kweenkong:






. There are many ways to skin a cat.
I know a couple and that was how the woman started and it continued into the marriage. Four years after marriage she collected money for blender she bought while her husband was away and still inflated the

Now I'm beginning to dread the idea of marriage

VampireeM:
IMO, he is just looking for an excuse to call it quits and not cause of the household items stuffs but sincerely the lady aint trying @ all.
He should discuss it with her before taking these bold step

There's nothing flimsy about this at all. It's very very good for single ladies to buy kitchen wares. I find investing in kitchen wares very attractive. It's like a man coming to your house to eat only to be served water with this coloured cups around! Hian!

charix:
A man's mind is made up and you want to change his decision. You have no idea how many nights he must have spent planning before fully deciding on this.
Tell me OP, do you personally have anything to gain making her stay?

Best comment so far

kweenkong:







In as much as I agree with you, the lady needs to show a bit of commitment to the relationship. It's not about her money, even if she doesn't want to use her she can collect from the guy and buy for the house. There are many ways to skin a cat.
I know a couple and that was how the woman started and it continued into the marriage. Four years after marriage she collected money for blender she bought while her husband was away and still inflated the price.

Marriage is our thing, the house, the property, everything inside is ours so it is a joint effort. Investments is not only, time and effort. I think the issue is she is not showing any signs of preparing for a married life.

Before I got married I didn't have any money to buy stuffs but I was always excited to window shop send my husband the pictures and price and wish we could get it.
When he got my husband went behind my back bought some and surprised me. It just showed to him that I was preparing for a life with him but I was hindered by money.

Just maybe he should talk to her one more time for the sake of there love.

Merry Christmas

You are very correct.

VampireeM:
IMO, he is just looking for an excuse to call it quits and not cause of the household items stuffs but sincerely the lady aint trying @ all.
He should discuss it with her before taking these bold step

U must be dat kinda grl.. His reason shld b taken serious.. How is it a man's responsibility to furnish the kitchen.. If he assist its fine buh it shld be a woman's headache.. She one irresponsible girl.. Owanbe babe. Infact END TIME WIFE

This issue is really worth look at

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc



U kw her well, do wat u think u shld do

best ever said....too much wisdom

lordprosh:


U must be dat kinda grl.. His reason shld b taken serious.. How is it a man's responsibility to furnish the kitchen.. If he assist its fine buh it shld be a woman's headache.. She one irresponsible girl.. Owanbe babe. Infact END TIME WIFE

It is actually a man's responsibility to furnish not just the house but the kitchen too but it's also the woman's duty to help the man.. ..the Bible calls her a help meet

brunofarad:
Why do I smell LIES ?

Because your nose is very big and younare related to LIE MOHHAMED

Your brother has made a very good decision.My point is this: People don't change,expecially women.Telling her to change is simply asking her to start pretending.It's either he accepts her just the way she is or quit the relationship if her attitude pisses him off.
Believe me,I've been through this same issue,she'll rather get worse than change.A stitch in time saves nine!

shabbey09:
Na wa oh, men are different sha, my husband didn't want me to bring a single pin to his house. Infact I had to dash out my fridge and TV.

It's not enough reason abeg. He should only talk to her to have a saving culture.

Lol. And you didn't realise the reason he didn't want you to bring any of your stuff is for you not to be able to lay claim to any property in the house in case he wants to kick you out.

Please i am available, responsible, homely, economical (i can manage money eh) i don't do jewelry, my make up is minimal, i don't scrap my eyebrow nor do contact lens and i need a husband. In summary tell your cousin that his spec is here. Any other interested NLder check my profile lets rock and roll. wwwkaycom

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc


U kw her well, do wat u think u shld do

Well spoken but if you scrutinize that write up very well you will discover that she has not been making a contribution at all with regards to their marriage which is to hold mid next year. That should get any Wright thinking guy worried. It's not just about buying microwaves or kitchen knives. I believe What this guy is trying to say is that the body language is not changing,she is not making adjustments to fit her soon to be status.

Guy I honor your cousin or you anyone. You have virtue and dignity keep protecting it and never compromise because ladies with what you seek are few this days but will eventually hit the jackpot soon

What you called flimsy excuse,is definitely a disaster-in-waiting. Let your pal satisfy himself.

wwwkaycom:


My take dear nairalanders is that the issue is just too flimsy to warrant separation at this stage, what do you think about it?

He has a valid concern. He will struggle with this lady over monetary issues in marriage. She may be the type that wants to pitch in 5% while her husband brings in 95%. She will work and use her money for her personal needs or for her kids (perhaps not). Every other weighty thing will like rent, feeding, bills, health matter, fuel for gen, provision even her needs will rest on him.

It will be even more painful for your cousin knowing fully well she earns something! Such behaviour is not feasible in this day and age. Since she has refused to change, your cousin has every right to move on. If he marries her tomorrow and does SOS appeal, the question we will all ask is "didn't you notice this behaviour before marriage?"

This is what courtship is for, its a foretaste of marriage. Move on if you can't tolerate it in marriage.

wwwkaycom:
He met his fiancee in their school, she's one of the choir sisters in their fellowship choir. They started their love affairs in 2014 and would like to get married mid-2016. The big issue according to him is that the lady don't seem to be prepared for marriage, even though she's working, she hasn't gotten anything to show that she's working towards marriage in 2 years not to talk of the next 6 months.

He said she spends her money on clothes, shoes and jewelries but recently served him and one of his friends food with the stainless plate that they use in her home, he said he felt humbled when his friend politely turned down the food.

This guy believes that his fiancee by now ought to have invested on kitchen wares, plates, cutleries etc. He said he had actually started buying these stuffs without informing her but is now of the opinion that the lady may not change in marriage. I have asked him to talk it over with his fiancee which he did but he said she told him point blank that that is his responsibility. He has already diverted the money he was saving for the wedding to landed property, saying he will begin to look out for another lady. My plea fell on his deaf ears.

My take dear nairalanders is that the issue is just too flimsy to warrant separation at this stage, what do you think about it?

Your cousin doesn't love this girl. He's only looking for reason or reasons to dump her and is really pitiful. This is one of the reasons I said previously that men are bad.

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc p


U kw her well, do wat u think u shld do

you have said all . Can't believe that some guys now want women to buy household properties for them . Truth be told some women can be funny , they will pretend and buy all those things but the day you guys will have problem that's when you will know the world also know all the things she has bought you.please man up n buy your own things to keep yourself respect. When she comes in she will do the little ones that way you still have control of your home.

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc


U kw her well, do wat u think u shld do

from your comment i guess you are a Muslim. am i right?

Some ladies wife material no reach a trouser length.

stonecoldcafe:


He has a valid concern. He will struggle with this lady over monetary issues in marriage. She may be the type that wants to pitch in 5% while her husband brings in 95%. She will work and use her money for her personal needs or for her kids (perhaps not). Every other weighty thing will like rent, feeding, bills, health matter, fuel for gen, provision even her needs will rest on him.

It will be even more painful for your cousin knowing fully well she earns something! Such behaviour is not feasible in this day and age. Since she has refused to change, your cousin has every right to move on. If he marries her tomorrow and does SOS appeal, the question we will all ask is "didn't you notice this behaviour before marriage?"

These are what courtships are for, its a foretaste of marriage. Move on if you can't tolerate it in marriage.

are men no longer the head of the house ? The man giving 95 n the lady 5 is ok unless there's a problem then they both can do 50-50. We then wonder women are growing wings nowadays .its because they bring in 50 so they see no reason why they should be submissive .please go and work hard to take care of your families and stop doing things backwards.

kessel:

Well spoken but if you scrutinize that write up very well you will discover that she has not been making a contribution at all with regards to their marriage which is to hold mid next year. That should get any Wright thinking guy worried. It's not just about buying microwaves or kitchen knives. I believe What this guy is trying to say is that the body language is not changing,she is making adjustments to fit her soon to be status.

Agreed but it is sth to speak to her abt and possibly see if she changes no one is perfect u kw. Communication is key i dnt think he shld dictate to d lady hw to spend her money at this stage. He can persuade her on dt but nt force her. A woman is a helper and to help is discretionary. Real men shld nt carry women money for mind b4 marrying them.

Calling off a wedding BC the lady u have not married is nt buying kitchen utensils is immature n a clear sign d man is nt ready for marriage.

In marriage u will face bigger challenges even if u marry a saint, will u jst call it quit at d slightest provocation

ogawisdom:


Agreed but it is sth to speak to her abt and possibly see if she changes no one is perfect u kw. Communication is key i dnt think he shld dictate to d lady hw to spend her money at this stage. He can persuade her on dt but nt force her. A woman is a helper and to help is discretionary. Real men shld nt carry women money for mind b4 marrying them.

Calling off a wedding BC the lady u have not married is nt buying kitchen utensils is immature n a clear sign d man is nt ready for marriage.

In marriage u will face bigger challenges even if u marry a saint, will u jst call it quit at d slightest provocation

Am still saying it, it's not her not buying house things that is the problem from my understanding of the issue, she is not making adjustments to suit her soon to be status. The guy in question used not buying this things to drive his point home. Ask me how I know.. .i have found myself with this kind of ladies severally.

She served him and "one of his friends food with the stainless plate that they use in her home, he said he felt humbled when his friend politely turned down the food."

Please, this isn't an excuse to call off a relationship. The guy doesn't love her any more. The girl might be saving money 4 her marriage but didn't want to tell the guy. Ur cousin sounds like he is looking 4 a lady whose money will be used in marriage. What is ur cousins responsiblilty as a husband? Is it the lady that will cater 4 his household? He shld ask men who married ladies who aren't working. Among the Igbo which I am part of, women are not compelled to buy cooking utensils 4 their would be husband. It is assumed that the man has set up his household b4 coming 4 d lady's hand in marriage. The lady is going there to enjoy her husband's wealth and not the man looking up 2 her 2 buy cooking utensils and save money 4 their marriage. Any man who is expecting a woman 2 save 4 their marriage is irresponsible. A woman helps her husband financially out of her own volition and not compulsion.
SHALOM

Since they are not engaged yet, it's still a relationship, beta they have a broken relationship than a broken home....since he is soo skeptical of adjusting to her later.

A woman who doesn't know how to spend her money wisely will never spend her husband's own well. Imagine the lousy "Are you not the man" attitude..Please tell your cousin to run away from her. Love alone is never enough.

Kellyakon:
Please i am available, responsible, homely, economical (i can manage money eh) i don't do jewelry, my make up is minimal, i don't scrap my eyebrow nor do contact lens but am fat and i need a husband. In summary tell your cousin that his spec is here. Any other interested NLder check my profile lets rock and roll. wwwkaycom

You have one now in Jesus Name. Amen

devour129:
are men no longer the head of the house ? The man giving 95 n the lady 5 is ok unless there's a problem then they both can do 50-50. We then wonder women are growing wings nowadays .its because they bring in 50 so they see no reason why they should be submissive .please go and work hard to take care of your families and stop doing things backwards.

Nowhere in my earlier post did I advocate 50\50 but I believe a woman should help. Are you married mister? I take it you are not or you can provide ALL your family needs; if that is the case good for you.

But allow me tell you the reality of the AVERAGE Nigerian man today. Unless your hubby is very wealthy, most men expect some sort of help. Each household would vary; it could be 20%, 10%, 30%. Can a man be earning 100k with 3kids in a place like Lagos and the wife is earning 70 -80k and refuses to lift a finger? Like really would that be fair? Do you know how much rent is in Lag?

Whatever it is, its not too much helping out your own husband even if its just feeding. That's my take and that does not make me less a man.

Trunaijian:
Its not flimsy. Your friend isn't comfortable with her personality then why marry her? She is not going to change and isnt willing to give it a try. He had better look for someone who he is comfortable with. Believe me, I speak from experience.

You are right to some extent, but i don't think you would expect someone to change immediately all the the time.
It takes some time to get a reorientation and change your mind set.

cc wwwkaycom

kessel:

Am still saying it, it's not her not buying house things that is the problem from my understanding of the issue, she is not making adjustments to suit her soon to be status. The guy in question used not buying this things to drive his point home. Ask me how I know.. .i have found myself with this kind of ladies severally.

He overemphasized dt part then as if it is d main issue

Junior66:
from your comment i guess you are a Muslim. am i right?

Christian

Junior66:
from your comment i guess you are a Muslim. am i right?

Christian n dts wat d faith teaches