Odunharry:

insecurity dont just develop like that... there are causes I think.

YourMain:


But you're not speaking up when you go through their stuff ? You're not showing much trust either.

Part of the things that come with every relationship or marriage is security. It's the security that allows you to know that he or she isn't cheating or what not. And the only reason you're choosing to look through their phone is cause you don't think the security is there. Basically, There's insecurity.

A relationship should never lack communication. Even body language and all that. You can tell your partner how you feel. You are in a commitment with this person. No need to spy on them.

Cutehector:
well if i knw she has this flirting character, i wouldnt mind resorting to check her phone for leads.

AfroKnight:
Me I have not done it before. I nor wan see wetin go pain me. My phone is accessible to my babe. But she too doesn't care about my messages and chats.

She be woman. I know there are guys who would be toasting her, sending love messages and all and me I don't want to see that nonsense make I no I vex curse somebody destiny. (just kidding).

BuddhaPalm:
The past and present are indicators of the future...

Naturally, anyone who wants you will put up the front that you're most amenable to.

If you are screening for potential long term mates, one of the FASTEST ways to get a good gauge of who they really are is to peruse their private correspondence.

Is she fvcking 10 guys?

You know where the answer is.

Does she rely on gifts from men for a living?

You know where the answer likely is...

Don't mind anyone who calls you insecure or whatever. Na them get their mouth.

naijaboiy:

That's my point bro.

It's not like one will be asking for his girl's phone any little time. There should be a concrete reason.

You may have been suspecting her for months and may have even asked questions outside before you even decide to take your investigations further.

That should be like a last resort when you can't really find nothing but she still keeps acting suspicious.

naijaboiy:

As the Op stated,when things are going wrong you begin to suspect. that's when questions will arise.

You can't be checking your partner's phone when everything is going fine.

You seem to have a penchant for trusting people 100%.

naijaboiy:

The main reason why most people don't like checking is not even because they are supposedly intruding on their partner's privacy but simply because they don't want to be called insecure or find out something really bad.

With that i've come to realize that many people prefer to live in self-deceit and pretend to themselves that everything is okay.

Maybe if you had checked his phone you would have been able to find out about that side chick he was keeping that later got pregnant for him. But you didn't and then 5 years after your marriage you find out and then you come and open a thread on Nairaland about how your husband was keeping a side chick from you for five years.

nkemdi89:

I agree with that toasting aspect, my ex goes through my phone all the time and whenever he sees other toasting me he gets upset, I told him he isn't married to me so my options are opened, that I won't chase other suitors. He said he can't compete.

YourMain:


Yes. I know. And I'm saying talk to your partner.

I just find it more effective. If I'm uncomfortable with how I feel with who I'm with. I tell him. If things don't change, I'll leave.

What if you find nothing on the phone and you're still suspecting ? You'll hire a PI ? And what if the PI finds nothing ? You'll never ever be truly content. And you'll stay with someone that will leave you paranoid for good.

I don't seem like anything.

naijaboiy:

well if you don't feel comfortable with digging deeper to find out the truth then no problem.

To each his/her own.

BuddhaPalm:
The past and present are indicators of the future...

Naturally, anyone who wants you will put up the front that you're most amenable to.

If you are screening for potential long term mates, one of the FASTEST ways to get a good gauge of who they really are is to peruse their private correspondence.

Is she fvcking 10 guys?

You know where the answer is.

Does she rely on gifts from men for a living?

You know where the answer likely is...

Don't mind anyone who calls you insecure or whatever. Na them get their mouth.

Odunharry:

very correct.. many don't want to be labeled " insecure " so they pretend and just trying to leave a life to please people

nkemdi89:

I agree with that toasting aspect, my ex goes through my phone all the time and whenever he sees other toasting me he gets upset, I told him he isn't married to me so my options are opened, that I won't chase other suitors. He said he can't compete.

YourMain:


Yes.. But there are different ways of handling it.

Okay say you do find something. Something completely innocent. That can be explainable. You'd be unable to think straight. You'd think the worst and make rash decisions. Even if you found nothing at all, you'd make the nothing seem like something.

Wouldn't you just rather go to your partner and tell them how you feel.

naijaboiy:

How can you say such a thing to your boy friend?

I think it's better you stay single till the person who'll marry you comes.

Which one is "you are not married to me so my options are opened".

Why then are you in a relationship? Mutual sexual benefits?

SMH

BuddhaPalm:
The past and present are indicators of the future...

Naturally, anyone who wants you will put up the front that you're most amenable to.

If you are screening for potential long term mates, one of the FASTEST ways to get a good gauge of who they really are is to peruse their private correspondence.

Is she fvcking 10 guys?

You know where the answer is.

Does she rely on gifts from men for a living?

You know where the answer likely is...

Don't mind anyone who calls you insecure or whatever. Na them get their mouth.

Odunharry:

lol. she just gave us another reason why it's good to check once a while .


only if the guy knows he's wasting his time

Odunharry:

people handle issues differently..
Going to partner, what will it change?You think cheats aren't good at there game?




Read a story on Nairaland how a man caught his
cheating wife when he checked her Facebook
acct and discovered the wife was not only a
cheat but has bn lieing and deceiving him .

on this thread, about two or three people shared their experience.
I have heard and seen lots of similar stories too


Do you think the man/ this people made the wrong move??

naijaboiy:

Big time wasting!

Because madam has already made it clear that he's not the only one by keeping her options open.

Nubian113:


You'll be judging that person on their past and you're meant to be their future...




#youonlyfindwhatyou'relookingfor


Look for the good in people and you'll find it abundantly so be careful what you search for.

Odunharry:

I blame the guy for still hanging around except they are into FWB

YourMain:


Yaaaaaas! Maybe it's just me. I could never do that to someone I claim to love and care about. I'd feel so dirty afterwards.

From all my relationship experiences in life. I've always talked to my partner when I wasn't okay with my gut feeling. And if they Weren't able to change that id just go.

Maybe it's just a personal thing. I'm already crazy as it is and I don't need to be spying on people. If I don't feel okay and he can't fix it. I'd go.

naijaboiy:

At crossed words.

It's not possible to find what's not there. If i'm looking for compromising messages and she is clean then there is no way i'll find it.

If I find what i'm looking for then it simply means she's guilty of what i'm suspecting.

naijaboiy:

Yea except that.

But he may be hoping on marrying her some day,who knows?

Odunharry:

Good... If you discover tomorrow your all loving bf / husband who treats you like Queen nd doesn't show any trace of cheating or deception, has about 2 or 3 gals he is seeing??