Ngoziada592:


When a woman is jealous and you keep cheating don't be blame her too much or be suprised when she kills you a Abi

What is this one saying

Mamatee07:
I

He doesn't have to help he around the house but sh must help him pay bill abi and even in som cases be the breadwinner? What then does he bring to the marriage!

Imagine you are a woman, you wake up earlier to cook and get kids ready for school and then head to work where you spend the same hours as your husband or even more. You get home home have to cook and tak care of kids while he sits his ass around doing nothing. Abeg which of those 2 is no the weaker sex?! Can anyone b happy with such? ? Yet that woman will pay half of the bi or even more

You are right.
A very smart man does not allow his woman to push him to a life in which she must always bring money home. If I am a school teacher and you're a bank manager and you wanna marry me, then be ready to live in the home as a Teacher's wife. The blame should always go to the man though who unknowingly allow the woman substitute herself from being the helpmeet to being the breadwinner. A man must provide for his woman and he is responsible for ensuring the wife does not push him to a situation of running over-cost at home.
Let the woman keep her money if she is one of the school of tots that thinks a man is only one because he 'always' brings the money home. I can assure you that with men 'ENSURING' their home is run according to their budget (his anyway), there'll be no way for the woman to be under financial pressure and the marriage can run fine.

Ngoziada592:


When a woman is jealous and you keep cheating don't be blame her too much or be suprised when she kills you a Abi

END TIME COMMENT

soonest:

Men are equally guilty of verbal abuse. Is it that you don't know it.

I know all am saying is that it should be criminalise,

makavel7:


END TIME COMMENT

See the hypocrisy, SHebi you lot are making excuses for the man because he said his wife was cheating When everyone starts using cheating as an excuse to kill their spouse let's see who will be left abi

kevinberry:
I know all am saying is that it should be criminalise,

That can nev happen, how do you quantify it? If you tell your wife are you crazy in a moment of anger and she says that's verbal abuse to her can you be jailed for that Fact is what constitutes verbal abuse has grey areas and can't be clear,y defined unlike physical abuse. If we start criminizing verbal abuse half of those on nairaland will be jailed sef with all the insults and curses flying left , right , center . What time do courts have to deal with such

kevinberry:
tell that to tens of women that got beaten by their spouse because of verbal abuse,the law is not always right,it wasn't formed by angels,if the law tends to serve the females more than the males,there will be chaos...so they should keep on insulting and the beatings will keep on resurfacing

And you lot will keep getting jailed and killed too after you've ruined your lives

Seun:
I am so sorry about this topic. We have dropped it from the home page. Victim blaming is something that should never be condoned. It's not bad to say, 'here are the things you can do to protect yourself', but to say that the people who have been abused are the "main cause" is evil.

God bless you jare Seun. Here's a real man , you can always tell successful men apart from failures who fight with women

It's just simple:
Learn to know that your life, happiness and future cannot be determined by anyone - not even your spouse. If the woman you loved and married becomes that irritating (it happens), leave and don't look back because that's what she will do especially because of her infifelity (if she's from a wrong stock).

If you meet a poisonous woman you should want nothing more than saving your life from her. If you try to stay and endure when u know it can't work again, you will surely beat her or commit murder on impulse - even if you are a saint.

Apart from infidelity and nagging, you should learn to live well with your wife. Do not feel like beating your wife for anything. when that feeling gets established then it's time to move on. The children, if any, will survive.

A poisonous woman (mostly those too attached to their looks) is the doorway to hell if you remain with her. If you don't kill her she will surely kill you.

Op, you have yourself to blame for the title of your write-up, knowing fully well most people don't read beyond the headline in this part of the world.

All Domestic violence are induced, and most(if not all) of the points the op raised are valid. Most people miscontrue those points based on the headline.

These points are preventive in nature rather than castigatory IMO

Mamatee07:


And when Women kill their cheating husbands will OP say men are at fault for killings? It's ridiculous to blame the victim. At the end of the day it's up to you how to react to anything.

That other bankers husband now will be killed and so will this guy because of their inability to control themselves and so will the woman who killed her husband. Anyone who can't control themselves deserves to end up in jail or get a death sentence
If you can control yourself with a solider, you can control yourself with your spouse. Get a divorce rather than ruin both your lives and your childrens

That killer wife wont be killed. They'll simply blame it on provocation. But those two men will be killed. They'll blame it on premeditation. That's what our world is structured.

Seun:
I am so sorry about this topic. We have dropped it from the home page. Victim blaming is something that should never be condoned. It's not bad to say, 'here are the things you can do to protect yourself', but to say that the people who have been abused are the "main cause" is evil.

God bless you.

makavel7:


From this your rant I dont need to be guru maraji to know that your woman wears the pants in your house. You definitely must be a jobless house husband to have enough time to cook, wash your wife's pants and diligently keep the house clean waiting for your emperor to come back from work. Pathetic!!! You said you have boys, I pray they dont end up like their father.

I concur. ..the guy is jobless

Seun:
I am so sorry about this topic. We have dropped it from the home page. Victim blaming is something that should never be condoned. It's not bad to say, 'here are the things you can do to protect yourself', but to say that the people who have been abused are the "main cause" is evil.

Seun look away frrom he opic and talk about the contents.

If i had used a serene title there will definiely be lesser traffic but any reasonable reader will catch the drift he momen they read it so save yourself the sress of apologizing cos its unwarranted.

Many ladies who have commented hardly read pass the title and married ladies who took time to read made reasonable comments.

one last word dude,you have known me since 2008 and if you check my titles you will see that i have a way of creating catchy titles hence im so disappointed that you are apologizing for the use of a title while keeping mum about the inherent deep message.Apparently your awareness is limited for you to say im being mean by blaming a victim and i began to wonder if you know how many men also fall victim.

intelligent people never judge a book by its cover and no dailies will sell if plain titles are used.

I care less if you take it down or lock it.

mavinkalot:
Me wey dey cook serve my wife and kids! Is that one brusing ego? Please men spare me that ego BS. cooking for my family on many occasions have increased and consolidaated my other half's(wife's) love, loyalty and respect. Marriaage is like a box; you put in strawberries, vanilla, chocolate, then u get many more of these flavors. If u sit tight and demand a list of attitudes from ur wife, without u doing much u are archaic. Just as u love to be served food just when u are hungry; the woman loves same. No be same intestine she get? Foe me, It all depends on how u see ur wife. When I wash my wife's panties n clothes, cook and serve her, I am see it as I am doing that for myself or my other half. I feel joy n effortless in doing it. Cus na my own. There is a way u wud treat ur wife, u get the best of her not insults. Bring the best of her out. My wife is me. No big deal try ooking for ur wife n serving her. Try helping her in domestic chores esp those times she maybe getting choked with home chores only for her to see thaat it has been fixed by u. JOY, u hv reinjected life in her. Just as she is busy rushing back from office for market, just to make soup. She gets ur call akin her to come home straight n forget that stress. She meets the delicious soup served by u for her. Bro it takes notin from ur ego but adds to ur respect n love bank. I hv boys or wud be havin boys, so I hv to teach them how to handle a womn. My wife being the only femaale amongst four men needs all of the lov and Protection. You beat ur wife up the next minute u expect her to cook, kiss n pet u before u eat. Haba! U be witch? It is gabbaage in and gabbage out. GIGO! Wot u give her she multiplies n brings back. Give her abuse, she multiplies it n gives u back. Give her sperm, she mutiplies it n gives u baby. Wake up men!

They will call you woman wrapper. But washing her panties? Are you sure you are for real?
May God continue to bless your family.

I have heard several time... Real men willbdo this, real men won't do this but am yet to be told the does and don't of real. Women

yet claim "what men can do women can do better' hypocrisy at it peak

ucheHapers:
Jesus, did people actually read the article. It's obvious people are in a haste to comment without reading even the first sentence. No wonder it's written

"They have eyes but cannot see"

indeed, they have eyes but cannot see. that same eye problem wiil lead some girls here to end up in a violent marriage

Toks2008:


Seun look away frrom he opic and talk about the contents.

If i had used a serene title there will definiely be lesser traffic but any reasonable reader will catch the drift he momen they read it so save yourself the sress of apologizing cos its unwarranted.

Many ladies who have commented hardly read pass the title and married ladies who took time to read made reasonable comments.

one last word dude,you have known me since 2008 and if you check my titles you will see that i have a way of creating catchy titles hence im so disappointed that you are apologizing for the use of a title while keeping mum about the inherent deep message.Apparently your awareness is limited for you to say im being mean by blaming a victim and i began to wonder if you know how many men also fall victim.

intelligent people never judge a book by its cover and no dailies will sell if plain titles are used.

I care less if you take it down or lock it.

Please why is there a reason for topic or headline? To give you an insight into the content..... A summary of the body of the article.

Yes, your content may make sense but you mislead us with your title on such a sensitive issue for that matter.

In actual sense, you failed to give us our times worth in the content, because you hadn't done justice to the delicious topic you used to invite us.

Lastly, please take criticisms. It makes you a better writer.


Ps. Men and women are both potential victims, as well as perpetrators.

Toks2008:


Seun look away frrom he opic and talk about the contents.

If i had used a serene title there will definiely be lesser traffic but any reasonable reader will catch the drift he momen they read it so save yourself the sress of apologizing cos its unwarranted.

Many ladies who have commented hardly read pass the title and married ladies who took time to read made reasonable comments.

one last word dude,you have known me since 2008 and if you check my titles you will see that i have a way of creating catchy titles hence im so disappointed that you are apologizing for the use of a title while keeping mum about the inherent deep message.Apparently your awareness is limited for you to say im being mean by blaming a victim and i began to wonder if you know how many men also fall victim.

intelligent people never judge a book by its cover and no dailies will sell if plain titles are used.

I care less if you take it down or lock it.

Guy, relax...most people don't read beyond the headline. Try and work on that next time, though I take your points as preventive rather than castigatory. Cheers

greetings:


Please why is there a reason for topic or headline? To give you an insight into the content..... A summary of the body of the article.

Yes, your content may make sense but your mislead us with your title on such a sensitive issue for that matter.

In actual sense, you failed to give us our times worth in the content, because you hadn't done justice to the delicious topic you used to invite us.

Lastly, please take criticisms. It makes you a better writer.


Ps. Men and women are both potential victims, as well as perpetrators.

Its even funny that my topic was modified by the mod cos this tthread itle was not the original one used by me and if mods can modify tittles i believe i is imperattive for the mod to make the title moe subtle if needs be and seun ought to have used this option ratther than take it off from home page bu as i wrote,i care less.

Toks2008:


Its even funny that my topic was modified by the mod cos this tthread itle was not the original one used by me and if mods can modify tittles i believe i is imperattive for the mod to make the title moe subtle if needs be and seun ought to have used this option ratther than take it off from home page bu as i wrote,i care less.

If you didn't care, you wouldn't have replied. You better take correction before it's too late.

Adek15:
on ur second comment. Oga!! A man and a woman have different responsibilities in a home. The man is to provide for the family financially, be the kids role model, support the family psychologically, emotionally e.t.C while the woman is to take care of the family's welfare I.e cooking, keeping the house clean and others. If the husband or wife performs the functions of the other person. It should be their choice. My 2 cent.
To have a peaceful home, read about the life of prophet Muhammad. The relationships he had with his wives
NB: remember, a peaceful society starts from peaceful homes

First off, I'm not a guy. Secondly, I'm not a muslim. Thirdly, this isn't 630AD when Prophet Mohammed lived, this is the 21st century, a lot of things have changed with time, I was thinking your mentality would too

That no 5 though, some ladies can use their tongue to cause war shaa.. Say things that would pierce the mans heart . its best to grow a really thick skin (very thick) to avoid stories that touch....

Funny how people react when a girl slaps a guy in public, prolly laugh at him and mock him ..... then if its the reverse, some suddenly try to become heroes by beating the guy up or some other thing..

I'm not in support of women-beaters but if its a situation where she attacks first, Bro, better defend yourself ( not boxing ring oo, a slap should do ) b'cos these type of women can be really crazy......

I've noticed that some ladies take advantage of the general assertion of a weaker gender and use it to inflict pain on a man, and when the man reacts they are capable of crying a river... thats b.s!!

Btw, everyone keeps talking about what Real Men should or should not do.....
What about the Real Women or there's nothing like real woman

Only number one made sense but as usual the nonsense pass the sense in the rest of the post.

Ngoziada592:


Many of us here are also married but if course you are not happy to hear from us since we don't agree with you. No one is saying some women aren't trouble makers, out point is your article is all about blaming the victim. Both parties in a marriage will provoke each other from time to time so everyone must learn to control their reactions and if you feel the person will lead you to do something you'll regret then it's time to leave. The same way some men will keep cheating till the wife snaps and kills him, does that ever make it right? Your Thread should have been balanced but you are onpbviously prejudiced. When s woman kills her husband will you write a thread about how men are responsible for their wives killing them

You keep hammering on the word VICTIM...which victim are we talking about? what has that got to do with the points i raised?

Im being practical lady and im glad that even the ladies cursing have gotten the message.

I don't think a sane person should go physical with anyone !

Having said the above, I want to point out that: women have succeeded in craftily winning the sympathy of peoples all over the world. Today, the media is awash with some slogans like: 'say no to domestic violence'; 'fight against dehumanisation of women' and so on.
But, I dare say that women have not stopped using their strength and defence mechanisms against the male folks. Women are powerful 'talkers'; they have unusually great strength to insult and run their men down. And, of course, when they do these, the society regard it as mere words, in fact, it is said that 'whatever isn't written never happened'. The man on the other hand has limitations battling with words; like a prey foolishly crawls into a trap, he engages his own strength which leaves evidence.

In my opinion, men have remained fools uptil this day. The female folks are crafty. Haven't you noticed that most children will choose their mother a thousand times ahead of their fathers? You think it's because of men's irresponsibility? No! Even many men who gave their all for their wives and children are still robbed of the affection of their children by the children's mothers.

Men respond to women directly! That is a wrong move if you ask me. It's better to do the exact opposite of what their action requires. For instance, If you are insulted: don't reply; play the fool; keep quiet. They begin to cry and expect to be petted; avoid them. When she suddenly begins to expect that you wouldn't care, show her the greatest care of her life. Bottom line: don't react to her actions; respond to it.

Lastly, the women folks are the smarter; they cause the problem, smartly feign innocence and weakness; explain why men should have manned up and prevented the problem in the first place; they cry and win the sympathy of everyone around. The truth is, it is the women's world: the burden of having to till the ground was transferred to man; even though some women cater for the financial needs of the house today, if they dont , nothing happens. But if men fail to do so, he is described as being irresponsible. Sarai told Abraham to impregnate Hagai, her maid. It is very easy to say the poor man wanted to do that all along, but I just hope people will imagine the pressure Sarai must have put on that great man of faith. When Sarah eventually had her own son, she asked Abraham to send Hagai and her 14 years old son out of the house. Abraham wanted to protest but even God supported Sarah. Time and space won't let me mention the rift between Jacob and Esau and even the unending war in the Middle-East today. So, men should wise up; realise that they will have to bear full responsibility for everything they do or refuse to do to their women. Even God will not justify them.

Toks2008:


Its even funny that my topic was modified by the mod cos this tthread itle was not the original one used by me and if mods can modify tittles i believe i is imperattive for the mod to make the title moe subtle if needs be and seun ought to have used this option ratther than take it off from home page bu as i wrote,i care less.

That's the point I was trying to make. The title is at serious variance with the first chapter of subject.

The topic blames the women entirely, the body voids the first chapter. Toks you may not agree but you didn't arrange it well.

Hmmm... All I see are emotional rebuttals with the victim-card an ace up angry sleeves.

Logically, the op is right although tactless. I believe in action and consequences. I can't raise my hand on a woman I love unless she's trying to kill me and I'm trying to survive (yes, there is an unless). However it would be presumptuous of me to speak for every man out there. We have varying levels of self-control. A wise woman ought to know this and try to avoid the avoidable.

Ok so you realize you married a wife beater (a beast) why do you still keep hurling stones at him? Why get shocked that there's a reaction?

Well, it's fashionable these days to absolve the woman of the consequences of her action or inaction. No longer surprised when I read something as stúpid as "never lay hands on a woman NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES." It's based on the fallacious assumption that women aren't capable of evil actions worthy of strong reactions. I say rubbish!

Wealthgang:
People who usually rant "never lay hands on a woman no matter what" are those who end up doing it. Its not just by ranting it, u have to understand d real principle behind that statement. I know this from experience.

So why should u generally not lay hands on a woman? Simple! Cos women are generally perceived as weaker (physically) than men, hence are defenseless.
In order words, d real quip should be "never lay hands on a defenseless person (male or female)" instead of "never lay hands on a woman". The latter is by no means a moral absolute.

Saying that it is never justifiable under any circumstance whatsoever, to "lay hands on a woman" is d stupidest thing anyone can say.
As a martial arts student, I wouldn't fight with a lady (non-martial arts) any more than I wouldn't fight a 12yr-old boy or a disabled person. They're defenseless.

In d case where a lady is not defenseless n tries anything physical with u, by all means defend urself.
If d lady is defenseless but provokes u, by all means control urself no matter what.
If she's defenseless but still attacks u, by all means give her a dirty slap. It shud end dere, punches n kicks n headbutts not allowed.

I remember an incident that happnd in UBA bank uniport (which is usually crowded). A girl was shouting n cursing in d bank over her 5k which was wrongly deducted n d staff were trying 2 calm her down. Then a boy sitting elsewhere told her 2 calm down, that d money was just 5k na and would be refunded. This didn't go well with d gal cos b4 we knew it, she walked up to 2 boy & slapped him hard. As if that wasn't enough, she took off her slippers n slapped d boy again with it, to d dismay of evry1. She wanted 2 hit him again b4 a guy drew her away. D customers inside d bank were so angry n some were prompting d boy 2 give d gal a dirty slap n were swearing d gal would have died if it was them. The boy didn't react but just walkd outside.

What happnd afta, I dnt know.

If u were in his shoes, what wud u do?
If it was me, I won't hesitate 2 slap her back n front. Y have d guts 2 slap me in public? "Never lay hands on a woman" my ass. Wud also do same if it was a guy.
Some women don't hesitate 2 slap n attack men because they have that mentality an absolute law is guiding dem n they kw how 2 cry a river when a finger touches them. Bullshit!

As for wife-beating, men who do dat are goats n I wonder how women still go ahead 2 marry such men. One big cause of it is poverty n blockheadedness. U hardly c wealthy/enlightnd pple pummeling their wives.
Where I blame women 4 it is y they allow themselvs 2 be beaten continuously all in d name of luv or i-want-to-save-my-marriage

Nna. ....guy u dey vex o. lolss

Etfash:
I don't think a sane person should go physical with anyone !

Having said the above, I want to point out that: women have succeeded in craftily winning the sympathy of peoples all over the world. Today, the media is awash with some slogans like: 'say no to domestic violence'; 'fight against dehumanisation of women' and so on.
But, I dare say that women have not stopped using their strength and defence mechanisms against the male folks. Women are powerful 'talkers'; they have unusually great strength to insult and run their men down. And, of course, when they do these, the society regard it as mere words, in fact, it is said that 'whatever isn't written never happened'. The man on the other hand has limitations battling with words; like a prey foolishly crawls into a trap, he engages his own strength which leaves evidence.

In my opinion, men have remained fools uptil this day. The female folks are crafty. Haven't you noticed that most children will choose their mother a thousand times ahead of their fathers? You think it's because of men's irresponsibility? No! Even many men who gave their all for their wives and children are still robbed of the affection of their children by the children's mothers.

Men respond to women directly! That is a wrong move if you ask me. It's better to do the exact opposite of what their action requires. For instance, If you are insulted: don't reply; play the fool; keep quiet. They begin to cry and expect to be petted; avoid them. When she suddenly begins to expect that you wouldn't care, show her the greatest care of her life. Bottom line: don't react to her actions; respond to it.

Lastly, the women folks are the smarter; they cause the problem, smartly feign innocence and weakness; explain why men should have manned up and prevented the problem in the first place; they cry and win the sympathy of everyone around. The truth is, it is the women's world: the burden of having to till the ground was transferred to man; even though some women cater for the financial needs of the house today, if they dont , nothing happens. But if men fail to do so, he is described as being irresponsible. Sarai told Abraham to impregnate Hagai, her maid. It is very easy to say the poor man wanted to do that all along, but I just hope people will imagine the pressure Sarai must have put on that great man of faith. When Sarah eventually had her own son, she asked Abraham to send Hagai and her 14 years old son out of the house. Abraham wanted to protest but even God supported Sarah. Time and space won't let me mention the rift between Jacob and Esau and even the unending war in the Middle-East today. So, men should wise up; realise that they will have to bear full responsibility for everything they do or refuse to do to their women. Even God will not justify them.

well said! You have a good head on your shoulders.

GloryIsaac:
That no 5 though, some ladies can use their tongue to cause war shaa.. Say things that would pierce the mans heart . its best to grow a really thick skin (very thick) to avoid stories that touch....

Funny how people react when a girl slaps a guy in public, prolly laugh at him and mock him ..... then if its the reverse, some suddenly try to become heroes by beating the guy up or some other thing..

I'm not in support of women-beaters but if its a situation where she attacks first, Bro, better defend yourself ( not boxing ring oo, a slap should do ) b'cos these type of women can be really crazy......

I've noticed that some ladies take advantage of the general assertion of a weaker gender and use it to inflict pain on a man, and when the man reacts they are capable of crying a river... thats b.s!!

Btw, everyone keeps talking about what Real Men should or should not do.....
What about the Real Women or there's nothing like real woman

So spot on.

I have watched many instances where ladies play victims after they pushed the man to the wall.

In my office a lady who was eventually fired, Broke the heads of two of my male colleagues just because they corrected her.

Well, in the two occasions the two guys went home / clinic with bleeding heads.

From that day, I knew those who insist on "don't touch a woman no Matter what" are suffering from self inflicted daftness. Yes, they are daft. The lady in question wouldn't have done it to the second guy if she got equal feedback.

Years back here in Lagos a young female teacher beat up the principal of her school for having an affair with her and backing off. She went to his office, dragged his trousers, disgraced him in the presence of the students. The guy would have ended it if he WOZED her but he took the shame while the lady talked tough about it. Until they were both fired. It still happened here in lekki.

I've also see a woman attack a bus conductor because of change, grabbing his dickk. It happened at ozumba mbadiwe here in VI too. The calaba woman grabbed his dickk and jacked the conductor up to pull him down, before some of us intervened.

Sorry, my own take is, Do unto others as you want them to do to you. Who fucck up, suppose collect. Unless you have mercy.

Besides, ladies are becoming violent these days and boast about it.