Greetings fam. How do you manage your children not having playmates after school. This is because here parents tend to shield their kids from playing with other kids who are not from their race. Talking about other black kids, they might not be always available to play with your kids. I believe that kids needs to play and bond with other kids of their age for them to grow up normally.

Dear veteran UK parents,
Do you think a year 2 pupil will need a laptop at home, based on the school curriculum? I have an old laptop that I am not sure whether to bring along for my child or dispose of before leaving Nigeria.

jesmond3945:
Greetings fam. How do you manage your children not having playmates after school. This is because here parents tend to shield their kids from playing with other kids who are not from their race. Talking about other black kids, they might not be always available to play with your kids. I believe that kids needs to play and bond with other kids of their age for them to grow up normally.

For me I try to surround myself with many naija children, I call all my friends kids cousins and dont bother if they play with other race. If they do that in school and during school term fine , if they don't then that be it. They have their naija people.....

When I did party for classmate 3 time(my daughter is the only black girl in a year 3 of 60 students) while 5 black boys , it was a hassle to get other race to rsvp or attend which was stressing me so for now I don't bother. Make my people attend my parties and be in their lives. They do have some other races friends but it what has developed naturally. I didn't even bother myself whether it did or not. But that just me. As long as we are not isolated and have our naija friends I think they be alright . When I do school runs I do make an attempt to chit chat with some parents and from that play dates have developed but me I am not a fan of too much play date . So that can be one way, forming a relationship with the parents of who you see your kids play with

Abeg ,are you already in Aberdeen.
How is life over there and work things ,with handling of kids,i will be coming in soon with 2 kids under age 4, just looking for encouragement

n author=HeyHey post=110883679]Thank you for this thread oo

Just got admitted to RGU Aberdeen by God’s grace, will like to bring my kids currently aged 4 and 6, both boys. Both very noisy too.

More helpful tips please [/quote]

LagosismyHome:


For me I try to surround myself with many naija children, I call all my friends kids cousins and dont bother if they play with other race. If they do that in school and during school term fine , if they don't then that be it. They have their naija people.....

When I did party for classmate 3 time(my daughter is the only black girl in a year 3 of 60 students) while 5 black boys , it was a hassle to get other race to rsvp or attend which was stressing me so for now I don't bother. Make my people attend my parties and be in their lives. They do have some other races friends but it what has developed naturally. I didn't even bother myself whether it did or not. But that just me. As long as we are not isolated and have our naija friends I think they be alright . When I do school runs I do make an attempt to chit chat with some parents and from that play dates have developed but me I am not a fan of too much play date . So that can be one way, forming a relationship with the parents of who you see your kids play with

you did well. I can take away from what you said is to find naija kids. I used to chat with parents from other races in my kid's former school but I discovered that they relate with you based on their own terms. So I mind my business now. Thank you for your take.

LagosismyHome:


For me I try to surround myself with many naija children, I call all my friends kids cousins and dont bother if they play with other race. If they do that in school and during school term fine , if they don't then that be it. They have their naija people.....

When I did party for classmate 3 time(my daughter is the only black girl in a year 3 of 60 students) while 5 black boys , it was a hassle to get other race to rsvp or attend which was stressing me so for now I don't bother. Make my people attend my parties and be in their lives. They do have some other races friends but it what has developed naturally. I didn't even bother myself whether it did or not. But that just me. As long as we are not isolated and have our naija friends I think they be alright . When I do school runs I do make an attempt to chit chat with some parents and from that play dates have developed but me I am not a fan of too much play date . So that can be one way, forming a relationship with the parents of who you see your kids play with

sorry for quoting you again. Don't you think this would affect how they grow up? They would realize that they are different from others which would affect them psychologically and mentally. I know that we are own allies in the black community but the community is non existent. So our kids grow up not learning the necessary social skills to excel. However, I know there are areas in Uk were races relate well and the black community is thriving they might not have this problem.

jesmond3945:
sorry for quoting you again. Don't you think this would affect how they grow up? They would realize that they are different from others which would affect them psychologically and mentally. I know that we are own allies in the black community but the community is non existent. So our kids grow up not learning the necessary social skills to excel. However, I know there are areas in Uk were races relate well and the black community is thriving they might not have this problem.

But what can you do na... we cannot force acceptance or friendship. Me I am focusing on building a confident child to make up and also I don't stay in one place. Its expensive as it adds up but I go out with my kids a lot, different activities football, swimming etc , theme parks( I key into sun newspaper deal ) , holiday( some through suns deal) and then surround myself with the "phantom cousins"..... that my way of building a well rounded experience child. So any topic you want to talk they can contribute be it games be it different waka about. Even academically I don't joke ..... I am forever printing worksheet on line and we do a bit of academic everyday even if its 30 mins.

You can only do what you can control. ....things you can't control will just give you headache . You can also encourage the child to make friends and relate with their classmates . You can only tell your child to believe in themselves and do what you can

jesmond3945:
Greetings fam. How do you manage your children not having playmates after school. This is because here parents tend to shield their kids from playing with other kids who are not from their race. Talking about other black kids, they might not be always available to play with your kids. I believe that kids needs to play and bond with other kids of their age for them to grow up normally.

\

They play with other kids at school don't they? That is them bonding with children their age for at least 6 hours everyday for 39 weeks every year. Infact if you extrapolate it, schooling (and in other western countries) here is age based for a reason. That is a community of children for them to tap into. They most certainly do not need to go off and play elsewhere after school to grow as normal children.

My closest friends usually also have at least one black parent as well and that is very deliberate on my part. Our kids are not even at the same school. We have play dates and sleep overs. We take turns having the children during the school holidays so each family has all the kids one week and vice versa. We go off and do activities together. Hikes, holidays etc. Because we also house swap, we have an international community of 'friends and their children' as well. Some we never see again, some we have kept in touch with over the years and have had repeated visits and an established relationship. We are lucky enough to afford regular international travel which means if you plonk my 8 year old anywhere, he will instantly make himself at home.

The biggest downside of that is that their friendship group changes constantly as we often move and travel. Our over all plan is to be settled in one place preferably the UK for their secondary education whilst fostering all existing relationships around the world with travel. The key thing is that we have to be willing to foster those relationships till they can manage it themselves.

I know this comes from a huge place of privilege. However, it's essentially what we have always planned and envisaged so worked towards achieving it and making it possible.

jesmond3945:
Greetings fam. How do you manage your children not having playmates after school. This is because here parents tend to shield their kids from playing with other kids who are not from their race. Talking about other black kids, they might not be always available to play with your kids. I believe that kids needs to play and bond with other kids of their age for them to grow up normally.

It’s usually very difficult to start with but at the kids progress in primary school, they settle and form their own friendship group with like minded people who have similar interest and this is outside of parental influences and biases. I had similar experience when my daughter started primary school in a remote Scottish Island. To make matters worse, the school had very small class rolls which meant in her year group there were only six pupils and they had all been in nursery together so had formed a very strong bond which my daughter couldn’t break into. The parents were all locals and knew each other very well so were always organising meets up after schools and weekends etc. They would have parties and my daughter will be the only one not invited. This affected the play dynamics in the class as the kids preferred to play with the kids they are familiar with and see all the time.
My daughter was very unhappy in that school and this affected her confidence. I eventually gave up trying to be friends with the mums and moved her to another school where she thrived. The kids in this second school all get on well with each other and had similar interest.

We had to relocate to the mainland last year and I did worry how she would cope in a new school but she made her own friends and through her I have become ‘friends’ with the mums as well. All of the friendship occurred naturally and stem from shared interests, my daughter is a keen gymnast and spends most of her time after school practising gymnastic routines with the other gymnasts in her class. On weekends she does running and drama classes and there are also a few of her classmates in those two classes. We the parents take turns in dropping/picking the kids up from the lessons etc.

I would advise you not to worry too much about it as it would eventually sort itself out.

Peerielass:


It’s usually very difficult to start with but at the kids progress in primary school, they settle and form their own friendship group with like minded people who have similar interest and this is outside of parental influences and biases. I had similar experience when my daughter started primary school in a remote Scottish Island. To make matters worse, the school had very small class rolls which meant in her year group there were only six pupils and they had all been in nursery together so had formed a very strong bond which my daughter couldn’t break into. The parents were all locals and knew each other very well so were always organising meets up after schools and weekends etc. They would have parties and my daughter will be the only one not invited. This affected the play dynamics in the class as the kids preferred to play with the kids they are familiar with and see all the time.
My daughter was very unhappy in that school and this affected her confidence. I eventually gave up trying to be friends with the mums and moved her to another school where she thrived. The kids in this second school all get on well with each other and had similar interest.

We had to relocate to the mainland last year and I did worry how she would cope in a new school but she made her own friends and through her I have become ‘friends’ with the mums as well. All of the friendship occurred naturally and stem from shared interests, my daughter is a keen gymnast and spends most of her time after school practising gymnastic routines with the other gymnasts in her class. On weekends she does running and drama classes and there are also a few of her classmates in those two classes. We the parents take turns in dropping/picking the kids up from the lessons etc.

I would advise you not to worry too much about it as it would eventually sort itself out.

yea. This is exactly what we pass through in this uk.

Ticha:
\

They play with other kids at school don't they? That is them bonding with children their age for at least 6 hours everyday for 39 weeks every year. Infact if you extrapolate it, schooling (and in other western countries) here is age based for a reason. That is a community of children for them to tap into. They most certainly do not need to go off and play elsewhere after school to grow as normal children.

My closest friends usually also have at least one black parent as well and that is very deliberate on my part. Our kids are not even at the same school. We have play dates and sleep overs. We take turns having the children during the school holidays so each family has all the kids one week and vice versa. We go off and do activities together. Hikes, holidays etc. Because we also house swap, we have an international community of 'friends and their children' as well. Some we never see again, some we have kept in touch with over the years and have had repeated visits and an established relationship. We are lucky enough to afford regular international travel which means if you plonk my 8 year old anywhere, he will instantly make himself at home.

The biggest downside of that is that their friendship group changes constantly as we often move and travel. Our over all plan is to be settled in one place preferably the UK for their secondary education whilst fostering all existing relationships around the world with travel. The key thing is that we have to be willing to foster those relationships till they can manage it themselves.

I know this comes from a huge place of privilege. However, it's essentially what we have always planned and envisaged so worked towards achieving it and making it possible.

i will borrow your idea of having sleepover with other kids. Why i raised up this issue is because of what is obtainable in naija were parents relate to each other during school run. This enables children to form friendships with a lot of people which help them mentally and otherwise.

LagosismyHome:


But what can you do na... we cannot force acceptance or friendship. Me I am focusing on building a confident child to make up and also I don't stay in one place. Its expensive as it adds up but I go out with my kids a lot, different activities football, swimming etc , theme parks( I key into sun newspaper deal ) , holiday( some through suns deal) and then surround myself with the "phantom cousins"..... that my way of building a well rounded experience child. So any topic you want to talk they can contribute be it games be it different waka about. Even academically I don't joke ..... I am forever printing worksheet on line and we do a bit of academic everyday even if its 30 mins.

You can only do what you can control. ....things you can't control will just give you headache . You can also encourage the child to make friends and relate with their classmates . You can only tell your child to believe in themselves and do what you can

yea i am also building a cofident child in the process who is contented and don't act inferior to other races.

jesmond3945:
Greetings fam. How do you manage your children not having playmates after school. This is because here parents tend to shield their kids from playing with other kids who are not from their race. Talking about other black kids, they might not be always available to play with your kids. I believe that kids needs to play and bond with other kids of their age for them to grow up normally.

Honestly, don’t sweat it too much. Brown skinned people are also very scarce where I am. My kids are the only ones in an entire school (pri +sec combined). As Ticha said, they play a lot in school already, plus here fortunately everyone invites the whole class to parties so their social calendar is busy.

Just get them involved in extra curricular activities where you can and keep raising them to be confident. Also, (and I tried this recently for my daughter), you can initiate a play date request yourself if your child is particularly close to one person no matter the race. You’ll be shocked that the parent’s are open to it as well.

Greetings to everyone,

Abeg where is the best/cheapest place to shop for expecting mother (baby's items)

jesmond3945:
i will borrow your idea of having sleepover with other kids. Why i raised up this issue is because of what is obtainable in naija were parents relate to each other during school run. This enables children to form friendships with a lot of people which help them mentally and otherwise.

School run is drop and run. You'll only have time to chat if parents don't have work to go to. Ask the class teacher if they have a class WhatsApp or email group - you'll get to meet other parents that way. Also ask the children who their friends are and invite them for a playdate. If they gel, you can make it regular and they will then have a group of friends. You have to facilitate it though and be ready to hear any number of excuses from the parents as well.

Suzam:
Greetings to everyone,

Abeg where is the best/cheapest place to shop for expecting mother (baby's items)

Cheapest may be primark or any charity shops

Suzam:
Greetings to everyone,

Abeg where is the best/cheapest place to shop for expecting mother (baby's items)

Check next clearance section on their website . . For clothing. They upload new stuff daily. Their clearance is usually good prices

jesmond3945:
you did well. I can take away from what you said is to find naija kids. I used to chat with parents from other races in my kid's former school but I discovered that they relate with you based on their own terms. So I mind my business now. Thank you for your take.

In my own case my 5 year old daughter is the selective one, she does have a friend in school a white boy but when I pick her up from the school's minibus her other classmates greet her. But some of the parents mind their business. Now I'm wondering how to encourage my daughter to have more friends when I am not exactly relating with their parents. Hmmmm

CcLagosismyhome

Gloriouscrown:


In my own case my 5 year old daughter is the selective one, she does have a friend in school a white boy but when I pick her up from the school's minibus her other classmates greet her. But some of the parents mind their business. Now I'm wondering how to encourage my daughter to have more friends when I am not exactly relating with their parents. Hmmmm

CcLagosismyhome

thats the challenge my dear. When other parents are not keen to relate with you. Even when the kids know each other, the parent will not be interested especially if you are from another race. Well overall english culture is very hard especially their negative politeness culture.

Mamatukwas:


Honestly, don’t sweat it too much. Brown skinned people are also very scarce where I am. My kids are the only ones in an entire school (pri +sec combined). As Ticha said, they play a lot in school already, plus here fortunately everyone invites the whole class to parties so their social calendar is busy.

Just get them involved in extra curricular activities where you can and keep raising them to be confident. Also, (and I tried this recently for my daughter), you can initiate a play date request yourself if your child is particularly close to one person no matter the race. You’ll be shocked that the parent’s are open to it as well.

yea. May God give us strength to raise our kids in a very hard to understand society.

jesmond3945:
thats the challenge my dear. When other parents are not keen to relate with you. Even when the kids know each other, the parent will not be interested especially if you are from another race. Well overall english culture is very hard especially their negative politeness culture.

It is well. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Its a relief to know you aren't going through a situation alone

Ticha:


School run is drop and run. You'll only have time to chat if parents don't have work to go to. Ask the class teacher if they have a class WhatsApp or email group - you'll get to meet other parents that way. Also ask the children who their friends are and invite them for a playdate. If they gel, you can make it regular and they will then have a group of friends. You have to facilitate it though and be ready to hear any number of excuses from the parents as well.

Hello, I was going through the UK thread and came across your writeup on retirement. This shares stuff is actually what caught my attention.

"Global Vanguard All Shares account."
Could you help out on the current name and possibly the mobile app (what it looks like) for someone interested in investing?

Google is not giving me much heads up apart from Janus Henderson.

Ticha:


I'm assuming you won't be driving into London? Therefore you need to follow the train lines. Based on the time tables, you can see from which stations you can get into central London under an hour then start house hunting there. Be very aware that all those cities will also have a London mark up prices for rental purposes and the closer to the station the property is, the more expensive it will be as well.

The husbot worked in London for 18 months and we wanted to be within an hour's train ride (got in at Euston Station), we ended up in St Neots. It was 42 minutes to Euston and a relatively small market town with everything you need. I think I still have the spreadsheet we created with all the train times/ costs (costs would be wildly different now) and rental cost (also different). If you send me your email address, I'll forward it on to you and it may help you narrow down your choices.

Hi hi, please do you still have this spreadsheet? It will be a good resource as I'm trying to move closer to my office in London

Solumtoya:


Hi hi, please do you still have this spreadsheet? It will be a good resource as I'm trying to move closer to my office in London

Send me a message and I'll send you the spreadsheet - you'll need to update the costs as the ticket and rental prices are from 2013! But all the stations within a hour travel time into the main London stations are listed there

You don't have to relate with the parents. If you force it, you will struggle as you will likely have different interests. I only relate with the nice ones among them.

My own story: my son is the only black in his class and has loads of friends in his class. He does not get to play with any of them after school as well except when he is invited for birthday parties (which is quite often, for example he currently has about 5 parties this month).
One thing I did is to ensure he attends most of the birthday parties whenever it is not on Sundays. So, he can use the time to bond with his classmates.
When he had his birthday party, I was worried that a lot of his friends will not want to attend his own birthday party but to my amazement, he kept requesting for more invitation cards and we eventually had more people than we budgeted for.

So, don't worry too much about it. Just ensure that you let your kids know that they are loved. Also, get your kid involved in different after school activities where they can make friends.

jesmond3945:
thats the challenge my dear. When other parents are not keen to relate with you. Even when the kids know each other, the parent will not be interested especially if you are from another race. Well overall english culture is very hard especially their negative politeness culture.

DAramis:

Hello, I was going through the UK thread and came across your writeup on retirement. This shares stuff is actually what caught my attention.

"Global Vanguard All Shares account."
Could you help out on the current name and possibly the mobile app (what it looks like) for someone interested in investing?

Google is not giving me much heads up apart from Janus Henderson.

Different investment companies use different names for the generalist accounts that are stocks and shares in the FTSE index so you just have to find one that you are comfortable investing in.

Ticha:


Different investment companies use different names for the generalist accounts that are stocks and shares in the FTSE index so you just have to find one that you are comfortable investing in.

I understand. I am still searching for one open to people irrespective of where the person resides. The one I saw specifically requested for UK resident.

A pointer from you would not be bad. I will still do my own due diligence.

dupyshoo:
You don't have to relate with the parents. If you force it, you will struggle as you will likely have different interests. I only relate with the nice ones among them.

My own story: my son is the only black in his class and has loads of friends in his class. He does not get to play with any of them after school as well except when he is invited for birthday parties (which is quite often, for example he currently has about 5 parties this month).
One thing I did is to ensure he attends most of the birthday parties whenever it is not on Sundays. So, he can use the time to bond with his classmates.
When he had his birthday party, I was worried that a lot of his friends will not want to attend his own birthday party but to my amazement, he kept requesting for more invitation cards and we eventually had more people than we budgeted for.

So, don't worry too much about it. Just ensure that you let your kids know that they are loved. Also, get your kid involved in different after school activities where they can make friends.

100% agree with you. I’m the socially awkward parent Sef so I struggle to make small talk while the mums are super nice. I’ve learnt not to force it and only talk when I’m in the mood

Plus as you said, kids are different. I have one kid like yours who’s a social butterfly and the class leader and 2 who are super selective and will only make friends with a small group.

The trick is not to force it and let things flow naturally.

Ticha
kindly organize zoom lecture
There is so much we need to learn from you

Ticha:


Different investment companies use different names for the generalist accounts that are stocks and shares in the FTSE index so you just have to find one that you are comfortable investing in.

IamE:
Ticha
kindly organize zoom lecture
There is so much we need to learn from you

Ha! I am still learning too o. Everyday is a school day

DAramis:

I understand. I am still searching for one open to people irrespective of where the person resides. The one I saw specifically requested for UK resident.

A pointer from you would not be bad. I will still do my own due diligence.

My suggestion will be to go for one that has international branches - as that would mean they cater to a wide range of investors.

Obviously we've had Janus a long time but they're also international.

We chose Hargreaves Lansdown in London for our 2nd one - the kids accounts were opened in New Zealand but we pay into it in pounds and are not resident in the UK for tax purposes but we are British citizens so I'm not sure if that was a consideration.

Hope that helps.

Ticha:


My suggestion will be to go for one that has international branches - as that would mean they cater to a wide range of investors.

Obviously we've had Janus a long time but they're also international.

We chose Hargreaves Lansdown in London for our 2nd one - the kids accounts were opened in New Zealand but we pay into it in pounds and are not resident in the UK for tax purposes but we are British citizens so I'm not sure if that was a consideration.

Hope that helps.

Sure.
let me do my own research.