moca:
Sexynne, now this is the real me talking.

I don't know but anytime I see a hubby maltreating a pregnant wife, I will be enraged.

Be calm.

Wait for him to come back.
Don't cower or fear.
Tell him u wouldn't want a repeat of what happened b4 or any thing that resembles it.

U r a human like him and if u should start going his way,d house might not contain d two of u.
Also, if u dare tell ur people, he knows how far.
U r a human like him and should be respected as one,then as a wife and companion plus a mother to his children.
U did not agree to we'd him because u knew he will pour food on ur body but agreed bc u knew he loves u and d love was returned.
If at any time he feels she is not doing d right thing, he shouldn't hesitate to correct u in love.
That is d bedlock of ur union.

Talk from ur heart. And be very serious about it.
Does he want d union to nose dive?.

Now, do a private background check on his parents especially father and family.
U will be shocked at what u will discover.

If what u discover affirms ur fear.
Do help him to overcome such behaviour.
One step at a time.

Some of us grew up in a not stable enough environ that we think the way we behave is d norm.
Remember,be calm. Very calm.

Ur family will come out better and stronger.


There is this woman I know, whenever she is talking to d children,always shouting. Now d children shouts at one another.
I wouldn't be surprised when they all marry tomorrow,shouting galore continues.

May God give u wisdom.

For women that are not so good being assertive,I tell them to write on a piece of paper,exactly what they intend to say, stand in front of a mirror and practice it over and over again till it comes out exactly the way you want to say it so that when you do,you are clear and precise and it has the effect you desire.
No long sentences
No wimpy voice
No teary eyes
No argument
Just say it firm and strong in few words and walk out majestically so he can chew on that

@netotse, how else could she have handled it?
She's pregnant but instead of him taking care of her, she's the one doing all. She still cooked and served him and went ahead to feed their son and his appreciation for that is to reject the food because he didn't hear her inform him on time.

As a housemaid or what?
I can't wrap my head around that nonsense behavior of his.

babyosisi:


For women that are not so good being assertive,I tell them to write on a piece of paper,exactly what they intend to say, stand in front of a mirror and practice it over and over again till it comes out exactly the way you want to say it so that when you do,you are clear and precise and it has the effect you desire.
No long sentences
No wimpy voice
No teary eyes
No argument
Just say it firm and strong in few words and walk out majestically so he can chew on that

It's fear. Some tremble too.
When ur self esteem is not intact, u cower.

True, more than 50% of folks married are not meant to marry.
Marriage is not for everybody.
It's d society.
No freedom.
U can be single and adopt or give birth or do surrogacy or don't even care about children.

See all people pass tru bc of marriage.
Pouring food on a pregnant woman.
Chei!
Some people r heartless even if she is not pregnant.
How anry can he be?
He should have gone out and hit his car na

moca:
I for one is the type pregnancy shows shege.
On top that(ur baby o with ur name o) u pour food on my body.
U will kill me that day
After running come back home.

I'm not surprised. His third leg will not allow him to enter the kitchen and cook.

Bia madam, tell him that he should start cooking food for the family henceforth.

He knows how to put his third leg inside my toto but can't accept d responsibilities that comes with it.

And I strongly blame our church and mosque
Be a submissive wife slogan has killed many women's self worth and image.
It has also killed many marriages instead of repair.

They always choose their victims well.
Or is it every woman that he will pour food at?

They will soon label you a marriage killer
Lol

I remember in my early years of marriage,one time Oga was mad at me over something and refused to eat the soup I cooked
I begged and he refused
I don't eat swallow so the soup went bad and I threw it away with all the okporoko inside
Ha !!
He had to cook his own soup for a while o
Lai lai
I refused to cook soup
After all I don't eat it and since I didn't know if he would eat it,I didn't bother
Why will I spend time to cook and you don't eat it
I can't even remember how it ended,it's been so long

babyosisi:


They will soon label you a marriage killer

Tuah!
For nairaland?

Bc I'm saying d truth?
Oya, make dem continu to die in silence.

It's not my portion.
Abeg wives, be verrrrrry submissive o.
If he pours u food, tell him thank u and go and prepare another dish.
Upiantu!

moca:

Tuah!
For nairaland?

Bc I'm saying d truth?
Oya, make dem continu to die in silence.

It's not my portion.
Abeg wives, be verrrrrry submissive o.
If he pours u food, tell him thank u and go and prepare another dish.
Upiantu!

I cooked egusi soup and that was what my hubby had for dinner
I was just imagining him walking into the bedroom while I am typing this,shouting and pouring the soup on me
This house won't contain us o

Babyosisi, I believe that ur marriage will come out d way u want it to be.
It's good to start early to fix things before it gets out of hand.
U don't have to scream to make ur point.
That's why wisdom is needed cos each family is unique in its own way.

(chei, morning don come.
Sleep, what I do u na?)

moca:
Babyosisi, I believe that ur marriage will come out d way u want it to be.
It's good to start early to fix things before it gets out of hand.
U don't have to scream to make ur point.
That's why wisdom is needed cos each family is unique in its own way.

(chei, morning don come.
Sleep, what I do u na?)

Wisdom
Very essential
From day one

But I have heard stories o
There was a story of a wife that the husband will beat up mercilessly and while she is balled up at a corner crying, in pain from all the bruises he will bring out his preek and urinate on her.
That is the worst abuse story I ever heard

babyosisi:



Wisdom
Very essential
From day one

But I have heard stories o
There was a story of a wife that the husband will beat up mercilessly and while she is balled up at a corner crying, in pain from all the bruises he will bring out his preek and urinate on her.
That is the worst abuse story I ever heard

Oluwa Jesu!
Eewh, no self worth again.
All have been eroded systematically.
And he will still climb her o.
Nwanyi ibe m have suffered.

moca:

Oluwa Jesu!
Eewh, no self worth again.
All have been eroded systematically.
And he will still climb her o.
Nwanyi ibe m have suffered.

People say the divorce rate amongst Nigerians in the diaspora is high and attribute it to the women beginning to act Oyibo or turning feminists
Totally false
The simple truth is that she is less likely to take abuse when out here
Many things a nigerian wife will take in Nigeria,the same wife in the West will not take
Abusive men dey o
But a trip to a jail after a 911 call may reset his brain
Ad the call could be from a neighbor who heard the screams
From the children who are tired of seeing dad terrorizing the household
Some will simply file for divorce
What many women wouldn't do in Nigeria due to a culture where you must stay married so people don't talk about you

babyosisi:



Wisdom
Very essential
From day one

But I have heard stories o
There was a story of a wife that the husband will beat up mercilessly and while she is balled up at a corner crying, in pain from all the bruises he will bring out his preek and urinate on her.
That is the worst abuse story I ever heard

This is the height of it..............................and the woman stayed in the marriage?
That man doesn't deserve a wife and should even be prosecuted.

babyosisi:


People say the divorce rate amongst Nigerians in the diaspora is high and attribute it to the women beginning to act Oyibo or turning feminists
Totally false
The simple truth is that she is less likely to take abuse when out here
Many things a nigerian wife will take in Nigeria,the same wife in the West will not take
Abusive men dey o
But a trip to a jail after a 911 call may reset his brain
Ad the call could be from a neighbor who heard the screams
From the children who are tired of seeing dad terrorizing the household
Some will simply file for divorce
What many women wouldn't do in Nigeria due to a culture where you must stay married so people don't talk about you

Please Ma i would would be sending you a PM shortly. Please follow me back so you can receive it. There is something bothering me real seriously and i need someone to talk to. Thank you

Wow! He is so wicked and should be taught some lessons.

I have an aunt who was physically abused for so many years. There was a particular day , after beating her, she was thrown out of the house in the middle of the night. She had to call my dad to pick her up.
Despite families getting involved , the abuse continued. The husband was also having extra-marital affairs with a woman 10years older than him and with 5kids.

One day, after the normal physical abuse, the husband left the house angrily. He met their family friend on the way who asked after the wife. Imagine the husband' s response'that he just finished beating her'. The family friend went to thier house immediately and saw my aunt in pain. The family friend who was an ex-soldier called the barracks to lock the guy up.
The husband spent 3days in the barracks and they refused to release him to his family members until the wife came to beg on his behalf. They asked him to write a statement never to lay his hands on his wife again.
He dare not lay his hands on his wife ever .
I think people like your husband needs iron hands to change.

babyosisi:


Abi o
Porridge stew
Hunger don waya me
After eating spiritual food from pastor B ,time for the physical one

Librashokotolikaleydeylili.
My gad!
This meal looks divine!
Madam Babyosisi!
Jesus Christ!

@Haryobaami:
I so love the way that man was dealt with. Such men cnt Lift their fingers against their match, its only vulnurable women they flex muscle on. I hate the sight of a man beating a woman or any level of abuse @ all. I wish we can ve people standing for these weak women, then the men would ve learnt their lessons.

Women abeg speak out when your life is being threatened and not die in silence (me and my husband alone, no family).

Let my dad catch that uncircumsized philistine who would lay a finger on me cos I did one wrong or the other, if sorry won't be his case.

@moca, welcome back, I can see the spirit has blown you this way. I dey feel you.

@madampinkolo, more grace. You spill it out the way it should be.

God bless our homes.

i am a follower of this thread since it started. i have posted herr before about I and Fiance then.. Now we are married both virgin. its over one week now but we do not know How to have sex. Hubby camt penetrate at all i feel too much pain and i am not aroused at all despite pre-intimacy. i am always scared whenver we want yo try cos i feel we do not get the spot. Hubby p***.s head didny enter at all. Infact i am noy enjoying anything about sex. i dont feel nothing while smooching. we love each other buy i am disturbed. He enjoys it a little but i do not. PLEASE I NEED GUIDANCE. Thank you..

Evina:


LOL @ a lie.

So what happened to your girl?

I notice you are not online. I removed what I explained. When you are around, just quote me and I will paste it for you only. After you have read it, i will remove.

I have been using my friends profile for some weeks now. It was very helpful.Thanks to those who answered my question the last time. I'm back again.

Been married a little over a week now, But have been unable to penetrate my wife/have sex.
We bought lubricant, We've had lots of pre-intimacy. None has worked.
She screams and grabs my hand when I try to penetrate her. Or she grabs my dik. She complains that I am hurting her perineum and I'm not aiming for the right place.

Even when her legs are open, feels like theres an iron door closed over her vagina. I try and I try and the most I've done is get the cap of my p in somewhat.
I've told her to allow me use my hand in creating an entry, but she refused and said she has a phobia for fingering But doesn't know why.

Is this How hard it is to deflower a woman or should I be worried....


P.S. We've started having arguments over this.

ttymyluv:
i am a follower of this thread since it started. i have posted herr before about I and Fiance then.. Now we are married both virgin. its over one week now but we do not know How to have sex. Hubby camt penetrate at all i feel too much pain and i am not aroused at all despite pre-intimacy. i am always scared whenver we want yo try cos i feel we do not get the spot. Hubby p***.s head didny enter at all. Infact i am noy enjoying anything about sex. i dont feel nothing while smooching. we love each other buy i am disturbed. He enjoys it a little but i do not. PLEASE I NEED GUIDANCE. Thank you..

Gademit!

heavyg and ttymyluv, u r not smart.
Before abraham,jesus was.

Waoh what a coincidence @ttymyluv & @heavyg. Or are you guys reffereing to the same person?

I think both patners needs the help of a sex therapist and if you can't acess one. Why not try and be patient with each other and remove this aura of fear around you guys.

The guy should give room for more of pre-intimacy, while d babe is readily open to receive this intimacies. Remove whatever notion(wrong) you ve heard/seen abt sex in the past from your head @ d moment, after all you guys are married now. Start seeing the good aspect of sex in marriage and desire them. This is no sin now so enjoy it. The pain is there cos she is not adequately stimulated.

And for the guys in this picture, I learnt something long ago, that is anytime the clarion call for love making arises, your motive should be to satisfy your spouse and not majorly your own enjoyment, by so doing, you would be patient with her and be ready to do all that will make her happy and by so doing, she would respond in the positive and in turn satisfy you and everybody will be happy.

Its a gradual process, don't expect a swift result. Read books too if you can.

I hope I was able to help a bit. All the bes

moca:
heavyg and ttymyluv, u r not smart.
Before abraham,jesus was.

Hahahaahhahahahahahahaha. That awkard moment where u were busted. I feel same as you sis.

Heavyg we have similar Challenge. I and hubby arent into any argument. He is so loving. . REGARDS!

ttymyluv:
i am a follower of this thread since it started. i have posted herr before about I and Fiance then.. Now we are married both virgin. its over one week now but we do not know How to have sex. Hubby camt penetrate at all i feel too much pain and i am not aroused at all despite pre-intimacy. i am always scared whenver we want yo try cos i feel we do not get the spot. Hubby p***.s head didny enter at all. Infact i am noy enjoying anything about sex. i dont feel nothing while smooching. we love each other buy i am disturbed. He enjoys it a little but i do not. PLEASE I NEED GUIDANCE. Thank you..

I think this would be better treated in the sexuality/romance sessions.

Btw, look up Vaginismus in the internet.

gleatz:
Waoh what a coincidence @ttymyluv & @heavyg. Or are you guys reffereing to the same person?

I think both patners needs the help of a sex therapist and if you can't acess one. Why not try and be patient with each other and remove this aura of fear around you guys.

The guy should give room for more of pre-intimacy, while d babe is readily open to receive this intimacies. Remove whatever notion(wrong) you ve heard/seen abt sex in the past from your head @ d moment, after all you guys are married now. Start seeing the good aspect of sex in marriage and desire them. This is no sin now so enjoy it. The pain is there cos she is not adequately stimulated.

And for the guys in this picture, I learnt something long ago, that is anytime the clarion call for love making arises, your motive should be to satisfy your spouse and not majorly your own enjoyment, by so doing, you would be patient with her and be ready to do all that will make her happy and by so doing, she would respond in the positive and in turn satisfy you and everybody will be happy.

Its a gradual process, don't expect a swift result. Read books too if you can.

I hope I was able to help a bit. All the bes

Can't be the same person Because while ttymyluv and hubby are virgins, I am not one, just my wife.

I try to prolong pre-intimacy and do whatever she wants. I was using vaseline before she suggested lubricant, that one of her friends who got married as a virgin told her. So off I went to get it that same evening.

I also gave head, just to get her excited.

Thanks for your input. Really appreciate.

ttymyluv:
Heavyg we have similar Challenge. I and hubby arent into any argument. He is so loving. . REGARDS!

Hi dear.
That this has caused arguments does not mean I am any less loving. Remember We all respond to the same things different ways, due to our various experiences and backgrounds.

I love my wife and I am a little bit frustrated that I am unable to share this in the most intimate way possible.
Especially after wait before marriage.
Hope you and your husband find a resolution very soon. Take care.

please where can i get the lubricant. And is it just called lubricant?

@heavyg, I was going to suggest lubricants but seeing you've tried that, I really don't know what else to say.. I'll suggest you penetrate as gentle as you can and yes your wife should feel pains but if the pains she feels are extraordinary, then you may hv to see a doctor. ... All d best, just be strong it's only for a while ok?

Also, the mind has a huge part to play at enjoying sex, you really have to be free minded if you are to enjoy sex..

Ehhh, if you're ever going to finger her, please be sure your nails are cut and your fingers extra neat....

ttymyluv:
please where can i get the lubricant. And is it just called lubricant?

There are lots of sex lubricants, just hit a pharmacy. ...

Some people use vaseline, shear butter, coconut oil, olive oil, water, etc as lubricants, just anything to make the vagi*a soft/moist.. This eases penetration and relives the lady of pain... But you really won't need lubricants if you get naturally wet easily...

I really hope you and heavyg ain't pulling our legs here

Did I just read that someone's husband poured hot soup on her for a flimsy reason? ? Nawa oooo, this one pass me oooo

It's well sis. .

MarvellousGod:
@heavyg, I was going to suggest lubricants but seeing you've tried that, I really don't know what else to say.. I'll suggest you penetrate as gentle as you can and yes your wife should feel pains but if the pains she feels are extraordinary, then you may hv to see a doctor. ... All d best, just be strong it's only for a while ok?

Also, the mind has a huge part to play at enjoying sex, you really have to be free minded if you are to enjoy sex..

Ehhh, if you're ever going to finger her, please be sure your nails are cut and your fingers extra neat....

Thanks ma'am. I appreciate your advice....

MarvellousGod:
There are lots of sex lubricants, just hit a pharmacy. ...

Some people use vaseline, shear butter, coconut oil, olive oil, water, etc as lubricants, just anything to make the vagi*a soft/moist.. This eases penetration and relives the lady of pain... But you really won't need lubricants if you get naturally wet easily...

I really hope you and heavyg ain't pulling our legs here

Nahhh. Just last week I was talking about my trad yams. You can see our nairaland histories....
I was also shocked seeing our similar stories. But when you dig deep just the basic problem remains through same, the circumstances surrounding us is not so similar....