₦airaland Forum

Saintmary:
A woman you don't know, you are already hating, simply because you heard her story.



You're pretending to be scared for children who are loved and cared for just because their mother does not agree with your reasoning.


You want a "loose" girl to keep doing what you want because she is not supposed to have her own life.



You called every respondent on this thread bitter and depressed because you have a different opinion.



Turn the light on yourself, look closely at yourself, what you will see will disgust you.

I’m holding an adult accountable for her actions and her responsibilities while you hold a child responsible for theirs. Yes, you and everyone who shares your feelings are evil, poverty stricken, immoral people. You’d probably sell your mum to get an “opportunity” to go abroad.

Ps. I held both parents responsible but you focused on “loose” which is a trigger for you so maybe you should share the spotlight with me so you can see yourself clearly too.

Done responding to you!

Brandiebird:
Just a few points I noticed….

1) A child wanted his biological father’s name: nothing wrong with that.

2. He wanted to live with his father: his right and as a child he was probably damaged by his mother and father’s actions.

3. He is being manipulated and abused: He probably understood the drama around his birth and then his father became abusive after manipulating him.

4. This is a child we’re talking about: Most importantly!!!! A child who knew nothing about life.


5. The mother was a loose girl who got pregnant out of marriage

6. The father was a manipulative predator

I just feel sorry for that child

Also, this place is full of bitter people! Home of the weak and depressed.

Why should you feel "sorry" for a 16 year old boy, who lives with his biological father?

Mindlog:
Why should you feel "sorry" for a 16 year old boy, who lives with his biological father?

I guess you’d need empathy to feel Sorry for a child in the predicament in the op. This is a child. Many of us were rebellious, and little shits but it was through love, wisdom and support that we grew out of that stage and were able to redeem ourselves. This child has a story too! This sob story is the mother’s story. Can you imagine what he heard growing up? Can you imagine what he went through in the care of his father?

Both parents are selfish people who never should have brought him into this cold world! Every child is a blank sheet and the result is due to their environment. The only victim here is the child.

Brandiebird:
I guess you’d need empathy to feel Sorry for a child in the predicament in the op. This is a child. Many of us were rebellious, and little shits but it was through love, wisdom and support that we grew out of that stage and were able to redeem ourselves. This child has a story too! This sob story is the mother’s story. Can you imagine what he heard growing up? Can you imagine what he went through in the care of his father?

Both parents are selfish people who never should have brought him into this cold world! Every child is a blank sheet and the result is due to their environment. The only victim here is the child.

I think I have empathy enough to have pursued my postgraduate specialty in clinical child psychology because the minds of children and adolescents intrigues me.

The boy is not a "victim" by any standard, he was not aborted, he had his mom and his maternal side of family in the first 15 years of his life as his support system, which millions of children do not have the luxury of.

Living with his father, is part of his "redemption" or do we not regularly read here on Nairaland by guys, that a single mother raising a boy is a "disaster", that the boy needs his father?

So I am having difficulties trying to establish victimhood when it comes to the boy, if he heard he was a bastard while growing up, his father showing up has proven otherwise.

His father is the best person to have custody of him at that age because his mother bringing him to the UK, is fireworks waiting to explode because that boy at 16 will have the UK laws protecting him as he can legally bring a girl of 16 and above, home for sex and the mother can do nothing, he is free to be going and coming anytime he likes without his mother's permission etc.

Let him enjoy his father care and love.

Brandiebird:
I’m holding an adult accountable for her actions and her responsibilities while you hold a child responsible for theirs. Yes, you and everyone who shares your feelings are evil, poverty stricken, immoral people. You’d probably sell your mum to get an “opportunity” to go abroad.

Ps. I held both parents responsible but you focused on “loose” which is a trigger for you so maybe you should share the spotlight with me so you can see yourself clearly too.

Done responding to you!

Immoral, poverty striken people condemning a person willing to jump from home to home, without any sense of loyalty or empathy for a sick mother only in search for the most comfortable situation for himself, interesting.



Behold, we are fortunate to be blessed with the presence of the most moral individual whose luminance shows us our dreary, bleak personalities.



Praise be.

Brandiebird:
I guess you’d need empathy to feel Sorry for a child in the predicament in the op. This is a child. Many of us were rebellious, and little shits but it was through love, wisdom and support that we grew out of that stage and were able to redeem ourselves. This child has a story too! This sob story is the mother’s story. Can you imagine what he heard growing up? Can you imagine what he went through in the care of his father?

Both parents are selfish people who never should have brought him into this cold world! Every child is a blank sheet and the result is due to their environment. The only victim here is the child.

And it doesn't occur to you that selfish people beget selfish people?


Is there no link between the father's character and that of the child?


Absolving a 17 year old of responsibility for his actions, is that not a sure way of raising a callous, entitled adult?


Most responders here have come a long way to learn from various experiences, successfully passing through adolescence, thereby can be objective enough to call for a supervised period of real life learning for a soon to be adult.


Yet, our assessor deems all the people as inferior simply because of their perceived economic standing?



Mindlog, you have done your best, some people just need a little more time to learn, or maybe they will never learn, it's also okay.

Saintmary:
And it doesn't occur to you that selfish people beget selfish people?


Is there no link between the father's character and that of the child?


Absolving a 17 year old of responsibility for his actions, is that not a sure way of raising a callous, entitled adult?


Most responders here have come a long way to learn from various experiences, successfully passing through adolescence, thereby can be objective enough to call for a supervised period of real life learning for a soon to be adult.


Yet, our assessor deems all the people as inferior simply because of their perceived economic standing?



Mindlog, you have done your best, some people just need a little more time to learn, or maybe they will never learn, it's also okay.

My day job is working with 15 year olds who are living in care (have been taken away from their families by the UK govt), so I see no reason this boy's case be considered worse.

Mindlog:
My day job is working with 15 year olds who are living in care (have been taken away from their families by the UK govt), so I see no reason this boy's case be considered worse.

I see

Mindlog:
Yes, we can't discount the father being in the background of the desire to have him move to the UK. 🤣🤣🤣

I work here in the UK, in a company that recruits workforce from overseas and some of my colleagues who are single mothers who have no one to leave their child/children with back home in their home countries, had to arrive with their kids though it is better to come alone first, then after 2/3 months file for the child/children to come join them.

How can I go about getting a job in the UK, can you help out?

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

Leave the boy alone let him Hussle to become a man, since he had grown to become ungrateful let him face the music, foolish child.. the woman should concentrate on her life not the boy, since he wanted freedom

JOYIS190:
Wahala 😄😂😂

Bro u again!!

Mindlog:
My day job is working with 15 year olds who are living in care (have been taken away from their families by the UK govt), so I see no reason this boy's case be considered worse.

Take a 17yr old nigerian brat abroad. Maybe you'll live to tell the story if it's worse or not.
Many africans bring their teenagers home to cool their heads and you are canvassing to take an already entitled, disrespectful one abroad.
I've not seen you or the other campaigners show concern for how this lady will cope with this adult boy in U.K or any chance of her standing on her feet first before getting him abroad in future years. Is this some kind of subtle misogyny or does empathy work only one sidedly?

By the way, Are fathers not entitled to their own kids anymore that we must agree to yank this boy away to U.K just as the father was beginning to establish contact?

jmichael259:
Take a 17yr old nigerian brat abroad. Maybe you'll live to tell the story if it's worse or not.
Many africans bring their teenagers home to cool their heads and you are canvassing to take an already entitled, disrespectful one abroad.
I've not seen you or the other campaigners show concern for how this lady will cope with this adult boy in U.K or any chance of her standing on her feet first before getting him abroad in future years. Is this some kind of subtle misogyny or does empathy work only one sidedly?

By the way, Are fathers not entitled to their own kids anymore that we must agree to yank this boy away to U.K just as the father was beginning to establish contact?

Who advocated for the boy to be relocated to the UK?,🙄

jmichael259:
Take a 17yr old nigerian brat abroad. Maybe you'll live to tell the story if it's worse or not.
Many africans bring their teenagers home to cool their heads and you are canvassing to take an already entitled, disrespectful one abroad.
I've not seen you or the other campaigners show concern for how this lady will cope with this adult boy in U.K or any chance of her standing on her feet first before getting him abroad in future years. Is this some kind of subtle misogyny or does empathy work only one sidedly?

By the way, Are fathers not entitled to their own kids anymore that we must agree to yank this boy away to U.K just as the father was beginning to establish contact?

I think you've responded to the wrong person ....

Brandiebird:
It’s scary to think you’re a mother or you’ll be somebody’s mother one day. Yes! She was a loose girl and she will meet her karma in her “new” children.

What has the boy's mother done wrong in this case though?
She raised this boy with the help of her family till he was old enough not to be maltreated or at least old enough to speak up if he is being maltreated.
He treated those who raised him up appallingly.
Being rude to his grandparents who raised you all your life, not caring if your mother lived or died while in hospital are hurtful actions that his 'victims' will take time to recover from.
I'm sure they will forgive him with time, but the mother needs some time alone at this moment . Time to get over the hurt, time to process how he made her feel she was not worth even a phonecall on her sickbed, to process her son won't even notice if she died.
She needs that time alone for now.
She probably even processed her relocation to get away from his action towards her, so no sense in bringing him without first getting over the hurt she feels
He's safe with his father, and that's good enough for now.

eyinjuege:
I think you've responded to the wrong person ....

Okay

The boy is a wicked, foolish, unreasonable and an ungrateful son. Imagine what his own mother went through for him all these years.

Let him stay with his father and bear whatever is thrown at him! Don't bother talking to his mother because that boy is not worth it at all.

Jennifer89:
The boy is a wicked, foolish, unreasonable and an ungrateful son. Imagine what his own mother went through for him all these years.

Let him stay with his father and bear whatever is thrown at him! Don't bother talking to his mother because that boy is not worth it at all.

"The boy is a wicked, foolish, unreasonable and an ungrateful son." You may be right, but remember that we are talking about a 16/17 yo, an immature minor who has limited life experience and still reasons like a child. At that age and stage in life, we expect kids to be irrational and make mistakes, however, how we handle the situation can make or break the child. I agree that there should be consequences, but not necessarily extreme in nature to the extent of permanently disowning the boy. There needs to be a middle ground, a way to teach the boy to become a better person and grow up into a responsible man, rather than emotionally breaking him like he did to his mother. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. My suggestion is that the Mother should talk to him (maybe after a few months) and tell him in clear terms how he has erred/wronged the family and that due to this, she nor her immediate family no longer trust him and she cannot risk bringing him to the UK at this point in time. Is that not the plain truth of the matter? And that is one of the consequences for his actions. She can then offer him an incentive that if he does well in school and completes his secondary and university education, she will be willing to help bring him to the UK for his Masters degree. And remember, there is no difference between a deadbeat Dad and a deadbeat Mum. You can't just up and disown your minor child. You are still legally responsible for that child until he/she becomes an adult. She shouldn't act like the the supposed Dad did.

eyinjuege:
What has the boy's mother done wrong in this case though?
She raised this boy with the help of her family till he was old enough not to be maltreated or at least old enough to speak up if he is being maltreated.
He treated those who raised him up appallingly.
Being rude to his grandparents who raised you all your life, not caring if your mother lived or died while in hospital are hurtful actions that his 'victims' will take time to recover from.
I'm sure they will forgive him with time, but the mother needs some time alone at this moment . Time to get over the hurt, time to process how he made her feel she was not worth even a phonecall on her sickbed, to process her son won't even notice if she died.
She needs that time alone for now.
She probably even processed her relocation to get away from his action towards her, so no sense in bringing him without first getting over the hurt she feels
He's safe with his father, and that's good enough for now.

I agree with your assertions. However, if she feels that bad about what her son did to her, she will not want to visit the same treatment on him and endeavor to teach him to be a better person in future. But you're right in that she needs time to process and heal because she's hurting right now. She is the adult in this situation and he is a child. She needs to communicate with him in due course and tell him straight up that she can't bring him to the UK now due to his actions and that actions have consequences. This is part of parenting. I have a lot of respect and praise for her parents who in the Nigerian context, did not "disown" her when she showed up pregnant in her early years under their roof.

The father is a fool...you impregnated a lady but denied her in the presence of both families tagged her ashawo but went behind to claim the boy that was raised by his mum,again suffering the boy,some men are just heartless....well it served the boy right but at his age we cannot condemn him cos it is easy to deceive teenagers especially 15 to 19 years of age.He should be forgiven and if possible he should be taken from that irresponsible father.Going to UK to join his mum should be the last thing for now,talking should be the focal point on why he cannot join his Mum but to face his education.

***My sister had similar story but she survived it cos family rally rounded her,and her daughter is now in UK doing her masters degree.

Mancala:
"The boy is a wicked, foolish, unreasonable and an ungrateful son." You may be right, but remember that we are talking about a 16/17 yo, an immature minor who has limited life experience and still reasons like a child. At that age and stage in life, we expect kids to be irrational and make mistakes, however, how we handle the situation can make or break the child. I agree that there should be consequences, but not necessarily extreme in nature to the extent of permanently disowning the boy. There needs to be a middle ground, a way to teach the boy to become a better person and grow up into a responsible man, rather than emotionally breaking him like he did to his mother. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. My suggestion is that the Mother should talk to him (maybe after a few months) and tell him in clear terms how he has erred/wronged the family and that due to this, she nor her immediate family no longer trust him and she cannot risk bringing him to the UK at this point in time. Is that not the plain truth of the matter? And that is one of the consequences for his actions. She can then offer him an incentive that if he does well in school and completes his secondary and university education, she will be willing to help bring him to the UK for his Masters degree. And remember, there is no difference between a deadbeat Dad and a deadbeat Mum. You can't just up and disown your minor child. You are still legally responsible for that child until he/she becomes an adult. She shouldn't act like the the supposed Dad did.

APT...honestly you are highly responsible with your comment.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

You're an idiot for asking what to tell him.
I wonder why she didn't abort that useless son. She nurtured him against the father's wish to have him aborted.

Now he's grown enough to challenge the mother.

Let her forget him. If I were her, I would equally block you for being senseless.

Nonsense.

Mokason288:

Please can I have your cousin sisters contact

I’m seriously searching for a wife

Gold digger. I am sure you voted for Tinubu.

dominique:
The saddest part of it all is that father never wanted the boy or anything other than to use him to "pepper" his mother. That's what deadbeat fathers do, try to put the child they abandoned against the mother that struggled alone to raise him. Now that she has thrown their bullshit back at them, that noman will start getting irritated with the boy and the boy will start resenting him for making him miss a life changing opportunity. There's no way both of them won't break each other's heads which they both deserve. Useless father and stupid child, they both fit each other die.

I love you so much for this particular in-depth analogy.

Please in case they need something to break their heads with, I would be glad to provide it.

Brandiebird:
Just a few points I noticed….

1) A child wanted his biological father’s name: nothing wrong with that.

2. He wanted to live with his father: his right and as a child he was probably damaged by his mother and father’s actions.

3. He is being manipulated and abused: He probably understood the drama around his birth and then his father became abusive after manipulating him.

4. This is a child we’re talking about: Most importantly!!!! A child who knew nothing about life.


5. The mother was a loose girl who got pregnant out of marriage

6. The father was a manipulative predator

I just feel sorry for that child

Also, this place is full of bitter people! Home of the weak and depressed.

If he's right in his choices which you even validated in your write-up, what then is exactly your problem and why feel sorry for him?

It seems your brain is leaking.

Brandiebird:
It’s scary to think you’re a mother or you’ll be somebody’s mother one day. Yes! She was a loose girl and she will meet her karma in her “new” children.

No, you will meet your karma in your post.
So even if she was a 'loose' girl, don't she have a right to a bright future and to live a better life.

Even Jesus told that woman that those elders wanted to stone to "Go and sin no more." Yet you are here acting hypocritically all righteous.

Zupay:
My cousin's son has been a source of disturbance to me for the past 2 weeks.

The background story.

My cousin got pregnant with him when she was 19 but the father who then in his mid 20s denied the pregnancy in the presence of both families and went on to claim the reason he gave her money to procure an abortion was because he was only one of the guys sleeping with my cousin at the time (which was a blatant lie) and it was his own contribution.

My Uncle and Aunt (my cousin's parents) had to accept the guy's denial and solely took care of my cousin's pregnancy. Her son was born in 2007 and bears my Uncle's name, he was taken care of by his grandparents, uncles and aunts as his mother went back to school and graduated. My cousin got a better paying job in 2015 and moved out of their family house with her son, who is presently in S.S.2.

The biological father resurfaced sometime last year in May, starting to make claims and all. He went directly to the boy's school to introduce himself and starting meeting the boy, buying him things without my cousin's knowledge until the man showed up at my uncle's house with some of his relatives but my uncle didn't receive them.

The boy was becoming rude to his mother, talking back at her, telling her he would push for a change in his surname to that of his biological father, became cold to his grandparents etc To cut long story, he moved to his father's house in August of last year and resumed school from there. My cousin (his mother) was seriously sick in October of last year, this boy never bothered to call on his mother despite knowing of her illness and he has a phone he uses freely.

My cousin (his mother) relocated to the UK early this January, on a skilled worker visa as she works in a children' home and have made up her mind to refocus on getting married and having other kids. Her son has been calling her, which she has never picked also sending her long stories of how his father's wife have been maltreating him even in the presence of his father and the father would say nothing. Pleading with the mother to bring him over to the UK to live with her (her visa allows her to bring her son to the UK easily since he is under 18) but my cousin have not been replying him and this boy has been disturbing me to talk his mother on his behalf as I am very close to my cousin.

I have spoken to my cousin severally and she insisted she has washed off her hands where her son is concerned, that she doesn't want him around her as she needs to live singly and have a relationship that would lead to marriage, that she really wants to settle down.

I have told the boy to concentrate on finishing secondary school but he seems obsessed with wanting to relocate to the UK though my other cousin (his mother's younger brother) has confirmed that the boy is having it rough living with the father, his wife and other children.

I believe his mother has a right to have a new lease of life.

This boy is always messaging me asking for updates, I don't know what else to tell him!

Block him off. Block off his every means of reaching you. Some people would never learn from other people's experiences until they experience life themselves. Let him continue to experience "real life" with his father and his wife and work out his future from there.

His mother has every right to move on to get her own life(relationship, marriage, more kids etc) back on track without the ungrateful son!