Princewell2012:


Hmm this thread really revealed the true heart of Nigerians especially the women folks even the do called Christian what a pity. I can bet it with you a white woman will consider the man because of that poor child and stay there even take care of her more than her really mother. Africans are truly wicked. Just look at this thread it is full of curses and insult anger and hatred. We can Even make a conductive comments without raining a curse. Who do us this thing. It seems like Africans were truly curse. And the evidence is very clear.

Marriage should be for better and for worst that is true definition of marriage the better we understand this the better for us.

This is why we are witnessing too many divorce this days. If it is good they stay but if it is bad they break. that is not the definition of marriage. That is why you must look before you leap. Did she ask question before joining with the man? However we never heard from the other side of the story. After all this woman is not even perfect either.
In marriage we are just managing ourselves.
Have a good night

A white woman will accept her husband’s illegitimate special needs child? You’re really stupid.

For the last time dear Christian. Go and adopt that child. Your religious blackmail won’t work.

Princewell2012:


If you know who you're quoting you shouldn't have made that comment. That is why people Will enter into problems without knowing the root. May God forgive you.

If you know who you’re quoting you won’t be quoting me again.

And it’s problems that will kee you that you will keep entering.

Blendy77:


Did u read where she said shes heavily pregnant and can't take care of the child? for now it's her sanity that matters the most, since d mother abandoned the child and they can't afford a maid, Sis inlaw refused to help, her best option is Foster care till they are able to find their feet. Wod u rather they kill the child or abandon her n disappear? Hav u tot of if she leaves as planned the husband can do somethg terrible just to be free of the child? What is wrong wt an orphanage home in this circumstance if I may ask sef? I own an NGO where we visit orphanage homes regularly, 50% of kids there are not even adoptable, they will tell u the parents kept there on Foster care and will come back for them, many of these parents are either single girls who don't want to throw away d child or single fathers whose wives passed on and they just want the child to be taken care of till they find their feet. Its better than abandoning these kids like we see daily in dustbins n gutter so there is nothing wrong with orphanage home so far d child is taken care of there.

Ma, In all honesty, no orphanage home will accept a child with cerebral palsy. Most orphanages are understaffed and do not have the required skill set to care for a special needs child.

Most orphanage are owned and operated by a an older woman. How will she care for this child and others in her care?

Princewell2012:


How does the little girl gets the help when everyone is encouraging this woman to leave

She gets help when you adopt her and take her home. Aren’t you a Christian? What does your religion preach?

Princewell2012:


Jmm now that the father is not capable, should we allow her to die? Sorry if you understand the meaning of Christian marriage you will not be talking like this.

What do you want the step mother to do? Kill herself?


You see how useless you’re? You see how miserable your life is?

The father isn’t capable, the mother isn’t capable, the father’s mother also isn’t capable and the mother’s mother isn’t capable too. The grand fathers from both sides aren’t capable neither are blood relatives from both sides.

It is the innocent pregnant wife that has no obligation to this child that’s capable. Your death will be painful!

Nozino:
No place. No one will do it for free. Centers for children like this do not come cheap.

Princewell2012:

HmmI have read so many comments here, so pathetic. Did she asked a question before saying I do I do? a lot of people don't understand the meaning of marriage. What if reverse is the Case will she be happy if her husband abandoned her? I didn't see any deceit here since she did not ask her man about his past. That little girl needs her help, she should give her the necessary assistant she deserved. It is only God who will give her her reward. In this life everybody have a cross to Carry. Let her Carry her cross in fact this is the time her husband needs her most.

You obviously don't have cerebralpalsy children or know what it means to have one. Because if you do, you'll know that even their own mothers are constantly TIRED AND DRAINED.

Even her OWN MOTHER has just abandoned her. Please don't guilt trip someone's daughter into hardship. She is only obligated to stay if she was pre informed about the situation.
Whether she stays or not is a decision that she has to make on her own and whichever choice she makes is perfectly fine

Princewell2012:


How does the little girl gets the help when everyone is encouraging this woman to leave

The problem is not the woman leaving or not. Even with her staying, she can't give the help needed. She herself needs help. She is 7months pregnant and will soon give birth. I am sure if there was arrangement of a dedicated hand taking care of the girl, the woman won't have any problem staying...
I might be wrong though, but I know that now that she's left, and the man is stuck with the girl(he can't even go to work), he will definitely be able to get solution fast...

The woman left because she doesn't have the physical strength to do the caring and it doesn't look like there's any solution at sight.... No financial strength, no physical strength, no emotional strength/support.....

From another angle, what if the wife was a working wife, would people have suggested that she resigns her job to take care of the girl?
If she even decides to stay, after birthing her child, how will she be able to go back to work if she has the girl to take care of without live-in minder? Won't it be unfair on her if her life gets to be put on hold indefinitely while the biological parents continue with their own like everything is fine??

I don't even want to imagine what the girl's mother has been through taking care of the girl for 7whole years...

Princewell2012:


Jmm now that the father is not capable, should we allow her to die? Sorry if you understand the meaning of Christian marriage you will not be talking like this.

How/why is the father not capable?
And how/why is the wife suppose to be capable??
If you want to excuse the father's incapability, then we can as well excuse the wife's as well...

Nozino:



Ma, In all honesty, no orphanage home will accept a child with cerebral palsy. Most orphanages are understaffed and do not have the required skill set to care for a special needs child.

Most orphanage are owned and operated by a an older woman. How will she care for this child and others in her care?

Many orphanage homes especially in Lagos accept kids wt disability. It's d reason I asked for her location. I visited one recently on children's day at Badore, Ajah axis, a section is for kids with challenges while another one at surulere too is for disabled kids.

Kobojunkie:
1. She made it abundantly clear she is not ready to take on responsibility of the child and already made up her mind to leave the marriage, so why are we advising her on what to do with a child she already made clear she isn't interested in burdening herself with given her condition?

2. Oh, telling you the OP shouldn't be the one doing anything about the child since she has pretty much washed her hands off turns me into a monitoring spirit but you, on the other hand who keeps on insisting the child should instead be abandoned, tossed out and left to the whims of complete strangers are a angel abi? Ok.

3. She already made up her mind to leave. Even has a date set. The child is no longer her burden to bear. It is the father's. If the father chooses to then abandon or kill the child, let it be on him and him alone.

Abeg park one side and reason like someone who found hersef in the same situation. The step mum has no obligation to that child if the biological mum cod abandon her and leave. We dont even have details of why the man didnt marry her after she got pregnant or had a child for him, cod even be d mum absconded wt d pregnancy to punish him and only showed up when she saw d child is disabled. That is if its even d man that is responsible. Women do all sorts these days so leave gist. If taking the child to an orphanage will make life easy for the stepmum so be it. Offer ur own solution to the problem on ground and move. This is the last response i will giv u even if u quote me 100 times cos you are not worth my time with ur reasoning. Go and carry the child better still and save both of them the headache.

Ebymyk:
Today is 4th...have you moved out already?

Yes I am in the village

Blendy77:
What state are u based? Why not look for an orphanage home and drop the child? Most accept kids with disabilities and am not sure they charge this much. Your husband made a mistake by not telling you before marriage but he probably thought its because you will leave him. Forgive his mistakes and help to find a solution. Both of I should look for a government orphanage home or school with boarding facilities and take d child there

I am in the village. He is in abuja

wowcatty:
You this thing from hell, you are a card carrying demon. Your evil soul that made you to want a whole child to suffer neglect has no relationship with light, you are of the dark world and in it you will end. I don't have a cursed sister like you, donate to her to get a maid. Put your money where your mouth is.

Lucifer from hell fire with his mother and father. Get behind me

H0711:



I am in the village. He is in abuja

So he's not even there with u to assist with the
child? This one hard. Now I understand why you want to leave. Let him explore the orphange options in ur state capital sha. If no way go and join him in Abuja and leave the child with his people let them sort themselves out, you can't kill ursef ontop matter that u were not preinformed. You also need to get somethg to do because leaving wt ur pregnancy there's possibility ur hubby may stop sending u upkeep Allowance. Pray about ur options very well sha before u choose..all the best

Blendy77:


Many orphanage homes especially in Lagos accept kids wt disability. It's d reason I asked for her location. I visited one recently on children's day at Badore, Ajah axis, a section is for kids with challenges while another one at surulere too is for disabled kids.

Ok. I’m not sure we have sure orphanages in Benin. But do you think they would accept a child with cerebral palsy? Is it free?

Goldie16:

You obviously don't have cerebralpalsy children or know what it means to have one. Because if you do, you'll know that even their own mothers are constantly TIRED AND DRAINED.

Even her OWN MOTHER has just abandoned her. Please don't guilt trip someone's daughter into hardship. She is only obligated to stay if she was pre informed about the situation.
Whether she stays or not is a decision that she has to make on her own and whichever choice she makes is perfectly fine

Quick correction. The mother didn’t abandon her. She dropped her off at her father’s house.

Blendy77:


So he's not even there with u to assist with the
child? This one hard. Now I understand why you want to leave. Let him explore the orphange options in ur state capital sha. If no way go and join him in Abuja and leave the child with his people let them sort themselves out, you can't kill ursef ontop matter that u were not preinformed. You also need to get somethg to do because leaving wt ur pregnancy there's possibility ur hubby may stop sending u upkeep Allowance. Pray about ur options very well sha before u choose..all the best

We were in abuja together with the child . I left him with his child and I am now in the village in my father house. I am hardworking after I put to bed I will look for a job to take care of my child.

Nozino:



Quick correction. The mother didn’t abandon her. She dropped her off at her father’s house.

"Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her."

Goldie16:


"Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her."

This isn’t chid abandonment. She left the child with her father.

Nozino:



This isn’t chid abandonment. She left the child with her father.

Bottom line is this: If the mother who of course loves her the most on earth can get tired, why do you expect someone else to face such a huge emotional, physical and financial battle as if it's nothing.
Let's be sincere please

If it's so "cool and not a big deal' like you're making it out to be, then why was the father also absconding his duties


She may eventually decide to stay but please she has every right to be upset and even leave if she wants to.

As a woman for example, if you know that you don't have a womb, you don't expect to be asked before you disclose such an important information to your fiance.

He should have informed her beforehand that he has an offspring and one with cerebral palsy for that matter. Who hides such an important and life changing information for christ sake?!?!?!

afribabe:
How/why is the father not capable?
And how/why is the wife suppose to be capable??
If you want to excuse the father's incapability, then we can as well excuse the wife's as well...

Abi o.
Don't mind him.
If the father is not capable, it is the innocent wife that is now capable abi?
I don't know how these people reason sef

Goldie16:


Bottom line is this: If the mother who of course loves her the most on earth can get tired, why do you expect someone else to face such a huge emotional, physical and financial battle as if it's nothing.
Let's be sincere please

If it's so "cool and not a big deal' like you're making it out to be, then why was the father also absconding his duties


She may eventually decide to stay but please she has every right to be upset and even leave if she wants to.

As a woman for example, if you know that you don't have a womb, you don't expect to be asked before you disclose such an important information to your fiance.

He should have informed her beforehand that he has an offspring and one with cerebral palsy for that matter. Who hides such an important and life changing information for christ sake?!?!?!

I can imagine people saying it's the wife's fault because she didn't ask?? Really?? Who is to know whether she asked and the man lied to her.....

Even at that, okay she didn't ask... Fine... So she doesn't have option again abi??

Goldie16:


Bottom line is this: If the mother who of course loves her the most on earth can get tired, why do you expect someone else to face such a huge emotional, physical and financial battle as if it's nothing.
Let's be sincere please

If it's so "cool and not a big deal' like you're making it out to be, then why was the father also absconding his duties


She may eventually decide to stay but please she has every right to be upset and even leave if she wants to.

As a woman for example, if you know that you don't have a womb, you don't expect to be asked before you disclose such an important information to your fiance.

He should have informed her beforehand that he has an offspring and one with cerebral palsy for that matter. Who hides such an important and life changing information for christ sake?!?!?!

Read through my posts.

Nozino:



A white woman will accept her husband’s illegitimate special needs child? You’re really stupid.

For the last time dear Christian. Go and adopt that child. Your religious blackmail won’t work.

Your response shows that you're not normal and truly needs help. Nairaland which is a social Media is not the best place to show Case your anger and your miserable life. Someone have really hurt you. Please forgive and forget so that you Will not develop Bp or cardiac arrest. That is why it is good to pray before one gets into marriage to avoid people like you. Am happily married with children Even grown up ones is among the. Any one who made the mistake to tied the nut with you', that individual should just write his will because he Will not live Long. And If you have already married then your partner must be a living corpse. Because you're very terrible. God forbid. And I thank God am now a Christian otherwise the kind of curses that I would have rain on you today Am very sure I will receive a ban from the moderator. I repeat may God heal and forgive you. Am not going to read your mention don't bother about it because you're not a human being.

wowcatty:
The moment she married that man, she has said yes to sharing the man's problem and that includes the child.

A mother that could leave a special need toddler behind has a mental problem, you don't need an expert to tell you that. The bio mother is not in the picture now and no force on earth can make her take care of the child if she does not want to.

Maybe it's a good call for OP to divorce her husband. As long as she stays married to the man, that child is welcome to live with the dad and she must help in raising him/her. What use is the bio mother's obligation that can't be enforced? Even if OP leaves her husband, she can't force him to do anything for her own child either in Nigeria

The biological mother left the child with the father not because she is mentally disordered but it was a deliberate decision that arose from birth father's nonchalantly regarding the care of the child but focused on moving on with his life, got married and expecting a child from his wife while she is stuck with their child.

She also wants to move on in life, being able to go do other things with her life and moreover, if she is thinking getting married someday, how many Nigerian men would allow her to bring into marriage with her, a special needs child while the biological father is free from the stress of catering for the child.......if you intend getting involved with a woman at the level of marriage, will you accept her coming with her special needs child while the biological father is unbothered?

She did right thing leaving their child with her father, after all she is his blood. Now that the OP has left, I believe he is man enough to handle things on his own as he takes care of his dai

You need to visit some state's social welfare offices to see where provision for children who are products of intimate relationships that has packed up, are being negotiated.

Just have a baby and refuse to make provisions..... experience is the best teacher

Still scratching my head why this seemingly straight forward thread dragged on to almost 40 pages.

Nozino:


Thank you. I don’t want anyone pressuring OP. She should be allowed to take her time.

i totally agree... But there's no harm in showing some concern...

H0711:


Yes I am in the village

Very well, it is well with you, your family and your unborn child...

Ebymyk:
I'm sorry �... I shouldn't have shown concern.... I'm sorry I asked...

hahahahahaha.. That one na vampire oh.
Even me and as I de sure say many we get better suggestion de fear to comment..

Why she de cry more than the bereaved

This is an open forum, talk your mind and allow others talk their mind.

She jus de display high level of immaturity and bullying others to silence.

Make she grow up abeg!!

H0711:


We were in abuja together with the child . I left him with his child and I am now in the village in my father house. I am hardworking after I put to bed I will look for a job to take care of my child.

That means u left already. It is well with u. Suggest d orphanage solution to him and see how it goes. I will also ask my Abuja members for orphanages that accept kids with disability and let u kno. All the best.

Nozino:



What do you want the step mother to do? Kill herself?


You see how useless you’re? You see how miserable your life is?

The father isn’t capable, the mother isn’t capable, the father’s mother also isn’t capable and the mother’s mother isn’t capable too. The grand fathers from both sides aren’t capable neither are blood relatives from both sides.

It is the innocent pregnant wife that has no obligation to this child that’s capable. Your death will be painful!

Haba!!!