Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;

While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.

Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.

Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).

Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).

Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.

Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.

Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.

My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.

One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.


Many stories but I can't say all...

Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.

How can I free myself from this guilt?

You haven't forgiven him....

Since you already know its a problem then it's a start. Learn to let go of the past. Better still sit him down and pour out your thoughts and given then and there also it will take a burden off your shoulders.

Blakjewelry:
Since you already know its a problem then it's a start. Learn to let go of the past. Better still sit him down and pour out your thoughts and given then and there also it will take a burden off your shoulders.

I don't think there is anytin to seat an old man and talk about..

I still do what I do for him like sending him money monthly.... I don't think there is sumtin else I need from him.


Dad attend party buys aṣọ ebi but never deem it fit to ever buy us clothes or shoes to wear. Never ever did..

Only mom will wear rag so that we can wear good thing. Story plenty

cenaman:
You haven't forgiven him....

Maybe a little

Mercylike:


I don't think there is anytin to seat an old man and talk about..

I still do what I do for him like sending him money monthly.... I don't think there is sumtin else I need from him

Lol I didn't mean advice him, it is letting go all the hate you have bottled up inside. You are only helping yourself, you will carry all these inside and when he dies, the whole steam bottled up will stay with you for the rest of your life.

You are even a good person sef.
He should thank his ⭐ he gave birth to children with soft heart because hmmmm all those times he kept saying he doesn't have, wherever he was keeping such money,that's what he would have been using.

It's not your fault you spend more when it comes to your mom, he caused it.
Parents should learn,kids won't be kids forever,they see everything and they learn too.
God bless you dear.

Your story is almost same as mine. Just that my own papa worse. You should forgive but dont forget. What you should focus on is working hard to improve your status. Whenever i send money home, i make sure my mum gets 5x what i give my dad. The man has tried to settle with me bt i still cant forget even when i have forgiven him.

I Pray you find healing. I understand that wound isn't easy but you have to forgive and forget to find healing or else you be carrying that bitterness

I can't say o

Ok

Wow
There’s nothing to be guilty about as long as you are taking care of him
My advice would be for you to work hard to change the your status as well as that of your mom’s
And always make sure your kids never get to experience any of the stuffs you went through

See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.
I am speaking from experience. I wish God could bring back my own Father for just 24 hours, so I could hug him, cry on his shoulders and ask him to forgive me! I wish my Father could arise from his grave, so I could spend some money on him.
It took almost 40 years before I knew the whole truth! Alas, it was too late!!

Some fathers are not worth it. Mine don’t even care about his children.

Looks like such dad are in every nook and crannies of Nigeria. Dont send him shishi

bro , i have a similar story trying to love my dad cos of the same issue, but when i lost him october last year, i realized that as individual that he is , he has his own battles . i regretted not doing enough until i lost him..he is human and we al have our flaws

obesse:
See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.

Rubbish post everything is not about being manipulative, kids have brains too, the mum was the one coming while they stayed with their father, so what's your point here?

Oga zukwanike jare.

obesse:
See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.

Stop saying nonsense...

There is nobody manipulating...

My dad rather buy clothes for party while my mom will spend the money on us and rather wear rag.

Just shut up if you don't know what it is really

udemzyudex:


Rubbish post everything is not about being manipulative, kids have brains too, the mum was the one coming while they stayed with their father, so what's your point here?

Oga zukwanike jare.

Thank you...

Dad even rented out the room we are staying and we had to go squat with one of our step..

Omo story plenty

telim:
Looks like such dad are in every nook and crannies of Nigeria. Dont send him shishi

No. I will keep doing what I can do for him but I won't sweat on him.

udemzyudex:


Rubbish post everything is not about being manipulative, kids have brains too, the mum was the one coming while they stayed with their father, so what's your point here?

Oga zukwanike jare.

No problem. When the time comes you will understand

Mercylike:


Stop saying nonsense...

There is nobody manipulating...

My dad rather buy clothes for party while my mom will spend the money on us and rather wear rag.

Just shut up if you don't know what it is really

No problem. When the time comes you will understand.

obesse:

No problem. When the time comes you will understand.

Sorry to say... When the time come, I won't treat my kids the way my father treated again

It’s tough being a man out there, what ever your father did I’m sure you’re in better position now. Forgive and let go off the past.

Go met your papa an have a discussion with him

You need to know why he treated you poorly and never showed concerned and ask if he deserve any favour or help from you

If all you said is the truth tho

Mercylike:


Sorry to say... When the time come, I won't treat my kids the way my father treated again

Don't be in a rush. The time will come when you will understand life. We live life moving forward, but we can only understand it backwards!
Cheers!

obesse:
See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.
I am speaking from experience. I wish God could bring back my own Father for just 24 hours, so I could hug him, cry on his shoulders and ask him to forgive me! I wish my Father could arise from his grave, so I could spend some money on him.
It took almost 40 years before I knew the whole truth! Alas, it was too late!!

Sometimes fathers do things coded without informing anyone but mothers. They will let you know who did what. If you check deep down you will discover your father was instrumental to your success. He gave you shelter, security and food, moreso he made you know how to be man by not giving you everything

Whatever happens, he remains your father. You won't appreciate him now that he is still alive. Wait till he is gone. You better go and reconcile with your old man before it is too late

abuhusna1:

Sometimes fathers do things coded without informing anyone but mothers. They will let you know who did what. If you check deep down you will discover your father was instrumental to your success. He gave you shelter, security and food, moreso he made you know how to be man by not giving you everything

Absolutely!

This is the case of many families. There's something wrong with some Nigerian dads