₦airaland Forum

dormenedynasty:
My friend and I are having a cold war, and I want to know if I am the one at fault.

We used to go out together almost every time, but one day, he suddenly stopped taking me along with him. His wife gave birth, and he didn't tell me until two days later. When his wife returned from the hospital, he still didn't tell me. I only found out because a mutual friend, whom he now goes out with, told me.

I decided not to go and see his wife, and since then, we haven't been talking. We live in the same estate.

The reason I chose not to visit his wife is because I know he suspects that I am planning to sleep with her. He has even told me that he is a dangerous and bad man.

I had already told him before now that I don't really know how to relate with women. I also find it difficult to look directly at his wife's face. When I try to look elsewhere, my eyes sometimes end up looking at her legs. I know he has noticed this.

Honestly, I am confused. I try to avoid making eye contact, but then my eyes may wander elsewhere, and sometimes they end up on her legs. I have this habit where the way I look at people can make them uncomfortable, and it isn't limited to women. It happens with both men and women.

There is another aspect of my behavior that concerns me. For example, if I give someone money or help them with something, my behavior afterward can sometimes be strange. I may eventually say something that makes the person remember what I gave them or did for them. I don't necessarily plan to make them feel bad, but I often feel hurt when these situations happen.

Also, if someone asks me for something and I only have a small quantity of it left, the way I react or the way I respond can sometimes make the person uncomfortable.

What worries me is that this uncomfortable behavior isn't limited to outsiders. It can also happen with my siblings and even my parents.

I honestly don't know why I behave this way sometimes, and I want to understand whether I am actually at fault in this situation with my friend and what I can do differently.

from what you described:

1. It seems you dey eye the wife somehow but your conscience is at war with you.

2. Since the guy dey suspect you already, if I were you, I would have disconnected with his family long ago and keep our friendship far away from his house.

3. Since the guy has been giving you attitude to the extent that he did not tell you that his wife has put to bed, if I were you, I would have become the busiest person on the planet, I would have even forgotten that the guy and his family exist.

Return vibe for vibe, energy for energy. No time.

It is completely understandable that you feel hurt and confused by the distance, especially when you are already aware of your social awkwardness and working to make sense of it.

Try to look at it from your friend's side without taking it as a personal attack. He just became a father, and his main focus right now is protecting the peace and comfort of his new family. When a husband notices subtle things like awkward eye contact or uncomfortable body language around his wife, his natural instinct is to step back and set a firm boundary to safeguard his home. It is not necessarily about hating you, but about him prioritizing his marriage above everything else.

Every strong marriage depends on the boundaries a couple sets around their home to keep out unnecessary tension or misunderstandings. Protecting a relationship often means making tough decisions about outside influences to keep the foundation solid.
If you want to understand why protecting the home from subtle friction and outside influences is so vital for couples, this short video breaks down that exact principle really well:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecBs4vmGcNY

1Alex:
from what you described:

1. It seems you dey eye the wife somehow but your conscience is at war with you.

2. Since the guy dey suspect you already, if I were you, I would have disconnected with his family long ago and keep our friendship far away from his house.

3. Since the guy has been giving you attitude to the extent that he did not tell you that his wife has put to bed, if I were you, I would have become the busiest person on the planet, I would have even forgotten that the guy and his family exist.

Return vibe for vibe, energy for energy. No time.

1.

It seems you dey eye the wife somehow but your conscience is at war with you.

No, I am not. See, I no dey know weytin to contribute for discussion. As I dey, I no dey fit hold plenty talk. Any discussion running into 5 minutes will begin to see me going off point, malfunctioning. This is also affecting me academically. I can't read more than two pages of a book, without my head pumping and running chaos.

2.

Since the guy dey suspect you already, if I were you, I would have disconnected with his family long ago and keep our friendship far away from his house.

I tried to. A lot of the times, I will be in my crib and before you know it, they guy will show up. I will be cul though but most of the times, the wife will come mid into our discussion. I won't know what to contribute. If I try to chip in small small, I can't look at her face. If I try to focus on the husband, I'll be having peripheral glance. Whiv will make me reall uncomfortable.

3.

Since the guy has been giving you attitude to the extent that he did not tell you that his wife has put to bed, if I were you, I would have become the busiest person on the planet, I would have even forgotten that the guy and his family exist.

I do that now. I avoid him. But his children are the biggest issue. Those boys can disturb me. I can't beat them because the parents will interpret it differently. If I lock the protector to my apartment, those boys will be shaking it, like they are going to pull it down. I do spank them most times, especially, the second son. He will cry low key and continue with the rough disturbance.

Return vibe for vibe, energy for energy. No time.

It's not that easy for me. Its something I am going to learn.

heartmosphere:
It is completely understandable that you feel hurt and confused by the distance, especially when you are already aware of your social awkwardness and working to make sense of it.

Try to look at it from your friend's side without taking it as a personal attack. He just became a father, and his main focus right now is protecting the peace and comfort of his new family. When a husband notices subtle things like awkward eye contact or uncomfortable body language around his wife, his natural instinct is to step back and set a firm boundary to safeguard his home. It is not necessarily about hating you, but about him prioritizing his marriage above everything else.

Every strong marriage depends on the boundaries a couple sets around their home to keep out unnecessary tension or misunderstandings. Protecting a relationship often means making tough decisions about outside influences to keep the foundation solid.
If you want to understand why protecting the home from subtle friction and outside influences is so vital for couples, this short video breaks down that exact principle really well:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecBs4vmGcNY

Oh, I see. If that’s how it is, I perfectly understand.

I started gradually withdrawing myself when ChatGPT advised me to. There was a time he asked me to accompany him somewhere. I told him I wanted to cook soup, but he said he would wait.

After parboiling the meat, I decided to cook spaghetti instead, so I wouldn’t keep him waiting for too long. When we came back from where we went, he asked for a plate of soup. I told him I hadn’t cooked the soup yet and that I was going to cook it immediately since he needed a plate.

When I finished cooking, I called him on the phone to let him know. I was disturbed when he didn’t come, so I decided to ask ChatGPT what I should do. The advice I got was that I should stay away from married couples.

But the thing is, they are the ones who are always coming around themost. Yes, they also send me food through their children. That was why I even asked ChatGPT if it was appropriate for me to send the food to him.

dormenedynasty:
Oh, I see. If that’s how it is, I perfectly understand.

I started gradually withdrawing myself when ChatGPT advised me to. There was a time he asked me to accompany him somewhere. I told him I wanted to cook soup, but he said he would wait.

After parboiling the meat, I decided to cook spaghetti instead, so I wouldn’t keep him waiting for too long. When we came back from where we went, he asked for a plate of soup. I told him I hadn’t cooked the soup yet and that I was going to cook it immediately since he needed a plate.

When I finished cooking, I called him on the phone to let him know. I was disturbed when he didn’t come, so I decided to ask ChatGPT what I should do. The advice I got was that I should stay away from married couples.

But the thing is, they are the ones who are always coming around themost. Yes, they also send me food through their children. That was why I even asked ChatGPT if it was appropriate for me to send the food to him.

It makes complete sense that you felt confused, especially with them sending food through their children. In many neighborhoods, sharing food is just culture and courtesy, but it does not always mean they want to go back to being close friends.
You are handling this with great maturity by reflecting on it. The best thing to do now is just stay polite, greet them warmly whenever you see them around the estate, but give them their space and focus on building connections where you feel completely comfortable.

MicroSweet:
You are partly at fault. Your uncomfortable eye contact habits made him suspicious, and ignoring his baby's birth confirmed his doubts.
​Key Actions I suggest you to Take
​Send a simple text to Congratulate him on the baby to break the cold war.
​Adjust your gaze - look at the bridge of a person's nose and never look downward at their body.
​Respect his space by Keeping a polite, respectful distance from his wife.
​And Stop tracking favors by avoiding reminding people when you help them.

I will do just that. I don't normally go to his wife. The wife always join us in a conversation, outside their house. I also have this problem with men. I don't know what to do again. I go just talk with some guys finish them go begin avoid me. The funny thing be say I no dey collect weytin A talk go tell B.

dormenedynasty:
I will do just that. I don't normally go to his wife. The wife always join us in a conversation, outside their house. I also have this problem with men. I don't know what to do again. I go just talk with some guys finish them go begin avoid me. The funny thing be say I no dey collect weytin A talk go tell B.

Hello... I think you should study about personality traits. It will build up your confidence. Also know that you are not ordinary

ibiba55:
Hello... I think you should study about personality traits. It will build up your confidence. Also know that you are not ordinary

What do you mean by

You are not ordinary

Do you notice people having reproach towards you for no reason?
Sometimes they will be friendly the next minutes their altitude will change?

dormenedynasty:
What do you mean by

Do you have any intentions to dock her, if given the opportunity?

ibiba55:
Do you notice people having reproach towards you for no reason?
Sometimes they will be friendly the next minutes their altitude will change?

Quite a lot

A lot of things introverts struggle with.
Nothing is wrong with you my brother. You are just too intense, too emotional, feel things too deeply and too strongly, read people's countenance and different shades of behavior very easily, too self conscious and very very intelligent.

I can relate.

Try and loosen up a little and enjoy your life. Majority of humans are not as deep and perceptive as you are. There are a lot of things you easily notice, react to and worry about which people around you neither notice nor care about. Really, nobody cares.

Stop making assumptions for people. If he doesn't tell you that you are eyeing his wife, don't assume he thinks you are eyeing his wife. Call him and congratulate him on his new baby. If he says you should stop calling, you will then be sure of your stance

MicroSweet:
You are partly at fault. Your uncomfortable eye contact habits made him suspicious, and ignoring his baby's birth confirmed his doubts.
​Key Actions I suggest you to Take
​Send a simple text to Congratulate him on the baby to break the cold war.
​Adjust your gaze - look at the bridge of a person's nose and never look downward at their body.
​Respect his space by Keeping a polite, respectful distance from his wife.
​And Stop tracking favors by avoiding reminding people when you help them.

I sent him a message, and from his reply, it was clear that he was angry because he felt I neglected his wife. He said his wife was in labour for several days. Although he had told me to look after his wife, I honestly never imagined that I was expected to go into their house to check on her.

Also, she never sent her children to call me or let me know that she needed my attention through phone call. Even on the very day she went to the hospital, the way she walked did not give me any indication that she was in labour or experiencing serious pain.

Before the guy who eventually took her to the hospital left with her, he was actually in my apartment. She was the one who called him. At that point, I had no idea what was going on. The guy only told me that he was with a woman outside and that he was coming.

I looked through the window and saw that the woman was actually his wife. She was walking normally, so I had no reason to believe that she was in labour or that there was any emergency.

Looking back now, I can understand why he felt I should have checked on her, especially since he had asked me to look after his family. But honestly, I did not know the seriousness of the situation at the time, and I never intentionally ignored or neglected her.

dormenedynasty:
I sent him a message, and from his reply, it was clear that he was angry because he felt I neglected his wife. He said his wife was in labour for several days. Although he had told me to look after his wife, I honestly never imagined that I was expected to go into their house to check on her.

Also, she never sent her children to call me or let me know that she needed my attention through phone call. Even on the very day she went to the hospital, the way she walked did not give me any indication that she was in labour or experiencing serious pain.

Before the guy who eventually took her to the hospital left with her, he was actually in my apartment. She was the one who called him. At that point, I had no idea what was going on. The guy only told me that he was with a woman outside and that he was coming.

I looked through the window and saw that the woman was actually his wife. She was walking normally, so I had no reason to believe that she was in labour or that there was any emergency.

Looking back now, I can understand why he felt I should have checked on her, especially since he had asked me to look after his family. But honestly, I did not know the seriousness of the situation at the time, and I never intentionally ignored or neglected her.

U should look after her wife as per her Mum or Sister. U owe them nothing, unless if u want to visit the new child. Just do what chatgpt told u to live married people alone, get ur self distracted with ur niggas, work or even single girls around

dormenedynasty:
My friend and I are having a cold war, and I want to know if I am the one at fault.

We used to go out together almost every time, but one day, he suddenly stopped taking me along with him. His wife gave birth, and he didn't tell me until two days later. When his wife returned from the hospital, he still didn't tell me. I only found out because a mutual friend, whom he now goes out with, told me.

I decided not to go and see his wife, and since then, we haven't been talking. We live in the same estate.

The reason I chose not to visit his wife is because I know he suspects that I am planning to sleep with her. He has even told me that he is a dangerous and bad man.

I had already told him before now that I don't really know how to relate with women. I also find it difficult to look directly at his wife's face. When I try to look elsewhere, my eyes sometimes end up looking at her legs. I know he has noticed this.

Honestly, I am confused. I try to avoid making eye contact, but then my eyes may wander elsewhere, and sometimes they end up on her legs. I have this habit where the way I look at people can make them uncomfortable, and it isn't limited to women. It happens with both men and women.

There is another aspect of my behavior that concerns me. For example, if I give someone money or help them with something, my behavior afterward can sometimes be strange. I may eventually say something that makes the person remember what I gave them or did for them. I don't necessarily plan to make them feel bad, but I often feel hurt when these situations happen.

Also, if someone asks me for something and I only have a small quantity of it left, the way I react or the way I respond can sometimes make the person uncomfortable.

What worries me is that this uncomfortable behavior isn't limited to outsiders. It can also happen with my siblings and even my parents.

I honestly don't know why I behave this way sometimes, and I want to understand whether I am actually at fault in this situation with my friend and what I can do differently.

You're not alone. I won't say more than that

1Alex:
from what you described:

1. It seems you dey eye the wife somehow but your conscience is at war with you.

2. Since the guy dey suspect you already, if I were you, I would have disconnected with his family long ago and keep our friendship far away from his house.

3. Since the guy has been giving you attitude to the extent that he did not tell you that his wife has put to bed, if I were you, I would have become the busiest person on the planet, I would have even forgotten that the guy and his family exist.

Return vibe for vibe, energy for energy. No time.

Aura for Aura.

dormenedynasty:
Quite a lot

That's why I said you are not ordinary. If you can private chat I will explain some things to you.

@op stop masturbation and thank me later.

ojaysam25:
@op stop masturbation and thank me later.

Really
I don't do that.

sacajawea:
Your name is suspicious.

Tell me about it.

Hungrychicken:
Do you have any intentions to dock her, if given the opportunity?

No na. I want kill my friend? I can't do that.

dormenedynasty:
No na. I want kill my friend? I can't do that.

That good, dont do that then👏