AmazonTopaz:

Well it was a Twitter thread created by someone with the name Bitter Feminist on Twitter who was sharing screenshots on how Igbo Facebook married women community take permissions from their lords and personal saviours aka husbands before they go and see their parents

AmazonTopaz:

I am from the South East and I don't advice women to marry Igbo men sha

Anyway they say I hate Nigerian men so I don't care.

AmazonTopaz:
My submission on this is pretty straightforward some Nigerian marriages are a nightmare.
I know of one who stopped his wife from going to help at a family occasion on the day she was meant to go after informing him a week prior about her plans ooo.

The woman was already driving to the venue, she left the kids at home and the husband when he gets home will take care of them that evening. The man called her oo that she should reverse back home oo that if she doesn't he would divorce her.

The thing is the men who were at the occasion heard the whole thing because the woman turned it to a big issue and as an events planner refused to do an event for her husband's friend because of what he did. He forbade her from going to the gathering the men at the gathering said the man knew how to run his home, it is opinion the wife should obey, they used the word 'obey' and 'respect' and that women should listen that he doesn't owe any explanation. Anyway, the woman doesn't owe the husband or his friend any explanation as a week to the event she cancelled her plans to help the husband's friend to spite him too and it affected the money the man would earn from the arrangement.

1. The thing is men would support men, women must support women. I have always had the view from my early twenties not too long ago anyway that if as a Nigerian woman you can avoid marrying Nigerian men or Nigerian bred men please do.

2. Our mothers of old raised these men poorly. I know of a boy in the University who could not cook as his sisters did it for him at home while in school he dey call him mama to tell am how to put ingriedients for food. For my mind I say them for give am one of him sisters to follow body come help am cook for school.

pocohantas:


Most times it is based on issues with her family. Some of these issues happen during the marriage rites and he would already plan in his mind to pay the bride price, take his wife home and show them pepper. The poor woman would be the one caught in the middle for a problem that has no direct link to her. The bride price wasn’t given to her. Neither were the items on the list.

This thing happens a lot in the SE and I know way too many.

Generally there is no pressure on men to be well-behaved towards their in-laws. I have never seen anyone advising men to take their mother inlaws as their own. Some of them do not even have their inlaws number. Many in fact. It is the wife that keeps covering up. Extending nonexistent greetings from her husband. They dismiss all this as normal. They are busy. They are taking care of the wife…so what more do you want from them?

Marriage is beautiful, but I think we women pay more dearly when it is sour or goes sour. As such, no pressures. When you find the one that ticks the important boxes, hold am tight.

I also think our mothers didn’t teach us enough on the ways of men. It is beyond submission, allowing him have his way sexually and cooking. I find myself talking a lot with my sister in-law these days and she is totally clueless.

pocohantas:
Now to the topic…

I do not see a problem with a woman taking PERMISSION from her man/husband to do certain things or go to certain places.

I’ll be lying if I say I do not do it. I have stopped wearing some things and stopped hangouts with my colleagues because “he” didn’t like it. It is normal and it could be healthy as no one is perfect and sometimes your partner helps check excesses. I also tell him before I make some expenses. Major expenses, not 2k, 10k stuff.

As a woman, I won’t allow my man go watch football by 10pm at a bar. Majorly for security reasons. So your reason for stopping your partner from going somewhere should make sense and not an ego trip.

The problem I have with Nigerian men is that they abuse every power given to them. They singlehandedly spoilt the definition and concept of submission. Now it is permission. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. Throw in submission, obey, respect, virtuous, good wife, etc and you would look like a villain for “disobeying”.

Stopping a woman from going to see her family or friends is plain senseless. That is why many married women are depressed. Asides doing school run, they have no single life and existence to themselves.

AmazonTopaz:
See them patriarchy princesses.

No wonder divorce dey reign for Nigeria now because na only women dem dey train for marriage and not men. The men end up becoming terrible horsebands.

Una dooh.

bukatyne:


1. If women support the excesses of women because men do same, then they are same and have no moral standing to complain

2. I am happy you said our mothers raised their sons poorly. From me would be WWW 3. If these men are the products of our mothers, perhaps these are the kind of men/husbands our mothers want? I presume that if you 'hate' a behavior, you would correct same in those you have the power to. I always say that whenever a woman is ranting about her husband, I check her son. If she is raising him to be the next father, then she is just ranting to feel herself.

bukatyne:


And what is wrong with her wisdom for wives?

AmazonTopaz:

Or rather, it was how they were taught and conditioned to reason by society hence their sons are that way.

AmazonTopaz:

1. It's wrong because there is no equivalent of advice for men. The change in marital status applies to women.

2. Women are not adult enough to know what they want they have to be retrained and shrink themselves in marriages just to please the men.

3. Have you ever come across wisdom for husbands? Or any marital advice given to men that will make men ask themselves if they are afjly enough to know what they want too.

bukatyne:


Then they think it is the 'ok' way for husbands to be and like it like that.

I know this will spoil the narrative but: women are not helpless victims in these situations 95% of the time

They want 'hard' men; I have seen some men reject a man because he is too 'cool' and/or doesn't want drama. I have seen women deride men seen as gentle; I have seen women disrespect men who are gentle. Infact, some men start off relationships as gentlemen & switch when the girls begin to take advantage of them. (Though the switching is on him; if he can't stand her 'disrespect', he ends the relationship)

And maybe it is a human thing not exclusive to man/woman relationship

I remember when I was home after NYSC; I picked up most of the chores because I was the most available person. I even washed the clothes of my younger sisters. Apart from the fact I was home, they were prepping to retake SSCE so doing everything I can to ensure they are 'free' to read made logical sense to me.

Unfortunately, I started noticing signs of disrespect however rationalized that maybe I was just sensitive and shook it off. Until one day we had a family friend's daughter with us and was role playing one of them's mother & was serving her. And the sister told the child roleplaying her mother to stop serving her else she would soon lose her respect. That was my eureka moment & naturally I stopped all the specialized service for them.

I usually have a different issue towards male/female discussions. I think it is much more complex than men/Nigerian men are evil (I am not saying they don't have their excesses) while the women are 'saints'.

bukatyne:


1. That is where the problem lies. The advice in itself is not wrong. Rather than discard it because there is no 'equivalent' for men, find a man who knows the equivalent. Besides, there are a number of equivalents on& offline though I agree not as popular as for women. Men change from part of a household to the head of a household; they also change from Master to Mr.

2. Retraining/grooming is not a bad thing. In every human relationship, you are been groomed to perform in a certain way and if you like them, you work towards pleasing them. Poco said her man doesn't go out to watch ball after 10pm; that is grooming/retraining. It is about perspective of the trainee & trainer

3. I have come across wisdom for husbands even here on NL.

bukatyne:


@bold: That's just their reason. Even Yoruba men who don't pay bride price are not necessarily better husbands.

dollyjoy:
na my specialization ni


That perfume is niceeeeeeeee and I feel you will love it too
You can check the reviews on Instagram .

Excel70:

Hi. Do you sell male perfumes?

dollyjoy:
Good evening, yeah but I am currently on hold.

folake4u:


Hello Joy.

That's a male. We nor dey quote males here.

Message am outside the thread.

Thanks babe. 😘

Teespice:
Happy Birthday Cococandy. Many happy returns of this day and always.

Big hugs.

Persephone1:
Happy Birthday Coco 🥳🎉🎉🎉

folake4u:
Happy Birthday cococandy. Agba pinkpiller. 💖 Welcome to a new age.

pocohantas:
Happy birthday to you Cococandy.
Thanks for the love, support and good counsel when needed. I appreciate you and I wish you all the best as you turn a year older.

Enjoy the rest of your day.🎂🎂

pocohantas:
Happy birthday to you Cococandy.
Thanks for the love, support and good counsel when needed. I appreciate you and I wish you all the best as you turn a year older.

Enjoy the rest of your day.🎂🎂

cococandy:
😘

Magnoliaa:
Sister Folake4u in Christ, sisterly and spiritual greetings to you from the Lord.

folake4u:
Mango where have you been??

Magnoliaa:


Happy birthday ⚘💐.

Magnoliaa:


I've been to London to see the Queen, dear.


Technically, the King...


Maybe tomorrow...I came across one "bam" Twitter thread. Very sensible and I was just blown by all the takes.

But here's the thread's link for when you come online. We can talk about about it.

You fit go through it: https://twitter.com/seyedele/status/1628665213082914818?t=sYG53l5QJxA969uQQkshiA&s=19


I noticed there's been no other discussion(s) except for the last one on permission. 🥲

When I was in NLS, my ex used to call me on video calls EVERY MORNING. I could be rushing to class by 9am and still on video call,so I really don't see the big deal about text messages on Whatsapp, SMS or any social media platforms.

cococandy:
😘

Magnoliaa:


I've been to London to see the Queen, dear.


Technically, the King...


Maybe tomorrow...I came across one "bam" Twitter thread. Very sensible and I was just blown by all the takes.

But here's the thread's link for when you come online. We can talk about about it.

You fit go through it: https://twitter.com/seyedele/status/1628665213082914818?t=sYG53l5QJxA969uQQkshiA&s=19


I noticed there's been no other discussion(s) except for the last one on permission. 🥲