₦airaland Forum

Used and dumped said she don end wetin with who exactly? And na club entrance them meet her o.. Wholu will evenu tarke sach seriaous in da forst plaze

The issue here is your ex boyfriend is a good guy and already a married man with kids . As a igbo man is very hard to divorce his wife because of his children. Never!

You also stated you are from polygamy family and you don't want to be a second wife.

My advice to you if you continue with him and get married to him you will be his wife in South Africa and his wife in Nigeria will be his home wife that's two families.

As you have made up your mind not to be a second wife you can move on with your life but if you think you can allowed it to happen maybe as a second wife then marry him.

Jackie999:
I'm not sure what he can possibly be using me for. Is it for papers? Well I'm not immigration and I don't own a percentage of my country lol. Why he paranoid about being used for that? If I love someone and we marry, that's just a consequence of us being together and his children having access to better opportunities is a bonus for us all.

I don't see what he can use me for. His helped me immensely to develop into who I am, and that's priceless. The fact that I got to resign from my job and am currently pursuing things I'm interested and going to be open my own practice is all testament to him as a man who kept his word.

I don't live my life with a scarcity mindset. I'm all for Africans marrying Africans lol. It's whatever. My issues were clearly stated in my original post.

Now...

Do you have any meaningful advice?

well you studied psychology and you did not do your due-diligence from the beginning. Having gone deep you suddenly found out he is married. Obvioulsy, you did not ask critical questions from the beginning when you decided to put the cart before the horse. Since he has contributed alot to your life and now realising that he is married...then the solution lies with you. Ask yourself what you really wanna achieve and what kind of life do you want to live. Does this man fits in the picture, what are his immediate and long term plans, will he seek divorce from that woman and on what grounds?, are his intensions true for you?

Used and dumped? You have a serious literacy issue if you deduced this from my post.

Clubbing is ok. Socialising with friends is ok. Sorry if you have any trauma brought on by women enjoying time out. Maybe CPTSD😩 GET HELP NE

UptownVibes:
Used and dumped said she don end wetin with who exactly? And na club entrance them meet her o.. Wholu will evenu tarke sach seriaous in da forst plaze

I do not have the maturity to be a second wife. And I'm too selfish with my partner to be as well. Truthfully, she may be in Nigeria but I'm here with him. Doing all the wifely duties, supporting him when they argue etc. It's draining because we never fight, but they're forever bickering and it changes his overall mood with me. Sounds like a glorified side chick.

I strongly believe that polygamous marriages work best when the wives are all level headed, nice people. Can't "co-wife" when one of the women are hot headed.

I love him and will likely remain friends. Definitely can't be the second wife.

Thanks for the response.

cybernaut:
The issue here is your ex boyfriend is a good guy and already a married man with kids . As a igbo man is very hard to divorce his wife because of his children. Never!

You also stated you are from polygamy family and you don't want to be a second wife.

My advice to you if you continue with him and get married to him you will be his wife in South Africa and his wife in Nigeria will be his home wife that's two families.

As you have made up your mind not to be a second wife you can move on with your life but if you think you can allowed it to happen maybe as a second wife then marry him.

Jackie999:
How?

Hello jakkie I took time to read your post.
I must be honest with you, he isn't sincere with you and is manipulating you. You may not understand this and might take 3 more years before you understand.

He is using you

End that relationship and go find yourself another man.

He is your first. How many people even marry their first?

There are many young men out there looking for who to marry.

Forget this one and move on.

Absolutely spot on. Full disclosure from the beginning is the best. But I also understand why anyone would have reservations. He always says that I'm "above" his class and adding on that his married would've pushed me away.

His right, because I could never have willingly started with a married man. And besides that, Nigerian men get a bad rep EVERYWHERE but I know his friends and family. They're mostly good guys who just want money and success. So imagine being Nigerian in a foreign country, the truth isn't always the first option because you get stigmatized..lol idk but I get it. People make poor decisions sometimes, that's all it was. Once I found out, him and I were fully transparent. I could see the relief leave his body. I'm definitely not upset. It just sucks.

His a man who discusses everything with me. He advises and leads me. His gentle with his words and generous with his affection. His opened up to which is difficult for men but I know EVERYTHING about him and that makes it impossible to want to share lol.


His wonderful, I'm wonderful. We're just not going to be wonderful together.

How long have you been in SA?

ghettochild4u:
First thing first, I live in SA and this thing of my brother's not telling the truth about them having kids or being married back home is really annoying.
Women, Young girls date married men. It's a choice but why keep quiet.
Cos of this, people don't believe me when I say I don't have a wife or kids back home just because of people like ur boyfriend.
Anyways u have shown unconditional love to this guy...
God bless you. And he's also reciprocating.
U have access to his phone...
My sister you have no problem
Ur happiness matters
Ur family member won't be in the marriage with u.
Anyways if he really loves u...he will take u to Nigeria.
Have got a friend whose step-dad is Nigerian n presently they are in Asaba.
They visit every December with the other two grown up teenagers her mother bored for her step-dad.
Last last, ur happiness is in ur hands oooo.

Demigod22:
So you decided to crossover with your frustrations into this year? It's too early to be frustrated now.

I was blunt, mockery and sarcastic in my response, she politely reminded me and I realized I should have been more nice, and instead of you to go sort out your problems, you decided to come and masturbate on my comment.

Go sleep, simp

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

Less than 1month old account

Creating thread to cause ethnic war

Kontinue

You may be correct. I just won't stick around to find out. Wishing you the best 🎉

BItt:
Hello jakkie I took time to read your post.
I must be honest with you, he isn't sincere with you and is manipulating you. You may not understand this and might take 3 more years before you understand.

He is using you

I see an attempt to gaslight something in one of the paragraphs up there; you're mo South African

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

the long wailing half-truth half fiction of a very loose girl.

tochez24:
If you have truly been with a Nigerian or Nigerians😁, you will know first hand that we don't like reading long stories or wasting our time on non relevant issues especially the ones without any money involved😊😊

I can guarantee you baby girl that 95% of Nigerians wouldn't even read all this you have just typed up there⚠️⚠️⚠️

So now clearly we have established that you know NOTHING about Nigerians and probably haven't been with one too♂️

Why don't you speak for your illiterate self??

I finish reading that in less than 2mins and it's nowhere near what many of us read in a day

4mee:
If this is true, you're being played.

Played how?
Even when the man is already balanced and even paying her when she’s out of work?
Hmm

I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers.

This was the only thing I took out of this story!

Thank God it's from the horse's mouth.

Jackie999:
We could get married tomorrow if I agreed. I'm not going to compare cultures but here marriage isn't do or die. I love him, yes but I am confused that's why I posted.

Her complaining does affect me it affectsu boyfriend.

If your story is true, you will still come back to complain if you marry him. Is like you are not attractive or something that you want to marry someone you never liked his appearance and manner of approach at first. U sha wan marry Nigerian by all means seems to be your problem. Come to think of it, I didnt even bother myself reading all ur long story cuz I have no time to waste but I still grab

Jackie999:
Hi all.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

Sorry you had to go through that. Normally I don't see reason why anyone would want marry here before they japa that is if they have the interest.
Anyway it is good you cut off the relationship even though you love him that much, igbo men generally tend to marry back home even if they are unmarried before leaving so good luck moving forward.

Marriage institution in Igbo land is very strong. Maybe the strongest in Africa. Divorce is not always easy. Even if you want to divorce, your family won't go with you

ericmor:
If your story is true, you will still come back to complain if you marry him. Is like you are not attractive or something that you want to marry someone you never liked his appearance and manner of approach at first. U sha wan marry Nigerian by all means seems to be your problem. Come to think of it, I didnt even bother myself reading all ur long story cuz I have no time to waste but I still grab

People fall for soul not appearance, infact if you have a friend that is not handsome over time you won't give it a thought.

luminouz:
Go sleep, simp

Hahaha, your English teacher needs to be arrested for this crime. No thanks to Nairaland for throwing word around without giving detail meaning of the word.

For being humane is simping in your dictionary? Your toxicity and negative energy is extreme.

Gaddafih001:
Played how?
Even when the man is already balanced and even paying her when she’s out of work?
Hmm

Me did not even read that part self, una wa dey read long relationship stories dey try sha. That girl did not like that guy kind of person n how she switched to loving him is what me no understand. Anyway, she should just follow her heart but if it was my sister, I will say no no

HardBishop:
you said our relationship progressed positively in that direction ✌️✌️
did he bleep you or not? I want to check something

Why ask the obvious?

rubbish and ingredients even the mod that push this to front page didnt read it

As for me, I would say that you tried to end the relationship for him because you don't want to be a second wife. It's fine as long as you don't like it, and I'm glad you made the man and he can move on and you can move on too nothing is loss

[quote author=abutujj post=127828251][/quote]If he's not ready to marry you and you not ready to be a second wife, then leave to look for your own companion.
Such relationship like this aren't worth it be wise and act fast for your good.

Samatha123

4mee:
If this is true, you're being played.

Straight up

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

Jackie how do you chat with you privately?

You have a friend like you??

Jackie999:
Hi all.

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby.

Are you Jackie with the long hair? lol

How I have remembered/thought about Jackie with the long hair from Beyoncé and Jazy yesterday and this morning, and now I am reading similar relationship story..sort of... by a Jackie lol

Anyways, you sound very educated and I believe you have made the decision you think is best for you but know this, YOUR DEALT WITH A NIGERIAN MAN. Those guys (Nigerian men) are different from any man you know or will ever meet. Few months down the line, you will find yourself missing him badly and when you can't find/have him back, you will find yourself rebounding/bouncing around different Nigerian men all in search of him in different Nigerian men you'll meet. (This is exactly where the life issues with foreign women who have dealt with Nigerian men starts)

[s]You say he treats you well, isn't it? Well the devil you know now maybe better than the Angel you hope to meet[/s]

You have made your decision and you think it's the best for you. But just in case you get caught up in the hangover from your decision, just remember you read this comment. Maybe it will give you pointers as to how to deal with the hangover if at all you experience it.

***Note, I made this comment in good faith, without any ill intention towards you. I hope/pray you are able to navigate what I mentioned here as the "hangover from dating a Nigerian man" if you ever experience it. .. because I have seen that mess up the lives of some foreign women who didn't navigate it very well.

Jackie999:
You may be correct. I just won't stick around to find out. Wishing you the best 🎉

I think it's morally wrong to have a married Man as yours. You guys could be friends and with time all those feelings you had will wash away.

Those qualities you saw in him, look out for those qualities in a more reasonable single Man who's looking towards marriage and settle down.

Seek GOD'S face before settling down with such Man to be sure GOD is involved.

Take care and sorry for all you had to go through. I'm a Nigerian and I think I owe you such apology ma'am