₦airaland Forum

bukatyne: The problem is not marrying out of school or marrying young; we have Omotola a very typical example close to us (she married at 18)

The problem is forsaking your dreams (if you have) because of marriage or seeing marriage as a means to an end. She is saying you can be a mother, wife, grandma sef and still shake your world or do something fulfilling.

I think people miss it because they equate career & dreams into becoming a bank manager

Our dear Seun is an entrepreneur and I doubt he has a corporate office. He doesnot have to wear a suit daily to the office either.

we have people doing well in fashion, cobbling, dress making, production of stuffs, doing well in their various occupations etc.


@ Grandma in fifties, I doubt the marry in school part

My mum will be a grandma in her early fifties and she married out of school (But again, we both married early)

dotmanz: Men can be funny..

We want to settle with decent and beautiful girl,
At the same time, we want to be attributed with a well ambitious woman with all the degrees..
But does it actually occur to us what a lot of ladies holding a prestigious position in the society has been through?
Do we take our time to check possibilities of some rapid achievements that sets our women on that pace?
The same achievement that took a man over 6 years to achieve, a pretty lady would appear from no where and knock it silly in lightening speed.. Hahahaha..
My good friends, we really have a complicated situations at hand
If only one of those ladies we admire so desperately due to their position and achvmnets can give a sincere accounts of what they went through in terms of sexual abuses and molestation, and sometimes voluntary acts of immorality and blunder, we would know convincingly that they are of no good but cursed.

A lady confessed to have allowed a man abused her sexually just for promotion. Infact, she allowed him used objects on her just for the man to hear her *morn and scream out of her se*xual appealing pretty face of a goddess. She eventually got promoted, and that's the definition for our supposed ambitious women.

Come to the level of our University ladies, it is easier for them to pass any course than answering phone calls..
It is so bad that the ugly situation celebrates itself, it happens from time to time even at employment level, a man can afford to deny his company of a first class graduate than let a pretty but incompetent woman slip through his bosom.

This pose a huge disparity in considering the appropriate candidate for marriage. We have pretty, eloquent, matured but morally rottened, ambitious, 2.1 grade degree holders in our society.

On the other hand, we have ladies with little or average education, well reserved, not eloquent, perceived to be less ambitious, morally upright with fear of God in all they do..

The choice is ours. But only the men of wisdom know which is best for them.

Let's go back to the bases and retrace our steps..

jpphilips: You obviously didn't read her post.

yodiyokun: This is a conflict that every woman has to settle in her heart.

After 11 years of marriage, birth of two kids, 18 years in the financial industry both home and abroad, I can say that I am yet to resolve this conflict.

Its a conflict I have to deal with everyday, a conflict of purpose. Even if you didn't start out chasing marriage to become a "leech", things may change along the way.

I was focused on my banking career for the first five years of working post-university. Then, I decided to find a husband and settle down because I realized that I didn't want to spend my life alone but not because I wanted to become someone's baby factory. I wanted a partner both intellectually, spiritually and morally.

However, after my children started school I realized that I want to be there for them. I want to help them with homework, spend productive time with them, to shape their world and pass on my values. It's very challenging to accomplish this in a country where you don't have family support or network and where there are conflicting values everywhere. If I had my way financially right now - I would choose to be a stay at home mom at least till my kids turn 16. I actually envy those women that can do this - it is admirable.

I have the potential to advance in my career, to pursue challenging opportunities, but right now I choose not to do so because it'll affect my family's welfare. I'll have to spend more time at work and less at home.
So since mid last year I have scaled back. Now, I try to leave the office on time everyday and no longer take work home. Why you ask - because my kids are getting older, they have more challenging homework, they need more assistance, they want more variety in their lunch bags, they want home made cookies and sweets. They want me to be a volunteer at their school. They want me to be present in their lives every day of the week not only on weekends.

As much as I'd like to return to school for a Msc., start a business, do much more with my abilities and self, I really do have to choose which is more important to me right now.

I have come to realize that women can have it all - but just not all things at the same time. Also, because of your family situtaion you many need to adjust your dreams.

So do not judge someone that decides to stay at home because you really do not know what going on in her home.

Also remember that staying at home doesn't mean that you are not contributing to the family - you may very well be the thread that binds the home together.

Contumely: And why did something die in you. Was that answer impolitic or shallow? What would you have had her say?
I think you are unduly smug.

mnairaland: Believe me.I'll rather live d rest of my life with a sitdown-chop wife dn live for a second wt an equality woman.But thats just me.

safarigirl: this has to do with the insecurities of the Nigerian man. He happens to be a confused fellow who doesn't know what he wants between a dependent and an independent woman. They curse you out for being a leech and curse you out for being better than men. What a Nigerian man really wants is a woman who has aspirations, but not any higher than theirs. It's okay to want to be somebody, but make sure the spotlight remains on the man of the house

fuckerholic:
Safarigirl am already dying for you
Pls I want to marry you
How may we see
Am seriouse

safarigirl:
hian! This your name na die sha. Sofri sofri abeg

yodiyokun:
This is a conflict that every woman has to settle in her heart.

After 11 years of marriage, birth of two kids, 18 years in the financial industry both home and abroad, I can say that I am yet to resolve this conflict.

Its a conflict I have to deal with everyday, a conflict of purpose. Even if you didn't start out chasing marriage to become a "leech", things may change along the way.

I was focused on my banking career for the first five years of working post-university. Then, I decided to find a husband and settle down because I realized that I didn't want to spend my life alone but not because I wanted to become someone's baby factory. I wanted a partner both intellectually, spiritually and morally.

However, after my children started school I realized that I want to be there for them. I want to help them with homework, spend productive time with them, to shape their world and pass on my values. It's very challenging to accomplish this in a country where you don't have family support or network and where there are conflicting values everywhere. If I had my way financially right now - I would choose to be a stay at home mom at least till my kids turn 16. I actually envy those women that can do this - it is admirable.

I have the potential to advance in my career, to pursue challenging opportunities, but right now I choose not to do so because it'll affect my family's welfare. I'll have to spend more time at work and less at home.
So since mid last year I have scaled back. Now, I try to leave the office on time everyday and no longer take work home. Why you ask - because my kids are getting older, they have more challenging homework, they need more assistance, they want more variety in their lunch bags, they want home made cookies and sweets. They want me to be a volunteer at their school. They want me to be present in their lives every day of the week not only on weekends.

As much as I'd like to return to school for a Msc., start a business, do much more with my abilities and self, I really do have to choose which is more important to me right now.

I have come to realize that women can have it all - but just not all things at the same time. Also, because of your family situtaion you many need to adjust your dreams.

So do not judge someone that decides to stay at home because you really do not know what going on in her home.

Also remember that staying at home doesn't mean that you are not contributing to the family - you may very well be the thread that binds the home together.

cancaworm:
Hmmmm. I won-t be surprised that all these ladies are married now and washing clothes at their backyard.

siofra:
You're an idiot and you have no one to tell you, so I did.
So what if I bring the thread back to life? Slowtard!

safarigirl:
If you're one who has stayed within the female hostel of any Nigerian University, you'll find that most of it's occupants share similar hopes and dreams- and no, it's not to excel in their chosen career paths.

One of the lecturers in my school aptly described women as 'a waste of education'...no, it wasn't an insult, it was just stating the obvious. You find a woman who has hustled through primary, secondary and University education. One who looked set to be a force to reckon with in the world of business or law or medicine, I mean a female with straight A's and you think Nigerian women may be getting things right, only to follow her back to her hostel and hear these heart-breaking words:

"Omo, after school na to find husband marry remain."

In the real sense of the word this is translated to:

"After school, I'll fling my degee inside one iron box in my dad's storeroom, find a perfect mugu that will put a ring on my finger, buy me a car, set up a boutique/beauty saloon for me and all I have to do to get this is spread my legs for him and push out little people with his DNA"

Nigerian women view marriage the same way hustling Nigerian men view the US Green Card- an avenue to escape life's troubles. So in the same way you find 23 year old Nigerian men marrying 56 year old American women, you find young, promising women relegated to some man's priority list.

I don't think most Nigerian women realise that nobody wants to get attached to a leech. If you allow some Nigerian women, they would even want their husbands to carry the babies and birth them as well. And when you ask why they don't want to build wealth with a man, you hear:

"I've already suffered in my father's house. I don't want to continue suffering in my husband's house"

Now unless you're getting married to a no-good leech like yourself, there is no reason why building wealth with a man should be termed 'suffering'

Even on Sun Newspaper's 'Beauty Of The Week' it's the same thing.

Future Ambition: Getting Married And Having Kids

If you think God put you on this earth to make a liability of yourself, you need to think again. There is more to life than being someone's baby mama. There is a purpose for getting an education that lies beyond being able to speak good english whenever you and your man attend social functions

Nigerian women need to sit down and re-evaluate their lives. God sent you to assist a man, not to add to his problems. Men appreciate women who can think for themselves, who want to contribute to the family (and I don't mean churning out kids). There is nothing more endearing than a smart woman who views men as companions rather than money bags.


Don't waste the education your parents worked so hard to provide for you. Break the stereotype, Nigerian women should be more than gold-digging leeches. If the likes of Oby Ezekwesili, Joke Silva, NOI can be successful career women as well as wives and mothers, then we all need to dust up our certificates and CVs and have proper future ambitions.


God Bless You...and don't take this the wrong way

siofra:
You're an idiot and you have no one to tell you, so I did.

So what if I bring the thread back to life? Slowtard!

loyalty500:
before I opened the thread something told me it's the fool that commented before me that brought the thread back to life, and guess what? I was totally right

siofra:
Seun, Lalasticlala, Mynd44 rule 2

You think you have sense shebi?

yodiyokun:
This is a conflict that every woman has to settle in her heart.

After 11 years of marriage, birth of two kids, 18 years in the financial industry both home and abroad, I can say that I am yet to resolve this conflict.

Its a conflict I have to deal with everyday, a conflict of purpose. Even if you didn't start out chasing marriage to become a "leech", things may change along the way.

I was focused on my banking career for the first five years of working post-university. Then, I decided to find a husband and settle down because I realized that I didn't want to spend my life alone but not because I wanted to become someone's baby factory. I wanted a partner both intellectually, spiritually and morally.

However, after my children started school I realized that I want to be there for them. I want to help them with homework, spend productive time with them, to shape their world and pass on my values. It's very challenging to accomplish this in a country where you don't have family support or network and where there are conflicting values everywhere. If I had my way financially right now - I would choose to be a stay at home mom at least till my kids turn 16. I actually envy those women that can do this - it is admirable.

I have the potential to advance in my career, to pursue challenging opportunities, but right now I choose not to do so because it'll affect my family's welfare. I'll have to spend more time at work and less at home.
So since mid last year I have scaled back. Now, I try to leave the office on time everyday and no longer take work home. Why you ask - because my kids are getting older, they have more challenging homework, they need more assistance, they want more variety in their lunch bags, they want home made cookies and sweets. They want me to be a volunteer at their school. They want me to be present in their lives every day of the week not only on weekends.

As much as I'd like to return to school for a Msc., start a business, do much more with my abilities and self, I really do have to choose which is more important to me right now.

I have come to realize that women can have it all - but just not all things at the same time. Also, because of your family situtaion you many need to adjust your dreams.

So do not judge someone that decides to stay at home because you really do not know what going on in her home.

Also remember that staying at home doesn't mean that you are not contributing to the family - you may very well be the thread that binds the home together.

safarigirl:
once in a while we need to look inwards rather than blame society for our shortcomings. That 16-year old Pakistani girl that fights for the rights of the girl child around the world chose to be the change in a country that has no regard for women. Blaming the society has to stop somewhere, individuals make the society. We must change the individuals that make up the society to change the society