Jackie999:
I am not a feminist. I have no interest in writing. I am successful in my line of work, thanks for your suggestions and God bless your sarcastic heart.

With regards to the advise, I have decided to leave for good. I appreciate your input

Lol, the Sarcastic heart for me.

Dear Jackie, I am sorry for the sour experience. Sometimes, we give and give everything and it won't still work out. Some people are human with animal soul. It's best you have moved on.

PS: Your respond to my comment brought out the real me, I almost feel guilty like the guy that did this to you, I feel like I already know you. God will bless you with someone who will love, cherish and value you.

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

Nice write up.
Matters of the heart when it comes to love are at times difficult to meddle.
Unless he is willing to divorce his present wife you have done the best thing.

I'm not sure what he can possibly be using me for. Is it for papers? Well I'm not immigration and I don't own a percentage of my country lol. Why he paranoid about being used for that? If I love someone and we marry, that's just a consequence of us being together and his children having access to better opportunities is a bonus for us all.

I don't see what he can use me for. His helped me immensely to develop into who I am, and that's priceless. The fact that I got to resign from my job and am currently pursuing things I'm interested and going to be open my own practice is all testament to him as a man who kept his word.

I don't live my life with a scarcity mindset. I'm all for Africans marrying Africans lol. It's whatever. My issues were clearly stated in my original post.

Now...

Do you have any meaningful advice?

JoshTim:
Them still dey use this one do suya ...e go soon clear...it must be clear....lol. na jjc be this one sha. She even dey tell us say she be psychologist, for where naija boy dey. Make we tell her?...boys say make we leave you make you see fire.

He is unwilling. His father has apologised and explained the societal implications for them as a family in the village etc so I know it's not a possibility as he will also lose access to his kids.

I respect it, and I'll keep it moving

rickleye:



Nice write up.
Matters of the heart when it comes to love are at times difficult to meddle.
Unless he is willing to divorce his present wife you have done the best thing.

Thank you.

No hard feelings.

You're right. I'm just sad because the outcome I anticipated was the opposite. However, I won't paint him as a bad person because he never promised to divorce his wife for us to be together and I thank God for his transparency. Many men could never.

I'm definitely not looking but if genuine sweet love comes back around, yay 😁

Demigod22:


Lol, the Sarcastic heart for me.

Dear Jackie, I am sorry for the sour experience. Sometimes, we give and give everything and it won't still work out. Some people are human with animal soul. It's best you have moved on.

PS: Your respond to my comment brought out the real me, I almost feel guilty like the guy that did this to you, I feel like I already know you. God will bless you with someone who will love, cherish and value you.

Ugh that's sweet. Bless you.

Lol yeah, I don't even want to have to defend any man to my parents. I just need to focus on my own things, and if the appropriate man comes, I'll know. Because I'm not willing to stress my parents just because I have big eyes for a man

Tbh, this is just my first heartbreak so I felt like I'm dying when we discussed our options the other night. I'm glad I decided to break up with him though.

Goreplanet:

Dear I understand you can't even explain it to your parent that he has a family already, they'll be very disappointed
Even if you want to defend your Choice of a man before your parent,then let It be someone you can boldly call your own completely
You don't need to share a man with someone
I want you to focus more on yourself
I'll be here and ready to cheer you up if need be
Life's just like that,you can't have it all..pls let go

Madam Linus

[quote author=abutujj post=127828251][/quote]must you quote the post?

Jackie999:
We could get married tomorrow if I agreed. I'm not going to compare cultures but here marriage isn't do or die. I love him, yes but I am confused that's why I posted.

Her complaining does affect me it affectsu boyfriend.

If you are confused in taking decision on an issue then don't do it.

Take some time out to meditate and breathe.

Miss zulu what exactly do you want us to do for you?

Cock and bull story!!!

You love and have been with him for three years(including the time after you knew he has a wife and 3 kids) what's now the issue?

Fake stories are always easy to tell

1. I have a story please be gentle with me, my heart can't take it

2. Describes how loving the dude is, bla bla bla... And how she met all his needs but he had a flaw. Yet she loves him still

3. With all the love and whatever, she suddenly decides to divorce him

4. The most annoying part, asking for advice when all the red flags and blue moon bullshiit are visible.

I just taya for people sha

Demigod22:


Lol, the Sarcastic heart for me.

Dear Jackie, I am sorry for the sour experience. Sometimes, we give and give everything and it won't still work out. Some people are human with animal soul. It's best you have moved on.

PS: Your respond to my comment brought out the real me, I almost feel guilty like the guy that did this to you, I feel like I already know you. God will bless you with someone who will love, cherish and value you.

Your reply is even worse that the first one. You are fake and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying something brought out the 'real you'.

You people are something else. What guy did what to her...were you there? Did you know anything? I just taya for una.

Eh? What do I have to gain by lying on an anonymous public platform.

It's more than ok to not an opinion. You could've just scrolled past.

luminouz:
Cock and bull story!!!

You love and have been with him for three years(including the time after you knew he has a wife and 3 kids) what's now the issue?

Fake stories are always easy to tell

1. I have a story please be gentle with me, my heart can't take it

2. Describes how loving the dude is, bla bla bla... And how she met all his needs but he had a flaw. Yet she loves him still

3. With all the love and whatever, she suddenly decides to divorce him

4. The most annoying part, asking for advice when all the red flags and blue moon bullshiit are visible.

I just taya for people sha

Your insistence that I'm lying is shocking. I posted on here because I have nobody to confide in who I feel comfortable telling about this whole thing. Poly marriages aren't really a thing - especially not for someone brought up how I was, in the city etc. So I can't tell my friends or family that's why I posted.

luminouz:


Your reply is even worse that the first one. You are fake and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying something brought out the 'real you'.

You people are something else. What guy did what to her...were you there? Did you know anything? I just taya for una.

Miss Zulu?

Great so you've concluded that I'm a Zulu lady? Lol I wish

I wanted advise and I've received it.

So from you, I don't need anything except for you to have blessed year

Kennyswag:
Miss zulu what exactly do you want us to do for you?

If he can't divorce her then you took the right decision.

I agree.

amaks:
If he can't divorce her then you took the right decision.

Jackie999:
Eh? What do I have to gain by lying on an anonymous public platform.

It's more than ok to not an opinion. You could've just scrolled past.

I won't!!

You asked for advice and in the next few posts already decided never to go back to him....why ask for advice on the first place?

Isn't that ironic?

Jackie999:
Your insistence that I'm lying is shocking. I posted on here because I have nobody to confide in who I feel comfortable telling about this whole thing. Poly marriages aren't really a thing - especially not for someone brought up how I was, in the city etc. So I can't tell my friends or family that's why I posted.

.
Stop quoting me, it's irritating!!

discuss with him if he wants a second wife first. one woman is never enough for a man except we want to continue deceiving ourself. The biology is completely deferent, Christianity messed us up with one-man one-woman shit, even thought David and co married more than one wife and God was not angry about it.

Every man will get tired of sleeping with one woman over and over again at exactly 6month at most. You as a woman will only enjoy the sex if he shares you with other woman, either as second wife or as side chick.

So how do I respond to your insightful posts without quoting you? I'm new here.

luminouz:
.
Stop quoting me, it's irritating!!

Jackie999:
So how do I respond to your insightful posts without quoting you? I'm new here.

Leave me alone... liar

Decision making isn't always linear. So excuse me for needing input or choosing to ask for advice online. I MAY have been unsure. Ha! What a sin.

Weirdo.
Good-bye

luminouz:


I won't!!

You asked for advice and in the next few posts already decided never to go back to him....why ask for advice on the first place?

Isn't that ironic?

Jackie999:
Decision making isn't always linear. So excuse me for needing input or choosing to ask for advice online. I MAY have been unsure. Ha! What a sin.

Weirdo.
Good-bye

K

Oh I didn't know this because I'm a woman. Well even more reason to not bother
... because my 6months has lapsed. He probably has a new queen on his roster.

Kidding but it's ok. I know his best outcome is for us to be one happy family but I'd be sacrificing too much. I've never married, never been pregnant...and then I do it with a married dad of 3? (4 if you include the wife's 1st son). Sounds like a wack deal

jumokeadele:
discuss with him if he wants a second wife first. one woman is never enough for a man except we want to continue deceiving ourself. The biology is completely deferent, Christianity messed us up with one-man one-woman shit, even thought David and co married more than one wife and God was not angry about it.

Every man will get tired of sleeping with one woman over and over again at exactly 6month at most. You as a woman will only enjoy the sex if he shares you with other woman, either as second wife or as side chick.

Jackie999:
Oh I didn't know this because I'm a woman. Well even more reason to not bother
... because my 6months has lapsed. He probably has a new queen on his roster.

Kidding but it's ok. I know his best outcome is for us to be one happy family but I'd be sacrificing too much. I've never married, never been pregnant...and then I do it with a married dad of 3? (4 if you include the wife's 1st son). Sounds like a wack deal

Well i'm not even sure he loves you , that doesn't mean you are not lovable. i think if he wants a second wife , he would have proposed it since you are both awared of the first wife. I guess he was just playing games all along. Also since the first wife is already threatening him with juju , then i won't advise you to even accept his proposal because trust me you are not safe as it is apparent that the first wife can be diabolica. Polygamy will only be less problematic if the women agrees to live happily. Many prominent Nigerian men have practiced it successfully and i still feel its better than side chick where the man goes out to bring infection to his home because men will always get tired of eating one meal.

The biology is different, our hormones are different , the design is different, most women only get Hot during their mensuration and ovulation period, but we get Hot at least twice a day for every day. Sex is like food to men, if you eat rice every day for the next 3month , soon you will get tired of eating it and this doesn't mean you don't like rice, you just need to take a break and eat something new, then wen you come back to rice, it because delicious again. Most women will argue this analyses but it is the truth. Some women will say they want to try other food too, but i really don't think God want you to try other food , and that's why he put the virginity seal on it but no seal on men.


I think its better you move on with your life, this doesn't mean all Nigerian men are bad, sometimes you just have to fall before you rise and be wiser, there are good Nigerian men.

meanwhile , i'll like to have a southafrican friend just learn more about your country , if you don't mind , i'll send you a PM

MatrixReloaded:
Give ur life to Jesus christ. His is the auto and finisher of your faith. You won't divorce him if you marry Jesus.

auto ko manual ni

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

I will advice you not to go back to the relationship with him. let it go, you guys can be friends helping each other in business and maybe financially, but make sure no sex is involved again.


Focus on your life now and make yourself available for new relationship with single guys. Since you are cute, you won't have a problem finding another good man if you can be respectful and well mannered.

Avoid feminist attitudes because the truth is, both white men and black men hate feminists and their stupid attitudes of trying to measure dick with men. Men can't be women, women can't be men. God and nature created each gender differently for a purpose. I am a man, an Igbo man and I cherish being completely in charge of my wife and kids' financial life, I don't expect a dime from my wife, but I expect her to respect me and treat me as a man, the head of the family, that's all, anything less will be disastrous lol. Always have this in mind, every man love to be respected, every man is a king, treat him like a king and he will worship you as his Queen.


Give other guys a chance.


If you prefer to marry a Nigerian guy, this forum can help you get started but make sure you vet any guy you meet here properly before jumping into any other relationship.


But if I am to advice you like I would advice my own sister or daughter, I would suggest you give men from your country a chance because interracial, intertribal, international and everything inter-cultural marriage always experience lots of turbulence towards the end. They might look awesome at the start, but always consider old age, are you willing to leave your country permanently to relocate to his country to live and die there?



I pray God directs you on what to do.

Jackie999:
Ugh that's sweet. Bless you.

Lol yeah, I don't even want to have to defend any man to my parents. I just need to focus on my own things, and if the appropriate man comes, I'll know. Because I'm not willing to stress my parents just because I have big eyes for a man

Tbh, this is just my first heartbreak so I felt like I'm dying when we discussed our options the other night. I'm glad I decided to break up with him though.

This is not a heartbeat
this is decision making
Take your mind off him by doing these:
Just go out, have fun,make new friends if need be,explore the internet more and you'll be fine
...................................................................................
Let's leave that aside,so tell me how are you?
Hope you're cool with this forum?
Aside from him,do you have any other thing we can help you with?
We're here to help you and relieve your mental stress,We would like to know more about you

Jackie999:
We could get married tomorrow if I agreed. I'm not going to compare cultures but here marriage isn't do or die. I love him, yes but I am confused that's why I posted.

Her complaining does affect me it affectsu boyfriend.

If you know you love him, what are you contemplating about getting married to him.
Besides if he is leaving in your country, I don't see any reason why you are hesitating. Because he is with you, even if he is married.

luminouz:


Your reply is even worse that the first one. You are fake and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying something brought out the 'real you'.

You people are something else. What guy did what to her...were you there? Did you know anything? I just taya for una.

So you decided to crossover with your frustrations into this year? It's too early to be frustrated now.

I was blunt, mockery and sarcastic in my response, she politely reminded me and I realized I should have been more nice, and instead of you to go sort out your problems, you decided to come and masturbate on my comment.