₦airaland Forum

Klass99:
At the bolded, his father cares for him, he is not alone. His father cared enough to return for him 15 or 17 years later, he cared enough to take the boy into his home with his new family, he cared enough to buy him gifts and treat him nice, so much so that he began to disrespect/dishonour his mother and her family.

I feel no sympathy whatsoever towards this boy, teenager or not, he needs to stay disowned. I am very sure his mother and grand-parents would have tried to explain the circumstances of his birth to him and tried to caution him or appeal to his good sense. He should bond with his father o, after all blood is thicker than water.

If this was a girl, deceived into sexual promiscuity by some adult, you'll quickly bring up the "minor" argument.

Now it's a minor, a male one, it suddenly doesn't matter - he should be held responsible for his father deceiving him?!

Unfortunate!

Mindlog:
Yes, we can't discount the father being in the background of the desire to have him move to the UK. 🤣🤣🤣

I work here in the UK, in a company that recruits workforce from overseas and some of my colleagues who are single mothers who have no one to leave their child/children with back home in their home countries, had to arrive with their kids though it is better to come alone first, then after 2/3 months file for the child/children to come join them.

Please, how can apply for skilled worker visa.
I measured in the construction industry

drimzsmoke:
What about the mum's sickness last year Most male children lack empathy and compassion...The few that has it are being referred to as simp on nairaland on a daily...If I were to be the 1,I won't take him back,I will send money to my cousin to give to him often and will always ask after his well-being but I will NEVER take him back.Let him learn the Newton 3rd law of motion and its application NOW!!!

I have this little girl sleeping on my chest this very moment as i type,I want to go and make eba but I can't get up,my water is getting dry as I type...Be right back!!!

If your parents dealt with you very harshly based on your teenage mistakes, your life would have turned out very different.

Teenagers are teenagers for a reason.

And boys will be boys.

KingMack:
KARMA na patient gangster

I swear Karma dish am to am hot hot.. it's not good to be callous and wicked especially in family .. disloyal child.. she would regret seriously if she brings him to the uk.. let him face his Nigerian life for now and learn loyalty going forward.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

This is a clear case of biting the hand that fed you.

I misread the OP thinking the boy is 19. He is 16 this year, yeah he is a minor and was easily manipulated. He was foolish but I think the mum should forgive him. She doesn't have to bring him to UK but she can send him stuff and money to help him, he is still a minor and she still has obligations as his mum.

Mokason288:

Please can I have your cousin sisters contact

I’m seriously searching for a wife

Yaba-Left V.I.P

Zupay:
Thank you all for your insights. I won't disturb my cousin anymore regarding him.

I will be firmer with him not disturbing me because he can't even dare communicate with any of his mother's siblings because he really made them look foolish when he was behaving as if his father was the wronged party and he is no longer welcomed in my uncle's home (his grandparents home) because it was to my uncle's hearing in one of the times he said he would change his surname, so they no longer feel comfortable having him around them though he has tried to apologize.

Ahhh, the foolishness of youth. I hope he has learned a very valuable lesson

OyeofIkoTuN:
Let the boy get-out...

Let his mom start her life again.. No time to check time.. There are orphans that are doing well in life..

Any pikin wey wan wayward we go wayward follow am

Ogbeni one cold Guinness for u and a plate of Nkwobi.. d boy dey mad em wan go ruin em mama for UK so ooo.

CSTRR:
If your parents dealt with you very harshly based on your teenage mistakes, your life would have turned out very different.

Teenagers are teenagers for a reason.

And boys will be boys.

But this one is too much.. ur papa wey disown you vs your mama wey born you.. even little kids show their nature by their actions the Bible says

He has disowned her first now he wants to undisown her

You all forgot the years of depression and sorrow that this guy would have gone through in the first part of his life before the man appeared.

Everyone seems to be bitter, expecting a teenager to be expert in family matters and emotional crisis that's older and bigger than him.

Who had the very experience of being a rejected child in the family? How does that feels? His weakness will become strength if the supposed father turns out.

People don't have to have any sense of entitlement in a scenario like this when the joy of one little fellow is at stake, whilst he's not even an adult yet. This are grown up messing up children's lives.

The father has exploited the child's weakness at the weakest moment, he wants to have his first child to torment the wayward ones he is raising at home and the mother of these ones fought back.

If you truly love your children, protect your marriage, you can't love your children in peace having them from different women. You will have to choose one.

@Op, please continue to be patience with the lad, we all make mistakes, we need someone to be there for us at our trying times, there's no evidence things will turn out horrible for the young fellow in life.

The parents had their mistakes and were still able to find their paths in life, nobody killed not disowned them, there's hope for the young boy too.

Pls let the mumu boy learn some life lessons there, he need to learn the hard way for him to have focus in life, and most especially, for him to know that u don't pay Ur benefactor with stupidity.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

I am sure it was the relocation to UK that made him to want to reach out to the mother. I will take the same position if l am the mother.

Guy leave the boy because his prodigal father is beating the drum behind the scene as he wants his son abroad so he can leverage on that to japa. If I were you I will let him know what is all about and realize his mistakes by the time his eyes are clear then he will change to a very good son. I always tell guys and babes to go under the bedsheet with the person you can marry no matter what

16 is a man he will be fine

Luckysbab:
If this was a girl, deceived into sexual promiscuity by some adult, you'll quickly bring up the "minor" argument.

Now it's a minor, a male one, it suddenly doesn't matter - he should be held responsible for his father deceiving him?!

Unfortunate!

NVM. You are right he's a minor the mum should still care for him.

People have given good advice so I just want to add my own to it:

Let's vote Peter Obi for president

He will create more jobs for youths!

We can be employed in Nigeria without having to relocate to UK

Vote Labour Party

100fix:
You are a very wicked person, yourself, if you don’t stop disturbing your cousin.

I hope you haven’t disturbed her to that extent.

The pressure from you can disturb her state of mind and make her begin to think of bringing the boy over. The boy is probably already doing internet fraud, or into various bad things.



Someone that sees this as an opportunity, instead of saying I’m no longer worthy to be called your child, take me as an hired servant I.e. I know I have done wrong, just forgive me first is all on my mind, he is busy having dreams of uk life.

Completely unrepentant, he will only wreck havoc there and drag her back and probably beat his mum, when he grows up with strange elements that’s are worse than him in the uk.

Let him show he’s doing something for himself, like some people have mentioned, probably even finish first degree in with good results. That will be a very good benchmark. And then watch him closely to see his mental posture.

He’s still young, There’s time. Let him prove himself, kind of like his mother did.

Or else, forget about him completely.

And it’s against the Word of God for his mother to remarry when she has a living partner as in Corinthians.

While he’s in university, the mummy should help out with only very little assistance, let him learn to love her during this time.

And by the time he finishes first degree, his mother will be grounded to bring him over and set him up/deal with unexpected redundancies without being swept away.

When they finally meet, he’ll be genuinely sorry then.

Tell your sister not to remarry according to the Bible so that her blood won’t be on your head by saving her from erring.

And you can also relate some of the good advice as on how to handle things, perhaps they’ll sound reasonable to her, give her some peace of mind on the situation .

Biko let him enjoy his father's house more....ungrateful little Nigerian boy. Let his mother alone biko.

Tell that boy not disturb not to disturb you again. He said he wants to bear his father's name and nobody stopped him. Let his father take care of him. He's senseless. How do you abandon your mother who took care of you from infancy, nobody said you shouldn't have a rapport with your father, even tho he doesn't deserve it for denying you, but ditching your mum for him shows he's heartless. Take him to the UK, he will get worse there. He's proven he can't be trusted.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

First, the boy has to apologize to the Uncle that raised him. He should go back to them and live. Maybe later in life, he can work his way to UK.

CSTRR:
If your parents dealt with you very harshly based on your teenage mistakes, your life would have turned out very different.

Teenagers are teenagers for a reason.

And boys will be boys.

My childhood was very rough,I bleeped up a lot,there were times my mum knelt down crying and begging me to change my way of life....the difference between me and the that teenage boy above is that I chose the 1 who would never give up on me early in life when I was asked to choose(I was in primary school at the time)....I chose my mum!!!

Klass99:
Hmm Richy, you always make me smile sha. At the first bolded, there is nothing new under the sun na, were we not once teenagers oursleves? Were we without an ounce of common sense like this teenager has displayed? It is in every man to know good and evil, right from wrong, we are all born with that innate ability. It can be called a conscience and a guilty conscience is like an alarm that goes off within us, when we have done wrong. This boy knew what he was doing, he takes after his father - the apple never falls far from the tree.

2nd bolded - I am shaking my head and saying no, no, no, no to this. Zupay please none of you in your cousin's family should contemplate it. Let your cousin on her own be the one to indicate that she is willing and open to a reconciliation and reconnection. No one should pressure or compel her to do this on their timetable or the boy's pleading, complaints and suffer head. She needs to work this out by herself and reach a decision by herself without undue interference.

Last paragraph - oh I totally agree with you. I like and admire her for the guts it took, to walk away and put herself first. Too many women give up their lives for the sake of men (husbands & sons plus children) to the detriment of their souls and dreams. I applaud any woman who has the presence of mind to say, this is not right and enough is enough in a bad situation, after giving it her best and then walking away, to prioritise her well-being.

You are 100 percent correct, the woman in question experienced double pain, first from the father, then from the son.



I feel so much for her.


I also agree that if a person is bad, they are just bad no matter their age.


Let the boy learn from the other side of life, at least until he has his own children, then he will know the gravity of what he did to his mother.


I only wish the best for the woman and I pray no one will grieve her again in this life.

100fix:
While he’s in university, the mummy should help out with only very little assistance, let him learn to love her during this time.

And by the time he finishes first degree, his mother will be grounded to bring him over and set him up/deal with unexpected redundancies without being swept away.

When they finally meet, he’ll be genuinely sorry then.

Tell your sister not to remarry according to the Bible so that her blood won’t be on your head by saving her from erring.

And you can also relate some of the good advice as on how to handle things, perhaps they’ll sound reasonable to her, give her some peace of mind on the situation .

Then, communicate to the boy the verdict; you’ll see his reaction, what he’s really after.

A similar story of mine. She should forgive him and reconsider. The boy was brainwashed by the useless father that has no manners. Same way my son was brainwashed by her mother.

That is the kind of son that would later forget his mother if he later become something in future.,.......

Have really read reasonable comments here and I think the OP learn and act.

Ex0rrcist:
A child will not be so bad we'll feed him to the lion. The mother should take the child back, he's just a child and we all make mistakes during our teenage years, it's not something abnormal or unheard of. So the mum shouldn't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem, the boy will always be hers. The boy has probably learnt his lessons too sha.

u never see children wey dey tension full community? E get some pikin wey u need feed am to shark self...

I guess the boy is the father's first son.
Staying with an abusive step mum is very dangerous.
My advice is that you find a way to bring him back to his maternal home.
Let him stay with his grand parents first while you continue talking to ur cousin.

Your cousin wants have a new lease on life, that's alright but u don't have to throw away what you already have in anticipation of the unforseen.

Klass99:
Stale and obsolete questions that make no sense to me. The idea that I have to create another human being from out of my womb for the sake of happiness or my old age has NEVER resonated with me. I don't do things that don't resonate with me in my heart and soul, because others are doing it.

I find joy, happiness and pleasure with other human beings who already exist as my family, friends, neighbours and coworkers. Then I live one day at a time and in the moment, making the most of my life because I am not guaranteed tomorrow or 2024 sef. My latter years and old age will take care of themselves, if or when I get there, I'm not going to stress over it but I will also plan towards it.

I hope to have a legacy like Oprah Winfrey's - simply touching lives and doing the good I can, where I can. Will children take me to heaven? If yes, let me hurry now and have one or two, because heaven is an end goal for me as well.

Everything you’ve said resonates with me strongly. Childfree, married and loving every bit of that childfree life. Got my tubes tied before I met my husband. He got a vasectomy before e we started dating. I wouldn’t trade this for the one people term normal or traditional. My old age? My God has already perfected it. I’m also doing what I can to plan for it on my part.

I want to be that wealthy auntie that sponsors my nieces and nephews to school. The kind that sponsors random kids from really impoverished families to the highest education levels. Honestly, I have so much I dream of doing, dreams conceived during my time as a teacher in “poor” schools and I know that having my own kids would be a distraction. I have other reasons for being child-free but I don’t think I can distill them all in one post.

I’ve learned that you can’t explain these things to people, those who get it get it. Some are born eunuchs, made eunuchs, etc likewise some are called to motherhood, some are made moms by conditions, and so on. Thankfully heaven is accessible to both mothers and non-mothers. And truth be told, most of us in Africa are already parents only we are parents to people we did not birth ourselves. I raised my own siblings, I filled in that mother role with my mom gone for months at a time. She had to travel for businesses a lot and that woman worked like a man to see us through school. I’m talking being on trailers with goods, sleeping in parks to catch the earliest bus in strange states rather than a hotel, selling off in one place and traveling to another from that side. Lost her last two years and it still hurts. She was pretty smart in school but her dad didn’t let her go to secondary school. She was married off at 16. Had three children within six years and lost her husband a day before she birthed the last of us. She had little chance to make it. I knew I needed a life different from hers.

I loved her but my prayer point was God don’t let me end up like this. Let me be single and happy instead. God really does love me because my life is far better than I dared to dream. Married, childfree, thriving and I’m forever grateful.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

tell him to getat. He is a disappointing opportunistic ingrate and deserves what he gets. If his mum mistakenly brings him over, her problems will just be beginning and will ruin her chances and a fresh problem free start. Let him sleep in the bed he lay.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

The boy is naive and your family needs to understand that.