₦airaland Forum

jesmond3945:
she is snapping bro. because she is exhausted and to her wits end. Try and do the assignment I gave you. Stay with the kids for 1 month, cook, add hustle to it, add church to it. Then come back and give report. Her church activites is an avenue for her to let off steam. Finally, women see action more than sitting down to talk. Even if you sit down with woman talk finish na that thing wey dey her mind she go do. Anything wey you know wey good and wey go better the family just do am.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

hardon1:
For me o, am just wondering why a wife would not kiss her husband during love making. People wey no love themselves even kiss passionately during sex. Let alone husband and wife

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

gaddafe:
I'm not sure you're married. Even if you are, you are clearly not experienced enough.

kaymart:
You are rational to the core, deviod of useless emotion but sound logic 💯
Only a wise person think this way.....
I'm sure you are male....

RALPHOW:
Please I need an answer from a Muslim with two or three wives

Can marry second wife solve this problem?

Afolashade00:
I repeat she is not married to the one she loves, she got married to you because you were available . A woman who loves you will do some of those things you mentioned willingly . No woman is perfect, I repeat a woman who loves you will do some of the things you mentioned without stressing you

Kobojunkie:
1. So the summary here is you felt she was trying to pull your "thumbscrews", which didn't sit well with you as you preferred it had to be you doing that to her instead. So you found a way to pull her "thumbscrews" instead, and are here to tell us that you are better than her as a result? And we are supposed to believe this marriage of yours is an example of a thriving marriage at that? WOW!

It reads a lot like a marriage between two enemies to me.

tomi4life:
I am tempted to agree with you. I dont think we love each other, infact when I reflect on things we really have alot of problems.

I have decided to fight back, I wont take any of this crap again. I think I have been too weak as the leader of the house this is why all this is happening.

Let not live in pretense anymore, there is a problem, a big one for that matter.

This may seem harsh I will hold back all the her entitlement, she cant expect me to play all the husband roles and she refuses to play hers as a wife.

It not even about the cooking itself, but how she responds when I raise certain matters.

2dice01:
Suffering and smiling 🤩

¹ Once a week sex 🤔
² She has no Respect for you
³ Won't cook for you
⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce

Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️
What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage?

Hotguy27:
You should have tried to let us know the little good side of her so that we can form a better opinion.
However, it is quite a difficult situation you have found yourself but I think you can still work on it and make it work.

3 to 4 times sex in a month isn't that bad. Though, as a man, it is obvious you need more. There are women who will never ask for sex in a marriage except when they notice that the man is no longer interested for it or has started keeping a side chick and then they will try to initiate it to see whether the man will refuse or not.

On food, how do you mean when you said that she cooks for the kids but not for you? Does she tag the food as "for kids" and "for hubby" after cooking? Does she stop you from getting food from the pot after cooking? Since you said you are a food type, I suggest that you learn how to cook and start cooking what you want to eat yourself. Don't wait for her again. she does just cook for me, for example this morning she cooked rice for the kids but didnt make anything for me, even told the maid what to eat. I agree o, am considering going to a cooking school Cos I be foodie and my wife doesnt send

On finance, do you mean you don't contribute to do family projects together? Both of you should sit down and plan again. Have you built your own house? Do you have joint investment? If No, why? I like to control my funds, I dont like to get permission to be able to spend my money, and same for her, so we agreed nt to have a joint account. [b]I am 100% responsible for all project, we dont have our own house yet, but we bought a land some 4 years back. I bought the land then 15m and raising that cash was stressful, I had 11m and took a loan of 4m to pay back in 7months during that 7months period i reduced the food money for the house by half, and I must admit she was very supportive and understood. She didnt have much then she gave me the 200k savings she had for the land and after then things returned to normal, uptil today I havent returned the 200k to her. There was a time we almost bought a house, she was ready to drop some money, but somehow the deal didnt happen. This I admit is one of her good side

Again, do youean you don't buy her gifts just because she earns well? NO! You got this one wrong. Buy her gifts; clothes, undies, colognes, shoes, wristwatch, jewelry, phones, etc. I do o but only on special occasions like birthday and wedding anniversaries. This is one area I know is a weakness for me, am nt very materialistic and dont spend on myself, I also dont spend often on her. apart from food, we however eat out very often. I take it as a point of duty to take the family to some nice restaurant every month

Does she drive car? Who bought the car? Who fuels it? Who takes it to mechanic? These needs to be sorted out if you are not the one doing them. I use to be the one, gave her my car, but when she got promoted her office gave her a good car with driver, the driver does all the car waka

Change. Stop forming the boss if you still want the marriage. Work on some of these stuff mentioned above and when things start getting together, discuss with her the need to jointly execute family projects like joint savings, real estate investment or business expansion since you said she has a side hustle. What of you? Do you have a side hustle? She may feel she is working harder than you if you don't have an extra thing doing to earn more money. The problem is even me am very very busy with work, my job too is kinda demanding and only able to surf nairaland becos of the holidays. Right now just changed job with a very good pay, but no time for family, I leave home 5:30am and return 9pm earliest and it the same cycle daily.

Finally, get a side chick to reduce your pressure on her since she is not a sex type. Look for a young mature girl (preferable, a student) to quench your burning desire. Ensure you are not carried away by her youthfulness and succulent body. Use protection at all times. No o, i no get power for this one, I know how stressful having a wife is, another madame will just make matters worse.

Good luck!

labake1:
Majority of the people advising the OP to divorced his wife are not married.

Dear OP, let divorce should be the last option, it's not an easy thing, the children are there to think about. Try out other options first, try having a private discussion with her by letting her know your feelings and the implications. Once some of my gender is earning more, they won't see the need of a man. Fear career women, ask if she still want the relationship. Your mental health is important, if you die tomorrow, she will move on with her life after two days mourning.

Some people doesn't know the value of what they have until they lose it

advanceDNA:
Your wife is earning 800k per month while u earn less?? And she still leaves u to foot all the bill..and she hardly allows u have sex....And u are still calling her ur wife?.... lol.

tomi4life:
There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working "

divorce is also not on the table for me.

RALPHOW:
Please I need an answer from a Muslim with two or three wives

Can marry second wife solve this problem?
If penticostal will not accept polygamy, it's not a big issue in Anglican.

theredaddy:
Exist is never a solution, besides the situation is not hopeless, the guy seems to have a boring personality and he is tew predictable

Women like fun guyz, men that are daring and unpredictable, it doesnt mean OP as to change who he is, but he needs to spice things up LET the wife start having doubts the man in the oza room is jubril from sudan and not the buhari she married.
Since money is not an issue, try take her out .... in my experience when i take women out they get so turned ON that it always end in sex , who knows if that will open her up

Women like gossip , start gisting with her even if she seems not to show interest just do it,
For a Marriage that involves kids Divorce no be easy path, OP must consider the mental health of those kids

All the best @ tomi4life

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

tomi4life:
No, I earn almost twice this amount

Majesty33:
This advise might seem destructive but adhere to it. get a side chick that will give u sex steady, I mean, sex is cheap these days, so many sex starved ladies out there. I don't like it when some women make it look like they are doing me a favour of serving me food or giving me sex. Let her look so so irrelevant in the home. If u are Igbo or south south, order pain of different soups, use part of the money u drop for feeding to do that and if u can also cook,u can do that and store it in the fridge. Having done all these, u will enjoy your life, then u watch her reaction.

theredaddy:
Exist is never a solution, besides the situation is not hopeless, the guy seems to have a boring personality and he is tew predictable

Women like fun guyz, men that are daring and unpredictable, it doesnt mean OP as to change who he is, but he needs to spice things up LET the wife start having doubts the man in the oza room is jubril from sudan and not the buhari she married.
Since money is not an issue, try take her out .... in my experience when i take women out they get so turned ON that it always end in sex , who knows if that will open her up

Women like gossip , start gisting with her even if she seems not to show interest just do it,
For a Marriage that involves kids Divorce no be easy path, OP must consider the mental health of those kids

All the best @ tomi4life

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Mikagrace:
is marriage for enjoyment? Go and ask anybody that has been married for 5 years plus, marriage is never for enjoyment. It’s about commitment and fulfilling your responsibilities as an adult. If you want enjoyment find it within yourself or your hobbies. Nothing like enjoyment in marriage, don’t deceive yourself.

Zeewirld:
... This is a fallacious statement..I doubt if you are married...