Teema4720:
My sister i can feel what you are feeling, i was there so i know.
My husband also never wanted me to get a house help, my kids are 6 and 2+ and i am currently heavily pregnant. I am doing a 8-5 job and my kids stay in school till 6pm when i return from work before i go pick them.
When we get home, i prepare dinner, do home work, unpack their bags, etc.
Every morning i wake by 5am, cook and start washing clothes so it would not have to pile up , then by 6am i wake the kids and prepare them for school which he drop them in school before i start getting ready for my work place. Once they leave the house by 7am, that is when i will hurridly clean the house and continue with clothes if i am not done. Those day i alway report late to work but because i am prenant, i was alway pardon. Remember i stil do market stuffs, etc, etc. My Husband comes back by 8:30pm, and by then the kids are already asleep, food is set house is arranged so he just feels "you are doing it nah, so no need for house help" I have tried to make him understand that between when we return from sch and when he comes home i go tru alot....
I was dying daily from stress, i had to stand my ground and told my husband that if i die now, he will only mourn me atmost 1yr and move on with his life, i can't kill myself. I have had to turn down many helps i saw, so if you are getting someone, you need to do it prayerfully and screen alot. If you are not working, i make it easier for you but i am working so my case was really something else.DON'T JUST BRING ANYBODY INTO UR HOME, i took a lot of time to search for months, i was searching... So pls be careful and watch before you decide if you must bring in a helper.
To cut the long story short, i got someone , but my husband said i will be the one to pay the girl, i accepted because i need help and may put to bed soonest.
My dear you own ur body, advise yourself, stress has killed a lot of people, pls make sure you don't die carelessly. Love you sis

Madam, women like you are very rare. You’re a typical example of what a woman should be. This Lady in question is not even working o. Or did I miss where she mentioned that!
Young girls of nowadays are so impatient and lazy.

Do the little you can .

From the comments here , men only thing about their dicks .

If na me that man go replace tire , I drop 2 pikin for am .

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

please remove wickedness from the issues. the lady surely need a house help asap as yesterday.

some men and women too lacks empathy and failed to understand situations because they are feeling it at the surface. it will be good for the madam to raise it as a very serious issue with the husband and she should speak out her mind and her resolutions should the husband failed to heed and provide suitable help for her in the home.

taking care of three underage children is not a small task.

Ellasure:


please remove wickedness from the issues. the lady surely need a house help asap as yesterday.

some men and women too lacks empathy and failed to understand situations because they are feeling it at the surface. it will be good for the madam to raise it as a very serious issue with the husband and she should speak out her mind and her resolutions should the husband failed to heed and provide suitable help for her in the home.

taking care of three underage children is not a small task.

I use that word because he remained adamant even after doctor's advise. That woman is obviously tired and he's so insensitive to her plight. It's very sad

komzy589:

Madam, women like you are very rare. You’re a typical example of what a woman should be. This Lady in question is not even working o. Or did I miss where she mentioned that!
Young girls of nowadays are so impatient and lazy.

Whether she is lazy or not is not the issue, she needs help since she cannot cope. She is not sleeping since someone has to be constantly watching the kids at all times. Lack of sleep is very dangerous as she might just lose her senses all to find out she has murdered all her kids when she regains them. Post partum depression is dangerous.

When issues like this occur it will be very cruel of anybody to judge without hearing from the other party, 2 people are involved here. Thank God her husband is not violent, as she has not made mention that she was battered by her husband. If her husband should come up with his side of the story, i am sure you will change your stand. As a person i will never judge or come to a conclusion by hearing one side of a story as long as 2 people are involved.

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

komzy589:

By the way, who’s going to pay for the house help?
I think they should switch places for maybe a year. Jesus Christ!
It’s not like the wife has a job o. She didn’t mentioned she is working. She only has 3 kids, 2 of them probably goes to school everyday. You think making money is easy Abi!

From her tone of voice, I doubt it has to do with the cost of employing a house help. Some people just don't like it. It seems the husband is one of those people.

Most women, if not all, would appreciate help when raising a baby. That's why moms or mother in law would come and spend time with the baby for months at end or even send a family member like a sibling or relative.

In many rich countries, where there's no assistance with raising babies, they have very low birth rates. On the other, countries where there's generous government sponsored day care for children, at times up to the age six, einrn tend to have more babies.

obinna58:

I didn’t see where she stated she works 8-5pm

That was someone else, my bad. Still it does not negate the notion that she needs help and fast. Stressed mothers sometimes lose their senses and murder their kids. Lack of sleep is really dangerous.

Coolsphinx:
When issues like this occur it will be very cruel of anybody to judge without hearing from the other party, 2 people are involved here. Thank God her husband is not violent, as she has not made mention that she was battered by her husband. If her husband should come up with his side of the story, i am sure you will change your stand. As a person i will never judge or come to a conclusion by hearing one side of a story as long as 2 people are involved.

He should have soft-pedal after the doctor's advise but he remained adamant which means he care less about his wife's health

Better for you oh.
Some are kidnappers, witches, thieves etc.

Some can even lure your husband to bed an break your home.

obinna58:

Your husband knows you’re lazy which is why he’s trying to strengthen you up, in due time you’ll adjust

You have a whole 24hours to take care of kids and the house yet you think it’s stressful and wanting a helper, a work you can do for 4hours and have 20hours to sleep if really serious.
What about mothers that have 4-5 children and yet working and doing every chores

I’m sure it takes you 2hours to sweep ordinary room, please don’t teach your kids laziness

I don’t know o. A whole 24hours to do domestic chores and you’re complaining.
She’s not even working o!
Wow! 😱

IyaebeTheGreat:
That means you don't live in Lagos where they'll have to wake up by 4am everyday.

Nop. Abuja

Compliant:


Nop. Abuja

wow great. I hate Lagos ehn and I keep wondering how these married women cope in Lagos.

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

Why can't you just slide pass this post if you don't know what to comment??

There are other sources of help besides a house help. A house help is another responsibility o, especially depending on the age. My first n only experience with house help had me running for the hills. Seek help elsewhere. You can invite a member of your family over for an extended holiday just so you can rest abit. Don't fight your husband over this.

Efinem006:
Why can't you just slide pass this post if you don't know what to comment??

She came to seek advise from us

Foodqueen:
Have you talk to him about non-live -in.

Maybe he doesn't want a stranger living with his family while he's away.


Check out for good domestic worker recruiters.

Look for one that will resume work in the morning and close in the evening.

best option and its workable

Jashub:
Your emotional stupidity won't change the facts that she will be replaced once she starts misbehaving under her husband's authority.

you sound moronic

meum:
How did you cope with the other kids when they were toddlers?

Madam, E fit be say the man know him weak point

Y’all are so xtupid. I just can’t. How did she cope with the other kids? How do you imagine it’s the same now that another kids infant has joined the family? My gosh!

Sincerely, your husband is trying to protect you and your marriage if you don't know.

1. We have hard of many news where house help has turned to wife and make sure the real wife is chased out of the house.
2. We have hard a series of case where house help matreat children when their parents are not around.
3. We have hard numbers of news where house help has connived with either thieves or kidnappers to collect ramsom from their Boss.

I think your view might be different from that of your husband.
Try to convince him and ask more why he refuse house help.
My suggestion is:
If you have a brother or sister that can stay with you to help why you sponsor him or her education..... I think this can reliefs you a bit.

Zooposki:


That was someone else, my bad. Still it does not negate the notion that she needs help and fast. Stressed mothers sometimes lose their senses and murder their kids. Lack of sleep is really dangerous.

Do you really think a man wouldn’t know his wife is trying, a man working day and night trying to provide and make sure his family is living fine, all the wife has to do is take care of the kids and she’s demanding extra unnecessary expense for a house help
Our mothers didn’t do this, when slay queen got tied down by marriage here’s the outcome.

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

😄

babywhite:


You are around and helping a lot but in op case her husband is rarely around she does all alone...some of these people ranting may have grew up with an extended family or even a help in their homes... physical strength is not the same when it gets to a point you are losing it you speak up there is no award for the strongest woman...a man that will cheat will cheat with or without maid

Did you miss the part where the woman doesn’t have a daily job?
She has 24hours to do the domestic chores alone o. 5year old and 2year old goes to school.
With a house help, she does nothing else in the house. Haba!
The husband is a very nice man to not be pissed

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

You self enh, why e be say anytime you comment, you nor dey ever make sense 🤦‍♂️

Different folks with different challenges. I saw my wife in your condition when we even had one child and I suggested to her that we hire an house help to take off some of the house chores from her, she rejected the offer. I was surprised because this is a woman that can change her child's cloth more than 7 times in a day and she will still wash them same day and took care of all other house chores. Whenever I came up with the same suggestion she will reject the offer, then, I let it slide. She was the person that later brought my awareness to many atrocities that these house helps carry out and nobody told me when I began to buy things I knew could ease her works. I saved to buy watching machine for her. I made it a point of duty to help her out on weekends. We used Saturdays to cook soup and beans we know can stay in the freezer and will still be good whenever we want to eat them. As the children began to grow, fortunately for her, my siblings were coming during holidays to stay with us and they relates very well and nobody outside our homes knew that they were not hers with the way they relate. She was the one that ensured that whenever they finished school before going for NYSC they must come and stay full time with us just because they NEVER let her does any house chores again because those ones too love helping her all the time.
Now to your present situation. Your husband must help you on weekends. Let him buy washing machine that you can use to watch the children clothes (and yours too). Let him not include his dirty clothes as part of what you must do. Let him also help out in ensuring that you don't cook everyday. 2 of you can adopt the system of preservation by cooking what you will eat the following week on Saturdays. Let your younger ones also come for a visit during holidays until the children start schooling. By doing this, you can keep your sanity. If you hear the atrocities these house helps commit, you will run away with a long spoon from them. He may have his reasons for not employing house help

Jashub:
A man thinks differently from a woman but this is something a stupid bìtch like you can never phantom. Anyway, you go remain old for your papa house.

Easy bro

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand.
I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work.

I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep.

The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...

I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture.

My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

Sorry to say but your husband lacks empathy and isn’t the caring type. He is a contractor and yet all he knows how to do is get you pregnant everyday and leave you alone with the burden of taking care of the kids and at the same time doing house chores with no one to help.
If his mother is still alive, then call her or an elderly female in his family and talk to them they would understand better

Jashub:
So what do women bring to the table other than demands ?

It depends on the kind of women you sorround yourself with. Women are helpmates... they make life easier for you. If you have ever tried looking after kid, you will understand that it's a full time job

Tallesty1:
There must be someone your husband respects and listens to, get him/her involved. You can also talk to your spiritual leader or an elder in the his fam. If he still refuses to allow you get a house help and he doesn't do anything to help ease the stress then stop doing most of the chores. Just do what is convenient for you and leave the rest to spoil.

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand.
I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work.

I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep.

The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...

I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture.

My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

Three kids and u are complaining.....U are just been lazy.....U want to leave ur children to ur househelp and u will b doing what? Gossiping abi. Nonsense

ugodson:
Madam your husband is saying this for a reason. Please try and understand him. Not when they take over your husband u will come here and cry

if she ends up dead from the stress will he not replace her. He is unreasonable if he cant give her options. I have just one and i know how it has taken toll on me without help.

Your husband loves you dear. With the way the times are, am sure he's protecting you from something.
Communication is the key.
I would suggest you remain calm while pouring out your mind to him. He can even help you out sometimes when he's chanced but di impose it on him.
I know it's hectic caring for 1 let alone 3 but you can find your way around it: don't always try to meet up with the chores, my sister, house chores no dey finish. Work at your own pace and try as much as possible not to duplicate chores.