You're wrong. I was raised by a single mum because she left her abusive marriage. I and my younger sister watched our father beats our mother at the most slightest provocation and we would usually rush to save our mother from the beatings with tears in our eyes. We hated our dad so much and I could remember going to challenge when I was just 13. I have never raised my hands on my sister nor my fiance because I know what my mother passed through in the hands of her abusive husbands. Our father comes occasionally to see us and still begs for us to come back to him. I am 30 now with a masters degree and doing well for myself. I wish all good women well.

Samantha124:
Most abusive men were born in a household where their fathers were physically abusive to their mothers and their mothers made it seem like it was okay to be physically abused by continuing to stay in that abusive marriage.... So they ended up seeing it as a normal thing whenever their fathers would beat up their mothers.

And male children look up to their fathers.

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Most maltreated boys do not become abusive fathers because they realize that this is no way to live.

The main reason why you've never raised your hand on any woman is because your mother finally chose herself and her children by leaving your father and raising you guys as a single mother.

She taught you guys that abuse is not good by leaving your father... She made a good choice by leaving because she protected you guys from growing into damaged adults.

Successfulben:
You're wrong. I was raised by a single mum because she left her abusive marriage. I and my younger sister watched our father beats our mother at the most slightest provocation and we would usually rush to save our mother from the beatings with tears in our eyes. We hated our dad so much and I could remember going to challenge when I was just 13. I have never raised my hands on my sister nor my fiance because I know what my mother passed through in the hands of her abusive husbands. Our father comes occasionally to see us and still begs for us to come back to him. I am 30 now with a masters degree and doing well for myself. I wish all good women well.

NSNO:

Nigerian parents don't think about mental health. It's either the person is normal or mad. No other category.

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

1

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

The same way we have abusive, mannerless and entitled wives.

It has nothing to do with how the man was raised cos everyone has their own inner built-in characters. Two different men could be raised by same parents in same environment but they act & approach life differently.

BigYash:
■ Gbam.. A father will want to discipline a child,you will hear the mother saying “no kill am for me o”
When that child grows to become a monster ,the same female gender will start complaining non stop.. Na una no still let papa train the pikin.. pikin wen mama and papa join hand train/discipline dey hardly misbehave.. They are mainly simps though ,but they have this good heart that can’t hurt a fly..

Please stop! There are fathers out there who do exactly what you describe the mother as doing. So why pretend only mothers do that?

I know of at least 2 cases where the first boy grew up conceited arseholes because the father in each case pampered them and refused them refusing punishment when it would have served the best.

Fahvvy:
I sha blame women for abusive men ...
And I'll prove it ...

You'll agree with me that the average child spends more time with the mother than with the father, correct? ...

So...
If the child spends more time with the mum, its logical to opine that the child is prolly learning lots of things from the mum ba?

I mean, if you spend time with wise people, you'll be wise ba? And vice versa ...

So since the child spends more time with the mum and is learning loads from the mum, if he turns out to be abusive, shouldn't we hold the mum responsible? ...

I mean...
Women have been claiming to be "the life of the home", "the soul of the family", "the home makers" ...

Women have been saying that "A man can build a house, but it takes a woman to make it a home" ...

So if the home is not well made (children becoming abusive and uncouth), shouldn't we hold the "home makers" responsible? ...

I rest my case ...

You will make a good lawyer.

Your reasons are topnotch, though I may not agree 100percent.

Successfulben:
■ You're wrong. I was raised by a single mum because she left her abusive marriage. I and my younger sister watched our father beats our mother at the most slightest provocation and we would usually rush to save our mother from the beatings with tears in our eyes. We hated our dad so much and I could remember going to challenge when I was just 13. I have never raised my hands on my sister nor my fiance because I know what my mother passed through in the hands of her abusive husbands. Our father comes occasionally to see us and still begs for us to come back to him. I am 30 now with a masters degree and doing well for myself. I wish all good women well.

Your mother left, and that helped you lot out a lot. It helped you mentally conclude that what you watched happen to he was indeed wrong and unacceptable. Imagine if she had refused to leave the abusive situation, do you think your story would have turned out the same?

Wrong!

People change

PrinceofSarcasm:
They are usually men raised by single mothers ...99% of the time

Majority of Nigerians are not a product of single parent homes.

NOwazobia:
But most of the time, the child(ren) is always with the mother, especially for the average Nigeria family where the man always comes home late.

In my comment I made on this thread, the Son, who is often fond of abusing his sister is most times with the mother, but the mother hardly reprimand him, sometimes she just keeps doing her thing why the daughter yell and cry.

Sadly, the mother is a victim of the dad's abuse for many years.

You're acknowledging that men don't spend as much time with the kids like the mothers, yet nigerian men complain that they aren't as celebrated as their mothers?

You want to say single motherhood is the source of all character flaws in someone, but when the fathers are there, they are BARELY THERE.

Yet Nigerian men want to call themselves the leaders and the head??

Of what use are you as the head when you're completely oblivious to the antics in your own home?

Fahvvy:
I sha blame women for abusive men ...
And I'll prove it ...

You'll agree with me that the average child spends more time with the mother than with the father, correct? ...

So...
If the child spends more time with the mum, its logical to opine that the child is prolly learning lots of things from the mum ba?

I mean, if you spend time with wise people, you'll be wise ba? And vice versa ...

So since the child spends more time with the mum and is learning loads from the mum, if he turns out to be abusive, shouldn't we hold the mum responsible? ...

I mean...
Women have been claiming to be "the life of the home", "the soul of the family", "the home makers" ...

Women have been saying that "A man can build a house, but it takes a woman to make it a home" ...

So if the home is not well made (children becoming abusive and uncouth), shouldn't we hold the "home makers" responsible? ...

I rest my case ...

. Omo😂😂😂😂 correct. U no lie at all😂

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"


Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

This might be one of the ways of raising abusive boys but the most impactful one is subjecting house helps to all manner of physical abuse mostly by Nigerian women. The boy watches and learns.

Firstcitizen:


This might be one of the ways of raising abusive boys but the most impactful one is subjecting house helps to all manner of physical abuse mostly by Nigerian women. The boy watches and learns.

I totally agree

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Some were raised properly but got influenced by friends and environment

1Sharon:


You're acknowledging that men don't spend as much time with the kids like the mothers, yet nigerian men complain that they aren't as celebrated as their mothers?

You want to say single motherhood is the source of all character flaws in someone, but when the fathers are there, they are BARELY THERE.

Yet Nigerian men want to call themselves the leaders and the head??

Of what use are you as the head when you're completely oblivious to the antics in your own home?

So, your issue is Nigerian men becoming the leader and the head.

Is leadership and head your consign, then take it from your man, and take over the man's responsibility.

This is like saying the president of a nation is not the president to the rural and remote part of a country simple because he doesn't have direct contact with the rurals and the remote. Is that your argument?

Averagely, it is a common knowledge to even women, that mother's always takes a softer stance against their kids, it is there nature. For many of them, you rather beat them than to lay hands on their kids as a father, which usually turn many kids to spoilt brats and societal degenerates.

Yes! women are mostly responsible for moral depreciation of their wards because of their protective nature even against the father's irrespective of the child's crime.

I agree on this.

soccerlite:
Wrong! People change

It is one of the most difficult feats for a human to achieve in this life.

Lol... I agree that we have failed the boy child. Like I always say, we focus so much on molding the girl child that we completely neglect the boy child. The impact of this laissez-faire attitude we give the boy child can be felt all over Nairaland. They're all here constituting nuisance like perverted degenerates.

However, what I find funny is how you still manage to blame women for both thier misgivings and the misgivings of men. When a wife isn't good, we call out women. When a husband isn't good, we call out thier mothers. It's always women. Y'all say the reason why it's not good to be a single mom is because a son needs a father. But somehow, you still hold the woman responsible when the son turns out bad. Of course, men fell from heaven and can do no bad.

It's like y'all lie down at night to think of new ways to blame women. There's literally no limit. It's becoming embarrassing for you. Honestly, as a man, I cringe when I read a fellow man obsessing with the idea of calling women out and shying away from responsibilities. It's shameful.

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Sounds kind of true though 😂

Fahvvy:
I sha blame women for abusive men ...
And I'll prove it ...

You'll agree with me that the average child spends more time with the mother than with the father, correct? ...

So...
If the child spends more time with the mum, its logical to opine that the child is prolly learning lots of things from the mum ba?

I mean, if you spend time with wise people, you'll be wise ba? And vice versa ...

So since the child spends more time with the mum and is learning loads from the mum, if he turns out to be abusive, shouldn't we hold the mum responsible? ...

I mean...
Women have been claiming to be "the life of the home", "the soul of the family", "the home makers" ...

Women have been saying that "A man can build a house, but it takes a woman to make it a home" ...

So if the home is not well made (children becoming abusive and uncouth), shouldn't we hold the "home makers" responsible? ...

I rest my case ...

This kind of sense will not kill you, but (f) gender will come for you tho.

And someone pushed a too kind husband too

70% percent of your thought is very valid but I want to tell you categorically that as far as Nigeria is concerned and with my wealth of experience in my view every states with different characters and every town with different characters and every city with different characters and also every home with different characters

essentialone:
Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

Your 3years old son gets angry whenever you give him food he doesn't want and throws it on you, you laugh and say "😃😃 children ehh".

Baby boy will lift his hands and slap you when he wants you to drop him...All you'd say is "you're beating mummy 😃"

No other child in that area messes with him...And you're calling him "A no- nonsense boy"

He picks up things from the ground and hits people whenever he's stopped from doing something...You smile and call him "action boy😃🤾🏿‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️"

You expose him to all manner of violence and say "He's a man, man suppose get mind"

Few years down the line the teenage boy bullies his sisters, commands them around, shares slaps as souvenirs to anyone that dares to challenge him.
You call him "man of the house"😃

He grew up having his way all through. Now he's a full grown man in the society. And it's not funny anymore.

Abusive husbands didn't fall from the sky, someone raised a boy wrongly.

*IT'S EASIER TO TRAIN A SON THAN TO CORRECT A HUSBAND.*

We could address a lot from the root.

Sorry if you’ve been hurt with this post ?

But! This is just the Fact 👌🤷‍♀️

May Almighty God make it easy for us all AmennN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

It should be who raised abusive/ disrespectful / wayward children? U see mothers over mature their girl child without allowing them enjoy childhoods. U see kids dressed up like adult by mothers in the name of modernization. I saw a girl of about 5 years in a mall one day and everyone could not help but showed disappointed over how the little child was dressed with all her thighs exposed . My wife dare not dress my little daughter that way.

Our society need to put things in perspective. For example there is more emphasis on Stop domestic violence against women. No, it should be Stop Domestic Violence at Home. Both genders can be a victim. Infact men are often told to be a man. Be a man , be man until he dies. Men feel ashamed to report abuse ( emotional & physical) from their wives. I have seen a woman gave her husband hit slap even on a live radio program because he couldn't control her anger. Imagine what the man had been going through at home.

I love your piece but let's balance up some sensitive matter. Children - boy/ girl can be a disaster to society if not properly groomed. May God help us

Skyview01:
They learn from the parents too.

If the dad respects the mom, the boy would likely grow to respect women.

Also if the mother respect her husband her daughter will grow up to honour and respect her husband. Children don't take advice, they copy what the parents does.

In fact on this topic: I've heard of a woman who was beaten blue black - dragged on the streets, clothes torn whilst been beaten left naked etc - today her sons are no difft and when one sane wife complained she said and I kid you not "he is like his father"

the woman was abused and was still glorifying abuse.

She was proud to say one of her sons chased his wife out of the car shoeless - and the girls sister asked her to return to her husbands as it didnt matter. Afterall, it's not abuse when ure shouting at each other daily and the man only chased you out without shoes on. To her, it's absurd when her son mistreat his wife and the wife gets respite in her sisters house.

This abused woman continued the circle and empowered her sons by telling them they are like their dad as such it doesn't matter what they did to someone elses child.

Exceed15:


Also if the mother respect her husband her daughter will grow up to honour and respect her husband. Children don't take advice, they copy what the parents does.

Totally agree with you.

Exceed15:
■ Also if the mother respect her husband her daughter will grow up to honour and respect her husband. Children don't take advice, they copy what the parents does.

Not always true because children are not fools. Sometimes they see the foolishness of their parents and resolve never to end up that way. Case and point, a daughter who saw her mother live a miserable existence all the while making sure to submit to her husband has the opportunity to choose never to end up like her mother.

Kobojunkie:
Not always true because children are not fools. Sometimes they see the foolishness of their parents and resolve never to end up that way. Case and point, a daughter who saw her mother live a miserable existence all the while making sure to submit to her husband has the opportunity to choose never to end up like her mother.

I reason with u o. But do u know children are naturally foolish, that's why they need monitoring and correction to put them in right path. My point is children might grow up to treat their spouses the way they saw their parents do.

Exceed15:
■ I reason with u o. But do u know children are naturally foolish, that's why they need monitoring and correction to put them in right path.
■ My point is children might grow up to treat their spouses the way they saw their parents do.

I disagree with that notion entirely. I mean the notion that children are naturally foolish. The reason we train children is so as to get them to learn the rules of how to conform to society and to grow them socially and emotionally. That in no way means that outside of that training and monitoring, they are foolish beings. No, not at all. Case and point, children born and abandoned out there to be raised in orphanages or under wicked conditions. Many of them still grow up into intelligent and smart beings, teaching themselves how to conform and empathize with others, though they are mostly not always well-adjusted.

2. Yes, there are children who through exposure to certain conditions are stripped of their ability to reason right and wrong and so end up copying whatever is placed in front of them. But not all children are that way. Many children are able to weigh each and every teaching to decide if it is worth adopting or not. I used to be that kind of child myself, and thank God I was that way.