₦airaland Forum

omochelsea004:
Exactly what I'm experience in my marriage is what op highlighted word for word, just when I thought I was alone in it! It's so so frustrating, the part that pains me mostly is that pple will be seeing you as a married man, not knowing that even bachelors have access to intimacy 1k times than you supposed married man

Whenever I see in nollywood movies how women/ house wives initiate, beg, clamour & even fight their husbands just to have sex with them, I feel it's being exaggerated, because I personally never experience such, honestly I do wonder, I have gone straight 7 months without asking for sex at all & to my greatest surprise, this woman no even send me at all, na that time she come dey even happy pass. I come be like ahhhh! I don finally enter am

This is very sad

gannod:
This is really serious. I wonder why some women behave this way. Why marry if you don't like sex?

Sex shouldn't be the basis of marriage but rather on love but this monstrous world have changed marriage to sex

cryptofredoom:
I write this letter with a heavy heart and a deeply sad spirit. This is as a result of the cumulative torture I have endured from your actions and inactions SEXUALLY. Yes, sexually in emphasis.
Love they say is beautiful and marriage to the one you truly love, wonderful. Alas! Mine marriage to you is complicated like a stream that produces both sweet and bitter water at the same time.
EXPERIENCE
I had kept myself from other women, waiting patiently for the chosen one, the one I love, whom I would spend, the rest of my life. Like the saying goes “a patient dog, eats the fattest bone”. But my experience in the last six years of marriage has abundantly proven the sayings to be wrong.
You are the first woman whom my ‘member’ felt the warmth of her vagina. I remember vividly you re-directing my penis to the right path, because I was a novice, naïve and excited to taste the honey pot for the first time in over 30 years of my existence on planet earth.
Another thing I also remembered which have sadly turned to be “re-occurring decimal”, was you telling me you are tired on our wedding night and that we should leave the sex part of the night to a latter day. You only caved in after much entireties and plea from me. I must tell you, that night was least memorable to put it mildly. What do I know self?
SEXUAL TORTURE
A month after our wedding/ “honeymoon” you got pregnant and the gate to the honey well was permanently shut, I was inexperienced to think that a pregnant woman doesn’t engage in sexual intimacy, until six or seventh month into your pregnancy when you were told at the antenatal that you should engage in sex to enable the vagina “ready for delivery”. I breathed a sigh of relief which was abruptly cut short immediately after child birth.
The waiting games continued till about 5 – 6 months, before you began to sparingly allow me have sex with you once in a week, even sometimes its reduces to once in two weeks. You often asked if sex was food? I had to mark the calendar to show you when last we had sex before I can be given a shot at another one, mainly on compassionate ground.
SIDE EFFECTS OF BEEN STARVED
1. Loss of confidence: amongst my peers, especially when issues relating to sexual escaped was been discussed
2. Deep Sorrow and Sadness: throughout the day, mostly when I had begged for sex a night before or in the morning of a particular day, and my plea turned down.
3. Constant thought of other women: especially the ones who indirectly had given me “green light” but I have deliberately turned them down, as it is against my personal principles.
4. Self Servicing: sometimes I resort to this as the way to relieve myself of the burden, and the most painful aspect of this inglorious act is when you suggest that I should indulge in it so as to let you alone.
5. Thought of Divorce: even though is not in my options, but I strongly view it as evil and wicked for an asexual individual to enter into marriage and still expect her partner to be faithful. I know you have once suggested getting me a side chick of your chosen, which you have reneged.
SOLUTION
Because of the deep love I have for you, and the need to understand the reason my beloved wife hurts me sexually, I carried out a little research on your conditions and found out that you are ASEXUAL in nature. Below are some of the attributes of an asexual woman you portray.
1. During sex, you don’t like to touch my penis, caress my body and off cause BJ is out of it for you. You don’t like me kissing you, sucking your breast, sucking your ears handling your breast nor fingering you. Whenever I insist, you ridiculously say, “just touch the body of my breast, but don’t touch the nipple”.
2. Your sex positions are most times monotonous, is either missionary style or you are lying by your side. Even when I try to initiate another position your kick against it and sometimes say you are not a prostitute, hence you cannot.
3. Even though your participation during sex is just to lie down and receive, every now and then you tell me you are tired and that I should cum fast or else… You have also several times removed yourself from my penis and rush into the bathroom to wash yourself leaving me “hanging” and return to blame me for lasting longer than necessary.
4. You also frown your face and make it feel like a rape, no moaning nor encouraging sexual expressions, which most times dampens my spirit.
5. You also have refused to see neither a doctor nor a therapist, falsely claiming that there is nothing wrong with you.
6. You also refuse to see a pastor or any councilor.
7. I had also tried to initiate the discussion with one of your close sisters, which you also rejected.
8. You also rejected the use of a lubricant I once bought at the pharmacy
9. Whenever I initiate the sex discussion, your heart skips like I have said something outrageous and you pickup a fight to avoid having sex.
All the points above listed are some of the attribute of an asexual person, and this condition can be corrected through medically, counseling and personal efforts which you have refuse over this past six years.
CONCLUSIONS / RESOLUTIONS
1. I have resolved to stop having sex with you (expect you agree to change), as its an exercise in futility, because the experiences are usually unpleasant, unsatisfactory, mentally sapping and a waste of time.
2. I shall continue to love you, take care of your needs and support you within the best of my ability.
3. Hence, my itinerary of movement shall be for information purpose and shall be made available only when absolutely necessary.
4. I shall not tolerate any form of embarrassment if or when I chose to satisfy myself with whomever, whenever and wherever I please. The consequence of such violation shall be dire.
5. The only reason for divorce still stand and I shall not hesitate to initiate it if the evidence is compelling enough.
From Your Lovely Husband

I'm so sorry man,have you tried initiating a polyamorous relationship with her? Compromise is key in situations like these,I'm a fellow asexual but I'm a gay asexual person and i could give you tips for the relationship to blossom,first and foremost,what spectrum of asexuality is she on? Is it sexually repressed, sexually neutral or sex positive?

NewSoul:
Please I am a single guy. Can you enlighten me how you all end up with this kind of women? Was there sex at the beginning of the marriage and along the line it stopped maybe because you lost shape or became fat or something. Can I get an explanation?

U didn't ask me the question but I ll answer u base on my experience.
U see, in the relationship when ever ur girlfriend says no sex before marriage or even allow u but u aren't satisfied and she said, I ll give it to you anyhow u want it when we get married, my brother run for dear life.
That's the trick they use to entice u into thinking everything ll be OK in marriage instead of working it while still courting.

omochelsea004:
Honestly she is not, that I'm sure off 100%, not because she is my wife, but because it's the truth. If I am not sure of that, it doesn't cost me anything to say it here being a faceless forum, she doesn't keep friends of any type, material things doesn't attract her, nothing entices her, na like that she just dey, in fairness to her, I saw this particular traits during our years of courtship, we discussed it severally, but what she always told me then was that I cannot expect her to be happily engaging in sexual activity with me with free mind, having not paid her bride price then, but that once we get married legally everything will change for better & that she will make me know I can't handle her sexually... My dare brothers & sisters I have been waiting & hoping for her to even do just little out of the sweet promises after since we got married... So having taken all factors into consideration with a lot of observations, I have come to accept that's how she is, no be say she dey form, abi she dey do am on purpose, abi she dey cheat, sex is a total turnoff for her, it's op that made me know now that I am not alone!

Exactly how my wife trick me believing she ll change and ready to learn how to satisfy me after marriage, we are in it now same story, same style without trying to improve or learn any form of sex

Blunttruth:
Op go ahead and follow the m.o.r.o.n above, and end up ruining everything. Try what I said,that is if she is consumed by domestic and work without any help. If it continues go and report her to her parents. So any consequence will be justified. God bless you for your patience.

it's like you are not married. Report to parents gini? What do you tell the mother or father? Your daughter refuse to give me sex! Forget that thing. OP do as you were told. Be a man. Women only succumb to emotional pressure. Wake your wife up around 12 midnight and tell her you have something important to discuss with her. Tell her you are getting a second wife then move out of the room to another room lock the doors and sleep well. I bet you, she will not sleep till daybreak. In the morning, don't eat her food. tell her you will be traveling for three day. Spend a week. Switch off your phone or bar her line. When you come back pretend as if nothing happened. Start doing whisper calls at home. Tell her you would like her to visit her parents and that she should not go with the kids if you have any. You know what, dem no born am well if she no beg you. She go open that hole like river Niger.

Misterone:
it's like you are not married. Report to parents gini? What do you tell the mother or father? Your daughter refuse to give me sex! Forget that thing. OP do as you were told. Be a man. Women only succumb to emotional pressure. Wake your wife up around 12 midnight and tell her you have something important to discuss with her. Tell her you are getting a second wife then move out of the room to another room lock the doors and sleep well. I bet you, she will not sleep till daybreak. In the morning, don't eat her food. tell her you will be traveling for three day. Spend a week. Switch off your phone or bar her line. When you come back pretend as if nothing happened. Start doing whisper calls at home. Tell her you would like her to visit her parents and that she should not go with the kids if you have any. You know what, dem no born am well if she no beg you. She go open that hole like river Niger.

Baddest

Flamemignon1:
Sex shouldn't be the basis of marriage but rather on love but this monstrous world have changed marriage to sex

konji never hold you before. Sex is part of marriage. It is even greater than love in marriage. The more you sex your wife, the more bonded you are to her.

One common decimal l have noticed here is the fact that, alot of other married men are admitting the same situation in thier marriages.
I can only imagine how such men cope, now the question is "What's essence of Marriage"?
I used to think men who indulge in side chicks runs are just naturally randy but alas... , Anyways,l sincerely feel ur pain guys but then again , there are enough advice on here to try out & l wish y'all good luck.
NB: for the ones who are afraid of marriage,pls don't coz the concept of Marriage is sweet, it all depends on the how people involved in it treat it.

Misterone:
konji never hold you before. Sex is part of marriage. It is even greater than love in marriage. The more you sex your wife, the more bonded you are to her.

Bond?
Does this apply to a relationship also?

luminouz:
And this is your blunt truth?

What a load of crap!!!

Market women, and street hawkers are way busier and still do chores at home and fuq their husbands. It's like y'all Keep forming woke, equality and still expecting the man to do his part alone while he shares yours with you.

Why on earth would any woman keep shouting about her husband helping her at home? Una no dey shame ni? What's there in keeping a house clean and cooking for your husband?

It's a big deal if the woman is a career woman. Nobody is saying the man should take over chores but a little help here and there isn't bad, involving in spending time with the kids isn't bad. The woman too supports her husband financially. Both should learn to assist eachother. That's all I am saying. This isn't about forming woke. It's basic . House chores are not gender roles. They are basic things a human being should do.

DoingBetter:
No woman/man should withhold sex from her husband/wife like this except for medical reasons or if they both agree. This is not fair. On the other hand, no spouse should cheat on the other.
1 Corinthians 7️⃣ vs 8 says “So don't refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (CEV translation ) that's how important sex is.
I don't need to tell you how strongly adultery is frowned upon in the Bible. Consistently the Bible speaks against it. That your wife has to agree to go for counselling and sort out her issues or kindly agree to a divorce. She can't hold you hostage. You have been faithful and that's commendable. Her actions are directly fueling your path to destruction. She is making it so that you can be tempted and then go against your principles and worse, become an adulterer. Marriage is for companionship too and sex is a huge part of that kind of intimacy.
I do not play with principled men and faithful men. They are rare especially when they are genuine in their efforts to do right. If more men were like that, the foundation of society today would be much more different.

Tell her to get help and NOW.

PS: IF she's menopausal and it has affected her sex drive, or she's struggling with v-j dryness which can be painful and causes tear down there, she can get help for it from the hospital. There are special hormonal supplements designed for the issues women go through during menopause. Whatever it is, she must agree to make efforts to get help. You deserve a sexually rich life in your marriage too. Sending you both love ❤️ and light �

Thanks for your advice.

Divay22:
Bond?
Does this apply to a relationship also?

just try it and see. With regular sex, to a particular girl, so long as you are not paying for it, all barriers are broken. She will tell you her innermost secrets in bed.

Misterone:
just try it and see. With regular sex, to a particular girl, so long as you are not paying for it, all barriers are broken. She will tell you her innermost secrets in bed.

But if sex can really bond them, how come people in a relationships of over 4 to 5 still drift apart

Blunttruth:
It's a big deal if the woman is a career woman. Nobody is saying the man should take over chores but a little help here and there isn't bad, involving in spending time with the kids isn't bad. The woman too supports her husband financially. Both should learn to assist eachother. That's all I am saying. This isn't about forming woke. It's basic . House chores are not gender roles. They are basic things a human being should do.

I don't agree. So market women are not career women? That's insulting. They close at 8pm or even later and still do the normal for their husbands. But hey, doesn't matter how easy it is, lazy women must complain,right?
In an era where technology has made everything easy with microwaves, fridges, ovens, washing machines for plates and clothes...what else do women want?
Don't give me that tattletale about a career woman. If you don't know, folorunsho alakija still cooks for her husband and serves him...and I don't even know who the man is. Striking a balance is key
Please, stop the cap about financial help from the woman. In Nigeria, women who do such are in the minority or why are these insane gold-diggers around if women are such financially independent creatures.
Since house chores are not gender roles, bride price shouldn't be from the man alone. Why, the woman too should pay groom price. It's not forming woke ..it's a basic thing a person should do

Misterone:
konji never hold you before. Sex is part of marriage. It is even greater than love in marriage. The more you sex your wife, the more bonded you are to her.

Sex is obviously the reason you got married. What are we going to say about people who are in relationships with spouses who have one deformity or the other that can make them sexless? Just say most people married for sex not everyone,I'm asexual so I don't think sex should be in a relationship to thrive and I expect my partner to be the same

Flamemignon1:
Sex is obviously the reason you got married. What are we going to say about people who are in relationships with spouses who have one deformity or the other that can make them sexless? Just say most people married for sex not everyone,I'm asexual so I don't think sex should be in a relationship to thrive and I expect my partner to be the same

shut your trap. Sex is obviously the reason you got married yen yen yen! If you are asexual, don't marry. Stay your lane. No deceive others.

Divay22:
Bond?
Does this apply to a relationship also?

Yes.

Misterone:
shut your trap. Sex is obviously the reason you got married yen yen yen! If you are asexual, don't marry. Stay your lane. No deceive others.

Dude I said what I said. People marry for obvious reasons and there's no shame in that. What's shameful is you mirroring your version of marriage to that of society and making everyone think that's the sole purpose of marriage. Marriage itself is a subjective term and people define it their way and their why is valid

luminouz:
I don't agree. So market women are not career women? That's insulting. They close at 8pm or even later and still do the normal for their husbands. But hey, doesn't matter how easy it is, lazy women must complain,right?
In an era where technology has made everything easy with microwaves, fridges, ovens, washing machines for plates and clothes...what else do women want?
Don't give me that tattletale about a career woman. If you don't know, folorunsho alakija still cooks for her husband and serves him...and I don't even know who the man is. Striking a balance is key
Please, stop the cap about financial help from the woman. In Nigeria, women who do such are in the minority or why are these insane gold-diggers around if women are such financially independent creatures.
Since house chores are not gender roles, bride price shouldn't be from the man alone. Why, the woman too should pay groom price. It's not forming woke ..it's a basic thing a person should do

Market women are self employed, they can come to the market at any time. They close by 6. Most of them buy food, their kids buy food. Some are single mothers,. Not everyone can afford the gadgets you mentioned. Also should a woman be looking haggard. And older than her age? All I am saying is that couples should assist eachother, by doing so the burden is much more reduced. For the bride price aspects most people don't even collect it anymore. If you are surrounded by bimbos who are entitled I am not. Where I stay the men loaf around the women do all the work and you see them looking haggard. Some out of frustration end up parting ways with the man and staying on their own. So I stand by my words, you don't have to accept it. What worked for A might not work for B. Incase of the OP, let him exhaust all possible options before resorting to whatever it is you redpillers are suggesting. Call me a SIMP if you like I don't care.

princeemmma:
oh gees

I feel your pain bro, but i was once in your shoe, and all i did was the same thing you listed on your conclusion

My wife thought i was cheating, because for about 5months, i did not bother of sex, which is unusual....

Na one night the woman wake me up, as i open my eyes, na naked my wife dey, the rest na story

I would have turned her down, let her know how it feels. She actually used you. When they are Hot they always get their way but when a man is Hot, he should go f himself.

omochelsea004:
Exactly what I'm experience in my marriage is what op highlighted word for word, just when I thought I was alone in it! It's so so frustrating, the part that pains me mostly is that pple will be seeing you as a married man, not knowing that even bachelors have access to intimacy 1k times than you supposed married man

Whenever I see in nollywood movies how women/ house wives initiate, beg, clamour & even fight their husbands just to have sex with them, I feel it's being exaggerated, because I personally never experience such, honestly I do wonder, I have gone straight 7 months without asking for sex at all & to my greatest surprise, this woman no even send me at all, na that time she come dey even happy pass. I come be like ahhhh! I don finally enter am

It's not exaggerated my man. Actually,if you're with a 'normal' woman, with time na you go dey decline.
When any marries a sexually active woman and he knows how to satisfy her, he'll never lack sex. In short, she'll be the one always begging.

Elder0001:
Yes.

I just don't believe o

EkoErrands:
If she accuses me of rape it wont pain me as much as the intensity of the frown on her face.

Bros take the accusation of rape seriously! I know you might not be in the western country, but state practicing.

When a woman says No, even she is your wife….unless through caressing, and other means you can bring her to change her mind either verbally or otherwise, take is as a No….either she is your wife, girlfriend or someone else.

In the USA you can be held criminally liable for raping your own wife….ie if deep down, they don’t want it and truly felt violated…..it does not make sense at all, but it is the law.

omochelsea004:
Honestly she is not, that I'm sure off 100%, not because she is my wife, but because it's the truth. If I am not sure of that, it doesn't cost me anything to say it here being a faceless forum, she doesn't keep friends of any type, material things doesn't attract her, nothing entices her, na like that she just dey, in fairness to her, I saw this particular traits during our years of courtship, we discussed it severally, but what she always told me then was that I cannot expect her to be happily engaging in sexual activity with me with free mind, having not paid her bride price then, but that once we get married legally everything will change for better & that she will make me know I can't handle her sexually... My dare brothers & sisters I have been waiting & hoping for her to even do just little out of the sweet promises after since we got married... So having taken all factors into consideration with a lot of observations, I have come to accept that's how she is, no be say she dey form, abi she dey do am on purpose, abi she dey cheat, sex is a total turnoff for her, it's op that made me know now that I am not alone!

She run you APC aswear.

Getting and staying married as a man is not easy. It seems the demons would be let loose on you immediately. My wife knows that I am a show boy, even as a good boy I may be, I throw my subtle threats. Women generally don't like competition and been displaced especially by someone below them. Now when both those below them and above them even other married women throw shades at you, they becomes insecure codely; then gives you attention at any time even when they don't feel it.

Is hightime, men starts learning the act of being appealing to those outside and ignoring cum undermining the indoor shenanigans of our wives; this act resets memories. It's a game jor and in love, all is fair and just so long as you no cheat.

Saleh.

cryptofredoom:
If you read through my write up, you will notice I had refrained from sex till I was over 30 years old. And my wife is the first woman I had sex with.

We had sex once after our traditional marriage, even though she accepted to do it reluctant and gave the excuse of not wanting to get pregnant before the white wedding. Which was mainly due to the church rules I presumed.

Fasssssssssssst forward... for the Christian brothers and principled men who don't want to engage in premarital sex, be wary of such decision. It is synonymous to going to market and buying a non-tested hi tech equipment.

The pains of not getting it right is enormous, it's not worth the risk. This past six years have been full of regrets, and I am forced to seek solace ' outside the box'.

If I may ask, are you Deeper Life members?

There's a girl I'm seeing now with almost similar traits as you've listed and she's a Deeper Lifer let me know and make up my mind before taking the next step.

PS: This is not in anyway to cast aspersions on anyone's religious inclinations and beliefs. T for thanks.

Flamezreal:
The worst is the one trying to get pregnant but not wanting to have sex after years of marriage All what you wrote up there are my experience.

How's your wife trying to get pregnant without having sex? Is it via Assisted reproductive technology like IVF

Do you always give women money when she ask? That's how women give sex to you when you ask.
That's their nature.

That's how i experienced too.

Divay22:
I just don't believe o

Your reasons?

NewSoul:
Op don't follow this advice, I beg you. All she'll see it as is "desperation" so she can open her legs to you.

And from there she'll "transactionalize" the sex. Making you do things before she offers sex. Anytime you are not a good boy she with-holds sex. Don't mind this women and never you make the mistake of taking relationship advice from them they will always look out for themselves and lead you astray.

They only make rules for you when they think you are not man enough or a natural born leader that can effect his authority. Redpill will say they see you as beta male.

Just Imagine your wife is married to Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) or Stone Cold Steve Austin or Randy Orton or let go down to Nigeria Nyesom Wike, Jim Iyke or Hank Anuku or zubby Michael( the one with a scar on his face) will she be setting useless rules for you? No she won't. She'll be very careful so you don't throw her ass out and replace her sharply. Don't be soft Mr. OP you are giving her too much respect. Some of this women the only language they respect is violence and hard-heartedness.

Here is what should do:

1. Stop eating her food let her be cooking for herself to eat.

2. Don't respond to her morning greetings (that's if she even greets you sef)
3. Don't discuss anything with her(just be giving her basic silent treatment)

4. Change your wardrobe. If all you have is responsible "office clothes" change them to what young guys wear. Crazy jeans and big shirts with fine Snickers and shorts, fancy wrist watch, expensive perfumes. Then on Friday night hangout with friends and come home late

5. On Friday dress fine again, make calls laughing and smiling making it obvious that you are speaking with a lady and then move out all dressed fine and smelling nice.

6.continue ignoring her and make sure he sleep in her separate room. Her brain will reset before a month.

Please don't follow the confused being above telling you to wash plate and cook for her. Yes she'll let you have sex but it will still be with the "come and do and go" attitude.

So he should use negative to fight negative, is that so

I don't have a shred of pity for these men having a difficult time in their marriages, not a shred. In fact I find it irritating for men to be so cowed.

Flamemignon1:
Dude I said what I said. People marry for obvious reasons and there's no shame in that. What's shameful is you mirroring your version of marriage to that of society and making everyone think that's the sole purpose of marriage. Marriage itself is a subjective term and people define it their way and their why is valid

yeah! The divorce way. You preach abstinence rubbish before marriage, after marriage you say the hole dey pain you! E no go werk. I must fvck that toto to my satisfaction. In my tribe, there's a saying that you don't take a penis to marriage, you take a vagina to marriage. Two men cannot live in one home. One must leave.