H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

I understand your plight ma and i applaud you for your patience, love, care and above all Endurance , shows you are a sincere and a responsible woman of substance of the spirit of Christ; but i will seek that you should reconsider your earlier decision.
Love is sacrifice
Love is painful
Love is beautiful, tender hearted, care and affection. so many but above all Love is God and God is Love. the Love of God is beyond our own understanding.
None is perfect except God that made all things both Good and Bad, The fact that someone acted evil towards you does not mean it should change you from your own original nature as a virtuous woman that you are. the Lord made us to understand that the only reason a man or woman can opt out of marriage is only in the course of infidelity. i know he was not plain with you by not telling you at the initial state of your Union. this will be okay for now!! All the best.

there was Deceit and the Holy Church will grant you a divorce ,when judged from Canon Law..Just why during marriage classes the priest will tell both parties, confess your deepest secrets, because if their is deciet in what ever form and it is brought before the church tribunal, divorce will be granted on an Express ground .
If the mother of the child cannot take care of her flesh and blood, why should you carry a cross you know nothing about...Nah Lies the kill Nigerians Walk away with your legs reaching your head, E no go easy.

generalwo:
.... Boss... We are humans and we adapt..... She wasn't told... The man was wrong about that.... I agree to it.... The issue here is... The kid should not be a reason why she should abandon her home.... The ease with which people walk out of matrimony these days is alarming.... If it's not domestic violence, I believe every other thing can be sorted out with time and understanding...... She didn't say she need time to digest the whole thing... She just wants to leave using the child as an excuse...... I may sound harsh or inconsiderate but I think this is not enough reason to walk out of marriage... So if the next man she will meet has a similar issue.... That's how she will walk out too... Now i know why there are alot of single mothers littering the country.... They look for every excuse to walk out of a marriage

Trust me, it is not easy caring for a sick person, let alone a kid with special needs.
She's equally pregnant and will soon have baby of her own to look after too.
The mother of kid didn't die, she abandoned the kid. That even made it more absurd.
And lastly, for better for worse is between her and her husband, not about what was already existing that she wasn't told.

My point is that: that kid needs special care and it is beyond the ability of a pregnant wife of her dad.

ALLNIGERIANSMAD:
please try and read her responses to everyone giving her advice you will understand why my response this way, if you advise her to run and leave her husband, she will thank you, if you advise her to stay and forgive her husband and stay, she will insult you and blast you, why then did she come to public opinion forum to seek advice. Just go through comment section and see for yourself.

She already said she's made up her mind in the original post. She is very clear headed about her decision in this matter and I actually support whatever her decision is.
The main post is actually asking what other people would do in such a situation and not really what she should do.

People will be giving advice because it seems like the right thing to say
Put yourself in the person's shoes first.
Some people here are still those who can be wicked to another person's child and yet they come out to judge someone else.

Nozino:



No. This most likely won’t work. Didn’t you see people asking OP to stay because it is significantly more difficult to remarry as a single mother? Now who will marry a single mother with a 7year old child with cerebral palsy( who will soon enter teenage hood)? Who?will you? The father should care for her while the mother provides financial support.


Alternatively, the father can care for her for 7years then return her to her mother who will in turn care for her for another 7years and return her.


You people can not continue to dump special children on their mothers while the fathers go about life like they don’t have special needs children. Everyone has to chip in.

In all, mothers care more. Thats what the child need more of now.

H0711:


Thank you I already left the house I am at my brother house and I am going back to the village on thrusday.

I hope your brother hasn't find out about what u posted about him some years ago.

The world is a small village now

Cos am very sure that alot of people including the girl's mother would av been aware that her story is online


Your view women on TVC and some radio stations will discuss it too. Cos it's a very deep topic.

Wishing you the best.

Foodqueen:


I hope your brother hasn't find out about what u posted about him some years ago.

The world is a small village now

Cos am very sure that alot of people including the girl's mother would av been aware that her story is online


Your view women on TVC and some radio stations will discuss it too. Cos it's a very deep topic.

Wishing you the best.

My brother and I weren't in good term because I left his house , he didn't attended my wedding his wife did. But when my mum informed him about what I was passing through he asked me to come over and has decided that I will not go back there again. No matter what happens in the past between us he didn't allow me to stay there and die because blood is thicker than water. Yes a lot of people are aware including my husband and in laws if the mother will be aware of the story too it will be great so she will know that I am not longer in the house because I can't take care of her child the father can't go to work he is stuck at home with the child and nobody else can do it better than her. She can go back to him so they can care of their daughter together. Yes even if worldwide discussed about it ,that's not a big deal. I hope when the story get viral , some people who have more money will come and help the parents to get the right treatment and equipment for the child. Thank you

zoby:


True.
But not everyone has the special capability to care for a child with severe disability challenges.
At the end of the day the child will be the one that suffers.
For the sake of the child, things should have been handled differently. You do not expect a new pregnant wife to take care of a child at this stage.
Again, the child will be the one that suffers; mother caring and loving a child cannot be duplicated.
The father should figure out how to give his full support while the disabled daughter lives with her mother. He should not only support his baby mother but also give her a break from time to time by picking up his daughter every other wkend.
NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE.

God bless you. This compromise looks like something I can consider.

justiz5:

Are a Tiv by tribe?

No. I’m Bini

Nozino:


No. I’m Bini

Your people's treatment of such Children is similar to ours

justiz5:

Your people's treatment of such Children is similar to ours

I believe it’s same everywhere.


When I was younger, we had such a child in my area. One day, we woke up to news that he had die at night and was buried that same night. No one saw any body. We all knew what the parents did but no one blamed them.

to be honest , this a loss either way , whether she stays or leave , the man is incapable of taking care of anyone new born or disabled child

I really understand u especially when u give birth it will not be easy. most people here are saying u are being wicked but they will do worst

Nozino:



It’s sad your family doesn’t provide a safe space for your sisters. May God be with them. They have no place to run to if shit happens.

It's because they were been thought morals of being responsible wives.

obiyor2000:

It's because they were been thought morals of being responsible wives.

It is not my business. Your family dynamics doesn’t interest me.

So lame!

cayorday89:






Will you guys accept payment to care for the child, at least your reward will be instant and I trust Nairalanders to chip in a token as required...

Y'all are just so heartless. Do you expect the man to throw his child away now.

Femifasola:

Simply donate your own sister to go and take care of the physically challenged child. It's that simple

For saying these below, you and your loved ones will have worse that cerebral palsy. Born today die tomorrow is now your destiny. You will bury every child you give birth to with your own hand. You are to be known as Abiku's mother or father, a woman/man that gives birth to children that are born to die.

Nozino:



It is you and your entire generation that are carrying children with cerebral palsy. No one in your family will ever have normal kids. OPs baby is safe and normal. He/She is exactly the way OP prayed to God to be.

You are twice a loser. You won't have peace over your children.

Nozino:



May your daughters experience such tests and hopefully get the reward.

You soulless human being, your heart is hard as rock. That's why most of you can't have your own children and end up stealing babies from the homeless women.

cococandy:


you people are so weird
Weird and evil.

wowcatty:
You soulless human being, your heart is hard as rock. That's why most of you can't have your own children and end up stealing babies from the homeless women.

xtupid ass

wowcatty:
Y'all are just so heartless. Do you expect the man to throw his child away now.

You're the heartless one who wants a pregnant woman to stress herself for nothing when the man's sister has refused helping.

So donate your sister to the man to take care of his Bleep up, so as to prove your kindness

No need for too many ranting

wowcatty:
Y'all are just so heartless. Do you expect the man to throw his child away now.

I have since cursed you. The dead can’t do anything to the living and you are the dead. All your children will be born dead.

Ninisun:




Maybe this is your first time of seeing my comment . I have three kids and I know how stressful it was when they were toddlers. The child with cerebral palsy doesn't walk, can't chew food well, has muscle problems, drolls, uncontrollable, in short no words for you.

The first time I saw a child with cerebral palsy at UNTH, I felt like crying. The mum dumped him in that hospital when he was 4 years. He was being cared by the nurse but person no dey hear word, always making noise . That child needs the services of professionals.

Do you work in unth?

H0711:



My brother and I weren't in good term because I left his house , he didn't attended my wedding his wife did. But when my mum informed him about what I was passing through he asked me to come over and has decided that I will not go back there again. No matter what happens in the past between us he didn't allow me to stay there and die because blood is thicker than water. Yes a lot of people are aware including my husband and in laws if the mother will be aware of the story too it will be great so she will know that I am not longer in the house because I can't take care of her child the father can't go to work he is stuck at home with the child and nobody else can do it better than her. She can go back to him so they can care of their daughter together. Yes even if worldwide discussed about it ,that's not a big deal. I hope when the story get viral , some people who have more money will come and help the parents to get the right treatment and equipment for the child. Thank you

Is there no other way to solve this instead of the divorce?

And you shall be known as Abiku's parent. All I have said is stuck on you. One after the other you will bury all your children. Because you started the curse, tears of agony will never leave your house.

[quote post=115332896]
I have since cursed you. The dead can’t do anything to the living and you are the dead. All your children will be born dead.[/quote]

You have no soul you fair-weather opportunist. You want to take a man away from his son. My sister does her homework before marriage by knowing who she was getting married to in and out, so she can't take up someone's slacks when they just marry for the sake of it. Cerebral palsy or not that boy comes with the marriage she went into, so it's now up to her to accept or be a single mother. Stop crying, its settled.

Femifasola:

You're the heartless one who wants a pregnant woman to stress herself for nothing when the man's sister has refused helping.

So donate your sister to the man to take care of his Bleep up, so as to prove your kindness

No need for too many ranting

Idiot!

cococandy:
xtupid ass

How much is a maid in Nigeria that you are still crying about carrying for a toddler?

cayorday89:






Will you guys accept payment to care for the child, at least your reward will be instant and I trust Nairalanders to chip in a token as required...

To all the fools saying the care of a toddler is too much because she's pregnant. Please put your money where your mouth is and together hire her a maid for a year. This shouldn't be out of reach for y'all considering your big mouth on how she shouldn't stress herself. Don't tell me that you just want her husband to toss the child or become a single mother herself.

wowcatty:
To all the fools saying the care of a toddler is too much because she's pregnant. Please put your money where your mouth is and together hire her a maid for a year. This shouldn't be out of reach for y'all considering your big mouth on how she shouldn't stress herself. Don't tell me that you just want her husband to toss the child or become a single mother herself.

The obligation of care of the child primarily lies on the biological father and the biological mother, who are still both alive and they must have to work out how best to take>{ care of that child between them, OP remains a third party.

Should the OP come with the child to our clinic where we work with children with neurodevelopmental disorders, we would tell her to contact the child's biological parents because for assessment,s there are questions only the biological parents can answer, unless they are both dead, incarcerated or clinically diagnosed as mentally unstable.