₦airaland Forum

WantsandMore:
. Dude you lose guard, the signs are always there,you probably ignored hoping she improves because it's what you would've wanted, you should have asked her what she wants & bargain a balance in the relationship because it seems obvious you both love each other but relationship no easy to build buddy. No be straight jackets, there r times you'll tolerate things you'll be ashamed to talk about. Lv & Light...Happy Easter.

I hate monitoring people,I believe a relationships is not meant to choke us,but maybe I loose guard much.she has gone on vacation to Florida and Ohio and I didn’t follow cos of work again because we should live our lives even while I’m relationship. Aren’t we all adults abeg?

koladata:
sorry about your experience bro, going by what you described about her, i think there's something she's not comfortable with about you and she's trying to way her options, she might not be as bad as you think, sit her down, you guys can't be friends again but you don't have to block each other, once in a while hello and hi is not bad.. most of them are the same, learn to remember them for the few good they did and move on without hard feelings.

There is nothing, the elder bro knows who she’s cheating with, the man has a daughter and divorced. He disclosed that to me and asked me to just move on. So it’s not me, it’s her… I was sad they didn’t tell me earlier

EriMma1:
So, she can't go anywhere else when she's off duty? It has to be your place? I'm not understanding....
How are you sure she went to see a man just because she was not at work nor your place on that day? The way you men conclude some times enh?

She may just want time alone but didn't know how to tell you and then seized the opportunity to do so during her off duty. Maybe you're the clingy type of boyfriend that always wants her to be around. No time for herself or don't you know we sometimes need a break from too much gum body?

I remember I used to do it to my guy then. I'll just run and go to my elder sisters place and spend a month. if you see the way he'll be calling me to come back to area ( we lived in the same area while my sister was in faraway Okoko) like I've been gone for a year. Those alone moments is usually refreshing abeg. Free the girl and stop overeacting.

No worry, the elder bro already told me who she’s cheating with, a man with a daughter. My instinct didn’t confuse me, I saw red flags when she usually make calls and I think it’s her other elder bro not knowing that one doesn’t know how to use WhatsApp. But it’s all good

otipoju:
I have long resolved to do my duty to my family and enjoy my life in whatever way I feel.

There is nothing like love or loyalty from any woman.

Women are incapable of love or loyalty...by their very nature.

Bro you nailed it @ the bolded.

I keep telling my bros that one thing they shouldn't expect from their woman is love or loyalty.

Once they have knowledge of that, it will give them a clear mind to figure out things before or after it happens.

Kriss216:
This what happens when you try to personalize community project.


By now, your beloved hoe has prepared and garnish lies to tell you hence she's asking to see you so you guys can talk.

You'll be the greatest fool on earth to give a Hoe listening ears.

Ah, I no deserve this one naw, I don’t waste my time. I’ve moved on

chatinent:
You are only talking about the relationship. Idi sure no bi she kill the person?

Haba, lol… person wey come shoot people them arrest am

Staywithbina:
I don't wanna sound like a saint,this is a girl u re probably living with ,have u had any suspicions earlier ,both of you come home late ,have u noticed her making some cunny moves ,has she Gotten calls u weren't sure of ,now am a man that doesn't give a shit about a woman but then it doesn't feel like u give a damn about this girl,first to me it feels like she is going through something and probably doesn't want u to know cos she doesn't know how u will react to it,it could be that she was another man or not ,it could be she was where she she doesn't want u to know,what if she got pregnant and met with a doctor to see if she could abort it ,the only obvious thing here is that she was not at her work place ,which u did know because of the shooting ,what if she was at her work place at initial time and left after sometime ,omo u don't just quit people especially when u have not been suspecting them or when they have not given u the reason to suspect foul play ,I think you are the one with the problem here,you have not healed yet ,try to convince her to open up to you ,this is what ladies need,a man to share their plight and pains with , writing this ,am not a saint myself but omo it doesn't feel like you love the girl self ,you have been waiting for something like this to happen and it just did

Yes quite a lot, we’ve dated for 6 months and she’s travel alone twice to other cities for vacation and I didn’t go with her. Relationships aren’t meant to choke people. But I think she’s not the type that can handle her business

Megabig:
No worry, the elder bro already told me who she’s cheating with, a man with a daughter. My instinct didn’t confuse me, I saw red flags when she usually make calls and I think it’s her other elder bro not knowing that one doesn’t know how to use WhatsApp. But it’s all good

Ah.. na wa o. Imagine, a baby daddy.. 👀 Dump her and don't look back.
Take heart.

Staywithbina:
And for the last part ,I will advice u to grow up,I was once like you ,but I worked on myself ,you bringing this here shows u re still a baby and no lady wants to be with a baby,the only reason you brought this here on nairaland is because u probably know she will see it , be a man and be in control of your emotions ,no be everything wey hungry you to do ,u must do ! And Finally my man ,before going into a new relationship ,try and heal of your past ,forgive yourself and stop blaming anyone ,forgive also those that have hurt u and become a better version of yourself ,no de carry hate for your heart ,drop that sense of entitlement and live a free life

Ok

jackcanfield:
She said she is suicidal, shouldn't you be happy she missed going to work on that day, what if she was gun down ... Everyone should have right to be angry but not to stay angry forever.

I’m not angry, I’m glad she didn’t get caught in the situation but where did she go though?
Anyways the elder bro knows who she’s cheating with. He already mentioned so I’m right

wow, sorry bro... but yet don't play hard feelings, it hurts more when you play hard feelings believe me . Act like you are cool , infact send random friendly text once in a while, that shit works like magic because God has a way of crowning your effort and rewarding you with someone better, just don't play hard feelings. let her go peacefully, it hurts more when you disconnect totally at this stage, let the disconnection take a progression. Trust me the next lady will be better.

Megabig:
There is nothing, the elder bro knows who she’s cheating with, the man has a daughter and divorced. He disclosed that to me and asked me to just move on. So it’s not me, it’s her… I was sad they didn’t tell me earlier

luminouz:
Exactly!!!

I pity any man who brings over a naija lady to America, untested

Actually didn’t bring her though

EriMma1:
So...

This your post is lacking in substance

JeffreyJunior:
Few takeaways from your post.

1. She might or might not have visited another man for sex. No evidence to support that she cheated on you. Everybody knows the plight of undocumented Nigerians in America especially ladies. It's not always easy for them. They meet all kinds of people for help and it seems you don't offer much to her except free housing.

2. You are full of pride as a man and you are controlling too. You want her to worship you but don't bother to see what it feels like to be in her shoes. You think she is in America to serve you and be a good girlfriend? Bros, she has people at home calling her everyday for one thing or the other. She needs to get that green card by hook or by crook which is what you too would do in her shoes. I'm not saying she should be a prostitute while at it.

3. You don't love that girl, you are only using her simply because she is currently vulnerable and available to you. This is why you quickly pushed her away without listening to her side of the story even if it was a lie.

4. She may be cheating but you sef have plenty other problems to work on as a person.

Shalom

Let me clear your points from ;

1. I’m right to conclude she cheated, she lied about her whereabouts and moreover we’ve talked about her answering a video call and later said it’s her elder brother only for us to find out her elder bro in Naija doesn’t know how to use WhatsApp. So there is a light there but I don’t like choking people in relationship so I let us just move on and keep trying

2. This second one doesn’t make sense, I have class and I have prestige, I don’t disrespect people and I want same for myself.

3. Lol, love her? You are probably right, I like her and we have to work things out, I’m not buried in love, I’m one of those that believe that likeness and understanding is enough to actually live together. I’ve never loved someone like the “if not you I’ll die”…I guard my heart jealously. You are prolly right

4. You pointed nothing on number 4, you don’t know me so you can’t suggest that but ok

Emaprince:
You are in US...you didn't see all the home grown ladies from across the world over there, you were still hoping to wife a woman that came from Naija. You get sense so?

Naija women that abuses any lift in status? If they can be highly promiscuous here where men has control over them, imagine what they can do in US where they have power over men.

To make matters worst, you seem to trust her. Lol. Worst thing a man can do to himself is to trust and believe that his woman isn't admiring and crushing on other men. Don't you see what both the married ones do on social medias? Your eyes ought to be open by now to the rot in the society.

Dealing with a woman should be to fulfil all righteousness...stop going the extra length of trust and falling in love. No woman loves you, except your mom. These hoes loves what you bring to the table. A

And always assure yourself that every lover of yours is dispensable. Stop putting too much hopes in women. That's why you are lamenting.

It can work with anyone, regardless of country or race, it’s just for us to understand ourselves, cheating isn’t peculiar to females or Nigerians only. Moreover I’m more traditional and family oriented. Will be hard for me to marry outside of Nigerians

Megabig:
Yes quite a lot, we’ve dated for 6 months and she’s travel alone twice to other cities for vacation and I didn’t go with her. Relationships aren’t meant to choke people. But I think she’s not the type that can handle her business

No issues then ,it's your call,pray you meet the right woman for you someday

mmsen:
No disrespect to your parents OP but you really don't know what your parents marriage was like from the inside, you know it from the outside looking in.

Men and women have always cheated but women are more likely to do so nowadays with fewer restrictions on their conduct and greater financial freedom.

At least from the time I knew a thing or two, their marriage flourished in my eyes, my dad isn’t as liberal as I am. I don’t think my dad will allow my mum go on a vacation on her own, I did so for my ex. So they flourished and I’ve seen other relationships that worked well

Sorry bro this hoes ain’t loyal at all.

A friend once ‘married’ a Naija girl, the Introduction was done in absential because my friend was in the US, while the lady was here. They both stayed together for a few months before my friend traveled. This hoe still cheated on my friend while they were together despite all the promises to make her the best woman in the world. This caused a brief issue between the families and her family apologized that it was a mistake and wouldn’t happen again. But because pregnancy (the pregnancy came after she cheated) was involved already, my friend agreed to marry her but the intro and all wasn’t done until after my friend traveled. She gave birth and my friend took responsibility - monthly allowances for her, the child and her in-laws.

After about a year in the US, my friend decided it was time to bring his wife and his ‘child’ so that they could all be together. It was during the documentation that my friend got to know that his supposed ‘wife’ never graduated from school. She left school at 200 level but paraded herself as a First Class graduate with fake Statement of Result. She went a bit further to get fake school transcript (with forged HOD signature), NYSC call-up letter and discharge certificate. She lied to my friend about all these for good 2 years, which means the child’s paternity is also a big issue here. He’s most definitely not the father of the child. This is callousness!

It was even later exposed that her parents forged my friend’s parents’ signatures on the registry certificate - all in a desperate mood to get their daughter to the US no matter what. Meanwhile, prior to that, every time my friend request for their daughter credentials they would lie about it that it was being prepared etc. She wasted my friend’s time, resources, energy, most especially, opportunities to marry a decent Black American/white ladies that came his way, because he was so focused on his Naija girl. But ultimately, his saving grace was that God exposed their evil plans and everything happened in Nigeria. My friend has moved on now and married a beautiful American shortly after.

Bro, I understand how difficult it is most especially, that both of you are in the US already. But you’ve got to move on and never have a crunch on any Nigerian girl again, home or abroad. They are chronic liars and unrepentant hearts. They are naturally wired with ignoble feelings of intense jealousy and destruction. Although there are still some good ones among them but one would’ve crossed many wrongs before a single right click.

Just forget about her bro, she’s not your type. You would still find a decent Black American/White that are family-oriented, sagacious and upright.

I feel for u bro! But that u have kept urself together this far!
Relationships have become worthless since it became easy and free to get sex any and everywhere.

Bordey:
,infact one was even disvirgined by me and they still cheated and got caught. . Wow.things dey happen. How did you caught her. Kindly share bro

Bro na one of her simp ex Chat me up with hint,I think na her first bf but nothing happened btween them so she come friendzone am and opened up to him that I was the one who disvirgined her bla bla but she latter go fu,ck one guy like that so he say Make he hint me after she gist am, so I checked her phone to confirm what he told me,the hoe even got fu.cked skin to skin by the guy o first time she dey fuc.k am..

He still wanted her back based on the Simp that he is even after she tell am say I mess am scatter and she still fuc.‘kk another guy but the simp still didn’t mind..the guy Ugly sha so I guess that’s another reason he couldn’t forget about her and wanted to scatter us..omoh me sef no send the babe again so we come latter scatter few months after I found out and she did all her suicide drama bla bla..

We still knackk for like 2months while I started dating another babe and come finally scatter during covid lockdown,Imagine she dey form vex say I dey with my new babe during lockdown while she dey her house lol..Bro just leave matter this hoes ain’t loyal bro. It doesn’t mean there are no good Nija girls or Edo girls o..there still are but are very scarce to find so bro no be every Virgin make sense o..but even with that sha Virgin na still my first choice anyday,but the truth is good woman can be a virgin or a non virgin and a demon can also be a virgin or a non virgin. Just pray for a good virgin.

koladata:
sorry about your experience bro, going by what you described about her, i think there's something she's not comfortable with about you and she's trying to way her options, she might not be as bad as you think, sit her down, you guys can't be friends again but you don't have to block each other, once in a while hello and hi is not bad.. most of them are the same, learn to remember them for the few good they did and move on without hard feelings.

you are right but make he block her first, after 5yrs when we all know is impossible to come back together then he can unblock her and be saying HI to her once a while. Period

xavuv:
This your post is lacking in substance

Yet it attracted you.

Megabig:
Is something wrong with this our generation because I saw how my parents had a great marriage just like most of their friends.


I think relationships are not meant for some people and we have to all understand that it’s ok to be single for the rest of your lives.
Why put so much pressure to get hooked with someone when you know your mind is probably somewhere else, is it desperation, greed or the insatiable nature of the human life?

So I dropped my ex at the Chinese cuisine (yes I have to be specific because she will read this and should know I wrote it)she works at on Tuesday,this is usually our routine since she starts work at 8am and I start at 9am to end at 5pm,she gets home late at 9pm sometime depending on her shift.
On Wednesday,we drove as usual and on getting to her workplace, there were 3 police cars and yellow ribbons crossed over there with some people in front of it.This colleague of hers immediately seeing us trying to park there said “there is no need y’all,some 14 year old came to the store and shoot up the whole place around 5pm yesterday”.
I was shocked because she should be at work too and how come she’s not aware of what we both are seeing and she tried shutting the lady up and I then further asked the lady why she also showed up since it happen yesterday and she ought to have known,she said because she’s scheduled to work today just like my babe and she was just looking at my ex,you know when you look at someone like “ hope everything is ok”?

My ex didn’t exit the car and I had to ask her where she was the previous day because I dropped her there at work,she started stammering that she went to see her lawyer,I then had to ask,so after seeing your lawyer at 5pm(which is obviously a lie because corporate mostly close at 5pm),you didn’t return to work because you ought to have known that someone was killed at your job, she then said she went home, then how did I get home before her because I close at 5pm and gets home before 6pm, I didn’t want her to keep blabbing,I immediately called her lawyers office and guess what guys?Her next appointment is June 12(Again,I wrote this so she can see it’s me).
I immediately started recording a video with my camera faced down and repeated every question and she answered just in case she goes to court and I’ll nail the devil.
I sha took my key from the evil,cashapped her money to take a train to her brothers place.Till today she never reach her bros place because he called and said she’s not picking and she is constantly texting.

This is a girl that got to America two years ago(I didn’t bring her)and just doing menial job for now while she work on getting her documents and also,she’s not paying rent(In todays America),I was even planning on doing something serious before the year runs out because normally,she seem homely, peaceful and seem quite calm unlike most party-prone babes we have around(E be like na this one’s worst).

What shocked me most was that I didn’t even get angry, I was just disappointed that I wasted my time but it didn’t seem like I lost something(why is that?).

Another trust shattered… smh

Sad, feel so sorry for you.
It appears though that you too choke her small. You carry her to work everyday and expect her back at some fix time. Like no time for friends or other relationships. Same routine.
I suspect u imagined is the right thing to do or she is ok with it.
Give people space. Don’t tell them what do you need this or that for. Let them be themselves. There are even some that are very clingy. Just let them too dictate the relationship then you decide if they are what you want.
I suspect you are way older than her

Megabig:
Is something wrong with this our generation because I saw how my parents had a great marriage just like most of their friends.


I think relationships are not meant for some people and we have to all understand that it’s ok to be single for the rest of your lives.
Why put so much pressure to get hooked with someone when you know your mind is probably somewhere else, is it desperation, greed or the insatiable nature of the human life?

So I dropped my ex at the Chinese cuisine (yes I have to be specific because she will read this and should know I wrote it)she works at on Tuesday,this is usually our routine since she starts work at 8am and I start at 9am to end at 5pm,she gets home late at 9pm sometime depending on her shift.
On Wednesday,we drove as usual and on getting to her workplace, there were 3 police cars and yellow ribbons crossed over there with some people in front of it.This colleague of hers immediately seeing us trying to park there said “there is no need y’all,some 14 year old came to the store and shoot up the whole place around 5pm yesterday”.
I was shocked because she should be at work too and how come she’s not aware of what we both are seeing and she tried shutting the lady up and I then further asked the lady why she also showed up since it happen yesterday and she ought to have known,she said because she’s scheduled to work today just like my babe and she was just looking at my ex,you know when you look at someone like “ hope everything is ok”?

My ex didn’t exit the car and I had to ask her where she was the previous day because I dropped her there at work,she started stammering that she went to see her lawyer,I then had to ask,so after seeing your lawyer at 5pm(which is obviously a lie because corporate mostly close at 5pm),you didn’t return to work because you ought to have known that someone was killed at your job, she then said she went home, then how did I get home before her because I close at 5pm and gets home before 6pm, I didn’t want her to keep blabbing,I immediately called her lawyers office and guess what guys?Her next appointment is June 12(Again,I wrote this so she can see it’s me).
I immediately started recording a video with my camera faced down and repeated every question and she answered just in case she goes to court and I’ll nail the devil.
I sha took my key from the evil,cashapped her money to take a train to her brothers place.Till today she never reach her bros place because he called and said she’s not picking and she is constantly texting.

This is a girl that got to America two years ago(I didn’t bring her)and just doing menial job for now while she work on getting her documents and also,she’s not paying rent(In todays America),I was even planning on doing something serious before the year runs out because normally,she seem homely, peaceful and seem quite calm unlike most party-prone babes we have around(E be like na this one’s worst).

What shocked me most was that I didn’t even get angry, I was just disappointed that I wasted my time but it didn’t seem like I lost something(why is that?).

Another trust shattered… smh

May God console your heart and give you a woman like Queen Esther in the bible.

EriMma1:
So, she can't go anywhere else when she's off duty? It has to be your place? I'm not understanding....
How are you sure she went to see a man just because she was not at work nor your place on that day? The way you men conclude some times enh?

She may just want time alone but didn't know how to tell you and then seized the opportunity to do so during her off duty. Maybe you're the clingy type of boyfriend that always wants her to be around. No time for herself or don't you know we sometimes need a break from too much gum body?

I remember I used to do it to my guy then. I'll just run and go to my elder sisters place and spend a month. if you see the way he'll be calling me to come back to area ( we lived in the same area while my sister was in faraway Okoko) like I've been gone for a year. Those alone moments is usually refreshing abeg. Free the girl and stop overeacting.

Any time a Nigeria lady yearns for time alone, cheating has either loaded or still loading. Moreso, the only thing that makes a lady lie in relationship is when she has something she is hiding. The fact that she stayed a whole day out of work and never disclosed it to her fiance smells of rotten catfish.
Moreover, you don't need to catch a lady pants down before letting her go. Back tyre no dey catch front tyre during car race. Once you can no longer vouch for her loyalty, you let her go quicker than a wink.

EriMma1:
Yet it attracted you.

Your username did actually. You write well without being sentimental most times, but not this particular one

Megabig:
At least from the time I knew a thing or two, their marriage flourished in my eyes, my dad isn’t as liberal as I am. I don’t think my dad will allow my mum go on a vacation on her own, I did so for my ex. So they flourished and I’ve seen other relationships that worked well

As I said, fewer restrictions on their personal conduct and greater financial freedom mean that women are now freer to explore alternate options.

chatinent:
You are only talking about the relationship. Idi sure no bi she kill the person?

You wicked... Aswear 😂😂

Miracood2:
Is the thread a deliberate attempt to confuse me?.

Because I don't understand a thing you posted

You want him to post in your language so that you will understand,abi?

Amumaigwe:
Any time a Nigeria lady yearns for time alone, cheating has either loaded or still loading. Moreso, the only thing that makes a lady lie in relationship is when she has something she is hiding. The fact that she stayed a whole day out of work and never disclosed it to her fiance smells of rotten catfish.
Moreover, you don't need to catch a lady pants down before letting her go. Back tyre no dey catch front tyre during car race. Once you can no longer vouch for her loyalty, you let her go quicker than a wink.

I understand but when you men cheat, it is not always approached with this kind of harsh criticisms and judgement. Now because it's a woman, she must be dealt with.

Op, dump her, make we rest.

Megabig:
I hate monitoring people,I believe a relationships is not meant to choke us,but maybe I loose guard much.she has gone on vacation to Florida and Ohio and I didn’t follow cos of work again because we should live our lives even while I’m relationship. Aren’t we all adults abeg?

tbh, that's how it's supposed to be by logic but women aren't logical they're emotional, you've to find a way to balance logic & emotions to win them.

cocolacec:
I think you jumped into conclusions,she was never caught red handed with another man.She could be afraid of opening up somethings to you for fear of being dumped.There is no guarantee sge went to a man's place unless you caught her in the act.She could be at a friend's place.
Communication is the key.

Continue, you hear?
Na people like you them dey pour acid.