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Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 9:03pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Persephone1: Go answer the question. 😂 |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by cococandy(f): 9:48pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u: What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation. But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity. Hashtag soft feminine life. Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life. Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration. Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity. I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day 9 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 10:08pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
cococandy: Ohhhhh. It's buka.tyne that brought up the high flyer talk. I guess she means a career oriented lady. Yes yes. I love your answers. Apt and spot on! I do not subscribe to this current trend of luxurious lifestyle as being feminine. If you even check my answer before yours, I also said that Women should be true to themselves cos what works for one woman might not necessarily work for the next. But please add more. I'm loving your contribution. 3 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by dollyjoy(f): 10:15pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u: The truth is, I don’t understand the full grasp of what femininity actually entails (yet) but one time I read one of my favorite diaries(now deactivated ) were she explained tapping into that feminine energy and not everytime gra gra! I put it into practice and I noticed that being “feminine” or rather appearing to be “soft” has a way of getting things done especially with the opposite sex For instance, one time I was caught by an army man making a call at their barrack, the man took my phone and told me I won’t get it again. Immediately I remembered her tutorials and smiled softly at the man, in my sweetest voice I was appealing to him, when he doesn’t seem to be moved, I faked a tear The man give me my phone back after “don’t try it again” a man wouldn’t have had it that easy or rather, if I hadn’t appeared to be weak, perhaps From that day I realized life no be gra gra( in some circumstances sha) It has worked for me in so many other ways. I get things done easily with a little smile, knowing when to say sorry, eye contacts, knowing when to keep quiet, wearing the right perfumes and a little neck bending Since that time, I perceive femininity as being soft spoken, appearing to be meek, carrying one self with a certain form of gentleness, it could be the way a woman make eye contact, her smile, even the way she walks! a total state of being “girly” God bless Yettymuse wherever she is, I didn’t have the chance to tell her following her femininity tips got me my phone back without much stress Please what is high flyer? I am hearing that for the first time or do you mean a woman who is well to do? 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 10:19pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
dollyjoy: Nice one. Wahala for who nor sabi smile to man oh. I think high flyer means a successful woman in academics, business or otherwise. 6 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 10:41pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 10:47pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
I ask jamb questions, I get jamb answers and start running away from marking scripts. Let me dig in. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 10:48pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Lol @Folake and Bukatyne una sha wan drag me down this lane by fire by force. The thing is the word Feminity and Masculinity sound limiting, caging, and boxing to me. Let me explain. You see when people list characters that are expected to be displayed by a specific gender I find it very very hard to digest. In my perception, it is trying to mold a human into a specific shape or structure thereby limiting his (both genders) abilities and uniqueness. The truth is Man and Woman characters can not be easily separated no matter how people try. For example it is expected of women to be overly emotional, nurturing,temperamental and impatient but in reality, some men exhibit these attributes more than some women. A guy had cried severally in my presence because of his misbehaving girlfriend while I have never shed a tear in the presence of anyone apart from my family member as an adult. Some women are calm, not nurturing, emotionless, and very patient. Lol, ma I add LOGICAL . I do not believe in gender differences. I believe humans have strengths and weaknesses. Aside from biological / Physical features, I don't think a man and a woman differ, society makes it seem so. I once dated a guy who was so insecure around me. The dude practically went as far as verbally abuse just to break me and make me "come down from my high horse" . It's not that I'm proud or I talk much lol but to him I didn't exhibit the characters society have conditioned him to expect from a woman. I'm not dependent, I express my displeasures in the most gentle way ever, I don't shout. I don't do things most ladies do, I loved him differently. Lol as matter of fact when I wanted to break up with him, I wrote him a letter. Yes that weird and maybe archaic, my choice of music? lol make i no go there . I believe he didn't know how to handle or deal with my kind of person. It's not my fault my conditioning was different. I'm just me. .. This is how far society have influenced people into thinking a gender should act and behave a specific way. To me it's bullshit! It is changing the nature of a person. Putting the unnecessary burden of conforming to an idea different from a persons genetic makeup. So if I can lift an item of 50kg, I shouldn't because it will make me masculine? Is that how I am expected to live? Hell No! A woman can achieve a lot, be an high flyer and retain whatever she wants to retain. As long as it is not detrimental to humanity. Yes she can. She should find someone who believes what she believes. It's one of the reason I don't bother myself with Nigerian men or at least the conditioned ones. The problem is we Nigerian women don't explore. We say yes to whoever "finds" us and not position for who we want to find us. There's a difference. Lol Not me though No other thoughts, I don type too much. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 10:51pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Geminita: 1. A woman can be 'strong' (I hate these strong, independent, boss lady, boss babe labels sha ). Look at Folake4u's response to me with the chart. I like the framing than what 'society' says. 3. True. More like settling into her feminine at home 5. Yea, we have different personalities. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 10:55pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Persephone1: Beautiful response. As you type full paragraph now, did you die? Tell me. I like the way you put this word: "Humans have strength and weakness". Underrated but deep! |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:12pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u: A lot to unpack here. 1. I see the pretending to be a 'damsel in distress' a lot and not just here. Like you and Klass99 said, people would see through pretense which is often termed 'female manipulation or wiles'. A genuine damsel in distress (especially for a woman who can hold her own) is a great turn on for a masculine man. A masculine man loves to be needed, he would not agree to be just an accessory in his woman's life. He wants her life to be a testament to his handiwork. There are unfortunately very feminine men now who are insecure, do not want to lead in a relationship yet would resent when the woman takes up the mantle of leadership. Like someone said, even though he is feminine, he still has the masculine need for respect: double wahala for dead body. 3. If you watch them closely, you would notice that while they do not downplay their capabilities to cater to a fragile ego, they do not lead with it either. They know when to be his princess or baby girl and when to be his queen or 'mother phase'. It is a balance. A. Fantastic! I am a huge advocate of female to female mentorship and peering. You learn a lot from fellow women. I love someone sited she learnt a bit of femininity from yettymuse before deactivation. B. I like this too. That why I advised someone here last week to increase her skincare time. Femininity needs pampering and care. Like I say, it is 'expensive' to be a woman mbok! C. Some of these compliments are from stereotypes and goes both ways. Sometimes, I don't sweat it. D. Truly, men and women have a bit of masculinity and Femininity in them. It is expected that the corresponding 'sexuality' is higher in the appropriate sex and each person knows when to you use it. You are right that to succeed at work, you embody more of your masculine (though I luckily had bosses and senior female colleagues who radiated Femininity). However, you need to switch to your feminine in your relationship. That's the polarity needed to make a healthy relationship thrive. E. Fantastic closing remark and I love the images attached to your post. Would help others have more perspective to the discussion. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:18pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u: 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 @ bukatyne brought up the high flyer talk. High flyers are women who have grown in their careers, businesses or chosen trade. |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:21pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
dollyjoy: High flyer for the first time, interesting I love your story and big ups to yettymuse. You must look for her to thank her 2 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:23pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
dollyjoy: High flyer for the first time, interesting I love your story and big ups to yettymuse. You must look for her to thank her You have a grasp of what a part of femininity entails and like you have realized, gra gra doesn't work everytime. God has given women a tool to get what she wants done: her femininity. 2 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 11:25pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u:I didn't die jare, it's just the right now I need bobo, hollandia yogurt, caprisone, peak yogurt, fearlez, fanta, red wine,soda, vodka, pink wine,palmwine😒😒. I have lost weight. 🤕🤕 Infact I feel 🤧. It's the way I see people, one man's strength is another's weakness. To say all men or all women must or should posses specified characters does not make sense to me. So if a woman can not give birth will she turn to a man? If a man lacks physical strength does he become a woman? The thing no too gel for my mind I no just dey loud am. |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:26pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
I must add that femininity can be learnt; just how we learn to be hardworking, persevere, integrity etc. etc. Folake4u's response to me with the chart is a really good place to start. Also, women have a dose of masculinity how men have a bit of femininity; knowing when to use what is also key. Women with feminine men (who cannot end the relationship e.g. marriage) need to realise that leading in the relationship and picking up the lack would only make the man more complacent. If you need something done (that is his role) and you rush to do it because you cannot wait (leading in your masculine), you have only taught him that after your raving and ranting, you will do it. So he just bears the ranting and waits till you do it. So you are burdened with your natural feminine roles and his masculine role. Not a good place to be. 2 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 11:41pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
bukatyne: 😂😂😂 Oh thank you for explaining it now. 1 Like |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 11:43pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
bukatyne: Spot on! Femininity can be learnt actually. Thank you Buka. It's very essential to know when and how to unlock both feminine and masculine side. Balance is the word! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 11:48pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Persephone1: Lol. My dear, it's not only you oh. She say na pink wine. 😂😂😂😂 Yesterday I drank Caprisun, today I took Berry Blast. This country dey wear me out daily. Pele. Try and feed well so you won't lose more weight oh. Ahhh. Hehehe. For real. Na why I nor like that tag "Strong woman" cos e dey do me somehow for my body. 😂😂😂 I nor wan strong oh, I wan soft abeg. One man's strength is another's weakness. Indeed you have spoken well. And that's why I don't just follow people to do what they're doing cos there is no just one path in life. Everybody's path in life is different and it also applies to men and women characters. 1 Like |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:49pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
Persephone1: 1 & 2. Men & Women are different; express needs and wants differently, are concerned about different things, seeks different things in each gender etc. The difference is not just because society said so. You can look up Folak.e4u's post on the previous page where she had the chart attached on masculinity and femininity. For instance, if you pick one million couples across different cultures, you will find that larger percentage of women & men (above 75% just to be generous) would have same experiences and 'complaints'. Gender stereotypes also exist for a reason: a larger percentage of each sex falls into that bucket (even if it might be exaggerated for good or evil). That doesn’t negate the fact that all humans have their unique differences (weaknesses and strenghts). 3. While there is no context to the relationship issues, I noticed you said 'I am not dependent'. The truth is every man wants to be needed by his woman. The need might not be monetary even though the masculine loves to share his resources (sweat) with his woman. That's why a man makes more money and thinks of spoiling his woman or getting more women. Your man wants to look at you and say 'I am responsible for that beauty in her life; I am adding that '. If a man doesn't feel needed, he walks out; if a woman doesn't feel needed, she bends backwards to prove she is useful. (Just chipping this in for the next guy). Though with the verbal abuse and trying to break you, it is good riddance to bad rubbish. If he was masculine, he would known how to communicate his concerns without the hysterics. Also a masculine man defaultly brings out the feminine in his woman. 4. I believe we can learn to be feminine within our personality (how it is said daddies teach their boys how to be men). Mbok, why do you want to lift 50kg of rice when there are men around you? You should only lift such weights in the gym please (You made me remember babyosisi when she was cutting chicken and shouting she was 'doing Azubuike's work' 5. True 6. These concepts are not Nigerian concepts 1 Like |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 11:53pm On Jun 01, 2023 |
folake4u: When I hear strong, independent, boss babe, boss lady etc, it gives the vibes that being a woman/lady is not enough. It also reminds me of 'strong man' in the Bible which is actually an 'demonic power/force'. Maybe that's why don't use the tag in the first place. A man you attract with the boss babe/ strong independent vibes is a feminine man who wants you to lead the relationship, perhaps be the major breadwinner and still be 'respected' as the boss. So monkey dey work, baboon dey chop 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by bukatyne(f): 12:00am On Jun 02, 2023 |
TBC |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 12:06am On Jun 02, 2023 |
bukatyne: God bless you! People can really see through pretense and term it female manipulation. Na all these pretense dey make alfa meils open unnecessary threads for Nairaland and disturbing our peace. You said it all. I am not a typical "damsel in distress" chick BUT once I enter into that state, people (male and female) would move mountains for me because it is a rare sight to see me in my helplessness. These days, na feminine men full everywhere sha. God airpus. 3. Yes, yes. You're right. They balanced that phase. Especially the "mother phase" and "queen phase". Spot on! A. I love female friendships a LOT. If you meet the real good ones, you'd appreciate life. I'm also a big fan of Yettymuse, loved her even. Learnt a lot from her. I knew her offline but when I changed my phone and came back, she had already deactivated. B. Lmao. I advice advice and tell my female folks to invest in skincare and perfume. They go hand in hand. I'm also a big advocate of listening to soft music as a way of relaxing the nerves, lighting up scented candles in one's room etc. C. In my legal profession, they address female lawyers as "Gentleman on skirt". For fuçks sake, that's so old school. Even female Judges are referred to as "Sir". D. Yes, for one to succeed at workplace, one have to roll up the sleeves and put in all the work. Although, in my former workplace, the two female Bosses I worked with didn't use their masculinity to get up there, they used their feminine side and it worked for them. I thrived on my "masculinity" to get the job done. Uhm about the relationship part. I think that's where the problem çome sometimes. Sometimes we also take that masculinity into the relationship. It brings issues though cos there's no balance. I feel it's important to just find a BALANCE FOR EVERYTHING. E. Thank you Buka. 3 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 12:14am On Jun 02, 2023 |
bukatyne: Lol. I have washed my hands off anything "Strong, boss lady". I like being independent and working hard for my money but I don't overdo it. If anybody wants to pamper me, why Not? I see some ladies offer to pay for date and I'm always shocked. I don't know the point they're trying to prove sha. That's not also how to prove that you're independent or whatever. Let the man be the man and handle the goddamn bills! My male friends treat me like a baby anytime we go out. Na them dey pay if all of us decide to go out, I'm actually a baby or last born in their midst.😂😂😂 I won't say cos I'm an independent woman, they should allow me to handle my bills. I am not even being entitled here but they just tell me not to worry at all. Strong man, strong woman. E dey give me headache. Leemao. I cannot even attract a feminine man oh cos Omo, asides my career ehn, I'm lazy, I can't be breadwinner of the family (I'd run mad doing that) and I can't even respect someone who's not providing for his family. The Bible even said Any man who can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel. 2 Likes |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by cococandy(f): 12:18am On Jun 02, 2023 |
I see. Pardon me. I saw your mention and responded. Didn’t know the conversation was ongoing before then. Just saw that now. Going with the definition of high flyer being a career oriented lady, I’m guessing your question was how can a high flyer lady be feminine? The answer is by being herself. There’s no script written anywhere on how to be feminine. Granted some characteristics get picked up by the nurture of society around you but at the end of the day, your nature will shine through. If it’s not you then it’s not you. Trying to act it will only result in exhaustion. If you’ve noticed there are many femininity coaches on tiktok and instagram trying to teach how to harness ‘divine feminine’ energy. They look and sound ridiculous because they are obviously trying too hard. Some even go as far as “don’t wear so and so colors. Only sit in a certain way. Smile like this.” Exhausting! folake4u: 9 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 12:37am On Jun 02, 2023 |
cococandy: Yes. That's the question. Thank you sooo much for replying. Seriously speaking, there's no script written anywhere written on how to be feminine. The famous philosopher, Socrates once said "Man know thyself" and truly, it is in knowing oneself that we see and acknowledge what works (or not) for us. I can't even pretend or act for long. It is exhausting. Faking a smile alone for me is a chore as my cheeks hurt really bad 😫😂 talkless of pretending to be what you're not. I don't follow all those content creators on TikTok and IG on their nonsense write-ups. It is very obvious that they're trying too hard and only shows they're FAKE and not staying true to themselves. I stumbled on this babe's page on YouTube @ Winnies school of elegance. Na she dey talk make women nor wear some certain colour or sit in a particular way. On her episode of "Elegant women should not wear these", I disagreed with some of the points she noted. Personally, everyone does not have the same fashion taste and sense of style. And I found out also that insecure people try to fit others into their boxes so that they won't feel lonely. It is really exhausting, to say the least. 7 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 7:15am On Jun 02, 2023 |
Thank you at Cococandy for your last response. Let everyone be who they are and not who society wants them to be. It is exhausting. A man who loves to cook and care for his children may not do that because he doesn't want society to think his wife is controlling him. A woman who wishes to be a high flyer will limit herself because in a society the Man should be a high flyer. A man is expected to shut his anger, pain and emotions just to appear strong but when he eventually let all these out it gets grievous and detrimental to people around him. It's all nonsense to me. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 7:36am On Jun 02, 2023 |
folake4u:Lol, it wasn't referring to the country's situation even though it's terrible right now but I was referring to the effect that long paragraph has on me . . Oh so it's Caprisun and not caprisone That tag ehn, anytime I hear it I think of possible hardship the woman has gone through in life. Arrrrrhhhhggggg! They keep pushing and pushing but because she didn't break or at least the broken part of her isn't visible, they decide to reward her with the term "Strong Woman" ahhhhh. Men don dey gaslight women no be today. The worst part is women themselves will be shining teeth and hailing each other for being strong. Not me o 🤷 . If you can't treat me well, make life better for me please pack your bag and go biko. Exactly my sister, know yourself (like you quoted in one of your posts). Do what's best for you. I filter things a lot, I take that which I know I need to improve on and leave out others. The idea is to be the best version of yourself. You have said it all. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by folake4u(f): 8:01am On Jun 02, 2023 |
Persephone1: Hahahaha. I get it now. Originally, it was spelt Caprisonne but they have now changed their name to Capri-Sun. Do you get??!!!!! I hate that word so much. "Strong and endure?" Count me out please. It's the Women shining teeth for me. 😂😂😂 I find such compliments distasteful. Please oh, goodness and enjoyment is for me, not unwarranted STRESS and sufferhead. Really, there's no medal for sufferhead at all. Just body pain and having white hair quickly. Yup. It's important for everyone, male and female to know oneself first. I filter things a lot too. I meet various people and see how they live, I just pick the skills or lessons that are important to me and move on. 2 Likes
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Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 8:10am On Jun 02, 2023 |
folake4u:Good morning. I'm shocked people take classes on how to be feminine. 1. Femininity and masculinity are both social construct and can be restrictive. But things are changing now. It's best to just be yourself. 2.Yes, a highflyer can retain her feminity by practicing self care; it's very important. Making meaningful relationships and knowing how to set boundaries. Don't let the society norm limit you, be true to yourself. 5 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by Nobody: 8:29am On Jun 02, 2023 |
bukatyne:1. All human express needs and wants differently, all humans are different. It is not limited to men and women. All humans seeks different things from each other. Some men seek respect and peace, some submission and love, some a woman that turns them on , needs varies according to desires and what is missing in individual's life. Some women value peace , some provision, some respect again according to desires and what is missing. All humans differs , twins are not the same. Society (people) sieve out similar characters, promote it as a standard for a gender and shut out unlikely characters. Gender stereotypes? Exactly! They are stereotypes,they aren't true. People do not always fit into a box. 3) We were in school, I definitely won't bill a guy sponsoring himself while my parents provides my needs. I shouldn't have to ask if he wants me to enjoy his "sweat". Lol... Conditioning at it again. Okay let move on from this. 4) What is feminity, let's start with that. 6) It should be. 1 Like |
Re: The Pinkpill Roundtable Discussion by cococandy(f): 9:06am On Jun 02, 2023 |
Exactly. I think the only thing I usually add as a caveat is that as long whoever you want to be doesn’t hurt anyone else. Or if in a relationship your partner is okay with it and it’s fair/equitable. It’s golden. Persephone1: 3 Likes |
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