₦airaland Forum

Tonididdyx:
At 42... You don't have the privilege of a choice, am sorry to be this harsh.

It's ok if you see or feel less of yourself and unworthy of certain privileges of life because of your past but you have no right whatsoever to dictate what privileges and rights others are entitled to.

Please, if you'll excuse me. I don't have time for dumb and illogical reasoning.

End justifies the means
Finally you failed woefully

anochuko01:
Something I've learnt recently is that no man or woman marries a perfect partner.

In fact, when you realize that you're not perfect as a person, you'll learn how to give others second, third, fourth and fifth chance.

Even if Jesus had asked this OP out, she would have broken up with him if she caught him talking to another woman.

No second chance, no forgiveness! Please, how do you even want to have a good marriage with such character?

I'm pretty sure all those people she accused of cheating later got married and are still married. So, did they change? Did they stop cheating? Or they happened to find someone who understands that we're all humans who are capable of making mistakes.

I'm 30 and I've not been in a relationship in about 12 years, so I was very well like the OP. I use to lose interest in ladies over little character I don't like, but how long will I keep doing that when I can simply teach a lady the right things to do.

These are things I've learnt recently and putting to practice. So, as long as a man or woman are willing to learn and change, why not give them the opportunity to change? At least give enough chance until they've proven that they've changed.

I hope many younger ladies and guys learn early to avoid cases like this.

Jewessgratitud3

Good write-up, however it still exhibits the one fundamental flaw in human reasoning - the tendency to assume that everyone else experiences life/reality exactly the same way we do. Infact it seems impossible to us that everyone else does not experience life the way we do. Example, if we can't stand being alone for 5 minutes, it seems impossible to us that there are people who honesyly actually treasure being alone. So also there are people whom "God" speaks to regularly, people who "see" and "hear" things differently, etc.
My point, in short, is that people should speak for themselves and not assume that, just because something applies to them it must apply to everyone else!

crystalmoon:
What I have learnt from this thread is that
Nigerians would rather have you dead than you opting out of the herd mentality
Marriage is a choice
Nigerian men really have nothing going on for them apart from women ,that is why they abuse them ,shame them and kill them
.. A woman must strive to be independent and financially sufficient

God bless you. The moment you're not speaking their language, they'll cruxify you. That's their problem on this forum.

I only shared my story and never insulted anyone but see how they all flooded my post from page 1 to 15 bashing me for my innocent encounter with men.

They don't read to understand. They only read to attack.

Sick lots.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

My dear, live your life! You owe no one any explanation. Try and keep your personal issues off the social space. You post a lot of personal and family stuffs online and that is not healthy. People will misunderstand it as a way of killing boredom by you.

I think you will regret it at old age (Except something is urgently done about it) and in social functions (Except if you don't attend family-organized parties).

You didn't take enough risks and weren't even motivated to, cause you thought every able man was gonna be a Jesus.

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

akpumping7720:
You cheerleaders are the ones misleading these people. Person enter 42 and never still marry yet you couldn't chastise her that what was she looking when she was in her 20s. Yet you said trolls are depressed where did you get your facts from that trolls are depressed?

I am not encouraging her to shun marriage. I am commending her for being courageous enough
to not settle for what she doesn't desire, or feel at peace with. And secondly, for being courageous enough to share her story knowing very well what awaits her in the ruthless society she comes from.

Where I come from (I'm not Nigerian) we don't stigmatise single women, single mothers, barren women, menopausal women, divorcees, albinos, etc. We do not use people's life circumstances or what others would consider "unfortunate" to mock them, a trait I observe with many Nigerians. So you'll forgive me if my post comes across as "cheerleading". You're expecting me to chastise her for what exactly? You think I will join you neanderthals in mocking single women? In 2023?

People even get to be 60 and unmarried around here. Others marry in their 20s, get divorced, only to remarry while in their 50s. Not a big deal in my country.

Yes, trolls are depressed people. It has been scientifically proven. No self-assured and happy individual will go around bullying and mocking people online to feel good about themselves. They do it because they're miserable. Misery loves company.

Jeon:
Everyone with her choice about her life.
And because of experiences like this I refused to welcome any man, lik you said "they are many of them bad ".
So what are the expectations of you having the good one, upon how you said did to the one you once trusted?.

My dear sister, it hurts to be betrayed and hurts a lot more when the betrayal is coming from a place where you've struggled a lot to make work.....but the courage to let go and let the past be behind you is the best thing to do.


There are many good things in life yet to be enjoyed...why let a little betrayal turn you to a bittered person?

Men include your male family members and kids when you eventually grow out of this your claim ... please let love reign in all that you do.


"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough" Mae West.

Jewessgratitud3:
God bless you. The moment you're not speaking their language, they'll cruxify you. That's their problem on this forum.

I only shared my story and never insulted anyone but see how they all flooded my post from page 1 to 15 bashing me for my innocent encounter with men.

They don't read to understand. They only read to attack.

Sick lots.

..You never insulted anyone indeed, in this particular thread of yours. You no dey ever gree say you dey wrong or make mistakes . How many persons have you insulted on this your thread just like that. ?

Jewessgratitud3:
Hopefully someone leans from my story. I don't regret any of my decisions so far. I'm happy that in all, I wasn't consumed, used to a point of no return in fact if you see me, you'll hardly believe I'm 42. apart from say I get small protruding stomach ( which almost everyone has) and it's only when I eat. Otherwise its normal. So it's caused by food and I overeat.

I also don't regret not having children outside wedlock cos it would have reduced my chances of getting attention from men even at my age. Yes.. I still get attention like serious advances from single men. This is not to make a boast. In this year alone, I've had two suitors. Very responsible guy and another man but the thing with me is that I'm too picky. if I don't like you first, e go hard. So those two were not my spec and I won't trap myself in a loveless marriage just because of age or "time is going " , if it's not what I want, I won't do it. Call me anything you like, your opinion. I don't kia!


Modified

I don't know why you're pained. That was me just being witty to lighten up the tense mood of my story but your dumb olodo self cant recognize a witty saying when you see one hence holding unto it and reacting like a beheaded chicken.

Empty skull

You were too hard on yourself and you're not the only overprotected child, but you let that experience to take over your ability to discern and manage relationship.

Men are easy to manage, you just lack the skills.

You were looking for a perfection in men that does not exist in yourself. You were looking at marriage to be everything you want and not manage everything it comes with as it is with every institution in life.

Marriage is an imperfect institution that's filled with challenges you strive everyday to overcome. You wanted a perfect man, Perfect home, perfect look and a cheerful man rolled in one - they don't exist.

Let me tell you, as you grow above 42, it becomes lonesome. If you're lucky to reach the above 60? You won't find your "single life" interesting. The only people who can wash your "sh1t" and clean you up without expecting a reward from anyone are your own children. No one stays with you except they're gaining and i'm sure you're not even wealthy - so expect people not to be at your service.

I'm sure you can even get help from a total stranger, it must not necessarily be from a family, but, from the way you sound - i'm not sure someone so interested in herself and herself alone like you have been helping others to expect such favor from God.


You should have been a nun. If your virginity is proven and you can still enrol, please, go and serve your God with it. Seminary will do you more good because it can take care of your old age.


You were too hard on yourself. I hope It's not a spirit you're married to thats separating you from men?

PoliteActivist:
Good write-up, however it still exhibits the one fundamental flaw in human reasoning - the tendency to assume that everyone else experiences life/reality exactly the same way we do. Infact it seems impossible to us that everyone else does not experience life the way we do.

You've simply just summarized what I pointed out as the mistake or character flaw of the OP. The same character I have admitted to be a victim of and trying to overcome.

She was judging everyone in the light of her very religious upbringing.

And that was why I mentioned that with a willing partner, adjustments and a rewarding compromise can be made by both parties.

From her story...

Did some of the men fumble? Yes
Were they ready to adjust? Yes
Did she give them a second or even third chance? No
When she saw her equally very religious person, she still ran due to stinginess.

Remember I quoted you because you said she's better off being single than being with someone she couldn't stand. But if you read her story again through the lens of what you just wrote, it'll be clearer that she made many mistakes.

Every thriving marriage is so because both parties have chosen to keep unlearning and relearning.

Can we talk in camera.

ceeceeuwa:
My dear, live your life! You owe no one any explanation. Try and keep your personal issues off the social space. You post a lot of personal and family stuffs online and that is not healthy. People will misunderstand it as a way of killing boredom by you.

My dear, I really appreciate your concern and I'm quite aware of their unruly behavior on this forum so its not a new thing to me neither does it affect me. However, I don't have a problem sharing my family issues here cos no body knows me and it doesn't erase the fact that every one has issues bin their lives and families. Whether they say it out or not, it's there.

At least among the nonsense and senseless comments, there are good ones that ive been able to gain one or two things from.

They can only rant, they can't beat me.

Puss360:
Does it matter? Does my opinion depends on my martial Status?

I'm interested in making a family with you. it's not good for both of us to be alone

Jughead29:
If you're unlucky to find a husband is a different thing.... but saying you won't get married is a Sin before God.... because your purpose on earth has failed.... .

So, men and women who receive salvation, get baptised, and abide by the teachings of Christ until they die won't enter heaven if they prefer the single life?

Just when you thought you've heard it all, another one springs a surprise.

Katcall:
I'm interested in making a family with you. it's not good for both of us to be alone

...."making a family with me"...

I'm speechless

djon78:
Oga people are adopting children and giving them the best of Life


There are millions of homeless children that are not being taken care of some born by mother's that threw them away

Then someone adopts a child that could have become like these homeless children but rather gives the child a good Life, good education and he or she becomes very useful to the society

And you are talking this way


To be candid
Your reasoning is very suspect
It doesn't add up and it's extremely very backward
Not productive at all

you plan to marry?

mariahAngel:
Your courage is commendable.

If you could go back in time, knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?

hope you are learning. That boy that is disturbing you, next time he comes, open your legs for him to enter and plant his seeds. Don't be uptight. Be fruitful and multiply. Thats what the Bible says.

Farfalla:
I am not encouraging her to shun marriage. I am commending her for being courageous enough
to not settle for what she doesn't desire, or feel at peace with. And secondly, for being courageous enough to share her story knowing very well what awaits her in the ruthless society she comes from.

Where I come from (I'm not Nigerian) we don't stigmatise single women, single mothers, barren women, menopausal women, divorcees, albinos, etc. We do not use people's life circumstances or what others would consider "unfortunate" to mock them, a trait I observe with many Nigerians. So you'll forgive me if my post comes across as "cheerleading". You're expecting me to chastise her for what exactly? You think I will join you neanderthals in mocking single women? In 2023?

People even get to be 60 and unmarried around here. Others marry in their 20s, get divorced, only to remarry while in their 50s. Not a big deal in my country.

Yes, trolls are depressed people. It has been scientifically proven. No self-assured and happy individual will go around bullying and mocking people online to feel good about themselves. They do it because they're miserable. Misery loves company.

Please, what country are you from?

Offpoint1:
I never expect you to see reasoning and reality.
I'm not here arguing with you about "Good life or bad life" or any mundane thing you're talking.

If you placed 50,000 thousands women on Mars and give them "Good life" and everything they could ever need, without a man for reprocreation... In 100 years time, it'll be a lifeless planet, with zero form of human life.

Human race sustainability has nothing to do with "Good life"
The earth has created everything all living things needs to survive with "FOR FREE" that's why all animals have been in existence for donkeys years without "Good life"
You don't pay the soil to grow your crops, you don't pay the earth to produce water, which are the ingredients/source of life.

Your humanly problems were created by humans themselves and not nature.

Digest this message

Actually you don't have any message

It's just rambling up and down

Pls at this age, are you still a virgin, because the story there was no where you mentioned you had intimacy with any of those guys,?

anochuko01:
You've simply just summarized what I pointed out as the mistake or character flaw of the OP. The same character I have admitted to be a victim of and trying to overcome.

She was judging everyone in the light of her very religious upbringing.

And that was why I mentioned that with a willing partner, adjustments and a rewarding compromise can be made by both parties.

From her story...

Did some of the men fumble? Yes
Were they ready to adjust? Yes
Did she give them a second or even third chance? No
When she saw her equally very religious person, she still ran due to stinginess.

Remember I quoted you because you said she's better off being single than being with someone she couldn't stand. But if you read her story again through the lens of what you just wrote, it'll be clearer that she made many mistakes.

Every thriving marriage is so because both parties have chosen to keep unlearning and relearning.

You still exhibit that fundamental flaw in human reasoning - you assume she perceives the world same way you do. You can say what's best for YOU. You can't say what's best for her!
I said it's better to be alone than be with someone you can barely tolerate. I never said that's what SHE should do

TaiKuun:
I think you will regret it at old age (Except something is urgently done about it) and in social functions (Except if you don't attend family-organized parties).

You didn't take enough risks and weren't even motivated to, cause you thought every able man was gonna be a Jesus.

Ogar, you will regret in your old age not me.. Since you didn't read to understand but chose to conclude it's over for you ( not me) because of your age.

Even if someone made a mistake innocently in their days of ignorance, is that enough to pass a stupid judgement and write them off totally?

Abeg go and check your life before coming here to judge others.

Silentgroper:
You're not the op, I suppose...


😕😕😕

Yeah.

I was just curious to know your thoughts.

It might be an insight for me.

I suppose you don't want to answer right?

Farfalla:
I am not encouraging her to shun marriage. I am commending her for being courageous enough
to not settle for what she doesn't desire, or feel at peace with. And secondly, for being courageous enough to share her story knowing very well what awaits her in the ruthless society she comes from.

Where I come from (I'm not Nigerian) we don't stigmatise single women, single mothers, barren women, menopausal women, divorcees, albinos, etc. We do not use people's life circumstances or what others would consider "unfortunate" to mock them, a trait I observe with many Nigerians. So you'll forgive me if my post comes across as "cheerleading". You're expecting me to chastise her for what exactly? You think I will join you neanderthals in mocking single women? In 2023?

People even get to be 60 and unmarried around here. Others marry in their 20s, get divorced, only to remarry while in their 50s. Not a big deal in my country.

Yes, trolls are depressed people. It has been scientifically proven. No self-assured and happy individual will go around bullying and mocking people online to feel good about themselves. They do it because they're miserable. Misery loves company.

God bless you. How can I give this comment a thousand likes.

Majority here are very narrow minded. They come here every day looking to see if there's anyone they are better than. That is why any slight opportunity they get to hear others predicament they jump at it and begin to spew trash without even understanding the reason or idea behind the post. They don't care, they just want to massage their bruised ego and feel good about their miserable selves.

Why they think their personal principles should be a standard for everyone is what I don't get and
Some bulshit about being lonely in old age is one of the dumbest assertions many of them have ever made in this forum. Ok, How many of them are with their aged parent or parents now? Since children make old age less lonely..

For those who lost a parent, Is the other parent still not going to wallow in loneliness? Very dumb way of reasoning.

Life is indeed full of mysteries at the extremes.

Mighty at the extreme ends, below 10% and above 90 %, but scanty in the flows, between 10% - 90%, with peaks around the 50% mark, on average.

The intriguing message i perceive from the author/OP, is her ability to apply the principles of the ART OF PROPAGATING AN AGENDA at the micro or personal level.

In summary,
How to perfectly market, for most people, a long passed SELL-BY-DATE product, is not only highly commendable, but worthy of emulation.

To be honest, I'm wowed.

OP, I share in most of the principles you dropped in your article, as a man, I never knew there were women like you, why, it's mostly believed that most women marry men who are ready not the ones they love.

You are exceptional.

OP, an aunty of mine got married in her 40's to a senior official in a public utility company, it's been almost 20yrs now, and it's been fantastic for her all round except for kids, but she's very fulfilled.

PoliteActivist:
You still exhibit that fundamental flaw in human reasoning - you assume she perceives the world same way you do. You can say what's best for YOU. You can't say what's best for her!
I said it's better to be alone than be with someone you can barely tolerate. I never said that's what SHE should do

Reaching compromise to sustain relationships, friendships, family, job, business etc isn't a ME thing, it's a WORLD thing.

I don't know how else someone who desires to be in a relationship should perceive the world if they're never willing to compromise.

But I get you sha, every single person should make whatever choices they want and bare the consequences. Nice 🙂

anochuko01:
Reaching compromise to sustain relationships, friendships, family, job, business etc isn't a ME thing, it's a WORLD thing.

I don't know how else someone who desires to be in a relationship should perceive the world if they're never willing to compromise.

But I get you sha, every single person should make whatever choices they want and bare the consequences. Nice 🙂

Bottom line: we all live in different worlds though we are all physically in the same world. The big fundamental flaw in human reasoning is that we always assume it a FACT that we all experience life/reality the same way

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm... You seem to understand my personality.

The thing is, they come anytime I talk to God about it but my fear is I keep getting what I don't really want. Like no feelings for them. Like now, as I was typing , one just called me. He's everything but the attraction is not there. I'm scared I don't want to enter and now regret. No feelings for him.

Sis, feelings can grow. Especially if your partner ticks most of your boxes ,he treats you right and God blesses your household with good finances. Happiness and love will flow.

Some started with feelings but hardship, sickness and the troubles of life made the love and feelings to fly out the window. Pls, consider one of the good men around you. Your children and a good loving Husband will bring on any feelings you want.

Loisemm2:
Sis, feelings can grow. Especially if your partner ticks most of your boxes ,he treats you right and God blesses your household with good finances. Happiness and love will flow.

Some started with feelings but hardship, sickness and the troubles of life made the love and feelings to fly out the window. Pls, consider one of the good men around you. Your children and a good loving Husband will bring on any feelings you want.

Hmmm... You won't understand.

We met in church today and he was just trying to get close to me and asking some personal questions, I just replied him quickly and walked away. He stood there staring but couldn't come after me. I guess he was afraid or something. I saw all that but wasn't moved and that's exactly my worries. No feelings to even put up with him for a few mins. Let me not come and be maltreating someone's son.

Jewessgratitud3:
God bless you. The moment you're not speaking their language, they'll cruxify you. That's their problem on this forum.

I only shared my story and never insulted anyone but see how they all flooded my post from page 1 to 15 bashing me for my innocent encounter with men.

They don't read to understand. They only read to attack.

Sick lots.

Jewess, I've read a lot of comments that are really disturbing.

This people don't care whether you exist or not, they don't care for your happiness or good. It then surprises me why they are pained over your decision to be happy as you deem fit.

You, on the other hand, just live your beautiful existence. Do not let their comments eclipse your joy. Your story is a source of inspiration to those who want to toe the same path but think they are alone in their thought.

Nobody condemns Catholic priests and nuns, reverends and monks, eunuchs for their decision to remain unmarried and childless. They are okay with it as long as it is not Jewessgratitud3 as if they care. As if they care.

Jewess, the only thing I will add is to reflect on what you really want and pursue it. It is only between you and your heart. If this is what you want I wish you more happiness. With or without a man, a child or children, your best days are ahead.

sorry...but i´m not sorry

PoliteActivist:
You are an outlaw, a free spirit. I like that.
We don't have enough people who tell society and their ridiculous impositions: "SCREW YOU!"