₦airaland Forum

gidjah:
I was once in your shoes, and was the first child too. Bro wake up, you won't grow up if you continue with this your emotional mentality... It's also a strategy for the enemy to keep you dwarfed.i had to get thick skinned ,thank God for Christ by my side (I am always a chruat kind of person , no time for carnality).I kept at my dreams and visions, continued helping in my own way but relocated to FCT were I could gavey life more squarely without mental and phycological distractions .Your elder needs spiritual attention and if you are a christian pls assist himbybgetting him across to a sound Godly ministry or minister who would be of help but if you no be christian .... You will still NEED CHRIST SIR.HE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT HERE. If your elder brother won't be forming "older man or senior man ",then his case would be easy to attended to in this light. I pray you can heed my counsel, it's the simple but hard path I took.if you die today or even the old woman dies today, your elder bro would still move on so help your self.I really thank God for the Godly brethren around me, they kept me on my toes day and night so depression no hijack my soul.

OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

adeskee:
I've been following this story quite sometime

This your brother issue is more spiritual than physical only if you believe.
Explore the spiritual path

OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

Hi poster, your brother is used to being on the road. working in a building will be difficult, please concentrate on getting him a drivers license and then look for a bus he can drive on hire purchase or uber.

bukatyne:
Sorry, I understand how frustrating it can be helping someone who doesn’t what to be helped or someone who doesn't know what his problem is.

I think your mom should also stop blackmailing you; from your first story, you are not doing 'well' either; you just have the determination and tenacity to get out of your family's proverty.

You are not El Shaddai; you cannot carry everyone else's burden in the family. You need to reduce the black tax else it would drag you under.

I don't know how old your mom is but if she is still capable of working, let her meet all these NGOs into widow care and get small capital to do something to feed herself and the kids.

Next your siblings should make themselves useful. They can learn to plait hair and do so for their mates, do tutorials for a fee (if brilliant), do domestic cleaning for a fee, attach themselves to their lecturers/teachers to sell handouts and all those other things students assist lecturer with (they would get stipends) in return; work in new site for daily pay and some other things they can do to earn money.

Unfortunately, they were not born with silver spoon so they must apply themselves and stop waiting for you to spoon feed them. I deliberately listed things they need little or no capital to start so that raising capital doesn't become another stumbling block.

God bless the man who helped you; I pray he would also find helpers in his time of need Please engage the man again if he can get something for you so you can climb up the ladder out of your circumstances.

I pray that God who is the burden bearer would take your burden off you and crown all your efforts with success. Don't forget to get close to God in prayers and righteousness; He would lead you out of this mess and direct your path. Amen.

AMEN!

Kobojunkie:
You folks and your ridiculous antics. Has prayer solved all of your own spiritual problems where you dey? Why would you suggest a solution you know --- if you would be honest with yourself for once--- has not worked for you as much as you would have liked it to?

When you have a personal encounter with God, you will understand better. Am not talking about going to church alone and being in the multitude of people who go to church without a personal encounter with God.
God can not promise to solve all your problems at once, remember he told the Israelites that they should take the manna they can eat only for that day and wait for the next day provisions but greed made some to store some manna away but it turned to maggots the next morning. I have got my healings through it so many things I cannot have time to table here.

Live a Christian life, stay aware from spiritual pollutions and spoilers of destiny. The young man in question may be an addit to something his brother is yet to identify.

Let him pray, prayers indeed changes things positively.

DownTime44:
I was told not to give up on him. My mum will develop high Blood Pressure seeing him wasting away. I don't know what else to do sis. At times i wish i had the mind to poison him silently. He was supposed to be supporting me helping the family. Unfortunately, he was a burden.

I was told not to give up on him. How is that possible please? How else can i help him? What can i do please? This is frustrating. I can't imagine crying over my elder brother. I'm tired

I saw somewhere in this post or the other where someone offered him a job in a factory in Ikeja with a pay of 50k, maybe you should contact that person. If your brother still messed that one up then you have every right to do whatever you want to do.

But on a second thought, what your brother is going through might be spiritual. I will advice you and your mum pray for him and seek for help if you believe in God because alot that happens in the physical is controlled by what happened in the spiritual.

O

Kcjosh:
It's very possible your elder brother's problem is spiritual and I suggest you don't be in a hurry to distance yourself from him rather try and see if there are people who can assist in getting his problem solved.. Am also a victim of such a situation, am the first child of my family and was doing great as a banker until I lost my job few years bank and since then it has been from one issue to the other.. Am currently battling depression couple with the fact that I later lost my mum this year to poisoning. Look, some first son passes through a lot in some family and I believe most of this situation requires prayers and God sent destiny lifter to enable some of us escape the where we finds ourselves. Giving up on him now will not help even though I know it's difficult.

so sorry to hear that. It is well brother

thedarkened:
In a situation where a boat capsized, people will start to drown. Meanwhile, those who can swim will try to find their way out to the shore. Depending on the distance they are to the shore, they might get tired along the line and even drown themselves.

However, there are situations where those who can swim will try to help those who can't. In this case, if wisdom is not applied, those who can swim can be drowned by those who can't. I have personally experienced a situation where someone who can't swim held on to a swimmer in a manner that both started to drown and death was starring at both. The swimmer had to tear his clothe and let go of the person he was trying to help in order to survive.

What's the point in this my analogy?

If care is not taken, in the process of rendering help, which in your case is very important, as the person involved is a blood brother, one might might lose himself!!!

You have tried! I really commend you!! However, at this point, since you are yet to find your bearing in the ocean (life), you might lose yourself while trying to help him.

At this point, try to make your life better, work on areas recommended by people here, gain your footing, at least to a point you can be able to help him stand. If you decide not to do this, your help will not be noticeable nor have impact, and your own life might be begging for assistance too.

Don't lose two while trying to save one my friend.

Thank you so much for this sir.

Rebic:
What if driving bus is his destiny and or maybe will break through from it?

If at that age he's adamant about this bus thing,how about allowing him have another shot at it?

I had a feeling he will abscond from the new job even before the OP completed the story.

What if his destiny is tied to bus driving or am I hallucinating?

Then he must do something else to get money or earn a living.. it might be from this very construction job he would get connection to having sm1 give him a bus for higher purchase or delivery.
Me as a person.. I won't give him a bus cos he lacks the seriousness needed to be convinced to give him a job..
Personally his problem is not physical neither is it psychological as I may have assumed
But he's been wired spiritually to think he will make it from transport business... let me ask why hasn't he seen a bus to even work with as a conductor all this while...
I grew up in the ghetto...I saw how some guys in the hood graduated from conductor to drivers...
This guy lack motivation to succeed .
He's laid back.
My brother na me persoally decide go dey do pounpoun(labourer) work in those days ooo.
My mum was against it.
I tell her say shebi na my hand I take dey use go do the work say mk she no worry...
I became a source of envy n encouragement to my friends that they had to follow me to jakande estate then to do labour jobs..
I wasn't lazy... I love money n I went out all the way to work for it.
My biggest regret was not learning that plastering n blocksetting thing then.. I was focused on getting into university.
Otherwise them for don dey call me engineer tayo since na..
What's the point am making?
This dude is laid back..
He must go look for another job even if na labourer job..
Manna won't come to him
That time sef... I go sangotedo looking for where they were building new houses to look for job.....

Never give up.
As long as you have experienced better, never accept and settle for less.
Even you, as a human, are a force.
How much more when you connect with God.
Situations must bow to you.

Kcjosh:
It's very possible your elder brother's problem is spiritual and I suggest you don't be in a hurry to distance yourself from him rather try and see if there are people who can assist in getting his problem solved.. Am also a victim of such a situation, am the first child of my family and was doing great as a banker until I lost my job few years bank and since then it has been from one issue to the other.. Am currently battling depression couple with the fact that I later lost my mum this year to poisoning. Look, some first son passes through a lot in some family and I believe most of this situation requires prayers and God sent destiny lifter to enable some of us escape the where we finds ourselves. Giving up on him now will not help even though I know it's difficult.

Igbokwechika101:
I have gone through your sms concerning your brother..pls are you sure your brother is not in to drugs called ice?

no he doesn't take drugs. I know that for sure.

DownTime44:
I have thought of this myself but i was considering other factors

How would my family feed, pay house rent and other necessity? They can't do that without my support seriously

House rent is biannually,
Feeding and other necessities can be sorted from there(training center)...
My dear, think of bettering yhur own future.
Yhu can make a willing man able, yhu can't make an able man willing....

If yhu can have multiple streams of income, it'd help both yhu and yhur extended house....

athorello:
Leave family, they won't die... Go and hustle.

The one wey die no wan survive before.

Dem no dey solve family problem finish. You need get mind not to look uche face and focus on yourself for now.

It's only when you've saved yourself that you can save others.

So my advice is, MOVE OUT... And be supporting them once once. Maybe just rent or part of it for now. Don't concern so much with their day to day survival. You need some bits of selfishness. Peace!

You don't know Op family more than him. How do you expect Op to abandoned his family and runaway? That's wickedness. It's even fair to tell him to abandoned that his elder brother but abandoning his younger siblings and poor mother is wrong

Kobojunkie:
OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

suggest your own solution. No fight here.

comtem2011:
suggest your own solution. No fight here.

I did and it is partly that he and his mother stop listening to folks whose ideas are born of wickedness.

Do you have a better option for the man. Yes 20k is not enough n the helper already added 10k making it 30k which is a stipend for him while he learns a skill.
Let's call black black abeg. He left the job without thinking of the brother and the helper. Someone he never knew before. He is a very selfish person who thinks about himself alone.
Even if he wants to leave the place he should tell his kid bro first na. See even if it is job of 1 million, this kind of person will still mess it up

chimpad:
Your brother may just be fine and right thinking like anyone else. He just lacks a good opportunity. What kind of employer pays someone 20k for a whole month in 2023? That's more than ridiculous and meagre! Was any contract signed as to when the pay will change and when his training will end? He as an employer assigned him to a client as soon as he resumed, meaning that isn't much of training. His schedule for work is 6 days a week, and probably 12hrs shift a day, for #20,000 ? Why do we think this is right? You did well trying to help your brother, but this opportunity might not be anything near good as it sounds. I'd expect to see the conversation you had with him, and his reasons for leaving . He doesn't like that offer, and he seems coerced to accept it in the first place.

millionboi2:
not true for families that really love themselves.

You are right. But can't you see that the elder brother is slowing him down?

It's no big no big deal helping a sibling; that is if the person in question really wants to helped. The younger one should get more skills to improve himself, thereby increasing job opportunities.

When he gets a better source of income, carrying the older one won't be a burden anymore.

DownTime44:
https://www.nairaland.com/7686172/been-restless-having-chat-elder


All thanks to everyone for their immense contributions towards my elder brother predicament. This place is truly home away from home. For those getting to know or who just come across this thread, you can read through the link posted above to get a grasp of where I'm coming from.


Someone sent me a mail having gone through my post and we both shared contact. He works on the island and he was willing to absorb my elder brother into his organisation. It's an organisation where one learn a skills and get paid monthly. Then after being certified in your skills, you can be employed as a full staff into the organisation. He would be given #20,000 monthly as stipend while learning as an apprentice but the man promised to be adding #10,000 to it making a total of #30,000 monthly. This person didn't know me from Adam but was touched by my brother's condition and he developed interest in helping him in his own little way. He asked me to inform my elder brother and get back to him.


I discussed everything to my brother verbally. Infact, i relate everything to him in my mother's tongue for ease of communication. I asked him if he has any interest in the offer and he said yes. He has interest. He's very much interested. He said he'd specialised in plumbing. I reached out to the man and we both finalise everything. He asked my brother when would he love to resume and he said month end. After the call, i asked him why month end and he said he doesn't have anything. He needs to get some few clothes, toiletries and some money for upkeep. I asked him where would he get money from less than 2 weeks to month end. He claimed if he can see any bus to work with. I told him you've been out of job going to a year, you didn't get any bus. Why do you think you'd get a bus within a short space of time? I asked him what if i rally round for him, is he willing to resume before the month end, he said yes with happy face. I borrowed #10,000 from a friend, i had #5,000 left with me, making a total of #15,000. I gave him 2 pairs of trousers and shirt i had. He bought a small school bag of #3,000 to put his clothes and he left in two days time. That was last week Wednesday. Oh! God, i was the happiest man on earth that very day.. I was so happy for him believing that he would become somebody from there. I called him to know if he has gotten there and how the work was. He said everything was fine.


I was surprised to see my brother at home on Friday, two days after he left. I asked him hope all is well? He said yes. I asked him why did he came back home so soon considering the cost of transportation to island. He was given a room he'd put up with. I expected him to stay there and focus on his job, whenever i have any money i would send to him. The man that helped him with the job called me later in the day. He narrated the gross misconduct of my brother. My brother left the job on Friday during working hours. The work is Monday to Saturday. Though Saturday is half day. He explained every details of the job to my brother before he resumed work. My brother was assigned to someone else to work with, not directly the man that helped him. The man only came to check up on him daily to know how he's fairing. The man was there when my brother took his bag, headed outside with the claim that he was going home. The man told him he can't go home now till after work, which is on Saturday. My brother didn't listen to the boss he was assigned with nor the man that helped him. He left right in their presence.


They do give daily report, and the man he was assigned with reported that he doesn't have anyone to work with, particularly on Saturday. The management asked him about my brother assigned to him and he said he has left on Friday. My brother was dismissed for his attitude. I pleaded to give him a second chance, but the man said it was beyond his power. The management has decided. I asked him to report there today and apologise for his gross misconduct. He went but apology wasn't accepted. If i was the man that helped my brother with this job or if i was among the management. I would do the same thing. I'd gladly lay him off without thinking twice.


My mother had been crying having heard the outcome of everything. I myself had cry my eyes out, all because of this my elder brother. I am fed up. The burden is too much. I might be tempted to harm him living under the same roof with him. I had been trying to console my mum but she wouldn't listen. Landlord came to harass her last week, the very day my elder brother left, because of house rent. I had 3 younger siblings to look after. Here comes my elder brother problem again. I am responsible for all of these with my meagre pay. I don't know what else to do for this guy. I don't think i can put up with him anymore. I am tired. Why is this life full of problems? I am losing my mind completely.

From this moments henceforth forget him for good if you want to move forward, even if he is sick let him be
If he was sorry he would have done everything to appease the management even sleeping at their gate
Don't ever make the mistake of harming him cause you will still foot the bills just do everything to be distance from him
Forget him for good if you wanna progress

you have a lot to learn!the man at bethsida,how many years did he stay before his encounter with jesus?its only those that hold keys that opens the lock/door!if he didnt meet the right pastor his case remains so,even till death!!

Can't you see he's been influence by demon spirits. He's needs the word of transformation first before job. If not this spirits will still push him out from there. Apostle's Joshua selmans messages can help on that

Renianses:
■ Can't you see he's been influence by demon spirits. He's needs the word of transformation first before job. If not this spirits will still push him out from there. Apostle's Joshua selmans messages can help on that

OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

Don't you see that what Selman and others like him are selling is nothing short of wickedness?

HRMK:
you have a lot to learn!the man at bethsida,how many years did he stay before his encounter with jesus?its only those that hold keys that opens the lock/door!if he didnt meet the right pastor his case remains so,even till death!!

OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

Don't you see that what your pastors and mogs are selling you is nothing short of wickedness?

clinician2x:
Kill that guy and ease yourself the burden jare instead of feeding him.

God will forgive you bro. I know the elder brother has been a burden to Op but i don't think killing him will solve anything. All these things can be ressolved amicably. Op have a good result. If he can get a good job and fix his elder brother up in whatever he wants. I believe everything will be fine

It's wrong to kill someone biko

Starships4u:
House rent is biannually,
Feeding and other necessities can be sorted from there(training center)...
My dear, think of bettering yhur own future.
Yhu can make a willing man able, yhu can't make an able man willing....

If yhu can have multiple streams of income, it'd help both yhu and yhur extended house....

where would Op get money or multiple stream of income? A 2.1 graduate earning 25k with more than 4 dependant. Op cannot learn that skill. His family will suffer bro. Some family are really poor o bro. Buhari government added to their poverty. You think Op don't know if he can learn the skills.

Kobojunkie:
OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

you weren't told that oga, quote were he did to us here.You don't get deliverance on a person for 38yrs,even the lame man at the sheep gate got his deliverance the same day he met the master.That young elder brother needs spiritual attention. He should be brought under Atmosphere of Holy spirit were the True word of God pours out.His mind is been messed by oppression,thus, the atmosphere he needs now is under the True word of God and him been able to yield.The prayer deliverance is also another way of kick-starting this then such a soul is being led to Christ and mentored to grow.

enonche85:

I saw somewhere in this post or the other where someone offered him a job in a factory in Ikeja with a pay of 50k, maybe you should contact that person. If your brother still messed that one up then you have every right to do whatever you want to do.

But on a second thought, what your brother is going through might be spiritual. I will advice you and your mum pray for him and seek for help if you believe in God because alot that happens in the physical is controlled by what happened in the spiritual.

Sorry i can't find that on the post. Maybe you can help direct me to the place if you don't mind.

gidjah:
■ you weren't told that oga, quote were he did to us here.You don't get deliverance on a person for 38yrs,even the lame man at the sheep gate got his deliverance the same day he met the master.
■ That young elder brother needs spiritual attention.
■ He should be brought under Atmosphere of Holy spirit were the True word of God pours out. His mind is been messed by oppression,thus, the atmosphere he needs now is under the True word of God and him been able to yield.The prayer deliverance is also another way of kick-starting this then such a soul is being led to Christ and mentored to grow.

Here it is in OP's own words

DownTime44:
I can't leave my younger siblings and mother with that my brother. I don't think they are safe living together with that my brother without my presence.

My mum has prayed and fasted on his behalf several times. Let me tell you something, my mum and late father were Muslim. We're originally from a Muslim background. My mum converted to Christian because of this my elder brother. He was seriously ill when given birth to him. They took him virtually everywhere but there was no remedy. It was our neighbour according to my parents that introduced christ to them. They came through my dad because my mum was a devoted Muslim then. My late dad had to convince my mum to take the little boy to church having gone virtually everywhere already but the sickness still persist. It takes God intervention before my mum took him to church and he recieve healing truly. My mum made a vow without being told nor compelled that she and her family will serve Jesus Christ throughout their life time. She automatically converted to Christian before she gave birth to others including me. We're known as Christian. We do go to church. Although my dad barely go to church but we do pray together as one family when he was alive. He has his own bible he read daily and he believes in Christ.

2. 38 years more than proves that what he needs is not your spiritual deliverance.

3. There was no such thing as your "true holy Spirit" atmosphere when Jesus Christ healed all those whom He did, those who did not expect to be healed included. Let's stop lying to people in our own wickedness and deceit. You and I both know that your churches remain — to this day — filled with people who have been practically living in your "true holy spirit atmosphere" — for many many years — and still without resolve in sight. So, why would you consider recruiting even more people under such bondage? No be wickedness be that?

Kobojunkie:
Here it is in OP's own words
2. 38 years more than proves that what he needs is not your spiritual deliverance.

3. There was no such thing as your "true holy Spirit" atmosphere when Jesus Christ healed all those whom He did, those who did not expect to be healed included. Let's stop lying to people in our own wickedness and deceit. You and I both know that your churches remain — to this day — filled with people who have been practically living in your "true holy spirit atmosphere" — for many many years — and still without resolve in sight. So, why would you consider recruiting even more people under such bondage? No be wickedness be that?

the mother has been doing such on his behalf ??is that how it is done ? Is that how you teach people your self ?to conduct deliverance on another person's be half ? I say again , the young man is oppressed and need a different kind of atmosphere to help him clear his mind.The word of God is the major source of such.he need to be led to Christ and well nourished ,he will sure return to his right mind set. The holy spirit carries his own atmosphere and environment,bringing LIFE AND LIGHT were ever it manifests.

Kobojunkie:
OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

Look, I know you very well on this platform, trying to twist every argument scientifically, I don't know if you do it for clout or attention.
Where did O.p mentioned about his mother getting Deliverance for the guy, look, everything here is not physical and trying to see every issue from your own myopic lens alone is suicidal, a great mind should be able to explore numerous options, not constricted to a single plane.

If you are conversant with spiritual attacks, what o.p narrated is a prime example, the aim is to waste the guy's time maximally and if in case he sees any help, his behavior will chase away potential helpers, this happens every time, I know some people's problem are not spiritually inclined but some are.

gidjah:
■ the mother has been doing such on his behalf ??is that how it is done ? Is that how you teach people your self ?to conduct deliverance on another person's be half ? I say again , the young man is oppressed and need a different kind of atmosphere to help him clear his mind.
■ The word of God is the major source of such. he need to be led to Christ and well nourished ,he will sure return to his right mind set.
■ The holy spirit carries his own atmosphere and environment,bringing LIFE AND LIGHT were ever it manifests.

1. So, his mother didn't do it well for 38 years, and it is only when it is done your way that it will work... this is your idea of how God works? LOL... Religion is a bitch!

2. But nothing of what you have stated here is in fact the Word of God. I mean even Jesus Christ healed people who did not know or believe in Him. So what part of what you are pushing is in fact the word of God?

3. The Holy Spirit carries his own atmosphere. Where in scripture is this written abeg so I at least understand where you are attempting to come from?

jagorinho:
Look, I know you very well on this platform, trying to twist every argument scientifically, I don't know if you do it for clout or attention.
Where did O.p mentioned about his mother getting Deliverance for the guy, look, everything here is not physical and trying to see every issue from your own myopic lens alone is suicidal, a great mind should be able to explore numerous options, not constricted to a single plane.

If you are conversant with spiritual attacks, what o.p narrated is a prime example, the aim is to waste the guy's time maximally and if in case he sees any help, his behavior will chase away potential helpers, this happens every time, I know some people's problem are not spiritually inclined but some are.

Again, OP's mother has been getting the boy deliverance for 38 years and it has done nothing in all that time. Yet here you are prescribing, even in the face of more negative results, suggesting the entire family continues to see the very same. No be wickedness dem dey call that?

DownTime44:
I can't leave my younger siblings and mother with that my brother. I don't think they are safe living together with that my brother without my presence.

My mum has prayed and fasted on his behalf several times. Let me tell you something, my mum and late father were Muslim. We're originally from a Muslim background. My mum converted to Christian because of this my elder brother. He was seriously ill when given birth to him. They took him virtually everywhere but there was no remedy. It was our neighbour according to my parents that introduced christ to them. They came through my dad because my mum was a devoted Muslim then. My late dad had to convince my mum to take the little boy to church having gone virtually everywhere already but the sickness still persist. It takes God intervention before my mum took him to church and he recieve healing truly. My mum made a vow without being told nor compelled that she and her family will serve Jesus Christ throughout their life time. She automatically converted to Christian before she gave birth to others including me. We're known as Christian. We do go to church. Although my dad barely go to church but we do pray together as one family when he was alive. He has his own bible he read daily and he believes in Christ.

Bro abeg make dem link me up with that man o.. I like learn one of the work there