ellaV:
it's well I started dating him when I was 16, he was jobless then,he is my first love, until I married him at 21, when he got a job,I love him, but I detest his personality..maybe am not strong enough yet but if he doesn't change, the cup will be filled soonest

Marriage marriage na em full your head then. See am na.

Now you are waiting for him to give you money for this and that.

Do the needful.

Imbecilicsamuel:


Marriage marriage na em full your head then. See am na.

Now you are waiting for him to give you money for this and that.

Do the needful.

am doing the needful...tnxs

Skyview01:


The best answer so far.

narcissist men are much here on nairaland...who don't see the need to empower their wives when they obviously have the means to...you prefare to enslave her,block her means and monitor her when she tries to help herself..selfish and wicked set...no wonder a sect in the south east kill their husbands when he is not adding value to their wife's and a torn on their flesh as well....I am in a financially abused marriage and i have woken up from my slumber...90% of Nigerian men are narcissist,selfish,wicked and don't wish their wife to grow but we meuuuuuuv....God pass una

ellaV:
narcissist men are much here on nairaland...who don't see the need to empower the wives when they obviously have the means to...you prepare to enslave her,block her means and monitor her when she tries to help herself..selfish and wicked set...no wonder a sect in the south east kill their husbands when he is not adding value to their wife's and a torn on their flesh as well....I am in a financially abused marriage and i have woken up from my slumber...90% of Nigerian men are narcissist,selfish,wicked and don't wish their wife to grow but we meuuuuuuv....God pass una

Says a woman who can't even think for herself. I know your pastors do the thinking for you.
Always excuses and blames but no responsibility.
What stops you from looking for jobs, or you are waiting for hubby to come do your resume and apply for jobs for you.

Skyview01:


Says a woman who can't even think for herself. I know your pastors do the thinking for you.
Always excuses and blames but no responsibility.
What stops you from looking for jobs, or you are waiting for hubby to come do your resume and apply for jobs for you.

maybe you should read more than talk

ellaV:
maybe you should read more than talk

Ok Ma.

ellaV:
I am married to a man for 6 years who goes about telling anyone whose cares to listen that he is not the marriage type and family guy..we have two kids,he doesn't want to set a business up for me,give me money for upkeep,or give me money to start my Masters...this is someone that has millions as savings and I borrowed 20k from access bank since last year March he can't give me money to pay...I decided to work, 3 months to the work,I was dropped I did my findings,someone came to testify negatively about me to my boss and that was it...I apply for jobs,a contradicting mail will be sent to the company and i won't be calledi,I graduated with 2:1...my husband buys my phone and it's only him that has access to my mail,i asked him if he did that he said no, but I know it's him...as am talking to you know everyone in my area has light since 4 days ago because we use prepaid meter,light has finished, he is not moved that we are in darkness? He traveled for a job since 5 days ago and he don't care,there is so much I want to say but let me not bore you...I feel unproductive and stucked in this marriage, pls what should I do? I went to church and I was told his mum is in the water kingdom and tied him to herself that he only listens to her and whatever I say means nothing, all he does is sleep with me , that's all, if you knew me when I was single , you will be in awe to see me now...what should I do pls?

This was posted by ellaV ( a female) yet with a male indicator. ( m)

Nonetheless - I will tell you what I am sensing and possible action plans.
First all - Quite a dilemma you find yourself. I pray you wisdom and tactfulness as you navigate through this.
1. There is something called a 7 year inch. - Most marriages have it. You start with courtship, honeymoon phase, real life phase and this is where you both actually begin to grow in the relationship. Most marriages once they survive the 7 years period can survive anything if they want to keep the relationship together.
2. Presence of kids makes this complicated - How does he treat the kids does he shower them with love and attention ?
3. How is the relationship in the bed between you two - I ask this because the signs indicate that there is someone or something competing for attention elsewhere. Sleeping with you in one thing but how is another thing.
4. Was he trapped into marrying u ? - You claim he goes around telling people that he is not the marrying type etc.

Now this sounds borderline like an abusive relationship. But I am yet to hear his side of the story.

What I would suggest you do are the following.
- Keep applying for work.
- There has to be someone in your family who can offer you a soft loan if you want to open a business / work.
- Now the bigger Issue is this - Have you communicated your feelings to him ( not nagging - written down objectively )
What did he say and what were his responses or action plans.
- As you have laid out these accusations against him - what steps are you doing to adjust/change as well.
- Seek out someone who knows the two of you and ask his advise. If he doesn't respect a spiritual authority a Pastor wont do.

- Listen, I wont advise you continue in an abusive relationship (either physically, financially , emotional or socially. ). Hey, you may not be able to "erase" but you can surely tear out the page and start afresh don't wait till its too late.

my 2 cents....

ellaV:
am doing the needful...tnxs

You haven't even begun doing anything of the sort.

ellaV:
narcissist men are much here on nairaland...who don't see the need to [b]empower their wives [/b]when they obviously have the means to...you prefare to enslave her,block her means and monitor her when she tries to help herself..selfish and wicked set...no wonder a sect in the south east kill their husbands when he is not adding value to their wife's and a torn on their flesh as well....I am in a financially abused marriage and i have woken up from my slumber...90% of Nigerian men are narcissist,selfish,wicked and don't wish their wife to grow but we meuuuuuuv....God pass una

Empower their wives? Where you not born with half a brain or something? Can't you think to empower your own self since your husband refuses to?

Like I said earlier, stories like the one you are telling us here... e get as e be.

Kobojunkie:
Empower their wives? Where you not born with a brain of your own? Can't you think to empower your own self abeg?

I pity whoever that married you..you will be rich ..doing give away while your wife is on rags n torn cloths...spending on side chicks no wonder you guys die before your time...you don't ask y?

ellaV:
I pity whoever that married you..you will be rich ..doing give away while your wife is on rags n torn cloths...spending on side chicks no wonder you guys die before your time...you don't ask y?

Even in the 80s/90s, my mother had a job, and a business of her own which she built for her own self. Her husband did not send her to school, and she didn't wait for him to Ok her pursuits as an individual in marriage. So reading from a woman as she speaks as though an imbe-cile in need of handouts from her husband in 2022 is irksome..

Now back to the issue at hand, you are a human being with a fully capable brain much like your husbands. So why are you living as if a doll in what is your own life?,

rickleye:



This was posted by ellaV ( a female) yet with a male indicator. ( m)

Nonetheless - I will tell you what I am sensing and possible action plans.
First all - Quite a dilemma you find yourself. I pray you wisdom and tactfulness as you navigate through this.
1. There is something called a 7 year inch. - Most marriages have it. You start with courtship, honeymoon phase, real life phase and this is where you both actually begin to grow in the relationship. Most marriages once they survive the 7 years period can survive anything if they want to keep the relationship together.
2. Presence of kids makes this complicated - How does he treat the kids does he shower them with love and attention ?
3. How is the relationship in the bed between you two - I ask this because the signs indicate that there is someone or something competing for attention elsewhere. Sleeping with you in one thing but how is another thing.
4. Was he trapped into marrying u ? - You claim he goes around telling people that he is not the marrying type etc.

Now this sounds borderline like an abusive relationship. But I am yet to hear his side of the story.

What I would suggest you do are the following.
- Keep applying for work.
- There has to be someone in your family who can offer you a soft loan if you want to open a business / work.
- Now the bigger Issue is this - Have you communicated your feelings to him ( not nagging - written down objectively )
What did he say and what were his responses or action plans.
- As you have laid out these accusations against him - what steps are you doing to adjust/change as well.
- Seek out someone who knows the two of you and ask his advise. If he doesn't respect a spiritual authority a Pastor wont do.

- Listen, I wont advise you continue in an abusive relationship (either physically, financially , emotional or socially. ). Hey, you may not be able to "erase" but you can surely tear out the page and start afresh don't wait till its too late.

my 2 cents....

thank you God bless you...I got pregnant and my parents told him he must marry me besides he is my lover and first love so no biggie

Kobojunkie:
Even in the 80s/90s, my mother had a job and business of her own which she built for her own self. So hearing a woman speak as though an imbe-cile in need of handouts in 2022 is irksome..

Now back to the issue at hand, you are a human being with a fully capable brain much like your husbands. So why are you living as if a doll in what is your own life?,

I have started a journey of doing what I love and am working on my husband spiritually...I cannot suffer with you,spend my time,pray for you,encourage you,give you my time n attention..and the only thing I ask in return is give me money to start my own business since giving me money is a problem and your here talking trash....any woman married to a supportive husband don't know what God has done for her..I wish I knew better..good girl no dey ever pay

ellaV:
* I have started a journey of doing what I love and am working on my husband spiritually...

* I cannot suffer with you,spend my time,pray for you,encourage you,hibe you my time..and the only thing I ask in return is give me money to start my own business since giving me money is a problem and your here talking trash....any woman married to a supportive husband don't know what God has done for her..I wish I knew better..good girl no dey ever pay

Spiritually? LOL....

So, you expect to be paid in cash for your contribution to building what is your own marriage/family as well?

I really hope you come back in maybe a year or two to give us an update on how far this journey of yours takes you as it seems you are dead-set on living as if a human leech in marriage.

Kobojunkie:
Even in the 80s/90s, my mother had a job, and a business of her own which she built for her own self. Her husband did not send her to school, and she didn't wait for him to Ok her pursuits as an individual in marriage. So reading from a woman as she speaks as though an imbe-cile in need of handouts from her husband in 2022 is irksome..

Now back to the issue at hand, you are a human being with a fully capable brain much like your husbands. So why are you living as if a doll in what is your own life?,

I wish my people had the money to give me..if i was single only one olosho sugar daddy would have run it for me..but once married it's your husband you look at but when you have the irresponsible one that don't know their responsibility...its usually end up in a pity for the family at the long run

Kobojunkie:
Spiritually? LOL....

So, you expect to be paid in cash for your contribution to building what is your own marriage/family as well?

I really hope you come back in maybe a year or two to give us an update on how far this journey of yours takes you as it seems you are dead-set on living as if a human leech in marriage.

Am happy women are getting smart these days..and dumping your asses when you need them the most eg. Julius agwu wife

ellaV:
I wish my people had the money to give me..of i was single only one olosho sugar daddy would have run it for me..but once married it's your husband you look at but when you have the irresponsible once that don't know their responsibility...its usually end up in a pity for the family at the long run

See, there you go again... you almost always seem here to want someone else doing for you what you ought to be doing for yourself.

You keep shifting blame for what is your insecurities as an individual on others, and I wonder if you ever consider the examples you are laying down for your children at this point. That family is your own family too, so why are you sitting in it as if a human doll?

If your husband died tomorrow, leaving you not a single penny, what will become of you then?

ellaV:
Am happy women are getting smart these days..and dumping your asses when you need them the most eg. Julius agwu wife

Women are getting smarter but why aren't you to be counted among the smart ones?
P.S. I don't know or care of a Julius agwu since I don't pay much attention to such things.

Kobojunkie:
Women are getting smarter but why aren't you to be counted among the smart ones?

Because I was stupid before now I am wise..anytime you wake up na I'm be your morning...

ellaV:
your a mumu ooo..is it not capital I will use to do business? Is it your pr*ck I will use to start it??you must not talk if you don't have a sensible contribution...make I no use cord follow you....rara

Why can't you go get yourself a job like so many others out there, save up to start this business of yours then?

And by the way, what makes you think you are business capable? You don't come off as someone who is in anyway enterprising so why should anyone invest in you and your business?

Kobojunkie:
See, there you go again... you almost always seem here to want someone else doing for you what you ought to be doing for yourself.

You keep shifting blame for what is your insecurities as an individual on others, and I wonder if you ever consider the examples you are laying down for your children at this point. That family is your own family too, so why are you sitting in it as if a human doll?

If your husband died tomorrow, leaving you not a single penny, what will become of you then?

nature bears no vacuum...there will always be a way out...but that person way go do that kind thing no go rest in peace even in the land of the beyond

ellaV:
Because I was stupid before now I am wise..anytime you wake up na I'm be your morning...

You are wise yet you spew all you continue to on this thread? Do you even realize what wisdom is?

Kobojunkie:
Why can't you go get yourself a job like so many others out there, save up to start this business of yours then?

And by the way, what makes you think you are business capable? You don't come off as someone who is in anyway enterprising so why should anyone invest in you and your business?

I will get a job he will spoil it for me..I will send email he will counter it...what do u want me to do? When am living with someone who don't want me to succeed...ww will make it...I worked immediately I finished secondary school that was the time I met him...and that business is what I will go back to ..should I have capital to start

ellaV:
nature bears no vacuum...there will always be a way out...but that person way go do that kind thing no go rest in peace even in the land of the beyond

So getting a job and saving up the capital you need is not a way out?

The concept that is peace only applies to the living, not the dead, so bury that delusion of yours.

Again, if your husband were to die today leaving you without a penny to your name - a common scenario in much of Nigeria - what will become of you and your kids?

ellaV:
I will get a job he will spoil it for me..I will send email he will counter it...what do u want me to do? When am living with someone who don't want me to succeed...ww will make it...I worked immediately I finished secondary school that was the time I met him...and that business is what I will go back to ..should I have capital to start

Again. You keep shifting blame to your husband instead of taking responsibility for what is your own mistake in this.

You claim you live with someone who doesn't want you to succeed but what have you done so far to show that you are even serious about succeeding as a person? It is easy to blame someone else but what have you done for yourself to show you are serious and capable of success?

Kobojunkie:
So getting a job and saving up the capital you need is not a way out?

The concept that is peace only applies to the living, not the dead, so bury that delusion of yours.

Again, if your husband were to die today leaving you without a penny to your name - a common scenario in much of Nigeria - what will become of you and your kids?

I have said it countless time..he refute my efforts in getting a job..its only a govt job he can't do shit cos their are protocols

Kobojunkie:
Again. You keep shifting blame to your husband instead of taking responsibility for what is your own mistake in this.

You claim you live with someone who doesn't want you to succeed but what have you done so far to show that you are even serious about succeeding as a person? It is easy to blame someone else but what have you done for yourself to show you are serious and capable of success?

it's well.its obvious that English is VERY HARD !for you to comprehend...

ellaV:
I wish my people had the money to give me..if i was single only one olosho sugar daddy would have run it for me..but once married it's your husband you look at but when you have the irresponsible one that don't know their responsibility...its usually end up in a pity for the family at the long run

ellaV:
narcissist men are much here on nairaland...who don't see the need to empower their wives when they obviously have the means to...you prefare to enslave her,block her means and monitor her when she tries to help herself..selfish and wicked set...no wonder a sect in the south east kill their husbands when he is not adding value to their wife's and a torn on their flesh as well....I am in a financially abused marriage and i have woken up from my slumber...90% of Nigerian men are narcissist,selfish,wicked and don't wish their wife to grow but we meuuuuuuv....God pass una

You have kuku unraveled as you didn't get the pity party you planned to get.

See the bike you are spewing at strangers,one can only imagine what that man goes through.

You think being a woman makes you an automatic victim.

Stay here and be cursing strangers and planning to kill your husband after calling his mother a winch while seeking spiritual solutions for your obvious laziness and entitlement

ellaV:
I

Japa.

ellaV:
I have said it countless time..he refute my efforts in getting a job..its only a govt job he can't do shit cos their are protocols

I have heard your excuse several times but it is just that an excuse and nothing more.

Or are you suggesting here that if your husband were to die today leaving you without a penny to your name that somehow you will magically get your head together then, this with the one refuting your efforts at getting a job out of the way?

ellaV:
it's well.its obvious that English is VERY HARD !for you to comprehend...

You didn't answer the questions.. Again. You keep shifting blame to your husband instead of taking responsibility for what is your own mistake in this.

You claim you live with someone who doesn't want you to succeed but what have you done so far to show that you are even serious about succeeding as a person?

It is easy to blame someone else but what have you done for yourself to show you are serious and capable of success?