provide sufficiently for your kids and train them well, they wont ask no one for urgent 2k

God provide everything for Eve, she still beg the devil for another,it is there nature!

Kobojunkie:
All that na rubbish!

Jesus Christ, not even God, no send you your Pagan rituals of anointings and the lot.

Your indoctrination don't help raise better but instead a gullible lad more prone to foolishness as a lifestyle. As a parent, it is your duty to validate/confirm the truth of what you claim before attempting to teach it to your kids so you don't end up passing what is your foolishness down one more generation.

coward my family is fine, you better channel ur advice to right person and stop being abscess with my comment. U go die! Maggot! I have a happy home. If care is not taking u among those evil initiating innocent children. Thunder ⚡ fire you and ur generations

Kobojunkie:
Wrong!

If your shouts are causing him anxieties, he has a right to let you know. You both then need to work on an arrangement that limits the Shouting and gives you both piece of mind.

Wrong too
U growing up as a kid do you have that courage to tell your parent they are shouting at you when they're trying to scold you?