enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

I disagree. Keeping financial secret is bad for a marriage. @OP, fact is your hubby doesn't share your dreams. He's also not very disciplined economically. I doubt if he has life insurance to help baby through at least part of education in case God forbid, the worst happened. Such dreams and goals need to be tabled before marriage. Money is the single biggest issue causing marital discord. Tell firmly that you need to save to achieve your goals. He's lucky to have an ambitious wife wife. Keep being honest about things. And be respectful always.

FavorofGod:

Truth is my husband took some loans which seriously depleted his take home pay. My takehome pay is more than his when you take into consideration the loans. But he also has allowances paid in bulk that make up for the deficit. He usually uses those allowances for one project or the other.
But when it comes to the day to day running of the home, including feeding, school fees for children, fuel,etc, I usually contribute more, mostly because his salary is not enough to foot all the bills.I also contribute something to rent and capital projects, though a lesser percentage.
He is paid earlier than me each month, so by the time I receive my salary, his own has already finished( he also sends money to his parents and relations). So I just give him my atm card ,and most times he withdraws when the need arises and I know when I receive the alert.
I hardly spend money frivolously,I hardly buy expensive clothes or jewelry except I really need it,and my husband praises me often for being prudent with money.
He does not spend frivolously too, but will use any money available to solve problems or carry out projects,even when they are not necessary. This leaves us cash-strapped most times. He makes no provision for savings, and will just borrow money if there's an emergency. I've entered labour room twice when we didn't have a dime, and we had to borrow money to offset medical bills, though I had repeatedly told him to keep some money aside for such situations.

what kind of project are we talking about here?
are they capital project that will bring in a lot of money in the nearest future?
if so, I hope you come back here to open another thread when he start lavishing the money on you.

well my wife knows about all my projects and she understands me well. we co-foot some bills and I foot others alone.

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

You're not being bias, and then you add that men ain't worth it?
What silly planet are you from?
@OP,
Your husband is careless with money and he doesn't care. You shouldn't allow him to have access to your money.
He should work hard and make his own money. He should even be ashamed of spending his wife's money recklessly.
It's even annoying that one of his supposed projects he needs money for, is having a baby shower or something like that.
Abeg, save up for the future of your children. Even he's not happy with it, he should make money for himself!

kilode100:


Nna, forget the poster and her wahala jare..

You do know you look very good and ever since I click on your profile, my life has not been the same. What I'm trying to say in case you're a novice is that I dig you

Just say hi and put this Lover girl out of her misery.

jaybee3:

Hi lover girl

In headmasters voice*

What's going on here?

Iam sorry about your situation but iam not going to advise you. The more you put your family story on the internet, and follow advise from people who have their own problems they are dealing with, the more you will destroy what you have built up with you own hands.

ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

wicked stereotype
so women are worth it abi?
mtchew

You did d rit tin. U have more rit to his money dan he has wit urs

jaybee3:

You are not making any sense at it's obvious you aren't married.

You need to get yourself outta the mindset of me me me in a marriage. There is no singular in marriage and all income earned should be for the marriage

It's idiotic to be suggesting a man should loan money from the wife then share the proceeds as at when it yields results.

I accept that circumstances are different and all as in you could be the sole earner or whatever but that doesn't mean you should still make yourself the superman without making her responsible for some family expenditures.
What happens if God forbid you lose your source of income and the stupid pride has enabled you cultivate the singular culture in your marriage?

You had better throw your mindset in the bin Unless you are already a wealthy man

NEWS FLASH: I have been technically married for 11years and officially for 5 years until 3years ago and why the split? 70%FINANCE so you sit your ass down no matter how old you are and be objective enough to learn from people and even the unmarried because we can learn one or two things from anyone.

A MAN DOES NOT OFFICIALLY SHARE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY WITH HIS WIFE

It is unmanly and shameful. Even if your wife suggests it be quick to let her realize that you appreciate but should rather save up the money while you try your best to still provide for her and the children if any.

Now get this clearly, a man can lose his job or suddenly finds himself broke and there is nothing wrong in a lady helping her man out in this ituation nevertheless its not by asking her for 2k today and 5k tomorrow. If she is a very low income earner or money monger then GOD help you.

The subject matter is about a man practically going into sitting agreement with his wife to share financial responsibilities.IT IS TOTALLY ABSURD.

If i make 100k monthly and my wife makes 400k,i will plan my family with 100k and if she decides to bring in any other stufs i will appreciate but rather advice that she saves up that money.

I agree to financial transparency as in knowing how much she makes and i will never abuse that privilege. While i was still with my ex, i set her up in business,and she was making some money yet I STILL GIVE HER WEEKLY ALLOWANCE not minding and i make that a top priority even when there are times i had good reasons not to give her due to financial constraints.

Look if you are a man reading this, NO WOMAN RESPECTS A MAN WHO ASKS A WOMAN FOR PETTY CASH OR DEPENDS ON HER FOR FINANCIAL SUCCOR.

The best you can do is sit down and think of the least thing you can start that will bring in the required minimum to take care of your family and find a way with her to generate such EVEN IF IT MEANS HER HELPING YOU OUT then go ahead and invest,start making the money with GOD's help and be the man you are meant to be.

I preach togetherness in everything (including joint account) between husband and wife. I also practice it. Believe me it works wonders for a blissful marriage.

Your case is not strange to me. There is a fundamental gap between you and your husband that both of you need to bridge (Amos 3:3). Start from serving God together, praying together, praising and worshiping together, fasting together. If you pay tithe, pay jointly. These will establish you as one and you will have a common course and a common mind. Once you achieve this you will such a blissful marriage that you will like to marriage each other even in the world to come.

Start now and thank me later

Toks2008:


NEWS FLASH: I have been technically married for 11years and officially for 5 years until 3years ago and why the split? 70%FINANCE so you sit your ass down no matter how old you are and be objective enough to learn from people and even the unmarried because we can learn one or two things from anyone.

A MAN DOES NOT OFFICIALLY SHARE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY WITH HIS WIFE

First and foremost, you aren’t the only one with years of marriage experience so get that straight. Second of all, I would like to know the reason why your marriage didn’t work since you’ve claimed on this board weeks back that it had nothing to do with infidelity. Perhaps it had something to do with your egocentric nature?

You can’t go into a marriage with a superman mind-set and expect it to work.
Obviously, It’s safe to assume you had be the type that will demand she does all the manual jobs in the house because you’ve made yourself the sole breadwinner.
Obviously, it will be difficult for her to have an opinion when it comes to finances and/or decisions on major projects because it’s your money which you have singly earned with outright right to spend as you wish

Toks2008:

It is unmanly and shameful. Even if your wife suggests it be quick to let her realize that you appreciate but should rather save up the money while you try your best to still provide for her and the children if any.

It’s simply idiotic and outright stupid for you to consider a position with just one possible outcome. So you will basically continue working 24/7 just to prove you are the man even if it’s clear your wife can support the family where possible?

Toks2008:

Now get this clearly, a man can lose his job or suddenly finds himself broke and there is nothing wrong in a lady helping her man out in this ituation nevertheless its not by asking her for 2k today and 5k tomorrow. If she is a very low income earner or money monger then GOD help you.

This is just plain ridiculous to be honest with you. How can you establish a mind-set that you will always provide then suddenly expect her to support you when you can’t ?
Why sell a lifestyle that you know won’t/can’t be sustainable since you’ve rightly agreed that there is the possibility of you being incapable of fulfilling your responsibility

You are simply a perfect example of those men that will cry foul that their woman ain’t supportive even though you’ve done this that for them. Why would they I ask if all you had be trying to do is introducing a new phenom into an already established agreement

Toks2008:

The subject matter is about a man practically going into sitting agreement with his wife to share financial responsibilities.IT IS TOTALLY ABSURD.

How is it absurd if the contribution is entirely going towards the household?

Toks2008:

If i make 100k monthly and my wife makes 400k,i will plan my family with 100k and if she decides to bring in any other stufs i will appreciate but rather advice that she saves up that money.

How stupid of you, so you had deliberately restrict your family from life of luxury just so you can massage your ego?
You had basically send your kids to public school even when it’s clear that investment in good quality education almost certainly yield desired results in the long run

Toks2008:

I agree to financial transparency as in knowing how much she makes and i will never abuse that privilege. While i was still with my ex, i set her up in business,and she was making some money yet I STILL GIVE HER WEEKLY ALLOWANCE not minding and i make that a top priority even when there are times i had good reasons not to give her due to financial constraints.

I’m interested in why it didn’t work despite being a superman

Toks2008:

Look if you are a man reading this, NO WOMAN RESPECTS A MAN WHO ASKS A WOMAN FOR PETTY CASH OR DEPENDS ON HER FOR FINANCIAL SUCCOR.

Good righteous women won’t see it as such since they had be seeing whatever contribution they make as their shared responsibility for the success of their marriage

If ur hubby give u nice hot fxxxxxxk, u will never bother writing it on this front page for help. Some mentioned experience to wayward husbands. Actually most of these men were guys that we begged, urged to get married to. How come they re wayward now? What goes around....

U can make ur man understand some things and gradually u can keep aside some monies in another account than in a general account.

MONEY THEY SAY, IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. If this world was to begin afresh, the scene of the first man and woman wud be broken from "who steal my money"

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

Based on your narration, you've done nothing wrong.

I preach togetherness in everything (including joint account) between husband and wife. I also practice it. Believe me it works wonders for a blissful marriage.

Your case is not strange to me. There is a fundamental gap between you and your husband that both of you need to bridge (Amos 3:3). Start from serving God together, praying together, praising and worshiping together, fasting together. If you pay tithe, pay jointly. These will establish you as one and you will have a common course and a common mind. Once you achieve this you will such a blissful marriage that you will like to marriage each other even in the world to come.

Start now and thank me later . I wish you grace.

since you people had started in that way then stopping it now may create big wahala for you, it may even lead to break up id care not taken.

wisdomiskey:


nd d mistakes
men make iz 2
spend our hard earned
moni on yuh ungrateful
women.. onli
4 yuh to selfishly
guard urz wen d man
is in financial crisis

selfish tin lyk yuh

soon yuh will
hear these women chant
"your money is OUR money, my money is MY money"
greeedi wincheez

spot on!

oshaosha2014:
Iam sorry about your situation but iam not going to advise you. The more you put your family story on the internet, and follow advise from people who have their own problems they are dealing with, the more you will destroy what you have built up with you own hands.

Bravo! So what would you rather advice she does?

Run to the myopic pastors that will ask her to pray over it?

Oh let me guess, call a family ,meeting which is the real exposure and may never recover from that?

Or just continue to sulk in silence?

If people follow your secretive advice i guess we will have many suicide cases in marriages. Social media is the best place to share your problems especially an interactive fora because by so doing you will most likely find many people with similar experiences giving you sound advice and of-course we will have other seemingly baseless advice which stil has an iota of sensibility.

Its your duty to be intelligent enough to sieve out the bad from the good advices.

enoqueen:


What is this ode saying

Who be this one

Cant u share ur view without quoting me

You lack manners.

afrika:
If ur hubby give u nice hot fxxxxxxk, u will never bother writing it on this front page for help. Some mentioned experience to wayward husbands. Actually most of these men were guys that we begged, urged to get married to. How come they re wayward now? What goes around....

U can make ur man understand some things and gradually u can keep aside some monies in another account than in a general account.

MONEY THEY SAY, IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. If this world was to begin afresh, the scene of the first man and woman wud be broken from "who steal my money"

There is no intensity of hot Bleep that will douse the overwhelming effect of finance in our lives.

At the beginning it will not matter but at a point it always will.

ebonflex:


Abi what will you say before?
Who doesn't like free money?
Him doing all that doesn't make him more or less of a man. As long as there is balance, any jara can be taken as a nicety.
But you and your "Whats mine is mine, whats yours is ours" mantra....are actually less of a woman. Because your own is not even balanced. You want a parasitic relationship and not a symbiotic one.

The kind of evil that will see your FAMILY (Not your husband. Stop talking like as if you are just a phuking guest in the family) go and collect loan from bank to solve a matter when you have money there and don't really have any plans for it besides it just being "your money".

You've now conveniently forgotten all the bride price and wahala he went through (especially if you are igbo).
Your kind don't deserve marriage.

Who is this rude and mannerless thing? Who asked for your opinion in this matter?
Do I look like someone who discusses with goats?
Your curses are redirected back to you in a million fold. Idiot!!!

OP, tell ur hubby u are savin for a program and its important to u, and let him understand ur reason(s) for not allowin him touch ur money. Forget all this advice this azzzholes are givin u here cos if shiiiit begins to happen in ur home courtesy of what they told u and its effect, they won't be there to bail u out. Don't see why some ladies e.g OP comes to the internet to discuss her marital life, were u not warned against involvin any third party in ur marriage? Before we know we will see headlines of divorce case on here in one court. A stitch in time saves nine.

(What's even wrong with sharin ur money with ur hubby if its for the right reason)

I can assure you op, none of the advices you get from this board will help matters. You seeking advice from peeps 75% of which are not married: the married once will give you advice they cannot implement in their own marriages.

Look at the kids calling your husband names, asking you to watch-out for yourself alone. No qualms.

Toks2008:


Im so sorry to use this word.

You are a foolish woman for ever agreing to this nonsense and he must be a jerk to abuse a rare priviledge from the few foolish women like you.

Im so sorry for my choice of words but this is indeed a foolish act only done by foolish people who think they are in love.

I just hope this does not break your marriage.

How do you know the woman is tell the whole truth here.
You don't judge another man without hearing his own side of the story.

But this thread is an eye opener about women folks in marriage, women will always want openness from men but they always do otherwise.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

u sound pathetic. And u are free to spend his money I guess. Ino.

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

What??¿? You called 'helping your hubby financially' a mistake?

Well, note that the moment your hubby allows you to work or open a business for you to run, he needs your financial support in the family.

To the topic, my advice is: u are free to keep ur savings for now cause of ur pursue but not always. Mark my word my dear, once u've started keeping money secrets from your hubby, quarrel will start.

I rest my case

FavorofGod:

Truth is my husband took some loans which seriously depleted his take home pay. My takehome pay is more than his when you take into consideration the loans. But he also has allowances paid in bulk that make up for the deficit. He usually uses those allowances for one project or the other.
But when it comes to the day to day running of the home, including feeding, school fees for children, fuel,etc, I usually contribute more, mostly because his salary is not enough to foot all the bills.I also contribute something to rent and capital projects, though a lesser percentage.
He is paid earlier than me each month, so by the time I receive my salary, his own has already finished( he also sends money to his parents and relations). So I just give him my atm card ,and most times he withdraws when the need arises and I know when I receive the alert.
I hardly spend money frivolously,I hardly buy expensive clothes or jewelry except I really need it,and my husband praises me often for being prudent with money.
He does not spend frivolously too, but will use any money available to solve problems or carry out projects,even when they are not necessary. This leaves us cash-strapped most times. He makes no provision for savings, and will just borrow money if there's an emergency. I've entered labour room twice when we didn't have a dime, and we had to borrow money to offset medical bills, though I had repeatedly told him to keep some money aside for such situations.

why is he having so much projects? Na wa ooo



Is your hubby a governor or mayor?

enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

ur brain need some sanitizer ASAP. Sorry I quoted u, but I can bet that u are not a happy woman in ur house... Ur idea about marriage was all instrumental to that.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

keep your financial buoyancy to yourself for now then after having done the necessary things academically then try render him the necessary assistance in your capacity there is always love in sharing

emmatok:


How do you know the women tell the whole truth here.
You don't judge another man without hear his side of the story.

But this thread is an eye opener about women folks in marriage, women will always want openness from men but they always do otherwise.

Oh i know that women are the greatest liars but lets just assume she is saying the truth.

Court need to sentence you to death by hanging

Toks2008:


Oh i know that women are the greatest liars but lets just assume she is saying the truth.

In marriage don't assume anything until you hear the whole story.
Marriage is a legal emotional institution and everything you hear is an emotional baggage.

This one u running your home like a bank ehn.
Only you, you don use over 20 banking, accounting & finance terminologies
deficit deferential suplus capital projects loan demand


ahan! It is a family, a relationship not a business

Toks2008:


Oh i know that women are the greatest liars but lets just assume she is saying the truth.

LOL! That moment when a lady tells you she has never done any wedding with a man and you send her a pics of her and a man coming out of marriage registry with marriage certificates and holding hands.

Many men have been sent to early graves dating and professing love to married ladies who claim they are single. If only due diligence can be done on the immediate past affairs of whoever we are really interested in dating or marrying,the better it will be for us.

Women are the worst liars on earth.

Proverbs 30:20:"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong.'