SAMBARRY:
Ok so what does whether she is ready or not

is it not the same thing as whether she likes it or not then speaking of women not capable of raping men i think I saw a thread Mr coogar created about 6wives raping their husband to death in Nigeria.then please and please when you are arguing argue with direction I hate blind argument

MarvellousGod:
Awwwshhh

MarvellousGod:
How? .. Have I contradicted myself?

You expect me to say the article doesn't make sense? I don't understand y'all in this section..

coogar:


i was only explaining what the law of your country thinks about marital rape. a husband cannot rape his wife in nigeria - no such laws exist in our constitution. i am saying with such situations, women don't even know they are being raped cos such laws do not exist!



if you take time to read & follow discussion from the start, you wouldn't be talking nonsense. if you had followed the discussion from the start you would see i am against marital rape.

Timbuktou:

Hehehehe. Of course, she shouldn't be forced. If she says no and the man goes on anyway, that's rape. My point is she may not want to have sex but does so just to satisfy her man whether she's in the mood or not. I, for one, wouldn't go on to have sex with someone lying like a log, anyway. The schlong would shrink.

SAMBARRY:
It's a lie! You are speaking from both sides of the mouth after exposing your hypocrisy. Kontinu

coogar:


and do you not think this happens a lot in nigeria? men believe their wives must always be ready & available for sex when they want to. the law backs them up as well. a woman cannot go to the police and say she's been raped by her husband in nigeria - there's no law that would bring such hubby to any form of punishment.

Timbuktou:


Coogar, nobody does this in Nigeria, well, almost nobody. Only an extremely tiny percentage would ever do this. Believe me, not many men even know it's not a crime. Juts because the law encourages it doesn't mean Nigerian men routinely rape their wives.

MarvellousGod:
To impress a man? .. I have my husband to impress at home..
Sorry dear, I can only account for what happens in my own household and that I just did..
If you're looking for a gender fight, then you're getting none cos I'm not one of you.. I only gave my opinion, I suggest you do same and move on..

I just did, deal with it

Timbuktou:

Coogar, nobody does this in Nigeria, well, almost nobody. Only an extremely tiny percentage would ever do this. Believe me, not many men even know it's not a crime. Juts because the law encourages it doesn't mean Nigerian men routinely rape their wives.

thorpido:
I'll disagree on this one.Actually many men have the sex they want when they want and expect their wives to understand it's their rights as a husband.

thorpido:
I'll disagree on this one.Actually many men have the sex they want when they want and expect their wives to understand it's their rights as a husband.

thorpido:
I'll disagree on this one.Actually many men have the sex they want when they want and expect their wives to understand it's their rights as a husband.

coogar:


i may agree slightly if you are speaking of our generation of husbands.......but the ones before us must have done it in leaps & bounds.

back then, women are considered properties. some culture in nigeria even loan their wives to visitors to use for the night. she simply has no say when it comes to sex. she must obey!

5minsmadness:

If this were true there'd be fewer cases of cheating in marriage.
Most men will simply look for a willing woman outside instead of forcing their way on an unwilling wife.

Do you demand to have sex even when your wife disagrees an then go ahead to do it?
Did you dad do it? Your uncles? Brothers? Forget social media jazz and be honest now.

Timbuktou:

Of course, I'm talking about our generation. Women haven't always been self-deterministic in the history of the human race. Every society, at one time or other, has had misogynistic laws. We're talking about today's Nigeria, or we may as well be talking about ancient England.

coogar:


you are a fool!
stop quoting me if you don't have the required intelligence to read & understand my post. if the laws of your stupid country does not recognise marital rape, why would the readiness or the unreadiness of the woman be an issue?



the women were charged with murder & sexual assault. a woman cannot legally rape a man in nigeria. yet you call yourself a graduate and you are not even aware of your rights as a woman in nigeria. how would you know when 99% of your brain cells have been eroded with owambe fried rice & bokoto.....

SAMBARRY:
If marital rape is illegal why where the women charged to court. I'm done arguing with you since you have nothing sensible to say the rest of your post are like a clanging cymbal or the barking of a dog

coogar:

sambarry is a bush woman!

coogar:

sambarry is a bush woman!

Timbuktou:


How did you come by this information?

funlord:


I've NOTICED it 2! Jesus wept!

coogar:



as we speak, there's no marital rape law in the nigerian constitutuon. a husband can tie his wife up & use her as he pleases and no form of arrest or punishment would be meted to him by the law.

if you run into a bunch of jezebels tonight and they rape you live on camera, they would not be brought into any form of justice too. you are a nigerian man - the law in the country does not recognise you can be raped by a woman.

5minsmadness:

If this were true there'd be fewer cases of cheating in marriage.
Most men will simply look for a willing woman outside instead of forcing their way on an unwilling wife.



Do you demand to have sex even when your wife disagrees an then go ahead to do it?

Did you dad do it? Your uncles? Brothers? Forget social media jazz and be honest now.

funlord:


I've NOTICED it 2! Jesus wept!

coogar:


your formula does not identify who the abusers are - it can only tell the ratio of happy marriages to the ones ridden with strife.

verbal abuse is as harmful as physical abuse. women mostly use their tongues, men mostly use their fists.

thorpido:

1. From hearsays(I hang around women a lot),

2. From the media,

3. From statements made by women in divorce cases in court.

Timbuktou:

Doesn't still mean men go about raping their wives, bruv. Are you aware that the Nigerian constitution promotes wife-beating by using a rod not thicker than the thumb? How many men go cut cane for their wives? . Nigerian men are angels, we don't harm our women.

In the past three days I have had cause to be scared for Nigerian women. I had long online debates with at least 30 young Nigerian (married and unmarried) men from different professions: lawyers, engineers, civil servants, teachers on the issue of marital rape. It has taken me a while to get over the shock of some of what I heard to write this article debunking the popular myths surrounding marital rape.

One does not need to have experienced rape to understand the seriousness of rape as a crime. Its highly intrusive, sometimes violent nature makes it capable of deep, lasting damage- more so than many other violent crimes. Often, the perpetrator of rape, (some put the frequency at as high as 90% of the time) is known to the victim- a neighbor, friend, uncle, cousin, husband, teacher, pastor, ex-partner. Rape takes on a new dimension when the victim is raped by someone close- then it even becomes harder to report. [Please note that while rape and sexual violence also happens to men, the focus of this article is marital rape as perpetrated by men]


In the case of marriage, Nigeria law and society has left nowhere for a victim of rape to turn. Our law, by its sad silence implies that a man, cannot commit the offence of rape with his wife. Even worse, many men in our society seem to reinforce this sorry state of the law by their statements and actions. A man said to me a few days ago: Why would a woman whose dowry I paid refuse to give me sex when I demand it?

Section 282 of the Penal Code, governing the North of Nigeria and Section 357 of the Criminal Code, governing the South, both exempt a husband from the definition of the offence of rape. This position of the law is based on the legal theory as expressed by English Judge Sir Matthew Hale in 1680 in The History of the Pleas of the Crown that “by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given herself in this kind unto the husband which she cannot retract.” In other words, a wife has by marriage sold herself into sexual slavery and does not have the right to say no.

I can understand how an English judge in the 1600’s would make this statement. But I cannot understand how an educated man in 2012 would repeat and justify it.

Marriage is a relationship of trust- perhaps the deepest level of the expression of trust known to humans. Sexual violence by a person to whom such trust has been given is probably the highest level of breach of that trust. This can be hard to report or otherwise handle. Whereas rape by a stranger may happen once, the victim of marital rape is likely to fear that this will keep happening. I do not need to explain how the anticipation of sexual violence from one with whom you share a bed can be traumatic.

One reason for a husband’s legal and social immunity from rape is our cultural attitude toward women in general. A man is viewed as master over a woman- a position reinforced by culture, religion and even law. I have never been able to get over the shock of Section 55 (1) (d) of the Penal Code which states that “nothing is an offence which does not amount to the infliction of grievous hurt upon any person and which is done by a husband for the purpose of correcting his wife, such husband or wife being subject to any native law or custom in which such correction is recognized as lawful”. This section places women in the same category as children receiving corporal punishment.

There are two grave implications of this section. One, that it permits the husband to beat his wife or otherwise “correct” her as long as he does not injure her. Two, it upholds any native custom that allows such beating or other violence against women. Thus a man, if he considers rape to be a corrective tool for her say, denying him sex may lawfully do so under the law.

A lot of the problem surrounding marital rape also comes from a skewed understanding of what rape and marriage is. I will attempt to make comments on some of these misconceptions as gathered from conversations I have had with Nigerian men in the past few days

1. Marriage entitles me to sex.

It is my right to demand sex from my wife and as part of her duties she must make the sacrifice and satisfy me when and how I want.
The basis of this unfortunate myth seems to be the idea that a man is superior to a woman. It becomes easier to justify this when a man believes that a woman is a lesser partner in a marital relationship. A man who sees his wife as an equal partner and friend will not turn violent when his wife is tired or otherwise unable to engage in sexual intercourse at a particular time. A loving, caring partner will likely not need to demand sex in the first place.

2. Forcing my wife to have sex is not rape. I am only taking what is lawfully mine.

Rape is any non-consensual sexual intercourse. I would go ahead to state that I think that it should include not just non-consensual vaginal penetration as the law currently provides but non-consensual oral and anal sex and the penetration of the vagina or anal cavity using objects including but not limited to hands or fingers. Rape is not about sex or love. It is about power, domination and violence. Just like consensual sex can be an expression of love in a marriage, rape is an expression of violent domination. The rapist is not just “taking” sex. Such a person is inflicting both physical and psychological harm on the victim. Rape has nothing to do with pleasure or enjoyment. It is a crime. Even where there is no struggle because a victim already feels overpowered mentally or physically, it is still rape. What makes it a rape is the forced and/or non-consensual nature of the sex.

3. "Marital rape" is a Eurocentric or Western Idea. It is unAfrican to talk of Marital Rape.

Marital rape should be seen as what it is. Rape. Sexual violence. It is not African. It is barbaric and does not belong in any human culture. Even if it is condoned by some of our cultures, it is our place to end those cultures. To use the legal cliché , any culture that is “repugnant to natural justice, equity and good conscience” should be discarded in favor of one that shows respect and dignity to all persons regardless of gender, circumstances of birth, or other differences. We must remember also that culture is fluid. It is not immutable but is a reflection of the ideals of a people over time. Our culture must reflect sane ideals, not practices that make slaves of women.

Sex in marriage should be enjoyed by both parties. It should not be a chore for one party. Healthy sexual relations should be where both parties provide intimacy and pleasure without discomfort, fear or coercion. Where a wife is forced against her will to engage in sex or certain sexual acts, the law should be able to protect her. No contract, marital or otherwise should allow one person to inflict violence on another.

Our legislature must step up and expunge embarrassing provisions in our laws that allow men to legally inflict violence on their wives. Our law must protect vulnerable groups (and minorities) instead of legalizing their oppression.

I must end by saying that I am a Nigerian man. I believe in the equality of man and woman. I believe in the right of a woman to be in control of her own body. I believe in the right of a woman to say no when she does not want sex. I believe in the right of a woman to withdraw the consent she has given at anytime. And I believe there are many other men, like me.

coogar:


that he's not doing it does not mean millions of men don't do it. he's educated, more exposed. he probably belongs to the top 10% of the exposed nigerian men.

what about the men in the remote areas, the stark illiterates, the semi-illiterates, etc who are completely ignorant about the rights of a woman?

eyinjuege:


In conflict resolution, violence should NEVER be an option. Yes, I'm talking of physical violence.
VIOLENCE is not the answer. Whether against women, children or men.
Such relationships are toxic where physical abuse seems justifiable, and often only because the perpetrators are much stronger than the victims.
I don't even want to think about it that in this day and age, young people are justifying it for whatever reason. The more responses I read about any form of support for this act of barbarism, the more it seems to burden my soul. Your wife has a caustic tongue, why not walk away? If I'm in an argument with someone of same sex and things are getting tense, I walk away.... Simple. It happens regularly to people at work, but they would appear simply mad if they start fighting.

SAMBARRY:
very funny that I forgot to laugh


My sense of humour is dead

SAMBARRY:
very funny that I forgot to laugh


My sense of humour is dead

5minsmadness:

I have uncles and aunties in the villages and I know most of thier dirty little secrets. NONE of the men force themselves on thier wives as a routine. The only uncle that tried that 'once' out of frustration told us about it and resorted to having a very willing side chic on the side since his wife continually refused to give it to him without a fight.

I asked thorpido cos I wanted real facts not social media sensationalism.
On to you then. Do you personally know anybody that as a routine forces himself on his wife?

coogar:


she probably sells fat red pepper & onions in nigeria. i am not convinced she's formally educated.

Timbuktou:


1. This medium has maybe a 40% chance of truth

2. This one has like 5%

3. Don't bother. 1%

You don't know women. A guy in the building next to mine was recently arrested by the police for attempted murder for attempting to strangle a female neighbour. By the time, both sides were heard, it turns out he was only trying to collect her own share of NEPA payments of which she owed about 4 months, and she only made up that story because she felt embarrassed. Check out the trajectory, NEPA bills to attempted murder. Women's tales should be taken with a sack of salt.

funlord:


Its not suprising that its dead madam! Its a side effect of having a "louse sized I.Q ". Mr coogar diagnosed you were suffering from it earlier remember?

You should change your moniker to "arithmetic woman!" Because you only add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance!