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I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 6:35pm On Jul 18, 2015
Aude:

@Joavid: Nowhere in her post did she mention household bills. Doing a baby dedication isn't a regular household expense. That's why I asked the question. I didn't jump to conclusion but asked for more information. Use your own advice, read slowly, don't make assumptions, ask questions, and don't infer from a couple of sentences.

@op: thanks for the response. I can see you are a devoted wife. My advice will be for you to stand your ground. Your husband needs to learn how to stick to a budget. I don't encourage secrecy in a marriage. Tell your husband how you feel, he may be angry for a while but once he realizes that you will not budge, he will learn how to manage his finances. Sometimes tough love is the best remedy.







I didn't even answer you with my words but with hers.

Now,the woman has no issues with her hubby spending her money, and you're still asking if she helps with household bills?

4 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by jossy26: 1:55am On Jul 19, 2015
TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.

best advice op, help him to be more disciplined, am sure he has been like that before so he needs your help
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 11:34am On Jul 19, 2015
FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.
I really don't think you should do this.. I mean keeping secrets, it isn't healthy for your marriage. . Your marriage seems to be going smoothly now, you wouldn't want to give room for any trust issues sis...

Just as someone suggested, open a savings account that doesn't give room for atm but he should be aware. You can check out diamond bank HIDA.. Since the problem stems from him using the atm anytime he wishes, opening an 'atmless' account will go a long way...

You can just tell him someone told you about it and you think it's a nice investment. . If you think he may decline opening the account, then do it before you tell him. You should know how to go about telling him so that he doesn't find fault. .. But the most important thing is to get him informed. . Also, don't forget to leave some cash in your atm account incase of emergencies. . All d best....

7 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 11:36am On Jul 19, 2015
TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.
cool cool
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ojac1: 3:00pm On Jul 19, 2015
Manymen are like dat! Truely I pray for grace to carry marraige just as God wud want me to! Because nowadays, its men dat depend on women. If u look closely many women are carrying families! That ur situation is so annoying, keep praying for wisdom, and its gd u let him know ur stance.

And I don't know y a partner wud borrow money from u and refuse to pay! Wen u talk it wud be trouble, in d name of supporting d family! Mtchew, this thing can annoy me.

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by poppop: 10:31pm On Jul 19, 2015
FavorofGod:

Truth is my husband took some loans which seriously depleted his take home pay. My takehome pay is more than his when you take into consideration the loans. But he also has allowances paid in bulk that make up for the deficit. He usually uses those allowances for one project or the other.
But when it comes to the day to day running of the home, including feeding, school fees for children, fuel,etc, I usually contribute more, mostly because his salary is not enough to foot all the bills.I also contribute something to rent and capital projects, though a lesser percentage.
He is paid earlier than me each month, so by the time I receive my salary, his own has already finished( he also sends money to his parents and relations). So I just give him my atm card ,and most times he withdraws when the need arises and I know when I receive the alert.
I hardly spend money frivolously,I hardly buy expensive clothes or jewelry except I really need it,and my husband praises me often for being prudent with money.
He does not spend frivolously too, but will use any money available to solve problems or carry out projects,even when they are not necessary. This leaves us cash-strapped most times. He makes no provision for savings, and will just borrow money if there's an emergency. I've entered labour room twice when we didn't have a dime, and we had to borrow money to offset medical bills, though I had repeatedly told him to keep some money aside for such situations.

Jesus Christ!

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by kazmanbanjoko(m): 11:26pm On Jul 19, 2015
Go ask your provider.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Toks2008(m): 11:35pm On Jul 19, 2015
FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

Im so sorry to use this word.

You are a foolish woman for ever agreing to this nonsense and he must be a jerk to abuse a rare priviledge from the few foolish women like you.

Im so sorry for my choice of words but this is indeed a foolish act only done by foolish people who think they are in love.

I just hope this does not break your marriage.

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Truckpusher(m): 11:36pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

I pity the fool that would end up with you thinking he has a wife.
Guys listen up ,don't let ya woman know your worth until she's loyal with too many kids on her ass.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by grandstar(m): 11:37pm On Jul 19, 2015
FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

My sister, carry go. I however do not support couples being separated. There are dangers (Proverbs 27:12)
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by grandstar(m): 11:38pm On Jul 19, 2015
Truckpusher:
I pity the fool that would end up with you thinking he has a wife.
Guys listen up ,don't let ya woman know your worth until she's loyal with too many kids on her ass.

Must you insult enoqueen. You can make a statement without the insults.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by MRLINGTON(m): 11:39pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.




loooool and i was abt asking my gf for lil financial assistance...buh ryt nw my mind has changed

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Toks2008(m): 11:40pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.


Im begining to see how special,different and disciplined i am when it comes to taking my eyes off my woman finances.

i may be as broke as brokelyn but i give no hute about my lady s money.

if you like be a billionaire,i will still buy your undies for you with my money because thats my duty,to take care of my woman

some guys are real jerks.

6 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by gentl(m): 11:40pm On Jul 19, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

Speak for yourself alone..all men ain't the same..

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Certifiedboss: 11:41pm On Jul 19, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,

This is a marrie woman seeking advise concerning her home affairs and not just a girlfriend seeking your opinion about her relationship . You should learn to pay attention to situation before choosing words you use . You can't just jump on you phone to tell a married woman "Men ain't worth it " when she's seeking advise concerning her husband . Little things send ideas to people's mind . Be a home builder and not a home breaker . It will help you go a long way

9 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Truckpusher(m): 11:41pm On Jul 19, 2015
grandstar:


Must you insult enoqueen. You can make a statement without the insults.
That wasn't an insult bro.
I was speaking my mind and it's also your duty to speak your mind but again, what she said was ok with you ? She's discouraging trust in any form of union.
Are you fine with her submission ?

5 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 11:42pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.



Ur first paragraph was a daft reply from a very very shallow mental evaluation. undecided

7 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by toprealman: 11:43pm On Jul 19, 2015
YOUR MAN SHOULD BE HAPPY HE GOT A WIFEY THAT CAN HOLD HER OWN HANDLE. HE SHOULD MAN UP AND DO THE NEEDFUL. YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH, NO NEED TO FEEL BAD. AFTERALL YOU ARE INVESTING FOR A BETTER TOMORROW OF WHICH THE ENTIRE FAMILY NOT JUST YOU WILL BENEFIT FROM. WHAT IF YOU WERE SAVING FOR ONE SILLY HOLIDAY OR AN UNNECESSARY ITEM?

3 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by onadana: 11:43pm On Jul 19, 2015
coolYou good girl...it's for a cause...he is angry now but he will get over it.After all it's for the good of the family Stick to your gun girl.

2 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by grandstar(m): 11:45pm On Jul 19, 2015
Truckpusher:
That wasn't an insult bro.
I was speaking my mind and it's also your duty to speak your mind but again, what she said was ok with you ? She's discouraging trust in any form of union.
Are you fine with her submission ?

No but its wrong to call someone a fool.

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Certifiedboss: 11:46pm On Jul 19, 2015
TooNoisy:
This is where some men lack leadership. Leadership at home is not necessarily about earning more, it's about being visionary. It's about trying to keep to your word and it's about showing commitment to the family.

Your husband is not disciplined with his finances and it's showing. You need to help him be more disciplined. But please don't keep secrets from him. Let's him know you have been paid but let him know that some of these things he's spending on are not too important. Or better still, keep some in a savings account you cannot touch and then you both can spend the rest. But let him know why you are saving the money. He may be angry at first but with time, you both will find something that works for you.

Im not trying to insult others but this is the only reasonable comment coming from a girl concerning this post . It so unfortunate that from what I read here I see rhat most girls will even find it difficult to spend on their kid simply because it's the responsibility of the man to care for the home . Thanks for being different

3 Likes

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Toks2008(m): 11:47pm On Jul 19, 2015
FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.

Which kain bondage be this?

I guess there is something you are not telling us.Maybe at one time you had also done some huge arbitrary withdrawals from his account which gives him the dexterity to do this.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ArchEnemy(m): 11:47pm On Jul 19, 2015
ivyT:
U did d right thing nd stand ur ground.Finances causes alot of problem_iv witnessed it

am nt been bias_but MenAintWorthIt,
Some men are worth it ma'am. They are the bread winners but run short once in a while.

Just that it should not be a habit for a man to keep spending his wife's money.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by alexlee50: 11:47pm On Jul 19, 2015
You did nothing wrong. However let him know how much this master's programme means to you and your career. Since you guys don't keep secrets and have been to each other these years, its important you guys keep it so. Just talk with him, everything will be okay.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ifoundmyperfect: 11:48pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.


Not all men...
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by macminista(m): 11:49pm On Jul 19, 2015
My sister, finance is a delicate issue amongst couples....yes you ve been very open and honest by granting your hubby free access to your acct but its obvious he doesn't take getting your master degree seriously....one thing you should know is that marriage is all about sacrifices...if he cant put other things at the back burner so that you can advance in life for the betterment of the family then..your action is justified
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ArchEnemy(m): 11:49pm On Jul 19, 2015
Op, there is no need keeping secrets. Tell him plainly when you ve plans for your money and stand your ground

1 Like

Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by prettyfiggaz(f): 11:50pm On Jul 19, 2015
No be small thing oh. Just passn
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ArchEnemy(m): 11:51pm On Jul 19, 2015
enoqueen:
One of the many mistakes we women make is allowing our men know that we av money.

U did not do anything wrong and let it remain so even after paying ur fees.

When men sees money with us, they will be coming up with different project that they cannot do alone just to make sure that we spend what we av.

hmmmm
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by ArchEnemy(m): 11:52pm On Jul 19, 2015
cheesy
Toks2008:


Which kain bondage be this?

I guess there is something you are not telling us.Maybe at one time you had also done some huge arbitrary withdrawals from his account which gives him the dexterity to do this.
Re: I Told My Hubby To Stop Using My Money.am I Wrong? by Nobody: 11:54pm On Jul 19, 2015
Toks2008:


Im so sorry to use this word.

You are a foolish woman for ever agreing to this nonsense and he must be a jerk to abuse a rare priviledge from the few foolish women like you.

Im so sorry for my choice of words but this is indeed a foolish act only done by foolish people who think they are in love.

I just hope this does not break your marriage.
favorofGod, be wary of advices like this, your thread has hit fp so you'll get all sorts of advice. Be wise!!

3 Likes

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